New to alll of this

[thatonechick]

I'm not only new to this site but new to being bi. I have a huge crush on my teacher and I'm getting over a crush on my best friend. My friend said she was bi but then when I started to fall for her all of a sudden she was all straight. I had no idea you can just change like that... whatever. So then I have this major crush on my teacher I mean shes only 3ish years older than me.... and until I'm done with school in April of next year I can't even attempt to flirt with her because I wouldnt want her to get in any trouble if she flirted back. How can I tell if shes even gay/bi? I'd hate to think about her and waste time waiting til I'm done with school if I have zero chance at all. any advice?

[DuckiesDarling]

You have zero chance at all. She's a teacher they can get in trouble even after you leave school for various and sundry reasons. So forget about it, forget about your best friend and just concentrate on being you. Since you are still in school, I will venture to guess you are not yet 18 years old which means you can't be on this site. Best of luck in your future.

[darkeyes]

You have zero chance at all. She's a teacher they can get in trouble even after you leave school for various and sundry reasons. So forget about it, forget about your best friend and just concentrate on being you. Since you are still in school, I will venture to guess you are not yet 18 years old which means you can't be on this site. Best of luck in your future.

By my calculations I reckon she is 18 or so Darling darling.. I can't say about the US but here by the time we get through degree and teacher training we are 22 or 23 at least... but you're right.. I wouldnt say she has no chance..teachers are human and fall by the wayside like anyone else and do notice.. but I suggest she does forget it, not for herself but for the teacher who she fancies... I am no different.. I am human and do notice...but we do have a duty of care right up till the day kids leave school and it is a duty and obligation for all its stresses, most of us do take very seriously.. I certainly do..

..and best friend? My best friend and I would never dream of it.. well not strictly true.. but we are best friends and any change in that would ruin in time what we have.. it is a risk I have never been prepared to take...:)

[DuckiesDarling]

It is a bit different in the states, Fran. Youngest age for a teacher is on average 24-25 and since she stated she has almost a full year of school left, by my calculations this girl is about 16-17. And that is below the age of being allowed to be on this site.

[darkeyes]

It is a bit different in the states, Fran. Youngest age for a teacher is on average 24-25 and since she stated she has almost a full year of school left, by my calculations this girl is about 16-17. And that is below the age of being allowed to be on this site.

O well.. such is life.. but it has never worried me people a bit younger joining.. I understand why Drew has 18 as the minimum age, and your country's antiquated laws and sometimes freaky attitudes is a major factor, but since the age of consent on my country and most of Europe is 16, and I think most of the other countries which supply members, I won't lose sleep over it.. under 18s have many of the same problems adults have, and a lot more besides.. but she may still be 18..

Close to 200,000 kids left British schools at age 18 just this year so by my reckoning over a million 18 yo schoolkids in the US left school this year, assuming 18 is still an age kids leave school for college.. or does 18 not count if you're still at school for the purposes of joining this site? ..and even allowing for the fact that she doesnt leave school until next April, it is possible she may well be one of around 400,000 or so who are still at school but are already 18.. maybe not.. only she knows.. but is it worth going to the barricades over..???

[DuckiesDarling]

Please give your anti-American BS a rest for one thread. Most teens graduate at 17 years of age some at 18 depending on when their birthday falls during the school year unless you'd like to imply the OP is lacking and had to be repeat a grade.

[thatonechick]

I'm 19. I'm in beauty school. I'm in a year long program.

[darkeyes]

Please give your anti-American BS a rest for one thread. Most teens graduate at 17 years of age some at 18 depending on when their birthday falls during the school year unless you'd like to imply the OP is lacking and had to be repeat a grade.

It is not anti American bs as u put it and I'm sorry that you think it is.. simply an acceptance of the reality of a reason why Drew has 18 as his minimum age for joining.. some countries around the world have even more antiquated laws on the age of consent than the US and much more freaky attitudes, but they do not have quite the influence on world affairs or the internet that the US does.. in fact no other country does.. so it is not anti American in the least. It is displaying an awareness of reality.. and as of over a million, 400,000 works out as something around one third, I accept quite readily that most school kids graduate and leave school prior to being 18.. but not Darling, darling all.. not by a long shot.. so please don't get huffy with me about something that isn't..

[darkeyes]

I'm 19. I'm in beauty school. I'm in a year long program.

Assumptions, my darling, do indeed cause people a lot of unnecessary hassle...:)

[thatonechick]

Assumptions, my darling, do indeed cause people a lot of unnecessary hassle...:)

apparently. I mean if we really want to be techinical i turn 20 in a few months. I had no idea there would be some people who are just out to pick a fight rather than offer a few words of wisdom to me. so beside the fact that I am a legal adult age is just a number.

[DuckiesDarling]

So does not being clear regarding your situation.

[thatonechick]

Alright. I am 19 years old and in 4 months I will turn 20. I am 4 1/2 months into my program at a Paul Mitchell beauty school. I will graduate in April of next year. She is an instructor there however she doesn't actually teach a class. She offers extra help when we work on clients. She just turned 23 a few days ago. I don't unterstand, why must you be such an angry person? I could be in my last year of medical school and that's like 10 years or something. Why assume I'm some 16 year old child wanting to be with my 25 year old teacher. I came to this site because I wanted some kind hearted advice.. NOT to listen to people argue about legal ages and when kids graduate. So not the point of this thread.

[ironwood]

Very well put .This is a site for advise not ranting on about your issue's .I say feel her out and see how she reacts.You will never know unless you try and if you don't you will always wonder what if.The worst thing will be she will say no she is not interested.Good luck and welcome to the site.

[Realist]

Thatonechick,

You are in a uncomfortable, but fairly common situation. I understand that your desire is being hindered by so many factors. The least of which is even knowing if the teacher would be interested. I'm sure that in her position it's considered unethical for her to encourage you.

Your idea to wait until graduation to express your feelings for her, is very mature and shows that you have good judgment. There is a down-side to this, though. As you come to school, see her and dream about her, your desire for her may grow until it's overwhelming. If you can put your emotions on hold until graduation it may take a lot of restraint.

It's fairly common for students, patients, coworkers, to fall in love with their mentors, just as you have done. But, is there even the slightest indication that she is bisexual, interested in you specifically, or has there been any sign that might have encouraged you to continue building hopes for a relationship with her?

I realize that she may be hiding these things, but I think if there was any interest on her part, you should have seen some sign. Women are much more cerebral and even psychic than men and often pick up on signals that men would miss. So, if I were you, in the event that you see none of these signs, it may be best to concentrate on your training, then focus on the future with someone else.

Whatever happens, good luck and I hope the results bring you peace and love.

[littlerayofsunshine]

You are crushing so much, because you haven't found the right one for you, you're crushing on who you are exposed to and not really infatuated with the girls themself, other than they are girls you feel you can trust.

There are dating sites or find a local lgtbq group and meet and greet. Open the horizons and see what all is available to you. The world is wide and vast.

An infatuation with a teacher will never last. It is the most common crush known to man/woman. and Rare has it ever ended in a relationship.

[BiCycler]

To the OP, welcome, very glad you've arrived. I agree having a crush on a teacher is very common. I have no idea if yours is such a crush. Some teachers are nurturing by the very nature of what they do. Some are just jerks too. When one is nurtured by a kind and friendly person, one can attach the emotions involved in love or infatuation to the nurturer. Of course, I don't mean to be trite and suggest that is what is happening. As I said, I have no idea what is true here except what you have said. As stated earlier there are ethical concerns here. I'm not sure if those ethics extend past the time you are a student of this teacher. Let's, for arguments sake, assume that ethics extend only to the time you are a student of this teacher or even a student of the institution your are studying at. And let's assume the teacher reciprocates the feelings. I think persuing this issue is, of course a personal decision restricted to action until only after you are a student. By then, your feelings may shift. If ethics do not extend past enrolement, I think developing a relationship with said teacher immediately following completion would be unwise. Perception no matter how false or baseless has been the ruin of many. Put yourself in the place of colleagues or faculty other than the teacher you are asking about. Be honest too. What would be your gut feeling upon seeing the two of you together? You might very well be an open minded individual not prone to jumping to conclusions and see the possibility that it is exactly as you have told us. Something you are waiting to act on, something that is not unethical. Can you rely on others doing the same? Are you willing to put yourself, and more importantly the teacher you feel so strongly about, in that position? I'm not saying don't by any means. Many people have done what you are asking about and been successful too.

Now that I've offered unsolicited advice:rolleyes:, I'll answer your actual question. You asked how does one know if someone is bi or gay. Asking is about the only way to find out about a person's sexuality. Peolple talk about gaydar and less often bidar. Often times that gut feeling that leads to an otherwise baseless conclusion about someone else's sexuality is based on sterotype. An example is the day a guy told me he knew I was gay. (Wrong again). I asked him how he knew. he said, "because your voice rises at the ends of your sentences". Make what you will of that, I saw lots of humour in it but I also see that he was assuming based on poor, incomplete or false information. I think his is an example of how prejudice works. You asked another question too. Well an implied question actually. Can people's sexuality shift or change? Most certainly yes. Mine has all my life and very many will tell you the same. Of course, I don't know the person to whom you spoke to in that statement, but the possibility exists that she's working to understand her own sexuality as well. Good luck.:flag2::rainbow:

[darkeyes]

You're in a college..doesn't it have a lgbt society? Most colleges and uni's do here and they are usually on the ball when it comes to helping out students such as you.. thats why they exist. They have meetings, literature, counselling and social events so u can meet like minded people..

My advice re the teacher is to asvoid it like the plague.. it is only advice, for occasionally students and teachers do get it together and the relationship does last..but it is rare.. and what are u basing your evidence on? The fact that you fancy her.. I fancied teachers at school like hell, and lecturers at uni... but with the former they werent interested, and the latter I was mature enough to know that any interest they showed in me was to get into my knickers nothing else... and while I may not have been opposed to that particularly there were far more interesting and tasty fish in the sea..

I have also mentioned your best friend in an earlier post.. I love mine dearly.. after my partner she is the loveliest sexiest person I know.. but being my best friend she is much too important to have that relationship ruined by moving on to another plain.. we have been through so much and we have dug each other out of more hassles than I care to think about.. actually I think I get the better of the deal because I am so much more vain, needful and demanding.. my partner has taken much of the load, but there are times and things blow up when we need to talk to and enlist the help of someone who is not our lover... very often, by beginning a relationship with our best friend, we lose so much, because things have changed between us.. we need their objectivity. If we have begun a fling with our best friend.. if and when it ends, what then? It is almost impossible to return to what was... it can be done, but so much anger and bitterness is created that it is very very difficult to return to just being best friends...

My advice to u hun is to forget either and look elsewhere..either the college lgbt society if it exists, or go out into the world and just see what happens.. there are gay and lesbian pubs and clubs and organisations in the world.. and many local lgbt societies.. check out what u can find...a lot goes on.. I suggest u try and see where your life leads you..:)

[Lost 69]

I'm not only new to this site but new to being bi. I have a huge crush on my teacher and I'm getting over a crush on my best friend. My friend said she was bi but then when I started to fall for her all of a sudden she was all straight. I had no idea you can just change like that... whatever. So then I have this major crush on my teacher I mean shes only 3ish years older than me.... and until I'm done with school in April of next year I can't even attempt to flirt with her because I wouldnt want her to get in any trouble if she flirted back. How can I tell if shes even gay/bi? I'd hate to think about her and waste time waiting til I'm done with school if I have zero chance at all. any advice?

wow .. just want i wanted ..danm .wish i were your teacher or b.f.

[PolyLoveTriad]

Not to defend nor offend but the way you put it it sounded like you were in high school which a student being with a teacher is a no no just as it is in colleges. However those rules dont normally apply to things such as beauty schools etc. The purpose of teachers not dating college students I believe is unfair/fair grading which I dont think would apply in your case unless she is making the final decision on if you can cut hair well or not. Id say youre most likely safe asking her if she is bi or straight, the worse that can happen is she gets a little embarrassed or you do. If she is and seems interested just go to the admin of your school and ask what their policy is. Or better yet, get someone who doesnt go to school with you to ask lol