stuck in a rut

[dafydd]

hi bi folks. am back again!
has been a while since i posted on here, but mainly because i moved and didn't have internet access.

I am totally stuck in neutral at mo. I have unending possibilities in my life, love, sex, career etc, but I seem to be sticking 2 fingers up at it all and lying on the couch surfin the web, falling into mindless hrs on wikipedia, putting off the things that would take my life in the right directions (responding to emails, making that call, etc)
Anyone ever been at a point where they could have it all, and then willfully thrown it away? Willfully: and for no other reason than to observe the destruction in slow motion. Is this why I have been looking at plane crashes on youtube Is this why I am googling people with my name who have died?

I seem to be overwhelmed by self-induced indignation ("why don't i have this?" "why aren't i like this") can't seem to focus on the most important things preferring instead to become fixated with my new flat and stains i am finding by the light switch, scratches on the cooker, marks on the wall. the carpet that is never clean etc. And the dyson that has lost its suction. other peoples' dyson work fine. why do I have a dyson that doesn't work? how has this come to pass?

I am meeting a lot of men and women online and I invite them over and they look around at my new set-up here in this place that I have finally bought, and I've been working out fitness wise (partly to ease my frustration), and their comments about my new body and my new place all seem to be hollow because only I know how much a facade it is. i have the beginnings of a delineated 6 pack but no ability to converse regarding what I like to do in bed. I continue to speak to people in my own home as if they are in chat windows. monosyllabic, compulsive, demand-speak "how u, u ok? wot u like? where u? wot u into?" and I flex my biceps for them as if its somehow compensation.

Can't explain the unease I feel... only that I have zero interest in the things I used to find sollace in, and seem to be captivated and at the same time appalled by fleeting sex and meaningless attention.

I have also been obsessed recently by the idea of pregnancy and the idea of making someone pregnant, and also the idea of death and of dying and also of the way women moan during sex, and of falling asleep holding someone's hand and yesterday when I woke I thought there was a gremlin in the corner of my room, but then realised it was just the cat and that she somehow look dissatisfied.

last week during sex I was active twice and passive once, and it didn't matter if it was with a man or a woman because the sensations seemed pretty redundant, and all I could think about was the scratches on the cooker, the carpet, the dyson, the gremlin, and the cat...dissatisfied..

Advice?
dafydd:eek:

[slipnslide]

Sounds like OCD and clinical depression. You probably just need 6 weeks on an SSRI and you'll feel better. Sometimes it's just that easy. See your doctor.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Sounds like OCD and clinical depression. You probably just need 6 weeks on an SSRI and you'll feel better. Sometimes it's just that easy. See your doctor.

i would not subscribe to this assumption. There does seem to be a touch of depression. Any big change can bring this on. Your move for instance and adjusting.

OCD has its own requirements for diagnosis, but i do agree that seeing someone may help, though i do not think you are OCD.

You made a big change and everyone around you is different. It will take time hunny. Hang in there.

[void()]

"I seem to be overwhelmed by self-induced indignation ("why don't i have this?" "why aren't i like this") can't seem to focus on the most important things preferring instead to become fixated with my new flat and stains i am finding by the light switch, scratches on the cooker, marks on the wall. the carpet that is never clean etc. And the dyson that has lost its suction. other peoples' dyson work fine. why do I have a dyson that doesn't work? how has this come to pass?"

"why don't i have this?" "why aren't i like this"

If you compare yourself to others, even subconsciously, then you'll continue this spiral of self destruction. One of the techniques learned over this year has helped me a bunch.

"Stop the fucking bus!"

You need to realize that You are in control of the emotions, not the other way around. That's why you stop the bus, get back in the driver's seat. And to help I usually visualize going to a place where no one else exists. I have a friendly guide, one of our past cats I loved. He points me toward the 'blessings' and 'positives' in life, reminds me to be grateful and let go of the troubles. Yes, they really do pass and do so quicker if you let go.

I don't pray but do meditate. Goes something like this, five minutes of just spewing internally and getting all the crap out so the universe or what not can see, five minutes of clearing the mind and just relaxing, five minutes of listening (this is the most important part and must be done right, you just listen, don't judge, don't double think it, just listen to the inner voice giving you ideas and solutions).

And no, it doesn't always work. It does sometimes and even that is helpful. I'm also on medication for anxiety when needed. That too is helpful. There is not a "be all, end all" solution. It takes work and willingness to keep reaching out, trying new ways to think, see, feel.

[michaelaaron]

Or, get out of your flat...

[biblkman]

I agree with slipnslide......sounds like some kind of mood or bipolar disorder, sounds like your jumping from depressed to manic.....call arbour circle they might be able to refer you or see. You might need counciling and or mood stabilizers. Take care of yourself!

[**Peg**]

on the contrary, I believe all you need is a roadmap, or a mentor, or maybe both:

1. be very grateful for what you DO have, focus only on the positives.

2. help someone less fortunate than you: volunteer somewhere.

as you nurture your newfound abs, think of people who can NOT move, then kick your own ass out of the house and get moving.

best of luck to you.

Peg

[BiBedBud]

My friend,

The worst thing you could possibly do at this point is prematurely involve a mental health professional. Exactly what dysfunction would you complain about? Inertia? Whatever the case; this “mental health professional” will almost certainly find something wrong with you, and the next thing you know, you’ll be on some newfandangled SSRI (Google it), or some other kind of antidepressant drug.

DON’T DO IT! Instead; switch-up your workouts – do something outside, during the daylight – or make part of your physical activity involve another person, up close, preferrably. Maybe it’s dance lessons with a chorus of lovely ladies or handsome gentlemen. Or, what about something competitive, perhaps a sport or even martial arts?

The point is; the human animal is never more in its prime then when it is hunting, or being hunted. Competition is cure. It sounds to me like you’ve achieved a number of goals (not without cost, I can tell), and now having achieved them, there is nothing to motivate you. You’re kind of floating in a void – that’s how I read you. Find something to get motivated about, whether on the hunt, or being hunted, and throw yourself into it. Bottom line, you need to be in competition, otherwise, what’s the point?

Spending time alone in your fancy new apartment, pumping iron and building biceps and abs, this isn’t necessarily bad, but it is all preparation with no purpose. Find that purpose. Let it seduce you, commit to it, then covet the time spent doing whatever you want to do.

Also, don’t ever swallow a psychoactive pill without first doing your reading about it. Some of these SSRIs have been shown to permanently rewire the brain, which means that whatever they do in the living brain, they do things that can't be undone. (Even scientists can’t explain it all, let alone the long term effects, or effects on foetuses or their offspring.) These drugs do things that can’t be fully explained nor undone, even when you stop taking them. What does this mean? I dunno, but I’d rather read about it then find out the hard way, up close and personal, between my own two ears.

If you’re not keen to be a human guinea pig, try to avoid any drug that isn’t older than at least twenty-five years, and see how others have fared on the drug, and what kinds of side effects were reported. Reasonably compare your case to theirs, and ask yourself a second time if you need to be prescribed any psychoactive drug.

I’m not saying that psychiatric chemistry should never be used for health reasons, but it should certainly never be used when unnecessary. Moreover, the pills are rarely ever a full cure on their own – they’re not like antibiotics – whatever psychiatric issue you face which requires medication, must also receive counselling of some kind in order to yield lasting benefits that include cessation of the drug. Have an exit strategy, then ask yourself again if it’s really necessary.

Good luck :) and happy hunting!:tongue:

[BiBedBud]

^^ As addendum to my post immediately above....^^

1. .... Not that I'm saying you need psychoactive drugs to fix what's wrong with you.

2. People reading the thread above, interested in SSRIs, might also want to read this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRI_discontinuation_syndrome

3. The list of sexual dysfunctions attached to SSRIs should make anyone reading this forum take pause before undertaking such a serious drug therapy.

:2cents:

[dafydd]

Hi guys thanks for the responses and emails. I have taken SSRIs in the past Prozac and Citalopram and they haven't really worked for me. I do not have OCD, I was trying to represent my preoccupation with meaningless things around the house, things that are inconsequential that disturb me. because i am not really actively engaged. whilst it annoys me the light switch is dirty, the carpet is not vacuumed enough, really I do nothing about it - that is not OCD.

CBT been there.

I prefer to describe it as the gradual realisation of crap line assessment. That really, in life, everything is at the level of crap, and things are either above or below this level. + degrees crap or - degrees crap.

that sounds such bullshit even as i write it.

dx

[dafydd]

The point is; the human animal is never more in its prime then when it is hunting, or being hunted. Competition is cure. It sounds to me like you’ve achieved a number of goals (not without cost, I can tell), and now having achieved them, there is nothing to motivate you. You’re kind of floating in a void – that’s how I read you. Find something to get motivated about, whether on the hunt, or being hunted, and throw yourself into it. Bottom line, you need to be in competition, otherwise, what’s the point?

Spending time alone in your fancy new apartment, pumping iron and building biceps and abs, this isn’t necessarily bad, but it is all preparation with no purpose. Find that purpose. Let it seduce you, commit to it, then covet the time spent doing whatever you want to do.



This is interestingly, the most thought-provoking thing I have read in a long time.

Thanks
d

[Billys_gurl]

I agree with most of the others hun. You need to switch it up and get out of the house. I thought that not having to work when I first got married was going to be so great but when we got settled in and it was day in and day out the same thing over and over I got really depressed. Then I went back to work and the hubby got layed off. The tables turned, and he got so depressed the he contemplated suicide because he felt worthless. You need to go out, hang out iwth friends, make new ones, pursue someone or let yourself be pursued. It will take a bit of getting past the 'i'd rather be at home' thought but you will get there and then realize how much better you feel! If nothing else go see a movie, take a walk around the block... it's endless possibilities when you start thinking about it. The fresh air alone will do wonders for you, and the sun on your face will make you feel so much better.

[mikey3000]

Dafydd

We all hit road blocks in life at one point or another. Some are self imposed and others are done to us. Just know that it is so normal. what you need is some reflection. Are your priorities changing? maybe realizing that materialism is not as important as it once was? Not feeling fulfilled anymore? now may be a great time for self reflection on your life and figure out what's missing, or maybe who's missing?

I know exact how you feel though. I've had a very good run so far in life, much better than I deserve, but lately I've had so much shit thrown at me that I've just given up being in controll. I've given in and surrendered to those particular fates at this time. Instead of me leading my life, I've learned that sometimes we're not in controll. And it's ok. Somewhere, someone has some lessons for me to learn, so now I'm taking a break from life and just being lead. Hang in there. We'll be ok. Some how.

Cheers.