My life as a bisexual wife

[still_shy]

***I wrote this over a year ago but felt the need to share it with Bi.com despite my misgivings about trolls and such. Maybe there’s a woman out there who’s struggling with her attractions to women or someone who believes negative things about bisexuals. Hopefully this will help at least one person. My life has changed in some MAJOR ways since I wrote this. My family and I moved to Texas from Southern Indiana a little over a month ago. Any new friends I meet in Texas will know that I’m bi…I don’t feel like I have to tiptoe around anymore since we live in a pretty progressive area (thank god). There are groups I can join and places I can go to meet women, without feeling like a weirdo. The other thing that’s changed is I don’t question or damn my bisexuality anymore. I love that part of me and am completely comfortable with it. It just took some getting used to!

I am your average 31 year old married mom. I live in Southern Indiana in a big house on the edge of town. I go to college and adore my pets. My daughter and I like to go to yard sales and shop at Goodwill. I love going camping in the summer and spending time with my family. I love my husband so much it hurts. On the surface, I look like the most average person in the world. In reality, I'm nothing like that. I am bisexual. This might not sound like a big deal but for me, it was life-shaking. I was blissfully unaware for most of my life that I was attracted to women. I couldn't understand why I avoided the friendship of women, why I would get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever a pretty girl smiled at me. Most people won't understand how something like that can go unnoticed for over half your life. If you're not looking for it, you'll never see it. Bisexuality is like a disease if it's unrecognized. It slowly seeps into every aspect of your life until your relationships suffer and you feel like you're lost in a fog. Once it's acknowledged, it becomes a quest, something that you want to learn everything about and experience all at once.

As a bisexual woman living in the heart of the Midwest, it's tough. I can't tell my friends and family that I date women outside my marriage, I have to hide the bi-themed books I read and keep my feelings to myself. No one except my husband knows what the pink, blue and purple bracelet on my right wrist means. Being bi has had its ups and downs for me. Some days I hate it. I hate being so attracted to the waitress in a restaurant that I stutter when she asks me if I need anything. I hate trolling the dating sites looking for a woman who doesn't mind dating a couple. I hate feeling like no one really knows me, except for my husband and the women I've dated. On the other hand, I love kissing a woman. I love the way her skin feels next to mine. I love the tender, romantic way women court each other. I love and nurture the part of me where my bisexuality lives. I love the way my life feels finally complete when I have a woman in it.

My husband and I have a very strong marriage. It wasn't always this way. Before I admitted my bisexuality, I was closed off and disinterested in sex. Now I feel like there's nothing I couldn't tell him. He understands my need to be with a woman and doesn't get jealous when I check out a girl in the grocery store. Our experiments in and out of the bedroom have strengthened our marriage to the point where I know without a doubt he is my best friend and soul mate. I know it's hard for the mainstream public to understand why a couple would want to open their marriage up to another person. For me, it wasn't a choice as much as it was a necessity. I needed to be with a woman in order to be happy. If I wasn't with a woman, then I needed to acknowledge that I wanted to be. Just being able to admit to myself and him how attracted to women I am has changed my life. I believe I could go the rest of my life without being with another woman. As long as I have my husband by my side, I would be fine. Of course, I am lucky enough to have the option to date women and explore my sexuality. I don't have to find out what life is like ignoring the fact that I'm bi. I consider myself a very lucky woman to have a wonderful, supportive husband.

My first foray into dating outside my marriage was disastrous. I met someone who was completely wrong for me but I was so anxious to experience being with a woman that I ignored all the signs. It grew to the point where my husband was resentful of her and she was jealous of him. Since then, we've adjusted our expectations and found what works. Dating another woman together has it's ups and downs. I remember the first time he was openly attracted to someone and what it felt like when he kissed her for the first time. I was devastated. I remember thinking, “So this is what he feels like when he sees me kiss a woman.” The ensuing night was phenominal but those first few moments were rough for me. Another experience taught me the value of being very clear and upfront about what I was looking for. Yet another experience taught me not to get my hopes up, a lot of women are toying with the idea of being bisexual when, in reality, they have no intention of ever acting upon it. In the last few years, I've been built up and let down more than I have seen things follow through. I've been led on and had twice as many dates cancelled than I have been on. The dating world for a married woman is brutal but I have hope that eventually the right woman will come my way. I have to believe that.

I'm not “out” to anyone, other than my husband and a couple of friends. I don't intend for my family to ever know I am bi. I understand the need to come out, to finally have no more secrets from the people you care about. For me, it would be disastrous so I avoid the subject entirely. I don't think I need my mom to know I sleep with women in order to be a true bisexual. When you're dating women, that's one of the first questions they ask. Are you “out” and to whom? I'm not opposed to coming out, I think it's right for some people and not good for others. In my life, there aren't many people who would understand my need to be with women and my husband's understanding of that need. Southern Indiana isn't exactly a progressive state like that. Around here, you're considered the oddity if you're gay. Gay people are laughed at, made fun of, and in general, avoided. Coming out for me would mean my daughter would be aware of my sex life, something I really want to avoid. I don't think it's anyone's business what and who my husband and I do in our bedroom. There are people who chastise me for not coming out. I've been called a closet bisexual and more, in chat rooms and by women I've tried to date. Maybe I am but it's my decision to make. I don't need the complications in my life right now. When my husband and I move away to another state, away from our family, I probably will be more open about my sexuality.

Living in a closed minded Southern Indiana town as a bisexual is hard. There are no groups I can belong to, no one I can really trust. I feel like I lead a double life. On one hand, I'm a devoted wife and mother, a college student and on the other hand, I'm a bisexual woman who is in an open marriage. When I talk to my friends, as few as they are, I can't really be myself. I feel like I'm putting on an act. It's hard when I hear people talk about how bisexual people can't make up their mind. I've heard people say bisexuals just need to pick a sex and stick with it. Believe me, we would if we could. It's not easy being attracted to both sexes. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Although it's hard, I love myself as I am and wouldn't change. Being bisexual isn't something you can turn off and on like a switch. It's as deeply a part of your genetic makeup as eye color. There have been many times in the last few years that I have wished it away as hard as I could.

The other thing being bisexual has taught me is the value of loving and accepting myself. Okay, really it was my husband who taught me that but it was a result of being bi. I've learned that I can't stuff myself into a cookie cutter mold of what I think the perfect wife and mother is. The day I realized I was bi was also the day I took all of those preconceived notions and threw them straight out the window. Not that it was instantaneous, it was a long, difficult process of soul-searching and self-discovery. It was so hard to realize I was never going to be the woman I imagined I would be when I was growing up. I had to take everything I believed and shatter it. My image of self shifted. I'm still a great mom and wife like I always wanted. I'm still the person I worked really hard to be. I'm just a slightly different person and that's okay with me.

[slipnslide]

Funny how different bisexuality is for different people. Here's one person who needs to be sexual with both sexes whereas when I'm in a relationship with a woman I'm perfectly happy there and don't need more.

[darkeyes]

Good for you Shy me luffly... amazing the difference a year can make to our lives. I remember your tentative steps and your shyness and lack of confidence... I'm not too sure that Still Shy is any longer the proper nic for u on .com.. at least with regard to who your really are.. but don't change it.. kinda used to it now.. and it will serve as a reminder of the days when things were so dofferent for you.. glad your happy me darlin'.. so glad things have moved on!!!!:)

[Kiowa_Pacer]

Still-Shy, as a married bisexual woman too, I understand and applaude you whole heartedly. I am glad that you found a place where you can feel free to be you, and pray that your life continues to flourish. Good on you.

Kit and Ki

[DuckiesDarling]

Hugs ya, Still Shy, that was very insightful, thanks for posting. I hope you don't mind if I pass that on to a few of my friends that are bi and struggling with much the same issues.

And before anyone suggests telling them to come here, they have already said no out of fear that they would be found out by their families.

[IndyBiFun]

That's awesome Shy!

I can relate with so, so much of what you wrote. In fact, I'm going to go read it again.

[Realist]

Well done!

Wonderfully written and obviously heart-felt! There's been some great stuff written, lately, and that's one of the best. I'm gonna be sure my GF reads it, too.

[slynotshy]

this is exactly what i needed to read. Thank you so much for posting, and keep us updated!

[Bicuriousity]

As a bisexual guy who primarily dates women, i can totally relate to what you've written. Its as if i wrote many of those same lines. Best wishes to you in texas. What part of texas did you move to?

[citystyleguy]

a most beautiful tale of discovery; so sorry that you have had to hold onto that for a year, for fear that others will cause you harm when you are at a vulnerable state of being.

it is of interest that there have been several threads on such personal parts of our lives; however, it is these revelations that can help us to understand ourselves, for the poster as well as those who will read them.

damn the trolls and the like; know that you have the support, love, and protection of far more good souls here, and that the ugly ones are in the minority.

know that you have the love the community here!

[onewhocares]

Well written an heartfully thoughtout. All the best in your new home my friend.

Belle

PS Ignore the trolls...so not worth it when you have such wonderful things to say.

[bikiniman]

A lovely well written and heart-felt post.

Whilst you may be shy you are strong and courageous.

Wishing you all the best.

[NapalmNick]

First of all, allow me to say this was an exceptionally well-written post.


I don't think it's anyone's business what and who my husband and I do in our bedroom. There are people who chastise me for not coming out. I've been called a closet bisexual and more, in chat rooms and by women I've tried to date. Maybe I am but it's my decision to make. I don't need the complications in my life right now. When my husband and I move away to another state, away from our family, I probably will be more open about my sexuality.
I agree 100%. If there's on thing I can't stand it's gay/bi people who insist that "coming out" is necessary. I can certainly understand pride, but there is also the matter of counter-productive pride; if you being openly gay/bi gets you ridiculed, excluded from PTA meetings, and possibly even getting you and your family harmed then it isn't doing you any good to be "out of the closet". Some people are bigoted, and there's no changing that. They are permanently stupid, and if it isn't gay/bi people it's those of a different religion, or race, etc. Besides, why does anyone care what these people think in the first place? If you can keep an intimate detail of your life secret from someone who'd hate you for it, DO IT! They don't need to accept us because the don't need to know in the first place, and so long as you stay out of their way you don't have to accept them, either. ;)


The other thing being bisexual has taught me is the value of loving and accepting myself. Okay, really it was my husband who taught me that but it was a result of being bi. I've learned that I can't stuff myself into a cookie cutter mold of what I think the perfect wife and mother is. The day I realized I was bi was also the day I took all of those preconceived notions and threw them straight out the window.
Isn't it great? So many people (even those who fully accept their sexuality) are self-loathing at their core; when you learn to love yourself you can begin to love others properly. Every healthy relationship has a constant push/pull at its center. If you don't get something out of it, why be in it in the first place? This to me is the focal point of being a self-satisfied, self-reliant, happy person.

Cheers to you!
:flag3:

[still_shy]

Good for you Shy me luffly... amazing the difference a year can make to our lives. I remember your tentative steps and your shyness and lack of confidence... I'm not too sure that Still Shy is any longer the proper nic for u on .com.. at least with regard to who your really are.. but don't change it.. kinda used to it now.. and it will serve as a reminder of the days when things were so dofferent for you.. glad your happy me darlin'.. so glad things have moved on!!!!:)

Darling Fran...You are so right....what a difference a year can make. I've grown and blossomed in so many ways since my first few months here. I first joined the site two years ago in hopes that I would find something, anything to help me come to terms with the changes in my life. Instead I found some friends to last a lifetime and a place where I could learn to love and accept myself as I was. I didn't think fully about how far I've come until pointed it out. As usual, you are right sweetie. I'm no longer the scared, little shy girl any more. And I love it!!

[still_shy]

Hugs ya, Still Shy, that was very insightful, thanks for posting. I hope you don't mind if I pass that on to a few of my friends that are bi and struggling with much the same issues.

And before anyone suggests telling them to come here, they have already said no out of fear that they would be found out by their families.

Don't mind a bit...that's the reason I went out on a limb and posted this. I was hoping maybe there was a chance it would help someone else who was struggling!

[still_shy]

To everyone else who posted such kind words and encouragement, thank you so much. This post has given me faith in this site again, when I had long given up on it. Thank god for that, I missed my community :) I'm so glad you guys understood the message I was trying to send and took the time to read my story!!

[_Joe_]

[QUOTE] Some days I hate it. I hate being so attracted to the waitress in a restaurant that I stutter when she asks me if I need anything. I hate trolling the dating sites looking for a woman who doesn't mind dating a couple. I hate feeling like no one really knows me, [QUOTE]

swap the he's she's sexes and you pegged my life to a tee.

[kitten]

Thank you for writing down your feelings and experiences. I could have written the same thing exactly about 20 years ago. I appreciate knowing that I am not alone. Hugs to you! The amount of strength and courage to be who you are and nothing less is amazing and I am proud of you and for you!

[still_shy]

Thank you for writing down your feelings and experiences. I could have written the same thing exactly about 20 years ago. I appreciate knowing that I am not alone. Hugs to you! The amount of strength and courage to be who you are and nothing less is amazing and I am proud of you and for you!

Thank you so much for that! All these positive comments are really making my day! There's nothing quite like knowing I am not alone, that there are people out there who struggle and overcome the same things as me!

[csreef]

Still Shy -

Thank you for that great post !!!!

One of the last lines hit home for me...You said that you've learned to love and accept your self...to me thats the thing that has mattered most :bipride:

A.

[just4mefc]

Great post Shy, to thy own self be true!!! I wish you continued self discovery, growth and mostly love.

[Rudy75]

Life isn't easy for anyone, Shy.

But it sounds like you have your head together and are going in a good direction.

Everyone goes through their own personal evolution.

I think you're rather lucky.

[BiMale]

Very nice post. Good luck to you.

[MarieDelta]

Great post!

Thanks.

[darkeyes]

Take it from me, being a bisexual wife is no fun when we suppress and deny that which is ourselves.. I learned very shortly after marrying just what an awful mistake I had made.. yet I tried to make a go of it and in a way succeeded for a few years, because I had committed to a man I loved.. but as time passed I began to resent him increasingly and blame him for my decision.. eventually something had to give and it did as I rediscovered with agusto myself and my needs. It caused great pain to my husband and a bitter row in within my own family but thankfully time is indeed a great healer and ex husband and relevant family are now once again an important part of my life.

I blame no one but myself for the break up and the lies which went with getting married in the first place. That family and friends lied for me by omission is something I can never forgive myself for entirely but they have forgiven me and that means a great deal.

Now there is no dishonesty and I live with partner and childen as one who is in love should. I do not stray the nest however tempting it may be, but live happily within the relationship and the agreements we made regarding fidelity. I've had my cake and well and truly scoffed upon it.. I won't say no regrets, for we all have those, but I do say my life, for me, is just about as good as it gets...:)

[Realist]

Geez, Fran, I could have written that..........almost verbatim! I've struggled to write a coherent synopsis of those days, but never could get it right....thanks for that succinct description.

Like you, I am in a much better place, with a lady who understands and accepts me. (and loves me the way I need to be loved) Maybe her own bisexuality assures that understanding, but how wonderful it is to not be looking over my shoulder and hiding in the shadows, while I perpetuate the deceit.

It's been a long time in coming, but there's no one to blame but myself. I'm certainly gonna enjoy the peace and freedom!

[midwestseeker]

I don't have much to add other than thank you for posting this. Very heartfelt for sure. I'm sure a lot of people here can identify with much of what you say.

[destiny200b]

Thanks Shy! Truly inspirational and easy for many of us to relate to.
:flag1:

[michaelaaron]

Well, not to jump on the bandwagon, but that was amazing, and minus changing the genders, pretty much exactly my story, as well. Being married, being bi, realizing it, coming out to your spouse and some friends, but not your family: it's all my life.

Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one who is doing/did all of this.

I know I don't know you, and I hope its not to strange to say this, but I'm so proud of you. Well, proud of me, too, I guess.

[glansandlabia]

You and your husband are amazing! I honestly don't know if I could have an open relationship like ya'll do my wife definitely couldn't. I'm less "out" than you are, only my cousin knows. I use think that being gay/bi was a choice however now that I've admitted to myself that I'm bi I know that (like you said) its as much a part of me as my green eyes. I'd do wish I could turn it of but I can't, my attraction to men (sorry I didn't say that I'm a 37 year old man) doesn't go away. My attraction is totally sexual I don't have any desire to date men. Its interesting that I a go through my day to day life I stare at women, find myself getting aroused by them and ignore men totally. Now, if I see the picture of a nude man? Wow! I go into overdrive! I think my wife suspects but I know her divorce and a ruined like (I will not be without my daughter) will be my future. So for now I talk on the internet exchange emails and have phone sex once or twice a month. Who knows what the future holds, I do wanna go all the way with a man this year may be the year. Best of luck to you and your family. Your husband is a lucky man, your beautiful and open minded. :)

[zbelly_32]

I can relate to your story totally! I am married to a great guy, and have 2 kids. He use to say, "adding someone to the bedroom, never turns out good." But after I told him a friend of mine, who was closer to him, kissed me...he got ideas. That is when I realized that I can't deny my feelings for women! I think I was like 26. Now we are always considering different girls to join us.

[bellas77]

I am new to this site and your thread was the first thing I read. Wow I felt like it was my life in black and white written out so clearly. Thank you for helping me to not feel so alone.
***I wrote this over a year ago but felt the need to share it with Bi.com despite my misgivings about trolls and such. Maybe there’s a woman out there who’s struggling with her attractions to women or someone who believes negative things about bisexuals. Hopefully this will help at least one person. My life has changed in some MAJOR ways since I wrote this. My family and I moved to Texas from Southern Indiana a little over a month ago. Any new friends I meet in Texas will know that I’m bi…I don’t feel like I have to tiptoe around anymore since we live in a pretty progressive area (thank god). There are groups I can join and places I can go to meet women, without feeling like a weirdo. The other thing that’s changed is I don’t question or damn my bisexuality anymore. I love that part of me and am completely comfortable with it. It just took some getting used to!

I am your average 31 year old married mom. I live in Southern Indiana in a big house on the edge of town. I go to college and adore my pets. My daughter and I like to go to yard sales and shop at Goodwill. I love going camping in the summer and spending time with my family. I love my husband so much it hurts. On the surface, I look like the most average person in the world. In reality, I'm nothing like that. I am bisexual. This might not sound like a big deal but for me, it was life-shaking. I was blissfully unaware for most of my life that I was attracted to women. I couldn't understand why I avoided the friendship of women, why I would get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever a pretty girl smiled at me. Most people won't understand how something like that can go unnoticed for over half your life. If you're not looking for it, you'll never see it. Bisexuality is like a disease if it's unrecognized. It slowly seeps into every aspect of your life until your relationships suffer and you feel like you're lost in a fog. Once it's acknowledged, it becomes a quest, something that you want to learn everything about and experience all at once.

As a bisexual woman living in the heart of the Midwest, it's tough. I can't tell my friends and family that I date women outside my marriage, I have to hide the bi-themed books I read and keep my feelings to myself. No one except my husband knows what the pink, blue and purple bracelet on my right wrist means. Being bi has had its ups and downs for me. Some days I hate it. I hate being so attracted to the waitress in a restaurant that I stutter when she asks me if I need anything. I hate trolling the dating sites looking for a woman who doesn't mind dating a couple. I hate feeling like no one really knows me, except for my husband and the women I've dated. On the other hand, I love kissing a woman. I love the way her skin feels next to mine. I love the tender, romantic way women court each other. I love and nurture the part of me where my bisexuality lives. I love the way my life feels finally complete when I have a woman in it.

My husband and I have a very strong marriage. It wasn't always this way. Before I admitted my bisexuality, I was closed off and disinterested in sex. Now I feel like there's nothing I couldn't tell him. He understands my need to be with a woman and doesn't get jealous when I check out a girl in the grocery store. Our experiments in and out of the bedroom have strengthened our marriage to the point where I know without a doubt he is my best friend and soul mate. I know it's hard for the mainstream public to understand why a couple would want to open their marriage up to another person. For me, it wasn't a choice as much as it was a necessity. I needed to be with a woman in order to be happy. If I wasn't with a woman, then I needed to acknowledge that I wanted to be. Just being able to admit to myself and him how attracted to women I am has changed my life. I believe I could go the rest of my life without being with another woman. As long as I have my husband by my side, I would be fine. Of course, I am lucky enough to have the option to date women and explore my sexuality. I don't have to find out what life is like ignoring the fact that I'm bi. I consider myself a very lucky woman to have a wonderful, supportive husband.

My first foray into dating outside my marriage was disastrous. I met someone who was completely wrong for me but I was so anxious to experience being with a woman that I ignored all the signs. It grew to the point where my husband was resentful of her and she was jealous of him. Since then, we've adjusted our expectations and found what works. Dating another woman together has it's ups and downs. I remember the first time he was openly attracted to someone and what it felt like when he kissed her for the first time. I was devastated. I remember thinking, “So this is what he feels like when he sees me kiss a woman.” The ensuing night was phenominal but those first few moments were rough for me. Another experience taught me the value of being very clear and upfront about what I was looking for. Yet another experience taught me not to get my hopes up, a lot of women are toying with the idea of being bisexual when, in reality, they have no intention of ever acting upon it. In the last few years, I've been built up and let down more than I have seen things follow through. I've been led on and had twice as many dates cancelled than I have been on. The dating world for a married woman is brutal but I have hope that eventually the right woman will come my way. I have to believe that.

I'm not “out” to anyone, other than my husband and a couple of friends. I don't intend for my family to ever know I am bi. I understand the need to come out, to finally have no more secrets from the people you care about. For me, it would be disastrous so I avoid the subject entirely. I don't think I need my mom to know I sleep with women in order to be a true bisexual. When you're dating women, that's one of the first questions they ask. Are you “out” and to whom? I'm not opposed to coming out, I think it's right for some people and not good for others. In my life, there aren't many people who would understand my need to be with women and my husband's understanding of that need. Southern Indiana isn't exactly a progressive state like that. Around here, you're considered the oddity if you're gay. Gay people are laughed at, made fun of, and in general, avoided. Coming out for me would mean my daughter would be aware of my sex life, something I really want to avoid. I don't think it's anyone's business what and who my husband and I do in our bedroom. There are people who chastise me for not coming out. I've been called a closet bisexual and more, in chat rooms and by women I've tried to date. Maybe I am but it's my decision to make. I don't need the complications in my life right now. When my husband and I move away to another state, away from our family, I probably will be more open about my sexuality.

Living in a closed minded Southern Indiana town as a bisexual is hard. There are no groups I can belong to, no one I can really trust. I feel like I lead a double life. On one hand, I'm a devoted wife and mother, a college student and on the other hand, I'm a bisexual woman who is in an open marriage. When I talk to my friends, as few as they are, I can't really be myself. I feel like I'm putting on an act. It's hard when I hear people talk about how bisexual people can't make up their mind. I've heard people say bisexuals just need to pick a sex and stick with it. Believe me, we would if we could. It's not easy being attracted to both sexes. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Although it's hard, I love myself as I am and wouldn't change. Being bisexual isn't something you can turn off and on like a switch. It's as deeply a part of your genetic makeup as eye color. There have been many times in the last few years that I have wished it away as hard as I could.

The other thing being bisexual has taught me is the value of loving and accepting myself. Okay, really it was my husband who taught me that but it was a result of being bi. I've learned that I can't stuff myself into a cookie cutter mold of what I think the perfect wife and mother is. The day I realized I was bi was also the day I took all of those preconceived notions and threw them straight out the window. Not that it was instantaneous, it was a long, difficult process of soul-searching and self-discovery. It was so hard to realize I was never going to be the woman I imagined I would be when I was growing up. I had to take everything I believed and shatter it. My image of self shifted. I'm still a great mom and wife like I always wanted. I'm still the person I worked really hard to be. I'm just a slightly different person and that's okay with me.

[james4u4ever]

Really interesting thread, thanks for posting.

My wife has always been very bi-curious. She had several close calls with other women in college (a crush on a roommate), etc. But never experimented. Although she did share the the first time she ever masturbated (wasn't until college) was the first time she saw two women kiss in movie.

About 5-years into our marriage, she suggested that we go to strip club. I was nervious, because she is fairly reserved. She had a great time, and we had the best sex of my life that night, week, etc.

So, for about 2-years, at least once a month, we'd go to a club. She'd get a bunch of dances, etc. We started reading bisexual erotica, watching bisexual videos, etc. All was good.

Then, one time we went to a club, she got a dance, and wanted to get a longer dance, so we got a private room. The second we were in the room, my wife and the dancer were making about, my wife let her go down on her, etc. This went on for 30 sold mintues. They were really going at it.

Well, on the drive home, she kept telling me that she was straight, now she knows she's straight, etc. And we've hardly had a sex life since then.

I've always been confused by this turn of event. I personally think she's BI but doesn't want to admit it ... or something.

Any advice??

Thanks,
James

[seadreamer725]

All I can say is wow!!! I am new to this site and I can relate...I have known my whole life that I was attracted to both sexes but growing up in Indiana I kept it myself for the most part..It took awhile for me to come out to my husband but when I did I felt a weight lifted..we have had our share of threesomes and we have talked about finding that special woman to become our girlfriend so I hope with time we will..Again thank you..

[Lost 69]

***I wrote this over a year ago but felt the need to share it with Bi.com despite my misgivings about trolls and such. Maybe there’s a woman out there who’s struggling with her attractions to women or someone who believes negative things about bisexuals. Hopefully this will help at least one person. My life has changed in some MAJOR ways since I wrote this. My family and I moved to Texas from Southern Indiana a little over a month ago. Any new friends I meet in Texas will know that I’m bi…I don’t feel like I have to tiptoe around anymore since we live in a pretty progressive area (thank god). There are groups I can join and places I can go to meet women, without feeling like a weirdo. The other thing that’s changed is I don’t question or damn my bisexuality anymore. I love that part of me and am completely comfortable with it. It just took some getting used to!

I am your average 31 year old married mom. I live in Southern Indiana in a big house on the edge of town. I go to college and adore my pets. My daughter and I like to go to yard sales and shop at Goodwill. I love going camping in the summer and spending time with my family. I love my husband so much it hurts. On the surface, I look like the most average person in the world. In reality, I'm nothing like that. I am bisexual. This might not sound like a big deal but for me, it was life-shaking. I was blissfully unaware for most of my life that I was attracted to women. I couldn't understand why I avoided the friendship of women, why I would get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever a pretty girl smiled at me. Most people won't understand how something like that can go unnoticed for over half your life. If you're not looking for it, you'll never see it. Bisexuality is like a disease if it's unrecognized. It slowly seeps into every aspect of your life until your relationships suffer and you feel like you're lost in a fog. Once it's acknowledged, it becomes a quest, something that you want to learn everything about and experience all at once.

As a bisexual woman living in the heart of the Midwest, it's tough. I can't tell my friends and family that I date women outside my marriage, I have to hide the bi-themed books I read and keep my feelings to myself. No one except my husband knows what the pink, blue and purple bracelet on my right wrist means. Being bi has had its ups and downs for me. Some days I hate it. I hate being so attracted to the waitress in a restaurant that I stutter when she asks me if I need anything. I hate trolling the dating sites looking for a woman who doesn't mind dating a couple. I hate feeling like no one really knows me, except for my husband and the women I've dated. On the other hand, I love kissing a woman. I love the way her skin feels next to mine. I love the tender, romantic way women court each other. I love and nurture the part of me where my bisexuality lives. I love the way my life feels finally complete when I have a woman in it.

My husband and I have a very strong marriage. It wasn't always this way. Before I admitted my bisexuality, I was closed off and disinterested in sex. Now I feel like there's nothing I couldn't tell him. He understands my need to be with a woman and doesn't get jealous when I check out a girl in the grocery store. Our experiments in and out of the bedroom have strengthened our marriage to the point where I know without a doubt he is my best friend and soul mate. I know it's hard for the mainstream public to understand why a couple would want to open their marriage up to another person. For me, it wasn't a choice as much as it was a necessity. I needed to be with a woman in order to be happy. If I wasn't with a woman, then I needed to acknowledge that I wanted to be. Just being able to admit to myself and him how attracted to women I am has changed my life. I believe I could go the rest of my life without being with another woman. As long as I have my husband by my side, I would be fine. Of course, I am lucky enough to have the option to date women and explore my sexuality. I don't have to find out what life is like ignoring the fact that I'm bi. I consider myself a very lucky woman to have a wonderful, supportive husband.

My first foray into dating outside my marriage was disastrous. I met someone who was completely wrong for me but I was so anxious to experience being with a woman that I ignored all the signs. It grew to the point where my husband was resentful of her and she was jealous of him. Since then, we've adjusted our expectations and found what works. Dating another woman together has it's ups and downs. I remember the first time he was openly attracted to someone and what it felt like when he kissed her for the first time. I was devastated. I remember thinking, “So this is what he feels like when he sees me kiss a woman.” The ensuing night was phenominal but those first few moments were rough for me. Another experience taught me the value of being very clear and upfront about what I was looking for. Yet another experience taught me not to get my hopes up, a lot of women are toying with the idea of being bisexual when, in reality, they have no intention of ever acting upon it. In the last few years, I've been built up and let down more than I have seen things follow through. I've been led on and had twice as many dates cancelled than I have been on. The dating world for a married woman is brutal but I have hope that eventually the right woman will come my way. I have to believe that.

I'm not “out” to anyone, other than my husband and a couple of friends. I don't intend for my family to ever know I am bi. I understand the need to come out, to finally have no more secrets from the people you care about. For me, it would be disastrous so I avoid the subject entirely. I don't think I need my mom to know I sleep with women in order to be a true bisexual. When you're dating women, that's one of the first questions they ask. Are you “out” and to whom? I'm not opposed to coming out, I think it's right for some people and not good for others. In my life, there aren't many people who would understand my need to be with women and my husband's understanding of that need. Southern Indiana isn't exactly a progressive state like that. Around here, you're considered the oddity if you're gay. Gay people are laughed at, made fun of, and in general, avoided. Coming out for me would mean my daughter would be aware of my sex life, something I really want to avoid. I don't think it's anyone's business what and who my husband and I do in our bedroom. There are people who chastise me for not coming out. I've been called a closet bisexual and more, in chat rooms and by women I've tried to date. Maybe I am but it's my decision to make. I don't need the complications in my life right now. When my husband and I move away to another state, away from our family, I probably will be more open about my sexuality.

Living in a closed minded Southern Indiana town as a bisexual is hard. There are no groups I can belong to, no one I can really trust. I feel like I lead a double life. On one hand, I'm a devoted wife and mother, a college student and on the other hand, I'm a bisexual woman who is in an open marriage. When I talk to my friends, as few as they are, I can't really be myself. I feel like I'm putting on an act. It's hard when I hear people talk about how bisexual people can't make up their mind. I've heard people say bisexuals just need to pick a sex and stick with it. Believe me, we would if we could. It's not easy being attracted to both sexes. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Although it's hard, I love myself as I am and wouldn't change. Being bisexual isn't something you can turn off and on like a switch. It's as deeply a part of your genetic makeup as eye color. There have been many times in the last few years that I have wished it away as hard as I could.

The other thing being bisexual has taught me is the value of loving and accepting myself. Okay, really it was my husband who taught me that but it was a result of being bi. I've learned that I can't stuff myself into a cookie cutter mold of what I think the perfect wife and mother is. The day I realized I was bi was also the day I took all of those preconceived notions and threw them straight out the window. Not that it was instantaneous, it was a long, difficult process of soul-searching and self-discovery. It was so hard to realize I was never going to be the woman I imagined I would be when I was growing up. I had to take everything I believed and shatter it. My image of self shifted. I'm still a great mom and wife like I always wanted. I'm still the person I worked really hard to be. I'm just a slightly different person and that's okay with me.

oh my gosh . thats exactly how i feel,your story made me cry,it reminded me soo ... much of myself ..all i can say is WOW !!!

[Lost 69]

wow thats deep ..

[still_shy]

It's truly amazing....a month ago, shortly after I posted this thread, I dropped my laptop and broke the hard drive. I hate to think that I missed all of these wonderful comments!! I'm so glad that people can relate to my story...thank you all for being so kind!

[still_shy]

And also for those of you who wrote me PM's and messages on here, I will be trying my best to get all of them answered in the next day or so :) Thanks for your patience!

[CQLinFL]

Two years later and your brave post is still reaching out and helping people. Did you have any idea of the impact you would have?

I am recently separated from my husband and a mother of two beautiful girls. When we met, I declared my bisexuality up front, only to have it swept under the rug after our marriage vows. Many, many things went wrong in our relationship that made it essential for me to leave, and one of the major things I struggle with now is indeed my sexuality. I live in a city in the south with a church on every corner, where issues of sexuality can be "healed with prayer". I have no family, a handful of friends (one of which I recently opened up to) and two little girls that I am raising. On the nights they are with their father I ponder the idea of dating again and sometimes I think about a boyfriend and sometimes I think about a girlfriend. Candidly, I'll admit that inhale watched soft lesbian porn before thinking to myself "this turns everyone on, right? Just because I'm excited doesn't mean i'm gay.. Or bi.." and so it's an ongoing struggle. I am even afraid to try and meet someone in case they know me, recognize me, or identify me with my children. I'm so scared I would bring ridicule and animosity into their life through no fault of their own. There are so many issues surrounding the complexity of being a bisexual mother in today's society that it completely blows my mind. Throw in loneliness and depression and it's the perfect storm.

Yet I find strength and courage each day to wake up, be as honest with myself as I can be, and just keep searching for people who will accept me and love me just the way that I am.

Again, thank you for sharing your story - I've been searching for one like mine for such a very long time.

[onewhocares]

Perhaps it has been two years, but the core of the story holds true today as then. Each of us wishes to find a partner in life where each is encouraged to grow and develop as a person and if we are lucky in a relationship. Getting two people on the same page at the same time is not often easy. I know I have been there. But with open honest communication and frankly in my thoughts the hardest thing...being honest with one's self, only then can we move forward.

Belle

[artsy girl3]

i like your post as still shy. It's always easier when u can just agree to open up your marraige too. I'm starting to find that I can't deny the fact I want to be with women sexually and holding it in .. is only making me want to have sex less with my hubby. It's really ruining our sex life in a bad way as well as our marraige. We have had a bit of a rocky process to accepting I'm bi.

A lot of my friends know I'm bi.. and are okay with it ..and my hubby is okay with me being bi.. It's just he hasen't gotten to the point where he's totally okay with me dating women on the side. It's been difficult morally .. to feel like this is okay for our marraige too .. but I'm getting to a point where I know I either need to be able to do this .. or the marraige is over.

I keep walking around all day looking at women and lesbian couples and just being frustrated I can't physically connect with a woman. It's getting to a point where sometimes I don't even want to kiss my hubby.. does this seem strange?

Last weekend I told my hubby i wanted to leave the marraige and move out .. but he really wanted me to stay and told me how much he loved me. That was great and nice to hear.. just not enough too.
He said he would like to figure out the whole thing of me dating women... but he was also kinda vague about whether it would happen and when.
I know I'm being pushy and I don't want him to be unhappy .. but how do u get to a point where u work out a happy medium.

I hear some people on this site. go on and on about how their one sex and their perfectly happy and can be monogomous... i just really feel like that's not possible for me... i love the connection i have mentally with my hubby .. but sexually i can't help being constantly attracted to woman.all the time .
i've been looking for someone's advise on the matter and i feel like u might be the person;

since most of my straight or gay friends.. don't really know what to say lol

Artsy girl3

[bihim4her]

I'd love to meet a lady like you and fall in love.. together as a bi couple would be heavenly...

[still_shy]

Bringing this back up to the top for a friend who wants to read :)

[lsufan1974]

Great post, I'm in a very similar situation. Finding it very important to not deny who I am. Something about saying it out loud to another person makes you feel less invissible.

[McBice]

Glad you bumped this thread back up, as I had missed it years ago. I hope things are still going good for you Still Shy

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Shy. Honey. You are still a Fantastic lady, and those of us who know you still love and respect you deeply. You just keep on keepin' on, and be You.
PS I'd still throw ya down and ravish you in a heartbeat if I ever got the chance!!!!...snicker.
Yer silly Cat

[elian]

Shy, I'm glad you've become more comfortable with yourself and I think it's great that you and your husband are working through the issues.

James, it sounds like your wife may have been scared by experiencing the feelings of that sort of attraction or she finally tried it and didn't like it as much as she thought she would? Sometimes people are attracted more emotionally/platonically than physically or sexually (and vice versa).. I'm single but if it were my partner I think it would be worth having an honest discussion just to see how she felt about the experience. (wow 2010 - I wonder if he's still on here)


Really interesting thread, thanks for posting.

Then, one time we went to a club, she got a dance, and wanted to get a longer dance, so we got a private room. The second we were in the room, my wife and the dancer were making about, my wife let her go down on her, etc. This went on for 30 sold mintues. They were really going at it.

Well, on the drive home, she kept telling me that she was straight, now she knows she's straight, etc. And we've hardly had a sex life since then.

I've always been confused by this turn of event. I personally think she's BI but doesn't want to admit it ... or something.

Any advice??

Thanks,
James

[still_shy]

Elian i thought the same thing. I was going to respond to his question but it's been a while. Regardless, good advice :)

Oh Cat....You are one hell of a woman, you know that? You have my utmost respect and half of my lust lol ;)

[zigzig]

I've been through the same. Not many people accept bisexual people. Only my husband knows about my sexuality. Me
& hubby were talking about having an open marriage, because I have the urge to be with a woman.

It can take a while when we start meeting up other people, but hopefully it can strengthen our marriage like it did yours.

[rickoyler1969]

That is a really good way to write about being attracted to both sexes. I enjoy both sexes too, but I would never come out to just anybody. I would prefer that only those people that are in the life-style know for the same reasons you stated !!!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOl Well thank you Miss! I have no prob in sharing that lust with that handsome hunk you're married to..LOL
Muahs..:}
Yer Cat.

[BrownEyedGirl33]

Thanks for the read, for allowing me into an intimate part of your life. For the record, with the exception of an understanding husband, your story is mine. Same struggles, same fears, same anxiety, same desires. Just when I felt alone, here you show up with a similar song in your heart and it places a sense of hope in mine. Glad our paths have crossed, you inspire my journey in self acceptance.

[still_shy]

You're welcome. There's a quote i see all the time that i think is completely overused but suits this situation. "It may not be easy, but it will always be worth it." The way i see it is the better you know and accept yourself, the easier your life will be. That doesn't mean you have to act on it....just accept it if it's there. To me, it's as much a part of a person as wanting to sleep with the opposite sex.....we don't often try to change that. I wrote above about trying to wish it away, hell i even tried to pray it away. I just felt like my life was complicated enough without adding more to it. All that brought me was heartache and unhappiness. I understand that my situation was different because i had the support of my husband but really.....90% of the battle is internal. You have my support and friendship if there's anything i can do to help.

[kitten]

I think we wrote the same narrative upon the realization of being bi. Love it. and thank you! I get and it and have experienced it. Appreciate your thoughts and sharing!

[onewhocares]

Hi Shy,

First of all, WELCOME BACK after a long absence. In re-reading your post, I am in awe of how you have managed to hit the nail on the head for so many of the feeling that bisexuals who are not out have. Coming to terms internally is SO important in my estimation and I cannot stress having a supportive partner means. Glad your back.

Belle in Boston

[semibi]

Thanks for sharing your story.

[querty]

Shy, I sat and thought for awhile about how to respond to your original post. And it all boiled down to this: Thank you.

[NekoKitty]

Thank you so much for posting this & showing that it can be done to be married with kids and to explore your bi side. I'm newly into this side of myself & this was so helpful! Thanks!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

*Chuckles fondly* You see how much you have touched people, My Sweet? Even after all of this time since the original post, you affect people's lives in a good, warm, positive light, and its a beautiful thing..just like you. :}
Keep up the good work Darlin.
Muahs
Yer Cat.

[hydropop]

This has to be by far the post of the year. Seems you have wrote a post that sums up a lot of others feelings or things that we all have struggled with. I've struggle with the label of being bi all my life and still do to some degree. It took me years to open up to my wife about bi feelings, and when I did ,,,, even if she had not accepted my bi feelings . It took the weight of the world off my shoulders, but I've got the best partner, best friend, sole mate and wife in the world . She is wise beyond her years , and when she was ok with my feelings . I was overwhelmed with relief. But you Shy should be proud of yourself for writing g such a positive and inspiring post . Thank you and good luck in your new town with your new friends . :-)

Wow I just seen this post was written back in 2010 , And it still receives so many positive responded. So I guess I need to take back what I said about this post being the post of the year.

It's the post of the Decade :-)

[KayteStreaks]

Dear Still Shy, I stumbled upon your post rather accidentally. I only recently came out to my husband of ten years about a year ago. I am deal with the uncomfortable strings that are attached to my first bi-relationship right now. I suspect it will end very soon, which is heart breaking for me. But I love what you wrote about how having these relationships is so hard. Thank you for your openness. It feels so gratifying to know I'm not alone and that my husband is not alone in dealing with this. Thank you so much.

[Dkmiller110]

I see that the OP hasn't been active in over a year but thanks for the post, my wife is currently going through a lot of discovery herself and I know these types of posts help her a lot to know she is not alone. I also support my wife 110% for who she is, we grow and learn everyday and I am incredibly glad she is happy.

[PamelaBiPantyboy]

TYSVM for the deep post ! I struggled with my sexuality and gender identity for decades - When I turned 50, I stopped fighting it . I LOVE being the real me . This is an excellent thread, and I would so much like to see more such depth on this site. I find many threads so shallow, and even vulgar. I am out, and it's wonderful. It works for me. I respect all views and feelings. I'm not a flaming pride parade on Main St. , but coming out was such a big weight lifted. All of my needless guilt, shame, and fear vanished. I own my bisexuality, and gender transition. I so loved your post Shy, and would love more honest depth on this site. The excitement in threads about certain acts and mechanics seems so blah to me ...

[Jimmy Splash]

Very very very poignant!

[Realist]

Like Pamela, above, I miss so many of the ladies who used to frequent, here. They usually brought a bit of class and tend to be less vulgar, while still being sensual. Still Shy was one of the stars; she wrote so elegantly about her life, thoughts and trials.

I realize that different people have different interests and manners, but some of the more eloquent men and women seem to have abandoned the site.

Almost all are gone, now, because of various reasons.....things change, not always for the better.

[Kysquire]

Perhaps this renewed post will invite others to respond. Our society has done this to us all.

[itsnormy]

In 1952, prior to my girlfriend of four years, and I, marrying we had a pretty revealing "TALK." We were both the oldest of large families of siblings so at 17, her, and 18, we were pretty well grown. We talked about our previous sex lives, (both were very experienced.) and I revealed to her that I was bi....with the thought in mind, if she could not handle my being with my boyfriend while married, we would not marry, but at the same time she was given carte blanche to have a boyfriend, or boy friends. My boyfriend died of alcohol, could not handle that he was gay...it lasted 30 years, out marriage 53 years...she went thru 12 boyfriends I know of, an if any more, I don't care to know. The last 10 years of her life, she was in an exclusive relationship with the other man, whom she had grown to love very deeply, and it took nothing away from me....matter of fact when she had been out for the evening, the reclaiming of marriage sex, was even hotter....*S* IT can and does work for some people, I am excited and delighted you have an understanding husband who can and will not only allow your freedom, but joins in when possible....my wife and I for our entire marriage dated separately. That way we had no criticism or judgment....I wish you well in the new endeavor, XOXOXOXOXo

"

[still_shy]

Realist....so glad you're still around :) Your comment made me smile. I took a bit of a break from here but I'll try to poke my head in and every now and again

[still_shy]

Realist....So many changes have happened while I was away that it's nice to see a familiar face here!!To everyone else who commented: my internet signal is terrible right now so I'll make it brief. Thank you so much for your kind words. I need to write an update to this but the thoughts and emotions I wrote about remain the same. I am deeply encouraged to know that my struggle may have helped a few. Much love, still_shy

[12voltyV2.0]

Sadly, between things in people's lives taking them away from here, the way that the site has gone, Drew passed---many who were old regulars---like Duckie's Darling died---her situation with her lungs got so bad, that it lead to her body just failing her.

We have lost others on here too. Many left because like society it seems, people started to get nasty to one another.


Too bad---this site used to be a pretty good online community---with people becoming friends even if we never met in the real world.

As I said before---welcome back Still Shy.

[still_shy]

I was so sad to hear about Drew and now Duckie :(

We had a wonderful family here for a long time. I haven't been around enough today to see if that community still exists but I do know I haven't found many familiar faces. Glad to see you're still here, volty <3

[69luvr]

***I wrote this over a year ago but felt the need to share it with Bi.com despite my misgivings about trolls and such. Maybe there’s a woman out there who’s struggling with her attractions to women or someone who believes negative things about bisexuals. Hopefully this will help at least one person. My life has changed in some MAJOR ways since I wrote this. My family and I moved to Texas from Southern Indiana a little over a month ago. Any new friends I meet in Texas will know that I’m bi…I don’t feel like I have to tiptoe around anymore since we live in a pretty progressive area (thank god). There are groups I can join and places I can go to meet women, without feeling like a weirdo. The other thing that’s changed is I don’t question or damn my bisexuality anymore. I love that part of me and am completely comfortable with it. It just took some getting used to!

I am your average 31 year old married mom. I live in Southern Indiana in a big house on the edge of town. I go to college and adore my pets. My daughter and I like to go to yard sales and shop at Goodwill. I love going camping in the summer and spending time with my family. I love my husband so much it hurts. On the surface, I look like the most average person in the world. In reality, I'm nothing like that. I am bisexual. This might not sound like a big deal but for me, it was life-shaking. I was blissfully unaware for most of my life that I was attracted to women. I couldn't understand why I avoided the friendship of women, why I would get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever a pretty girl smiled at me. Most people won't understand how something like that can go unnoticed for over half your life. If you're not looking for it, you'll never see it. Bisexuality is like a disease if it's unrecognized. It slowly seeps into every aspect of your life until your relationships suffer and you feel like you're lost in a fog. Once it's acknowledged, it becomes a quest, something that you want to learn everything about and experience all at once.

As a bisexual woman living in the heart of the Midwest, it's tough. I can't tell my friends and family that I date women outside my marriage, I have to hide the bi-themed books I read and keep my feelings to myself. No one except my husband knows what the pink, blue and purple bracelet on my right wrist means. Being bi has had its ups and downs for me. Some days I hate it. I hate being so attracted to the waitress in a restaurant that I stutter when she asks me if I need anything. I hate trolling the dating sites looking for a woman who doesn't mind dating a couple. I hate feeling like no one really knows me, except for my husband and the women I've dated. On the other hand, I love kissing a woman. I love the way her skin feels next to mine. I love the tender, romantic way women court each other. I love and nurture the part of me where my bisexuality lives. I love the way my life feels finally complete when I have a woman in it.

My husband and I have a very strong marriage. It wasn't always this way. Before I admitted my bisexuality, I was closed off and disinterested in sex. Now I feel like there's nothing I couldn't tell him. He understands my need to be with a woman and doesn't get jealous when I check out a girl in the grocery store. Our experiments in and out of the bedroom have strengthened our marriage to the point where I know without a doubt he is my best friend and soul mate. I know it's hard for the mainstream public to understand why a couple would want to open their marriage up to another person. For me, it wasn't a choice as much as it was a necessity. I needed to be with a woman in order to be happy. If I wasn't with a woman, then I needed to acknowledge that I wanted to be. Just being able to admit to myself and him how attracted to women I am has changed my life. I believe I could go the rest of my life without being with another woman. As long as I have my husband by my side, I would be fine. Of course, I am lucky enough to have the option to date women and explore my sexuality. I don't have to find out what life is like ignoring the fact that I'm bi. I consider myself a very lucky woman to have a wonderful, supportive husband.

My first foray into dating outside my marriage was disastrous. I met someone who was completely wrong for me but I was so anxious to experience being with a woman that I ignored all the signs. It grew to the point where my husband was resentful of her and she was jealous of him. Since then, we've adjusted our expectations and found what works. Dating another woman together has it's ups and downs. I remember the first time he was openly attracted to someone and what it felt like when he kissed her for the first time. I was devastated. I remember thinking, “So this is what he feels like when he sees me kiss a woman.” The ensuing night was phenominal but those first few moments were rough for me. Another experience taught me the value of being very clear and upfront about what I was looking for. Yet another experience taught me not to get my hopes up, a lot of women are toying with the idea of being bisexual when, in reality, they have no intention of ever acting upon it. In the last few years, I've been built up and let down more than I have seen things follow through. I've been led on and had twice as many dates cancelled than I have been on. The dating world for a married woman is brutal but I have hope that eventually the right woman will come my way. I have to believe that.

I'm not “out” to anyone, other than my husband and a couple of friends. I don't intend for my family to ever know I am bi. I understand the need to come out, to finally have no more secrets from the people you care about. For me, it would be disastrous so I avoid the subject entirely. I don't think I need my mom to know I sleep with women in order to be a true bisexual. When you're dating women, that's one of the first questions they ask. Are you “out” and to whom? I'm not opposed to coming out, I think it's right for some people and not good for others. In my life, there aren't many people who would understand my need to be with women and my husband's understanding of that need. Southern Indiana isn't exactly a progressive state like that. Around here, you're considered the oddity if you're gay. Gay people are laughed at, made fun of, and in general, avoided. Coming out for me would mean my daughter would be aware of my sex life, something I really want to avoid. I don't think it's anyone's business what and who my husband and I do in our bedroom. There are people who chastise me for not coming out. I've been called a closet bisexual and more, in chat rooms and by women I've tried to date. Maybe I am but it's my decision to make. I don't need the complications in my life right now. When my husband and I move away to another state, away from our family, I probably will be more open about my sexuality.

Living in a closed minded Southern Indiana town as a bisexual is hard. There are no groups I can belong to, no one I can really trust. I feel like I lead a double life. On one hand, I'm a devoted wife and mother, a college student and on the other hand, I'm a bisexual woman who is in an open marriage. When I talk to my friends, as few as they are, I can't really be myself. I feel like I'm putting on an act. It's hard when I hear people talk about how bisexual people can't make up their mind. I've heard people say bisexuals just need to pick a sex and stick with it. Believe me, we would if we could. It's not easy being attracted to both sexes. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Although it's hard, I love myself as I am and wouldn't change. Being bisexual isn't something you can turn off and on like a switch. It's as deeply a part of your genetic makeup as eye color. There have been many times in the last few years that I have wished it away as hard as I could.

The other thing being bisexual has taught me is the value of loving and accepting myself. Okay, really it was my husband who taught me that but it was a result of being bi. I've learned that I can't stuff myself into a cookie cutter mold of what I think the perfect wife and mother is. The day I realized I was bi was also the day I took all of those preconceived notions and threw them straight out the window. Not that it was instantaneous, it was a long, difficult process of soul-searching and self-discovery. It was so hard to realize I was never going to be the woman I imagined I would be when I was growing up. I had to take everything I believed and shatter it. My image of self shifted. I'm still a great mom and wife like I always wanted. I'm still the person I worked really hard to be. I'm just a slightly different person and that's okay with me.

You wrote that letter right from your heart and its a marvelous letter. Enjoy life as you see fit Shy......

[MAcpl69]

Still_shy
Thanks for sharing your situation, I just saw your original post today and it encouraged me to join the conservation on this site. Hopefully we become great freinds

[sysper]

that took alot to write. it's so good u got a husband who understands & supportive. a true friend! also good u know who u are & don't deny urself fun. noone else's business if that's how u want it. ur sexuality is just as valid & sane & beautifull as anyone else's. not that u need to hear it from someone else :) keep on smiling, or whatever it is u do lol!

[borntosuckcock]

When I was much younger, I had a bisexual girlfriend. She was very hot and had such a sweet wet pussy, loved to eat he. She loved to suck and swallow. We both enjoyed sharing our fluids with deep, wet French kisses. After about a couple of months, she shared that she enjoyed eating pussy, I simply said we have that in common and then told her I was bisexual and liked to suck cocks and swallow cum. She said she suspected that I like cum from the way I’d eat her after I shot my load and how eagerly I French kissed her after she sucked me off. Best two years of my life. After the first couple of months we both decided we liked oral sex the best and seldom got into regular fucking.

[sysper]

sounds like a great gf to have! i would so love to have a bi gf. not even for the obvious watching her with another girl. bi's tend to understand sexuality from more standpoints. just wondering, did u2 ever invite someone else in bed with, or either have a same sex fling while u2 were dating?