Past lovers

[coyotedude]

I was in the chatroom this evening when the topic of past same-gender lovers came up. Among other things, we were discussing where some of our past lovers might have ended up in their lives.

Inspired, I fired up Facebook and actually found my first lover there. I was shocked to discover that he is now a religious conservative! Which makes me think he's likely not going to be excited by my pinging him and reminding him of all the illicit times we had together in our youth.

One of the ironies of the situation is that his family was not particularly religious when I knew him. Contrast that with the other male lover I know about. When we were lovers, he was a religious conservative who felt shame at our relationship. Yet now he is openly gay and has a long-term partner in his life.

Interesting, the tangled paths that life leads us down.

Peace

[darkeyes]

1st guy me eva had sex wiv now works in the North sea on oil rigs.. has nev married but dus I belive live wiv a woman up in aberdeen.

1st guy me eva had gud sex wiv is now workin as a nob for an insurance company an has big house near me mum and dad, married wiv no kids but a ratha gorge wife..

1st girl is now a civil servant workin for the Dept of of Ag an fish is married wiv 3 kids..

Girl me left me hubbie for is now unemployed an livin in a scruffy part of Leith.. lil bimbo she left me for buggad off an left 'er in lurch.. dunno if she is attached but wosn last time me saw 'er..

me x hubbie is a happy man who breeds cattle, plenty biz interests, is loaded, still wiv an evil witch for a mum, an is gettin hitched 2 lil bimbo.. who happens 2 b nice an is as we speak up the duff.. wich will please 'im no end.. but will hav upset 'is mum no end wich is even betta..

Hav info on a few othas, but most hav disappeared inta the sunset ne 2 b seen 'gain..an thats how me like's it..

[Robinium]

1st guy me eva had sex wiv (...).

1st guy me eva had gud sex wiv (...)

:bigrin:

[Realist]

An interesting thread, Coyote!

I think everyone evolves as they pass through this life. I know I certainly have.

My first three sexual experiences were with males. The 1st was with an older neighbor, then two boys my age in military school. The older fellow died in the early '60s.

The 1st boy my age, became a successful banker, married with children. I've long wondered how he adapted to that lifestyle, as he was extremely sexual and had several male partners before and after me.

The 1st person I ever loved was the 3rd boy. I felt then, that I could have lived the rest of my life with him. Although I was only 14 at the time, from that union, I understood the beauty and pain of love. He was killed in a wreck, in India, about 9 years after we were lovers.

My first relationship with a Woman, was a 40 year old married lady, when I was 15. Ironically, she was the daughter of the older guy who had introduced me to sex. Neither her, or her father, ever knew about the other. I have no idea what happened to her.

I have also had relationships with those who dealt with morals induced in them by others. I have lived with guilt and remorse, as well, because I couldn't control my dreams and desires. Conflicts with the way I was raised and how I actually felt, haunted me for many years. Finally, I came to understand myself and accept that I could not live according to someone else's standards.

The saddest people I know, continue that struggle between desires for both genders, while they are unable to overcome the guilt from trying to adhere to other's standards.

Thank God that I've moved on from those morals and can finally accept myself.

[fredtyg]

I'd wondered myself how at least one of my old sex buds would react if we met again. I was thinking about Tim, back when we were around 10 years old. We used to suck each other off fairly often back then. I wondered how he felt about it and, if he had a chance to see me again, what he'd do and how he'd feel.

Is he ashamed of that past behavior, or is he like me and have fond thoughts of our early homosexual tryst?

Didn't end up actually communicating directly with him, but his older brother contacted me through the Classmates.com web site. He wanted to know what my older brother was doing. I put him in touch with my older brother and asked how Tim was doing. His brother e-mailed me back and told me where Tim was working. He told me he'd need to get approval from Tim to let me have his e-mail address.

Shortly thereafter I was given Tim's e-mail address so I guess Tim had no bad feelings about it. For some reason I never ended up e-mailing him, though.

One other old friend I had a rather lengthy homosexual affair with tried to get hold of me- also through the Classmates.com web site. I suppose I should of responded but was very leery of making contact with him as he was basically a transient back when I knew him and I assumed still was. I didn't want him showing up and trying to live with me again as it was difficult to get rid of him in times past.

But, since he tried to contact me, I feel safe in assuming he didn't have a problem with our homosexual past.

I do wonder if either of those guys is still homosexualizing, though.

[jamieknyc]

I am starting to feel left out because I don't have a bunch of exes running around.....

[darkeyes]

I am starting to feel left out because I don't have a bunch of exes running around.....

..only cos no 1 wud havya in 1st place Jamie.. tee hee:bigrin:

[Realist]

Jamie, all you have to worry about is yourself. Experiences may help one define who they are and who they are attracted to, but you're no dummy and can decide those things for yourself. Each of us have to grow and learn on our own. I began young and have made a lot of mistakes, because there was little information for me to study. If I'd had this site, back then, I may have been a much different person.

You can learn from others, but the journey is yours to take on your own terms.

[darkeyes]

:bigrin:

Dunno wy u grinnin' like Cheshiure Cat for Rob me luffly.. neitha of 'em wos u...:tong:

[12voltman59]

The very first guy I was ever with----we were really young--I think I had found him a few years back--at that time he was an officer in the Air Force and was an instructor at the Air Force Academy--I got his email addy but didn't send him a message.

The next one----no sense in trying to find him--he died not all that long after we had done our thing together--he got killed at age 16 while riding a dirt bike.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Some of us were nostalging over past lovers just the other night, and I professed missing an old lover from our swingers group. I had thrown him a "Ravishing" once, and the ladies that were a part of it and I sat and chuckled over the memory. He knew I was going to do Something but didnt know exactly What I had planned, and he never figured he'd be blindfolded and worked over by 7 women at once. Lover had a woman kissing him, and 1 one each hand, had one on each nipple licking and sucking, and had one down dining on tube steak (yours truly) and one playing with his ass. Every 5or 10 minutes we'd all switch around and change position, except for Him. All he had to do was lay there and take it..LOL
In fact, in the middle of it a guy peeked in and says, "Well fuck! How does He rate having so many, and where do I sign up for this!???" lol
He was the envy of many men at the campout, and we had another planned for him last year, but he failed to show up...And we even had 2 men all primed and ready to help us girls ravish him! THAT I wanted to see, and be a part of. ;)
I had many fond memories with this man, and would love to have other good times someday, but I guess that isnt meant to be. Oh well, life happens..lol
Cat, smiling fondly.

[darkeyes]

...there is 1 I ponder about... not as once I did maybe.. but I think often of what may have been, and how differently our lives would be had things not happened as they did.. I used to get the odd little update, and we would exchange tittle tattle about our lives.. but it must be close on a year since there was any word..

I do wonder about others, and care about most, but this one person still has a large part of, and a special place in Fran's heart.. one of only two people who made me both silly and stupid about love, the other being Kate, I will remember always...

[Realist]

Volty,

I had a lover who was killed, while soloing for his flying license. I was 15 and Don was 16....we both attended the same military school.

When you wrote that your lover had been killed, I wondered if you had to deal with any guilt, as a result of his death?

I certainly did! I felt, then, that we were being punished because of our "sins". That was added to by a roommate, who was a religious nut. Although, he didn't know for sure if Don and I had been intimate, he suspected us. He began reading bible verses to me and telling me I was going to hell. It didn't help that I was raised up in a very strict church and that stuff began to eat on me. I didn't have another male lover for several years afterwards.

Gradually, I got over it and moved on with my life. I had a rough time there, dealing with the guilt, for a while.

[Robinium]

@Realist
Sorry to hear about that.

Oh, my ex-partners...

My first partner, straight guy, a sexy punk with combat boots and an iroquois, we were both teenagers. I heard that he's been cheating around a lot to his later partners. I don't know if he ever cheated on me, but honestly I don't care. Plus it seems he is into fisting and stuff like that (another missed opportunity... sh*t). I heard this all from another ex we both were friends with, and he told her all that long after their break-up when they still met one another for a chat, she's a very good friend of mine and I think she's honest here as it's not her style to make up things. Plus after me, he dated a genderqueer (=feels like in-between female and male or switches between both modes) bi girl I had fallen in love with and I even had made them know each other. That was awful as hell for me, my ex dating a person I was in love with. Another ex of him is one of my best friends now and she's also bi. She has been together with a transguy for almost ten years now. Well my ex-boyfriend got an awful, non-flattering nickname among his friends as he had been dating so many bi girls: "der Lesbenmacher" = the guy who makes girls turn into lesbians. :bigrin: He has a decent job now and a couple of years ago, he got married to a very conservative Catholic woman from Singapore or Indonesia and had to go there first to get her parents's approval for the marriage. I have no news from him since then but I wonder what's really going on. He still lives here and I could meet him by chance and chat with him without him recognizing me. :bigrin:

My second partner was a bi guy, plus genderqueer though we did not know that word then, meaning in his case he felt like he was a boy sometimes and a girl at other times plus I don't know what, somewhere in between. The relationship worked well, but we broke up for a couple of reasons. Well after me he dated a guy for a year, and after that he's been together with a woman, married her, got one kid, they divorced for various reasons, and now they are together again. I hope it will work out fine for them this time.

My third partner, a great straight guy, was more like a long, intense affair. I'm not going into details here but we got along very well for both very kinky sexual stuff and highly intellectual conversations. It was great. Saw him on the streets one year ago, he did not recognize me. I did not want to make him aware of me, as I had a 3-day beard then, had gotten overweight (30 pounds) and was shy because of my overweight. Plus, well I had come out to him as trans while we dated, but I was not in the mood then to meet him and explain to him who I was and that I was actually becoming a male etc. He was as cute as like ten years ago, just a bit older, and still had this weird stray schoolboy aura. After that, I made a Google search and found out he now had an office of his own now, as a civil engineer, which made me very happy for him. No one could find anything about me by a Google resarch when looking for my old name. Nowhere. I've tested this several times over last couple of years.

My fourth partner, a lesbian, the relationship was very intense but also very tense. She was paranoid about me cheating on her, you can figure out what that means if you're a bi. You cannot meet anyone (!!!) without getting jealous phone calls twice an hour. It was horrible. I never cheated on her, and I've never cheated on anyone in my life anyway. My kinks usually don't work with one night stands, and I don't like casual boring sex or quickies so for me there's no point in cheating impulsively. Plus there's the moral issues. She was a monster in bed anyway and exhausted me quite a lot of times. I did not lack sex at all while dating her, it was quite the opposite. I don't know what's become of her. She is a member of a tiny, very visible subculture, and its members cannot choose whether they are visible or not as what they are (blind people). So once in five years or so I get news about her when I get to ask another blind person during a (real life!) chat, as they all seem to know each other. My last news are that she gets along well with her life, and I wish her best. (Just for your information: blind people here are generally cool about one of them coming out as a lesbian.) One reason for her extreme jealousy was her blindness: she could not check out if friends of mine were good-looking, plus she could not see if I flirted while going out with her (which I would never ever do), plus for many blind people, going out to see a movie etc. is just pointless, so there's less things you can do together.

My last partner was a homophobic straight guy. Why did I ever hook up with hm? - He was cute and a good lover and a very sensitive and gentle guy and he loved to cook and his food was very tasty, and every day life was okay with him. So I coped with his "issue". Or tried to. He really thought he had turned me straight (WTF???) although I had explained to him quite a lot of times that I am still bi but would never cheat on him, but a bi is a bi is a bi... And me not telling him which women turn me on does not mean I'm not interested, it was more like... respect. And fear of him becoming jealous like my ex.

Oh, I did not even try a trans coming out there, as I was not taken seriously as a bi anyway by him... And he reacted very badly to transwomen. Well when I decided to transition after years of chewing it in my mind, it was clear for me I first had to get rid of that guy, as transition would not work with him. Other things in the relationship were also bad enough anyway to break it up. And no matter how I tried, I just could make him stop making fun of gay guys (no insider jokes, but embarrassing redneck bullsh*t). That was a no-go for me in the long run.

How is he now? He has an okay job now, no partner, and hates me like hell for transitioning. He got really pissed off about three years ago, I went to visit a friend and he was also there. We were not dating any more but right after I came there, we made the typical cheek-cheek kisses then, but he suddenly just packed me and tried to stick his tongue into my mouth in front of my friends (he never forced himself upon me in any way during our relationship so that was very surprising for me, plus we had not kissed this way for a year or so). I did not want that. Normally I would have pushed him right away and maybe even beaten him for that.

But I did not do it as I had had my first testosterone shot that morning, and everybody knew that but him and it was the most evil thing I could do to him then, just reluctantly let him put his tongue into my mouth. I pushed him away rapidly after that and told him that I had something to celebrate, and that I had gotten my first testosterone shot that morning. He really, really freaked out. :bigrin: "Oh god, how could I kiss you, you are becoming a man." That was really silly, a couple of hours of testosterone in your body don't change much.

[12voltman59]

Volty,

I had a lover who was killed, while soloing for his flying license. I was 15 and Don was 16....we both attended the same military school.

When you wrote that your lover had been killed, I wondered if you had to deal with any guilt, as a result of his death?

I certainly did! I felt, then, that we were being punished because of our "sins". That was added to by a roommate, who was a religious nut. Although, he didn't know for sure if Don and I had been intimate, he suspected us. He began reading bible verses to me and telling me I was going to hell. It didn't help that I was raised up in a very strict church and that stuff began to eat on me. I didn't have another male lover for several years afterwards.

Gradually, I got over it and moved on with my life. I had a rough time there, dealing with the guilt, for a while.

I can't say I had any guilt over his death----we had only been together the one time---but I sure was bummed and it was especially sad for his parents--he was their only child. I think that the fact he died on a motorcycle never made me a big fan of them--even when I have had a few myself---I just thought it was sad he died and now at my age--it is especially tragic that he never got to live life at all, dying way too early because he rode a motorcycle. It just seemed to me to be a totally senseless death.

I do wonder how my life had developed had we had more times together though---would doing what we wanted to do at that young age have changed the course of my life to any major degree? is the question that always does kind of still float around in my mind to this day.

[Bluebiyou]

... up the duff...
I had to google it.
Preggers! Totally P-G!

As for myself:
In spite of never wanting to see, let alone contemplate his ugly ass, we ended up living less than 500m (meters, not miles) away. Fortunately, in the last 5 years, I've only seen him in passing (driving) 3 times.
While he actually was/is a big handsome fellow and a fantastic lover, and usually a nice guy, he had a default personality of alcoholic extremely manipulative trailer trash, emulating the very women he hated growing up with.
*Note* not a general women bash, but the absolute bitches, indeed parasitic trailer trash cunts that he grew up with... yuk.
Also not a slam on folks who lived/live in trailers (caravans? they say in Europe?). There are also wonderful folks living in trailers.

European folks:
Our typical (dwelling) trailer is referred to as a 'single wide' and is about 5x25 meters. They are built on steel frames, usually still have their rear wheels, but the front is typically set on concrete blocks.
We also call them "Mobile homes", (this is funny) not originally because they are 'mobile' but when these units were first manufactured, they were made just outside of Mobile, Alabama. The type of home was associated with it's origin of construction.
What do you call these 'trailers' or 'mobile homes' in Europe?

[darkeyes]

I had to google it.
Preggers! Totally P-G!

As for myself:
In spite of never wanting to see, let alone contemplate his ugly ass, we ended up living less than 500m (meters, not miles) away. Fortunately, in the last 5 years, I've only seen him in passing (driving) 3 times.
While he actually was/is a big handsome fellow and a fantastic lover, and usually a nice guy, he had a default personality of alcoholic extremely manipulative trailer trash, emulating the very women he hated growing up with.
*Note* not a general women bash, but the absolute bitches, indeed parasitic trailer trash cunts that he grew up with... yuk.
Also not a slam on folks who lived/live in trailers (caravans? they say in Europe?). There are also wonderful folks living in trailers.

European folks:
Our typical (dwelling) trailer is referred to as a 'single wide' and is about 5x25 meters. They are built on steel frames, usually still have their rear wheels, but the front is typically set on concrete blocks.
We also call them "Mobile homes", (this is funny) not originally because they are 'mobile' but when these units were first manufactured, they were made just outside of Mobile, Alabama. The type of home was associated with it's origin of construction.
What do you call these 'trailers' or 'mobile homes' in Europe?

Caravans Blue..or ehhhh... mobile homes...:tong: