bi-curious lady seeking some compassionate advice:)

[blueeyed_blondie]

Hi there! I have posted once before on this site, but I was hoping to get a little more advice and guidance. I am a 24 year old woman who up to about a year ago completly identified as being straight. I am in a two and a 1/2 year commited relationship and soon to be engaged with a man, whom I am deeply inlove with. Sounds great? Here's the issue... Over the last year I have been developing a desire to have a sexual encounter with a woman. I fantasize and can reach orgasm much easier when fantasizing about being intimate with a woman. I have recently been enjoying watching porn with my partner for the first time and nothing turns me on more than watching girl-on-girl action. With this being said I have always been an extemely sexual and open minded person and I do very much enjoy my sexual relationship with my partner but my curiousity seems to be growing rapidy. Could it just be curiousity for the unknown or is this really the starting of me truely undertsanding my sexuality? I have talked to my partner and he is 100% **uncomfortable** with me experimenting in anyway and does not have the desire for a threesome scenerio. What am I to do to figure out if these feelings are real or just fantacies? I have been struggling to figure out my sexuality and it seems to be getting harder ever day. Wondering? Questioning? Fantasizing? Has annyone else gone through this? Any advice? Is there a way to figure out your sexual orientation without having a sexual experience with the same sex? Sorry if this sounds stupid but I am so confused and have absouletly no friends I am a bit of a loner at the moment and I have no trusting or understanding family to talk to. All respectful feedback is much appreciated, thanks everyone in advance:). -blueeyed_blondie

[citystyleguy]

we seem to be having these relationship questions of late, wherein a sexually courious partner is in/going into a ltr/marriage with an absolute hetero; as witnessed, the variance in who is what can change back and around, sometimes the male asking, other times the female asking.

each situation has its own unique characteristics; yours has the interesting element of being/accepting oneself as hetero, then when the ltr/marriage approaches, or at sometime along the curve of these said relationships, the one with the courosity starts asking questions of themselves.

also, whereas in some instances the hetero one is willing to attempt to accomodate, but with distinct limitations, to those who will not accept any variant. quite the dilemma. as for myself, a bisexual male married long term to a hetero wife, there were often questions, early on and later in the marriage. what i thought was indifference at best, or at worst a complete ignoring of the situation, several here, and one in particular, helped shed an alternative understanding of my wife's positions.

as your partner is like one of those who will not yield or accomadate, and as your feelings take dominance and strength over time, i would strongly recommend putting off entering the ltr/marriage, then giving deep thought to just what your orientation could be.

is there anyone within your community that can help; as you have had these feelings of late, is there not any outlet for you to explore these needs, feelings, desires? i can only hope that someone here can provide some sort of solution or at least an avenue to come to terms with these needs.

do you need a sexual experience to confirm ones sexuality; absolutely not, and by the way;

'...Sorry if this sounds stupid but I am so confused and have absouletly no friends I am a bit of a loner at the moment and I have no trusting or understanding family to talk to...'

there are no such things as stupid questions, you have honest and real feelings and a strong need to understand what you are, and where you are heading.

best of luck, city

[NapalmNick]

Hi, blueeyed_blondie.

It sounds to me like you're pretty bisexual. No issue there, and I am not of the opinion that one has to experience sexual activity (with any sex) to consider themselves any sexual orientation. The way I see it, it's simply what you prefer. My exact opinion on how sexual orientation functions would greatly derail this thread, so I won't post that here.

I'm going to take a couple things you said into consideration here: you said that you're in love with him, and that you enjoy the sex. I'm going to assume that by loving him you care about how he feels.

If you having sexual relations with a woman bothers him, my advice is don't do it. Reason being is that if you do he'll be pissed off, and if that doesn't ruin your relationship it won't make things any better.

If I was in a relationship with a woman who didn't want me messing around with guys, and I loved her, I wouldn't mess around with guys.

Now, if she insisted that I not jerk off to gay porn or something along those lines, I'd have a problem and would seriously reconsider my relationship.

Sometimes a good fantasy is better than a shitty reality.

Best wishes,

Nick

[darkeyes]

It may well be that you are bisexual.. you mentioned your partner, but not the precise status of the relationship.. is it exclusive? Have promises of fidelity been made? Thats important, because how u feel is much like any other girl lusting after someone no matter the sex. Virgins make promises of fidelity to husbands and partners, and have never experienced heterosexual sex, so its much like that.

It also depends on just how deeply you feel about your partner.. the problem is that time may deepen your desires for sex with another woman, and that may well cause problems between you long term. It may be that you are just not ready for a long term comitment, whether or not u have committed, and your wanderlust may prove a difficulty. Talk to him by all means, but some guys just dont want to know while others are up for it, usually although not always cos they think they might get some of the action.. a warning here though.. some guys are up for it till it happens then back off very quickly cos their insecurities nd possessiveness take hold.. it may require a reassessment of your relationship and the commitment you have made.. much though depends on the solidity of the relationship.

There are a lot of things to consider, and I suggest you don't rush into anything.. but if you are determined I suggest you do talk it through.. you could cheat of course, but as I have found to my cost, the end result of that is as often as not more pain than most of us care to endure.

[jasa75]

Honey

Don't marry this guy while your are in termoil is the best advice I can give. I think all on this site have been where you are now. I think you need to experiment with or without your partners consent. This will eat away at you. I'm not saying that experimenting will be the resolution to all of your problems but I have no doubt it will help you. For me, my bisexuality is not a static thing my desire for men and women wax and wane, this is why it is so confusiong. I think that knowing oneself is power - so as elenor Rosevelt said "If your scared to do it - you must do it".

I really do wish you the best of luck. Check out the Saphic girls porn site - it's so hot.

[Realist]

I agree with Fran and jasa.............that's great advice from those who know and understand. You'll do well to listen to them. They are voices of reason

If you do experiment and find that loving a woman not as you imagined, you'll probably be satisfied to move on with your life with your BF. I know of one case where that has happened. But, if you don't wait until you know, for sure, and get married..........the desire may ferment and grow until the urge is overwhelming.

You owe it to yourself (and to your BF) to know before you commit to him, exclusively. Don't make promises you can't keep.