What has been your funny moment during sex?

I was talking with some people that I have a connection with, last night and we were sharing experiences that just did not turn out as planned, so I decided, after I stopped laughing so much, that I would share them, with permission of course, to show as much as we see ourselves as gods in the bedroom, that even gods are not perfect.

ME: When my former partner, known to many in this site as DD or duckies darling, was over from the US on a 3 month holiday, we decided to have a very randomly passionate and intimate moment in the bedroom. All was going well, she indicated a interest in being fucked anally and I grabbed the lube, quick slap on and slid in. About a minute passed and she mentioned a burning sensation, I asked if she was ok to which she replied, its burning me. I pulled out with a concerned look on my face and much to my ... I am not sure if it is horror or amusement, realised I had grabbed the menthol lube... much of that afternoon and the next day, was spent joking about minty fresh farts.

Miss 28: A very free spirited and fun living bisexual lady. Dear Miss 28 had purchased a selection of sex toys for fun times, including some waterproof ones for fun in the shower and lube. During one such intimate and passionate encounter in the shower with her landladys daughter, they had, had trouble opening the lube and ended up making the shower floor rather slippy. Slippy floors and loss of balance resulted in two very horny ladies crashing through the shower door. This got the immediate attention of landlady who rushed into the bathroom to find her daughter on her back with miss 28 buried deep in the daughter with a good sized strap on dildo. Hard to say what was more of a shock, seeing her daughter in the midst of fucking another female, the broken door or the tattoos on her good christian daughter.

Mr 65: Dealing with Mrs I will not be touched, was quietly and discreetly indulging carnal interests with a friend as his marriage was ending due to his continued support of his adult children against Mrs I will not be toucheds orders. Having a few drinks too many one night, he decided to masturbate, since having no other available outlet.
Laptop open, he was stroking his rather impressive cock and was on the verge of shooting when he heard the sounds of his soon to be ex wife upstairs, meaning she was coming down stairs. getting distracted or disturbed while cumming can be awkward but for him, he believed it was fine as he was able to deal with matters and not get caught.
UNTIL the next day when soon to be ex wife went to use the laptop and had serious questions about him eating sandwiches while using the laptop due to the mayonnaise on the keyboard...

what experiences have others had

Luckily, this story isn't about me, but I've always thought it was funny, so I decided to share it: In '61, when I was in the Army, returning from a 2-year tour in Germany, I was on the troop ship William O. Darby.

Two days into our 7-day "Cruise" to New York, a soldier in my bay started a fight with a sailor. A Marine, who was on the ship to handle situations like that, separated them and hauled the GI to the ship's captain, who sentenced the soldier to 3 days in the brig.

After three days, the offender was released.

I was on deck, trying to get over being sea-sick, when he came up and sat by me. I asked him how he fared in the brig?

He said it wasn't too bad, except for food; he'd only gotten bread, water and some kind of watery soup. But, he had an experience that he'd never forget!

The soldier told me there was a strange Navy cook in another cell. He'd been in the brig, since before the ship had arrived in Bremerhaven. He'd only say he was awaiting a court marshal, after returning to the states.

When the GI asked him what he did to warrant a trial, the cook would only say,"You wouldn't believe it!"

Naturally, being in a cell, with nothing to read, or do, but talk, the soldier's curiosity grew and grew.

The Sailor wasn't much of a conversationalist and when asked to share his crime, he'd just laugh his ass off and repeat, "Oh, you wouldn't believe it!"

Finally, on the GI's last day in the brig, he begged the cook to reveal what he'd done to deserve a court marshal. He was driving himself nuts, trying to figure out why such severe punishment was being doled out!

The sailor began with, "OK, I know you're not gonna believe this, but here's what happened: "This ship has the most privileged and spoiled officers in the Navy. They don't have a thing to do, but whine about the food. The enlisted men do all of the work, while the officers sit on their asses and complain. At least, once a week, one of them would corner me and have something derogatory to say about their food. If I ever got anything right, I don't know it, because no one ever says "Thanks", or "Job well done".

The GI said the cook would take long pauses, think about what he was going to say, then continue.

"When we were returning to New York, a few weeks ago, like we do over and over again, I had a brilliant idea for some private revenge!

I was opening a tin of boneless ham, which I cooked for the Officers, each Thursday. There is a kind of slippery, slick gel, that coats the hams and, where the bone had been removed, there was a hole. When I removed the ham and set it on my chopping block, I got an immediate erection, as I began to think that the hole resembled a wet vagina!

Being alone and in a separate galley from the rest of the cooks, I felt safe to pull out my hard cock and insert it into the ham's hole! The level of the chopping block was perfect and the hole was just tight and slick enough to represent a pretty fair representative of a pussy. It didn't take long for me to release a respectable load, into the ham! After I was sated and, without removing my cum, I then prepared and baked the ham, with some cloves, honey and pineapple!

My job is to not only cook the officer's food, but to wait on their table and then clean their mess up, after they've left. I was a little apprehensive, as I watched the assholes eat every last bit of the ham! But, to my amazement, as one of them was leaving, he said "Good ham, Cookie!"

The GI said, "It was about the time I was going to be released, but I was hoping I'd get to hear the whole story, before then!

The sailor seemed to be getting a lot of enjoyment out of telling his story. He'd tell of those 'pigs' woofing his hams down, laugh his ass off, then continue. (I wish I could remember every last word, because it was a funny story!)

He went on, "Every Thursday, since then, I cooked and served another ham to the officers, with various recipes, but always with my 'special sauce' liberally injected into the bone-hole! On some occasions, I'd get off twice before cooking them!"

He said he began looking forward to opening those cans and fucking those hams; he'd get hard before the can was fully opened! He even thought of writing the canning company and sharing his adventure with them!

The soldier, thinking of the seriousness of the cook's crime, told him, "Man, they're going to hang your ass!"

The cook, nonetheless, laughed out loud, then said, "Yeah, I know it, but, when I think of how many hams those son-of-a-bitches ate, before they caught me, it's gonna be worth it! You know what's gonna happen; scuttlebutt, in the Navy is a powerful source of information, so, before the trial is over, everyone in the Navy will probably know about it!"

As the soldier was being released, the last thing the cook said, laughing to himself, "I'm gonna be a fuckin' Hero!"

Nothing too profound here or anything that has not happened to most of us. Just after high school we were at her house hiding in her room doing some college homework. One thing lead to another and I was using her thighs as earmuffs trying to get her off orally. She bounced a fart off my chin, I was cool about it but she got the giggles something awful. She had shorts back on by the time her mother got to the top of the steps and walked in. She is married, has adult children and our families are still friends so we alone share an inside joke between the two of us.

kinda funny while jerking off------ i was jerking off and it was the actual 1st time i came and then put it in my mouth---- my girlfriend shrieked when did it--- she had been watching me jo thru the crack in the door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was late summer, and a storm had washed an Oak tree into this small cove on the Hudson River...

I was 26 and my GF was 52, so Mrs. Robinson and I started to climb onto this tree, to look at the sun setting over the mountains. . .... One thing led to another, and we were on the main trunk of this tree, screwing the hell out of each other, when I looked to my right, there the local Yacht club, and they were having a wedding....I don't think too many people were looking at the Bride....To this day, I still cant believe that the Sheriff or the local cops weren't call on us....

The wife and I had been on a backpacking trip with her sister and boyfriend. This was about 40 years ago. After coming off the trail we got a motel room to shower and clean up. We decided to take a quick shower together to speed up the process a bit so we could get supper. As we were getting out of the shower and drying off I decided to bent the wife over the sink and take her from behind and she came very quickly. She did not want me coming in her since we had no protection along against pregnancy so she took me in her mouth. Since we had not had sex in over a week, I squirted all over the place and we quickly dressed so her sister and boyfriend could use the shower. As we came out the door, her sister broke out laughing and followed by her boyfriend. We did not know what was so funny until I turned around and saw that one of my shots went high on my wife's forehead and into her hair. I quickly whispered in her ear what happened, and she turned as red as her hair and quickly went to clean it off. Her sisters boyfriend commented that it must of been a powerful shot since it almost went over her head. Not really I said she was on her knees when it happened. She came out of the bathroom and told me to shut my Damn mouth, in which I replied, if you had not shut yours, that would not have happened. Everybody broke out laughing again.

I remember years ago squatting over my then-girlfriends face as she tossed my salad. She and I enjoyed rimming one another. I got so hot we moved to a 69 position and rimmed one another...suddenly I let a fart loose and it went right into her mouth !! lol.. She yelled at me and held out on rimming until I promised I would never do that again.... "what the fuck!" lol

My wife and I ran out of K-Y, so we used Vagisil cream. We got going and my wife told me to fuck her. I told her I was. She couldn't feel anything and neither could I, the Vagisil turned both of us totally numb! We still laugh about it!