Quite by accident my wife stumbled into the knowledge that I am bisexual. Once confronted by her and thediscussion which followed I found that she was not the least bit surprised. However, she doesn't want me to explore my bisexual self. I may well be even more frustrated now than before. Now I have a great burden lifted and a great burden added. I don't see my bisexuality as being unfaithful to her and at the same time I feel horrible to sneak around. I know that by not exploring and sharing my bisexuality I am not being a complete person. I have such a deep dark void inside. Any help from the group would be deeply appreciated. I
A real tough one. You summed it up perfectly, "Now I have a great burden lifted and a great burden added." I wonder if time and discussion will breach the gap between her expectations and yours? Maybe give it some time and she will come around. - Drew
Yes, I think time may well be the answer. I have always had trouble being a patient man. The same is true in finding someone or some couple to share my desires. The right person will be there - some day or some hour. I just have to be patient. If my wife learns to open to the joy my sharing my bisexual side with her and others I am sure our relationship will be enriched.
I had the same problem i told my wife like 7 yrs ago i was bi and she said the same thing. She had the feeling that if i had sex with a guy 1 i was cheating on her and 2 i would leave her for him again i am bi not gay i like oral and anal i am mostly a bottom thats me. Then a month ago she told me she was bi and has been her whole life wow what the F now we are on the hunt for a true bi cpl so the only thing i can say is talk thats where we made our mistake and lost 7 yrs
My wife was absolutely stunned when she found out. She caught me on Bisexual.com one evening. I'm amazed she never suspected. Uhh..hello? Honey, know how much I love strapon play? Shouldn't THAT have given you a TEENY clue? But, like "it", I found myself with a strange feeling of calm and relief after the initial panic of her knowing. Sadly, she won't let me play, either, which makes me feel a LOT more frustrated.
I am one of the luck ones. My wife has always known since we first started dating. She also ha bi tendancies so she understands the struggle. We have set limits on our exploration that same sex encounters are ok but opposite sex encounters are out of bounds unless we are both comfortable with it. These are tricky waters because of the potential emotional entanglements. Communication is the key. What we both recognized is that we have needs, not just desires, for same sex contact. As a hetro couple we cannot meet these needs for each other but we need to allow for those needs to be met within the boundaries that we have set for ourselves and that work for us both.
There are always more issues, patience is tough and you won't ever be free from issues as long as you play outside the home, with or without her permission.
I am in the same boat. It is a relief that my wife knows I am bi. She also does not want me to act upon it. But we both like sharing on what guys we think are hot.
I always wondered how my wife would react if she found out that I'm bi. I have never experienced being with a man, but I think about it all the time.
This is somewhat self-centered, but actually has some thoughts that might help. Bottom lines: be careful about coming out, don't go behind her back, and look for toys to fill the void. Then there's a little slightly-judgy stuff, followed by some quasi-pleas for assistance/insight. My wife of over 30 years knew I was bisexual before I had my realization (maybe 7 years ago?), and in hindsight, given the conversations and fantasies we've shared over the years, it was kind of obvious. Now I understand that I want to be a bottom with her and a friend or with just a friend, but that took a while, too. Of course, she knew that, if not the terminology. Initially, when I "came out," she encouraged me to find someone to explore with in person/reality, but when things started to look real, she got scared, so no play for DMan. This was disappointing, but she is my life, so I had to regroup, and that took a while. I've read horror stories of guys who came out to their wives and the wives instantly file for divorce. The wives' reactions are probably partly due to the way bisexuality is viewed and portrayed in society - not just as being attracted to men and women, but being promiscuous, fucking anything that is human and alive. So, be very careful about the notion of coming out to your wife. Then there are the notions of gender fluidity and orientation/sexuality fluidity. Maybe this is old news to you, but guys who think they want to bottom with other guys might not be gay or bi, but fluid. In other words, just because you want/like cock in ass or mouth doesn't necessarily mean you're homosexual or bisexual - you might just be straight and like that. To which I said, ???? Or you might be gender/sexuality fluid, to which I said, well, maybe. Whatever. There are ways to explore without hooking up if you can spend a little money. Sites like adameve.com and things4fun.com have great toys available to enable a degree of exploration solo, particularly for those interested in bottoming. Sure, my research is biased because bottom, but there it is. I've spent more than I should have, but $20-$50 can get you a nice variety of toys to start exploration. There are even dildos/vibrators that will "ejaculate" on command to get as close as possible to actually getting fucked. I haven't bought one of those, but I think it's just a matter of time and budget. I can't be one of the guys that justifies hooking up with other guys behind her back in the name of satisfying a need. "Bisexual" means being attracted to both/many genders, not being promiscuous, and not being unfaithful to someone to whom you vowed to be faithful, be that a man or a woman, and regardless of who you cheat with is a man or a woman. If you're in an open relationship, great, and I wish I was, but if you're going behind your spouse's back... well, that's not for me, though I freely admit I've been sorely tempted to do so with women and men. And I understand why guys do it, but don't pretty it up with rationalizations. Anyway, OP, just be careful and see if there are toys out there that can help you explore without risking your relationship with your wife. And all of that said, I haven't shared my self-explorations with my wife, so if someone on this thread finds a good way, please share. It's just so awkward. "Honey, I've been fucking myself with this thing that I bought, and I really like it, and I want to share my results with you." Yeah, that's not awkward at all. :P God, I mean, I want her to don a strap-on and peg me, but I can't even share how fulfilled it felt to have that toy up there? SMH and sigh.
