Best and worst porn you ever saw/watched/read/listened to

[Robinium]

I want to know which porn you ever came in contact with was

- the best porn and
- the worst porn

The worst porn being the funnier thing to read about. :bigrin:

[Robinium]

Okay here are my favorites:

I read porn much more than watch it, and at literotica.com you find quite a lot of nice things to read. The best rated are usually the more intelligent or better "working" ones (go to stories). I love porn when it's not romantic but the story is well-made and the kinks work for me. So the best story I ever read there was "Cock of Ages" about a time-traveller from the future who has to do women because well he has this anti-virus in him which will save humanity with their offspring and he has all these pheromone drugs and stuff with him. This sounds very silly, but is very cleverly made. As well as the "Bean Counter" written by the same guy, a book I might buy some day.

Now the worst porns:

The worst porn was my ex boyfriend stumbling accidentally upon child pornography. A normal pornography site had a small time frame of about a quarter of an hour on Sunday evening where something else showed up than the usual porn and my boyfriend did not know it. He went there at that time and was shocked, freaked out and called me to come immediately (I was in another room then). Oh my God.

It was child porn, the kids were 4-10 years old, having sex with adults. Holy shit. :eek: Now I know what child porn looks like, and really, you don't want to ever see this shit and especially the look in the kids' eyes. We made screen shots and wrote an E-mail to the police explaining when and on which website this occurred, and we included the screen shots in the E-mail. They thanked us and pursued this matter.

You have to be very careful in Germany about how you gather these proofs for the police, and you must empty your cache etc. so no trace remains on your computer. Otherwise it may get you into prison as a child molestor even if you're innocent. Most of our judges have no clue about the internet. So many of these cases go unreported here, people are too afraid to report it to the police. You need to be a computer nerd and know exactly what you are doing to avoid prison.

Well I am half a computer nerd and knew exactly which website had the right solution for our case to clean our computer. I did not want this case to remain unreported. And I managed to report this finding to the police without us getting into prison. But it was not that easy to find out what to do. And we had to clean the computer of any traces so we could not be sued etc. Well and a quarter of an hour later, the usual adult porn showed up again when I went on "refresh site" which I was allowed to do by German laws... (I was not allowed to click through to gather further evidence for the police, that would have brought me into prison.)

And my boyfriend was very relieved that I trusted him all the time and did not ever think he had been looking for child porn. And he was also relieved that I knew how to report this shit without getting us into trouble. He was so shocked and freaked out and had called me, I mean, if he had wanted to see this stuff, he would have kept silent. And he is a very bad actor anyway.

That was really, really gross.

But otherwise, about legal bad porn I can say:

Second worst porn I ever saw: lesbian porn with women with long painted nails fingering pussies... come on. This just does not work and it just hurts watching it.

Worst porn I ever saw: a woman in some silly and ugly neon colored girl underwear stuff (whatever you call it, don't know the names in English) standing on high heels on two expensive cars, one heel on each, and getting licked by an ugly guy with a moustache standing underneath between the cars. Poor guy's neck. It was so hurtful just to watch. Plus I just thought all the time - shit, she will ruin the paint with her heels. I just couldn't relax watching this sh*t.

[wrzwldo69]

There is so much bad porn - not title sticks
Bad shots, poor quality
Better porn - very rare

But
Michael Ninn before NinnWorx (or ninnworst)
Dark Garden
Latex

ps anyone have a copy?
wudi

[Kiowa_Pacer]

Years ago before I got married, I went to a buddy's house for his bachalor party. As normal there was food and beer and lots of porn. There was one with Ron Jeremy that was the Worst Vampire porn I had ever seen. It was a Vampire that woke up after his 100 years, and went to prey on some unsuspecting virgins. Well, lots had changed in his 100 years and there was no virgins to be found. Someone had dubbed over the tape with noises, and that made it that much more funnier. In fact, it was so stupid that it ceased to be just a porno after a while. The noise when he opened the coffin sounded like a very squeeky door, and when he got out and scratched his balls, it sounded like a squeegie on glass, you get the picture. Realllly bad sound effects.

He went to a local mental hospital and spotted the girl of his dreams. He couldnt touch her until the next full moon, so he stood outside the hospital window and jacked off. The sounds were like someone stroking a full balloon, and when he came all over the place, it sounded like a Champaign cork popping. It was Really bad. All of us got to laughing so hard that we forgot to get horny. When he finally got to get with his near comatose lady-love, he was going down on her and it sounded like a big dog drinking water. A couple of the guys turned a little green. When he bite her, you heard, slurp, slurp noises. Some of us couldnt stop howling.

He finally got around to fucking her and just as he was about to cum, the sun came up and hit him, and it sounded like bacon frying as he faded away.
I cant remember the name of the movie; but I'll always remember it as one of the best, and Worst porns I have ever seen.

Ki

[Robinium]

@KiowaPacer

This Vampire porn movie sounds absolutely hilarious. It's sad you don't remember the name.

[MarieDelta]

Worst porn ever - "two girls one cup" :yikes2: those of you who know, know what I am talking about. Put it this way - Scat= ewwww

Best Porn - This is a harder one. Some of the stories at literotica, perhaps. Some of the stories at Nifty.org, the better writen ones.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOL Some of my stories are at Literotica. com. Until they told me that they had the rights to change the stories around any way they liked, to make them right for the site. I stopped posting them there after they changed the titles of two of my works. I'll check out Nifty tho...:}
Cat

[sephirothtx]

dont think i've seen anything as horrible as "one night in paris"

[FredinSJ]

MarieDelta is right:

"Best Porn - This is a harder one. Some of the stories at literotica, perhaps. Some of the stories at Nifty.org, the better written ones."
............... My wife and I often watch and copy the action.... xnxx.com, search for "swinger orgies" and "MFF" and "wife swap." Many have some dialog in English good enough that we no longer trek to the video rental store (back room). We viewed 40% of his adult rentals as GOOD enough for swingers, bi's couple swapping. The rest is yes, trash. But it's your SwingerStutional right to taste....
............. Our taste is Best: "BISEXUAL SWINGER PARTY" starring Pavel Holobeck with 3 couples in a great bi bi orgy!! (sadly no dialog): so we make up names and relationships. The stars could be 3 young college couples (adults) or some wags online have said, all cousins, bro, sis, all in their 20's. Are they family related but not by blood, and thus are merely.... and legally.... and joyfully...... consenting adult swingers?? Comments welcome~!

-FredInSJ

[innaminka]

Worst - years ago - It was a 70'd thing. Snow white and the 7 Dwarfs.
(Snow white was a 40 something broad with cellulite and the dwarves .... were dwarves.)

Best .... It was genuine amateurs in a 4-some. (2 couples I think)
The women were real - bumps and all and the guys had tummies and normal hubby-sized penises.

It was amazing watching the insecurities, the lack of techniques as they tried to perhaps copy a porno. The exaperations and laughter as they got things wrong (The attempted DP was hillarious: just didn't work!!! The guys were too scared to touch each other)


But it lasted about 40 mins and I've never forgotten it. very erotic because it was sooo real.

[H0wardmoon]

I don't know if I could come up with a worst, because the net seems to be a bottomless pit for that stuff. I mean, do you count Rule 34? It's just too hard to pick worst...

Best might be some of the MMFF bi groupings on Youporn, although they all seem to follow a script. I've recently seen another vid called Mile Bi Club, and while it didn't have enough lesbian stuff for my taste, it was still very satisfying.