A computer question [Archive]

Qetesh

Apr 4, 2006, 3:09 PM

I can tell exactly what my hubby has been lookin at on the pc normally... sometimes its difficult if hes REALLY tried to hide all the evidence :rolleyes: . Thats the problem with both of us being very computer literate. If clearing out the history is the only thing you do then it'd be oh so easy to check whats been looked at. But then there is no way of being sure you've got everything all the time. the best way to prevent her finding out is dont do it I'm affraid.
Other than that clear history, delete all cookies, delete offline content (double check it manually) and look for error logs etc etc
How can you be sure she hasnt installed any internet tracking software/devices????

eods79

Apr 4, 2006, 4:17 PM

try going to start --> all programs --> accessories --> system tools --> disk cleanup

that usually works. Then you might want to install SPYBOT Search and Destroy, run that, and that should delete hidden files and spyware. And, as a last alternative, download Ad-Aware.

Here is the link for Spy bot -
http://www.safer-networking.org/

Here is the link for ad aware
http://www.lavasoft.de/software/adaware/

Both of these will take a few minutes to run, but they usually get rid of most crap. They will install little icons on the taskbar at the bottom. Good luck!

Qetesh

Apr 4, 2006, 4:30 PM

Be warned that the above arent fool proof either. Hubby tried that one too. cant get rid of everything. You just have to know where to look ;) , of course that dependson how nosey/computer literate you wife is :bigrin:

red_riding_hood_27

Apr 4, 2006, 7:10 PM

Hate to tell you when it comes to bieng nosy I am the best. I am not all computer educated but I can tell you I find myself knowing how to look for it. That is how I found out about my husband and he is good with computers. I still find a way. For some reason you guys get so cocky about sneaking that you all ways makes mistakes. So I beg of you just fess up! It will be easier on you both!

Then again maybe not. Make sure you go under internet options Delete your files other wise she can go there to take a look at where you been. I never did get a spy ware didn't need to he made mistakes!

If you don't want to get caught then you have two options. Think carefully. I hope all goes well in your life!

Angela

Mrs.F

Apr 4, 2006, 10:42 PM

Nara_lovely

Apr 4, 2006, 11:29 PM

My hubby has a porn addiction...don't laugh please, it's a seriously behaviour altering addiction and has caused much pain over the years. He goes to great lengths to hide his searches, lie about it, and unfortunately...lay blame too.
He eventually asked me to 'lock him out' of the computer system which I did with great regret. But he still finds a way. Lately, he admitted he has been looking through my files...ahh the joys of networking.
I am honest with him. It's not reciprocated. That hurts.

I am completely in favour of being open and honest with partner/spouse, regardless of the consequences. I teach my kids..."Truth...always the truth!"

It's a horrible way to live and effects those closest to you: being secretive, covering tracks, hiding. Please develop the trust.

Besides...many women have incredible instinct. Often, women 'KNOW' without the proof.

ghytifrdnr

Apr 5, 2006, 3:53 AM

You might try Absolute Shield Internet Eraser Pro at http://www.internet-track-eraser.com .

Long Duck Dong

Apr 5, 2006, 4:54 AM

ok depending on the system, IE or FF, clearing the history is a waste of time

each seperate program like limewire, media player carry their own history records...and within the OS is a restore setting which can be triggered to the start of the day and reveals all the erased info.... ( involves a reg tweak )

you can get programs that spyware detectors will NOT detect cos you are on a network, that record all sites, addys, files and emails sent and recieved in the same day on any of the computers in the network

you can * shadow * a net connection with a logger program that records info before and after it leaves ya computer

they are all prefectly legal programs, and even microsoft provides info on their site about things, and businesses do use them to monitor staff activity

if you wanna truely solve ya problem, be honest with ya partner about your activities or dual format ya computer every day
but you need to remember that if you choose to lie to your partner, then you are lieing to yourself if you think you are trustworthy, honest and treating your partner with respect

Qetesh

Apr 5, 2006, 5:07 AM

Basically, as you can see, there is no way you can ever hide everything. You will always miss something no matter what software you install... and installing the software itself can backfire, she'll know about the software and many of them can be disabled etc etc. Basically tell her or dont do it are the best options. Personally I dont understand why you must keep hiding things thats what makes us feel betrayed!!!

onewhocares

Apr 5, 2006, 7:41 AM

Being a computer illiterate, I can offer no technical help. I know enough to clear the computer from our daughter, who is fast becoming more computer savvy and intelligent about life.

What I can offer you is a bit of advice about how your wife may deal with finding out about your desires. Now from what I am told, wives like me and the other similar women on this fine site are not common place. Having a wife that is open and understanding can make all the difference in the world. Trying to hide is no answer, as it will be even more devastating when she does find out...and she will. Maybe she might surprise you and not react in a manner that is predicted. I have evolved over many years to come to accept my hubby's bi side and now participate with great passion. Since we have begun this journey, our marriage as well as our love life has grown deeper and stronger than I ever imagined. That may not be the case for most woman, but it is where our journey has lead us. It was not an easy road, but one so worth the travel.

If at any point your wife does accept this and wants another woman's perspective, I am here to talk to.

Belle

yama23

Apr 5, 2006, 8:52 AM

Qetesh

Apr 5, 2006, 9:25 AM

You cant live your entire life living a lie, its not fair on her or you. My hubby had those concerns, I'm sure everyone in the same situation does. Theres is only one way to find out how she'll react and you may be nicely suprised. I cant see why she'd leave you. And whats the worst that can happen if she tells her family or yours? They love you!
Good luck with whatever you decide

eods79

Apr 5, 2006, 12:40 PM

here ya go, buy your own laptop with windows xp, set up a password for the windows log in, and no one will get in your account.

Mrs.F

Apr 5, 2006, 4:02 PM

Yah believe me I have wanted to tell her for sure...but the what "if's" have stopped me.
What if
-she is devastated and decided to leave?
-she is pissed and decides to tell everyone she knows that the guy she married has same sex fantasy?
-she tells my family
-she tells her family
In a perfect word she would already know...but i think we all know about this world.

Exactly what my husband's fears were. (There are always "what if's" in whatever you do in life.) He kept it to himself, hid everything he did and he was found out anyway. I was shocked, hurt and betrayed, pissed, but when I looked at the WHOLE picture. I loved him. I loved him enough to try and understand, thus why I am on this site. You love your wife right???? You would never want to hurt her, but yet fooling around behind her back is...and if she finds that out......there is your chance of losing her. Maybe not because your bisexual, but because you went around behind her back. She loves you, all of you and that love will help her to know that you are still you. You are still the same man she married. I understand your fears, and you are the only one who can really know how she will take the news. There are many straight wives on here...also known as the "straight wives club". We have all been through it and can help you and your wife. This site is a wonderful way to learn what bisexuality really is. I had no idea, but I am so glad I had it to come to. There are so many people on here that are wonderful. We all have open arms to you and your wife.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Mrs.F :)

anne27

Apr 5, 2006, 7:39 PM

brazosbi

Apr 5, 2006, 8:16 PM

For anyone that wants to keep their extra-curricular activities hidden from their significant other..

Make sure you're clearing your history, cache, cookies, and any downloaded files.

One way to keep from leaving a trail is to install Portable Firefox (http://portableapps.com/apps/internet/browsers/portable_firefox) onto a flash drive.

There is a neat little freeware application called KL-Detector that will check for software keyloggers. You can download it here (http://dewasoft.com/privacy/kldetector.htm)

You can check the back of your computer for a hardware keylogger. It'll sit between your computer and the keyboard and is easy to notice (http://images.google.com/images?client=opera&rls=en&q=hardware%20keylogger&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&sa=N&tab=wi) if you know what you're looking for. Just don't confuse it with a keyboard adapter (http://images.mercateo.com/images/products/Conrad/gr_975516_bb_00_fb.eps.jpg)

bijingles

Apr 5, 2006, 9:02 PM

What if- by the off chance, she accepts you for who you are and your life goes on with a higher level of honesty and intimacy?

It does happen. It did with my hubby and I.

The computer advice offered above is valid and could prove useful.
:2cents: :compuser:
My experience with the “what if's” might be more useful than any knowledge I can offer about computers... (Although I have worked in and around computer security for the past 12 years)
I have learned that most fears are simple tiny little mice with great big megaphones yelling, “False Events Appearing Real” into my ear... When you calm down and put your intellect over those emotions, you might honestly ask What if...

Then, I believe, Honesty is the only policy!

Long Duck Dong

Apr 6, 2006, 7:10 AM

here ya go, buy your own laptop with windows xp, set up a password for the windows log in, and no one will get in your account.

then wait until the wilfe boots it up into safe mode.... accesses the admin account and uses the back doors into the main system..... windows xp is not secure.... hence all the bug fixs and security releases microsoft has released
but to bypass that you can set windows xp to make all none OS folders and files, not accessable by other users.... it adds a extra 7 minutes to bypass

my old windows ME computer is more secure than my XP one,... and it was a 11 year old that cracked my XP computer.... 11 years old !!!!!!... that blew my socks off

allbimyself

Apr 6, 2006, 12:30 PM

good stuff, duck. No computer anywhere is safe, no matter what operating, system if the person has direct physical access to it, end of story.

The only way to make sure someone else can't get access to it is to make it physically secure (i.e. no one can touch it but you.)

DareMe

Apr 6, 2006, 5:11 PM

Just erasing your history may not be enough. I am willing to bet your wife looks at your autocomplete settings. Also erasing is not synonymous to shredding. Any tools like file rescue can snoop inside a hard drive by recreating FAT (File allocation table pointers). Hope this helps. You should use a tool that will eliminate all traces. Try History kill.

DM

Mimi

Apr 7, 2006, 12:19 AM

What if
-she is devastated and decided to leave?
-she is pissed and decides to tell everyone she knows that the guy she married has same sex fantasy?
-she tells my family
-she tells her family
In a perfect word she would already know...but i think we all know about this world.

what if she were hiding something just as big from you? how would you feel? and what would you do?

you can't have love without honesty and trust.

mimi :flag1:

Tocowboycub

Aug 9, 2006, 12:36 PM

OK.... here goes... my very first pos to this site (New here a LOVE this site)

RE: Computer safety: I would have to agree with 'allbiyself'. Anyone with even limited computer savvy can find whatever they want, no matter how passwroded XP is, or how much you've deleted. The only way is to get a laptop, and keep it locked up.

Formatting a hard drive doesn't even work. According to my sister, who works in the child welfare field, a hard drive needs to be formatted over 40 times before all info is truly erased. That's how many pedophiles are caught.... they format thier hard drive and think they are safe..... wrong there are programs that will still find files.

Hope this helps.

PS... I try to hide things and always get caught eventually. LOL ;)

Avocado

Aug 9, 2006, 1:20 PM

Try wanking before you go on. The hardest barrier to not doing it is being in front of the computer with a load to shoot.

taz67156

Aug 9, 2006, 1:52 PM

when it comes to computers you will never be able to remove everything that you do and programs like history killer don't honestly work cause somebody that is really good can still find out everything that you do, there are hidden files plus all the other files that can be erased but somebody can still see what you do and all it take is going to MS Dos and you can find out everything that has been done on a computer.
It might be best to just tell her about that side of you and see what happens or try having the site up at home and let her walk in and find it to see what happens everything is a risk.

taz67156

Reprob8

Aug 9, 2006, 2:19 PM

there is atleast one therapist who offers information on how to track computer usage, her goal is to advocate for women who are married to gay men (she asserts that we bi men do not exist), we can suggest the removal of every possible track or trace that we can think of and she may still be able to track your usage. The problem with using a work computer instead is if you are caught not only does your wife find out but your boss, coworkers and possibly others will find out.

If you can come clean with your wife then I highly suggest you do it and if she is tracking your usage then she probably allready knows more about what is going on then you believe. There is a risk in coming out to your wife and family but isn't there a risk in hiding from her and risking exposure at work?

I am not telling you to come out to her because I understand the risks but the risks of continuing to hide may be worse, that is a decision you have to make.

Last of all, there is nothing wrong with your sexuality. What most sane people believe has all but been proven, it is genetic. It is wrong however to live a lie any longer than absolutly neccesary.

jedinudist

Aug 9, 2006, 3:54 PM

I look at your post this way:

You know she is looking through your files on the pc- thus she has reason to be suspicious of something.

Suspicion is deadly to relationships - period.

You are doing things on the pc that you want to hide.

Honesty is the best way to deal with this if at all possible, thus you need not fear that you have forgotten to erase something or the she will find out.

I don't want to get the whole Coming Out/not Coming Out debate started in yet another thread - I know some can, some can not, some will, some won't. However, if this is who you are, you are hurting yourself AND your wife by not addressing it openly and honestly.

IF (and that's a big if) she can not accept it and a seperation or divorce ensues, you will not only come off slightly better (depending of course, on the judge) for having been honest and above board with this issue, you will feel like a better person than if you are outed infront of a court full of people.

Plus the animosity factor of her having to find out vs. you coming to her and being honest is HUGE!

Even though my wife was aware of my sexual history before we married, I still tried to suppress and hide my bisexual needs from her. This caused allot of pain and turmoil that was not needed. After she helped me finally accept myself, we have found a significant amount of the stress and nonsense in our lives seems to have disappeared.

Good Luck to you, and to your wife :)

glantern954

Aug 9, 2006, 6:47 PM

Messages like these always make me appreciate the relationship I have with my wife. It's definetly not perfect though either. All of our scenarios are very different.

Even though I don't condone lying to a spouse I understand how people get to places like this and try not to judge too harshly. Our culture insists that everyone be straight, especially men, and monogamous, especially married people. We all know that doesn't seem to be the reality of things for many people. For all anyone knows, she could be doing the same thing somewhere else on the internet or with a booty call down the street at Motel 6.

As difficult as it is, I don't think we should suggest coming out to people we really know nothing about unless it is at least solicited. Yes, I believe honesty is the best policy. Yes, I hate to see people getting hurt or taken advantage of. But I think we sometimes alienate people that are not ready for help.

Hopefully, I said what I meant to here without stepping on anyones toes and if I have I am honestly sorry.

allbimyself

Aug 9, 2006, 6:51 PM

Formatting a hard drive doesn't even work. According to my sister, who works in the child welfare field, a hard drive needs to be formatted over 40 times before all info is truly erased.

Sorry, cowboy, but ur sister is wrong. I'm assuming she's speaking of "Windows" formatting using NTFS or FAT32. Neither of these will erase anything of consequence on a hard drive that was previously formatted to the same standard (and very little on hard drives previously formatted with a different standard), doesn't matter if you do it once of forty times, the same result.

Now, low level formatting should clear an entire hard drive if used just once, providing there is not a problem with the hard drive itself or the low level formatting software. Low level formatting software can be obtained from the hard drive manufacturer's website.

However, all this is really moot as I think the idea is not to remove the files but to secure them. In that situation the only foolproof method is 100% physical security... of course that won't stop a court order.

biandu

Aug 9, 2006, 7:12 PM

by any chance do you have Microsoft Works..
there is a separate history tracker in that program.. that tracks everything.. you have to manually disable that option......

also.. it doesn't really matter..if you erase what you did today.. . if she knows how to access the simple to use......... System Restore Option on Microsoft Compters..........she can track.. anything.... from now.. all the way back... until whenever...

unless you yourself.. restore the system.. each time you log off the computer.. to a previous clean date...............

I am no expert believe me.. i'm sure there are many many ways.. to track..

so .. it looks to me like you're screwed... if your wife is already tracking you baby-- more than likely...... she doesn't trust you.

you're in a tough spot.......... and unfortunatley this is the time when you are going to need support... from us........ this community.. and from others.. that know you......... truly know you.

my heart goes out to you baby-- you know that.

Avocado

Aug 10, 2006, 4:30 AM

Last of all, there is nothing wrong with your sexuality. What most sane people believe has all but been proven, it is genetic.

There's nothing wrong with it either way :bipride:

trip1

Aug 10, 2006, 5:48 AM

Some one told me Windows Cleaner could do a good job cleaning out cookies . Anyone try that one?

becksbolero

Aug 10, 2006, 6:40 AM

Switch to mozilla firefox as your browser.when you open movies it opens a window to clean up from too.I also run adaware and spybot to delete crap thats traceable(they're free).

Herbwoman39

Aug 10, 2006, 9:27 AM

Yah believe me I have wanted to tell her for sure...but the what "if's" have stopped me.
What if
-she is devastated and decided to leave?
-she is pissed and decides to tell everyone she knows that the guy she married has same sex fantasy?
-she tells my family
-she tells her family
In a perfect word she would already know...but i think we all know about this world.

Every one of us who has "come out" to our SO has gone through the entire list of what-if's hundreds of times, just like you.

I'm fortunate that my husband is very supportive and loves me, seemingly no matter what. But only you know your wife well enough to know how she will react when you tell her.

Unfortunately, if she's tracking your activity, she probably already knows and may just be waiting for you to tell her yourself. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to get.

The way I did it was, I took a deep breath and just said "Honey, I've got something I need to tell you but I'm kind of scared. I think I might be bisexual."

Now he knows that I would NEVER do anything without his knowledge or permission. Even then, I think I might have some problems because, in my mind, that's still infidelity. He knows I'd rather hurt myself before I'd intentionally hurt him.

It *does* take lots of reassurance though and not just the day you tell, either.

But again, only you know for certain.

bikitten65

Aug 11, 2006, 4:27 PM

Best thing to do is doing it with her knowledge. I never told my husband about me being bi-curious, didn't even admitited it to myself. Things got real bad between us. Now that I'm honest to him and myself, things are more like when we were first together. :love1: He's supportive about it. He said that what ever happens in the future, if its with him there, not behind his back, and its with a female, its not cheating.

If its something about yourself, and not her, and your not replacing her with someone else, it would be better to trust and be open. The two of you could find somehow to work it out.

Me and my husbend decided that who ever I do end up with will have to be able to be a friend to him too. I get to look around, and we agree about her.
If I ever do find that special girl, she'll be a part of our relationship. He looks at it this way, he loves me for who I am, he's not being replaced. Just that I need something he doesn't have. It doen't change the way I feel about him, or his feelings about me.

But what worked for me.... ;) and him, you just have to look at your relationship. If hidding about it is causing a problem, mabey Hidding it is the problem. Only you can determine that though.

the sacred night

Aug 11, 2006, 9:52 PM

I agree with what most people in here say about it being better to be honest because a) she has already seen it/can continue to see it no matter what you do and b) honesty is better for relationships than lying...

Buuuuuut...

Has anyone but me had the thought... what kind of spouse would even TRY to catch their spouse at something like this? My fiancee already knows I'm bi and knows I surf porn, but if he was looking for "evidence" on my computer, I'd be pissed not because he found anything he didn't already know about, but because it's my privacy... and by the same token, I would never look for evidence on his computer or try to see what he's been doing online, because he deserves privacy as I do, no matter what I suspected/feared.

Long Duck Dong

Aug 12, 2006, 1:42 AM

grins, ok if people really want to cover their tracks....there are a few tricks you can do... and no I am not endorsing cheating behievour or deceit
it is possible for a partner to also use this technique to check up on people without revealing they are checking up

this works on windows xp sp 2......at the beginning of ya surfing, create a second account... you do need to be admin to do that.... don't import ANYTHING from IE to the second account..... the second account will copy MOST files and programs over

TURN OFF WINDOWS RESTORE

make the second account a private account with full access rights but don't give it access rights to the files of the main comp account... this will stop details of the second account showing on the main account... and it can also bypass a number of hidden keylogger programs

create a new mail account using something like gmail, and never use ya normal email accounts with the second computer account also don't check your outlook express email account using the second account

don't run spyware or antivirus scans using the second account... they log times of scans regardess of the account used

don't type in the name of the sites.... use something like google to find the sites and then go to them that way... that way its NOT held in the history....only the google site name is recorded in the history... and its easier to wipe the history and cookies when you finish

don't use windows media to view porn files.... you need a throw away viewer... FF viewer is good for that or downloading something like irfanview can work as well

when you finish ya surfing, log back into the main computer account... delete the second account and THEN check the main account history.....if you delete the main account history, it may indicate to ya partner that you are trying to hide something and that will cause trouble
deleting the second account wipes all the history and events from the computers files...but NOT the hidden windows system files

to fully void all files before a complete format... turn the computer off... remove the battery from inside the computer tower and wait 1 minute then replace the battery... this resets the computer and the odds of ghosting the old files are dropped by 95% after a complete reformat

now what programs give away deceitful behievour ??

zonealarm and the ZA logs

windows media player

ANY windows auto complete programs ... the ones where you type a few letters and they complete the word

google.com ...IF the history and cookies have not been cleared..... to check what i mean... type in porn... check on a few sites......shut the window.... open a new one... type porn againa dn see how many are showing as viewed... the link colour is different

IE and FF browsers if they are set to hold viewing history

antivirus and spyware detectors are set to record scan and last access times....I hold the install programs on a seperate drive and I uninstall and reinstall the programs to destory all tracks

system restore holds records of all programs..... turning off then turning on system restore clears the restore history

outlook express can be bypassed IF you delete emails and RESTART the computer.....if you don't restart the computer, emails can be restored from a hidden windows

nortons ghost program can also record all a drives info and settings

most surfing, viewing and history records are NOT deleted using the buttons.... you manually have to destory the log files inside the windows system files

canuckotter

Aug 12, 2006, 7:34 AM

Has anyone but me had the thought... what kind of spouse would even TRY to catch their spouse at something like this?
Possibly a spouse who knows their partner has been up to something secretive and knows that something's being hidden from them and is trying to find out if their spouse is cheating on them? And, in that case, possibly a spouse that's about to learn a whole lot more than they bargained for? ;) (My understanding is that a few of our regular members went through that before they came here... :) )

I don't have a full understanding of the situation that prompted this thread, so I don't know if that's what's going on. But hey, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'd make a terrible cop. :tong:

izzfan

Nov 18, 2006, 2:33 PM

Personally, I am a strong believer in the concept of privacy (a product of years in the closet) and I would see anyone snooping around my files as being in violation of my privacy.... eg: if someone says 'Oh my god! you were looking at porn!' then my response would be 'just what exactly are you doing on my computer anyway?!?!'. But unfortunately things don't work like that especially in relationships, also I am no expert on computers but from what I have read you could look into using a proxy server (where you connect to a server/another computer and view the internet through that rather than through your own computer.... apparently, people in China use them all the time to bypass government censorhip). I also heard about this gadget called the 'stealth surfer' (http://www.stealthsurfer.com/) which could be the solution to your problems. Another idea could be to look at a LOT of non-bi/gay sites after u have finished with those sites... this is because even though you delete things from your history.... there is a small downwards arrow icon at the end of where you type the web address, if you click on this it gives you a drop down list of the last 30 or so sites that you have visited... it is time consuming but it could save an embarassing discovery.

In an ideal world you should be able to be open about your sexuality, but there is still a lot of prejudice in the world. The fact that your wife can already track your internet history may mean that it may be too late. I have had little experience in the way of relationships (especially with women) so I cannot offer any advice on what to do. But you could try 'testing the water' eg: making offhand comments about bisexuality and seeing how your wife responds... if she seems ok about bisexuality then it may be best to make the cautious steps towards coming out. But living a lie is a pretty awful state to be in and I would advise you to come out but only when YOU feel ready to do so (rather than being 'outed' by your computer). Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck

Just my :2cents:

Izzfan

Fire Lotus

Nov 18, 2006, 4:10 PM

I'd much prefer my husband to tell me of deeds or acts he's doing, even if he thought I'd get upset or thought something he does to be unacceptable. Because it would be a lot worse if I found out these things by other sources. Then not only will I be upset, but angry and devestated because he betrayed me trust we had between each other.

I agree with what some others have said here. If your wife is suspicious and snooping around on your computer, she already knows *something* is up. If these are activities you find you are unable to stop doing, then stop digging yourself a bigger hole and just be honest with your wife. Yes, there may be fall out from telling her. There is no guarentee there will be acceptance, but same for the other side of that. But when you have dishonesty ON TOP of the other stuff. The possible carnage will be a lot worse. Just my :2cents: and rambles.

csrakate

Nov 18, 2006, 4:47 PM

Also don't forget that if you wife is indeed already snooping, she may be imagining worse things than you are guilty of. The less she knows as the truth the more she will want to know and the digging will most likely continue.

I really can't stress the importance of being open and honest with her and allowing HER to decide what she can and cannot handle. You may very well be surprised.

Good luck to you.

Hugs,
Kate

SLIMES

Nov 18, 2006, 7:23 PM

I was just viewing this thread... and then realised that my flat mate was looking over my shoulder. S&%T!

I think thats called irony.

chulainn2

Nov 18, 2006, 7:40 PM

simple, divorce the bitch and take custody of your computer, problem solved. Now got another problem for Doc Phil?

mfanycomb

Nov 18, 2006, 9:30 PM

The point others have made that you really can't hide all your tracks are well taken. Take them to heart.

Using your work computer does expose you to losing your job & public exposure. In fact it's a lot more likely than your wife finding out about your bisexuality. Many employers have periodic sweeps looking to see how their employees are using company resources. Then your wife will discover everything you fear 2nd hand.

You could just dig yourself deeper into the closet. But that doesn't seem reasonable.

Although I'm not a great believer in total honestly ("White lies are the lubrication on which society moves."), consider the growing estrangement between you and your wife about this.

It was jokingly suggested your divorce her--do you really want to run away?

I am a believer in relationships & that they are a bond of trust. Obviously her trust is breaking down. She is snooping (unless she has too much time on her hands & an overwhelming curiousity). Your trust is breaking down, you are living in fear of your wife. This is not healthy for the relationship. If left to grow it will be divorce.

In this case a dose of honesty might be the only way to re-bond in trust.

What's most important to you? Is you wife (and I assume your love of her & the need you feel for her) important enough to choke down your fear & fight for her love?

Remember, your bisexuality is more on par w/ fantasing. You are not cheating on her w/ another woman or another man. She probably has fantasies of her own. But she's not physically consumating them either. They are ideas, part your brain (or her's). They are part of you (or her). And when you married, you married the whole person, not just the public persona of each other.

chook

Nov 18, 2006, 9:47 PM

BiGuySC

Nov 18, 2006, 10:45 PM

I'm not going to get the relationship part of this discussion. But if you want to hide your internet activities, check out TorPark at: http://www.torrify.com/ . Run it from a thumbdrive and your tracks will be saved to the thumbdrive and not to your computer. It's also an anonymous proxy, so if you're accessing this site from work, you should definitely look into it.

joshua_134

Nov 18, 2006, 10:47 PM

have you tried discussing your sexual interests with your wife?.. you never know, this could open a whole new chapter in your marriage?

i think you should give that a go...its worth a try and from what i have seen in the past other couple on this site have been open about it and have been able to explore it toghther rather then hiding it from each other and having to sneak around...

jedinudist

Nov 19, 2006, 2:42 AM

Well, I have to admit, if she does track you down and find what you've been doing it could be devastating to her! But she may forgive and go on and then you won't have to sneak around and worry about hiding this and deleting that.

I didn't snoop after my husband.. he had been on this site for months and I had no clue. But again, he made the mistake and left this site up one late night and I got up to find it.. I read his profile and all the posts he had written. OMG...........I had never felt more betrayed or hurt in my entire life. You can't hide everything all the time. A mistake will be made at some point and she is going to be there to find it. Then what???

Mrs.F

Mrs.F has a very valid point - if at all possible, be open and honest with your wife. That is such a fundamental part of a good relationship. It seems much scarier than it actually is, and honesty is the absolute hands down winners of trust builders.
Tell your wife, if at all possible, about your interests. Being above board, open, and honest will go a very long way to making your life much mroe enjoyable.
And for the one you love, the one you are supposed to love and care for above all others to find out any other way can be devastating to say the least.
If possible, talk to her about it.
Good luck :)