Kippy
Jul 30, 2010, 11:59 AM
I decided that i want to have a thread to myself, sorta, to post my feelings, thoughts, and anything else i want to. Nobody has to comment, this is just to show my feelings and life to everyone who wants to see. I'm gonna post on this thread as often as i can. If you wanna keep reading about me, feel free to. :)
I'll start off with my life story lol cause everyone loves those!
Mmkay, I was born in California 18 years ago on December 7th. I had a pretty normal childhood, except for the fact that i always had so much responsibility and stuff to worry about. My mom ran a day care center out of our house, so it was always my job to make sure all the kids were behaving. I was "The Tattle-Tale". For as long as i can remember I've been looking after kids. Changing diapers, holding bottles, watching to make sure they don't get hurt. I was always the good kid, who listened to her parents and did what she was told
Okay, I'm gonna go onto when i turned 10. Right before my nephew was born, my grandpa died. He had always been my favorite. I called him Pepe, which my mom always told me was french for grandpa. He was someone i could talk to about anything. I remember the day we went over to my grandma and grandpa's house the day that he died. I couldn't even go into the house. I walked up and down the street till it was time to go. The same at his funeral, i couldn't sit in there and listen to everyone cry. I just couldn't handle it, so i waited outside till it was over.
Mmkay, now i'm gonna jump to when i turned 13. I met this girl at the park named Courtney. She was 17. She was a "bad girl" i guess you could say. She would take alcohol from her parents house and bring it to the park and shared it with me. I hung out with her all the time cause i thought she was awesome and she treated me like an adult. A few months after i turned 14 she invited me to her house. It was just me and her chillin', drinkin', and watching movies together. Her parents were out of town for some conference or meeting of some sort and wouldn't be home till tomorrow. She asked me if I wanted to try something with her. I said sure and went along with it. She took me up to her room and closed the door behind us... and that was my first sexual experience. After that she asked me if I wanted to be her girlfriend. Of course i did!
Later that year, my grandma died. I was staying over at her house cause i wasn't getting along with my parents. That morning she went to take a shower, i heard a thump in the bathroom. I thought she might have dropped the shampoo or something, so i went and watched tv. After about half an hour I started to worry cause I knew she didn't take long showers. I called my mom and asked her what I should do because i was worried. She told me to open the door and check on her, and that my grandma would understand if i just peeked. I set the phone down on the counter and went down the hall to the bathroom door. I remember being so nervous cause i didn't want her to be mad at me for peeking into the bathroom while she was showering. I knocked hard on the door 3 times and when I didn't hear a response I opened the door. My grandma had fallen in the shower. I turned off the water, then tried to wake her up but she was unconscious. I ran back to the phone and told my mom. Well, i kinda yelled it cause i was upset. She told me to hang up and call 911 and she was on her way. So i called 911 and gave them the address on Pujol Street. I remember thinking to myself "I have to stay calm, freaking out won't help anyone." I stayed on the phone with the 911 operator will the ambulance got there. I watched as they wheeled my grandma out of her house on a stretcher. My eyes were stinging trying to hold back tears and i whispered goodbye to her as they went out the door. One of the EMT's asked if i had someone coming for me, and i told him i did. My mom and dad showed up a minute after the ambulance left with my grandma.
We went to the hospital that they had taken her to. We found out that she had a brain tumor that had bled out, and a broken leg from the fall. This part still kills me, I heard the doctor tell my mom that her brain had bled too much for them to do anything. Which meant, if i would have checked on her earlier, she would still be alive. I cried, and cried. It was my fault she was dead. I should have checked on her after her normal 10mins in the shower, but i waited 30mins and her brain had bled too much. My grandma was on life support. The doctor said if they tried to fix her brain she would probably end up being a vegetable for the rest of her life. My mom knew my grandmother wouldn't like that so my mom made the decision to take her off life support. My family stayed in that small room crying together all afternoon.
Okay, now that I'm about crying, I'll move on. We moved to Virginia the year after my grandma's death. A few months after living in Va, Courtney broke my heart and said that she didn't want a long distance relationship anymore. I was so upset, I tried to take my life at the age of 15. I took a whole bunch of sleeping pills. My mom found me unconscious on my bed. I woke up a few days later. My stomach had been pumped. I felt like shit (for a lack of better words). I didn't wanna live anymore. My parents would be mad and disappointed with me. My mom and dad gave me the "no matter how hard life is, suicide was never an option" speech. They signed me up for therapy and i was on a suicide watch.
After i turned 16 i stopped going to therapy cause it was too expensive. Then i met Johnathan at a party my friend was having. I loved him the moment i saw him. He was tan, tall, dark short hair, dark brown eyes, and toned. We were both kinda wasted. I gave him my number and told him to call me. the next day he did! I was so happy cause this was the first guy i really liked. We started hanging out together. Then he asked me out on a date. My life couldn't have gotten any better at that moment. We went out on a few dates and then to take our relationship to the next level, we slept together. Well, he didn't use a condom. Guess who ended up pregnant at 16? Moi. I was freaking out. I knew how to take care of kids, i knew what they needed, how to comfort them, how to be a mom basically. But i was still freaked. I did 3 pregnancy tests and they all had that same little mark that indicated i was pregnant. What would my parents say? What would happen if they kicked me out of the house? I told Johnathan that i was pregnant. Know what he told me? He told me not to call him anymore. He didn't want anything to do with me. He even went as far as to accuse me of sleeping around, and the baby wasn't his. He said he couldn't be a father, he was going to college next year. I was broken. He left me. I had nobody else to turn to. I called Courtney bawling my eyes out. She told me not to freak out and just to calm down and wait a second. She told me to look into abortion and adoption. My mind was set against abortion so that still left adoption. Then something empowered me and I knew I would be okay. I knew i could be a single mom till i met the right man to take care of me and my baby. And with that option i would get to keep the precious baby i so desperately wanted now. I had a loving church who could provide me with stuff for the baby. I even started picking out cute baby names. Everything would be okay. I truly believed it. Then, the second week of my second month, i ended up having a miscarriage.
After that i fell into a deep depression. I would sneak out at night to drink and forget who i was and what I've been through. I cut myself a few times. I wanted to feel something, even if it was more pain. I never thought my life would ever be right again. I was on a path to self destruction and nobody knew except for me. I was 17 when i met Travis. He worked at a bar that me and my friends would go to. I got to know him a little. Then one night my friends left me at the bar! I went home with Travis that night we started talking more, and then dating. I would go to the bar just to see him. But there was this girl who worked with him, her name is Kylie and i thought she was the prettiest girl I've ever seen. "She's a lesbian." Travis told me. I had never met a lesbian before and i was curious. I started talking to her while Travis was busy. One day while waiting for Travis to get off, she asked me to help her with something in the back room. While we were back there, she kissed me. Fireworks went off in my head. Her lips were so soft on mine. It felt like electricity was flowing through her hands as she ran one down my side and the other around the back of my neck. My hands stayed on her waist cause i wasn't sure where to put them. She pulled away and i had to catch my breath. My heart was beating so fast that i thought it would beat right outta my chest. She smiled that sexy smile that only she can do and asked me to help her grab a box. I helped her carry it into the other room and my head was still spinning. She whispered in my ear as we were walking into the other room "pretend it never happened". So that's what we did. Plus i didn't want to hurt Travis with something little, like a kiss.
Changing the subject. I always go to church. Wednesday nights to hang out with my friends at youth group and Sunday mornings with my family. So, i started bringing Travis with me to church. He started getting convicted about working at a bar so he quit his job and went to go work with his uncle at a small mechanics shop that he owned. Then about 6 months ago, Travis got saved. Everything was perfect. I had a loving boyfriend, my family loved him. I couldn't ask for more. We were both happy together. Then he proposed to me! I said yes of course :) but i had that nagging memory in the back of my mind of Courtney and the kiss i shared with Kylie. So, i decided a month ago that i would tell Travis that I'm bi. If we're gonna get married, then he has the right to know... right? "He will understand" i thought. I told him and he said it was wrong for a girl to like another girl. that it was against the Bible. He told me that i had to try to change or he would break up with me. I was so torn because i love him so much, but could i change my feelings? i wanted to explore my sexuality with his support...
While i was battling these thoughts and feelings, Kylie invited me to a concert. Of course i would go with her. It was a free ticket, I loved the band that was playing, and i got to spend time with her. We went together then after the concert we went back to her house. It was around 1am when we got back and we were both hyped up on energy drinks. She suggested that we go sit in the hot tub. I was all for it cause i love hot tubs :) we stayed in there for a while just talking and laughing together. Then when everything got quiet we got closer together and she kissed me again... and again. Those same fireworks went off when her lips met mine. My fingers tingled as i explored her bare stomach and back with my fingertips, and as i played with the strings on her bikini. Wherever she touched me it seemed to tingle. she had one hand on my hip and she running her fingertips with her other hand down my thigh. We started kissing more passionately. Then she stopped kissing me and asked if i wanted to go inside. As much as i love hot tubs, i wanted to go inside with her more. We got out of the hot tub together. My fingers were laced in hers as she led me into her house and then to the bedroom...and that was my second sexual experience with a female.
I forgot all about Travis.... I felt horrible with guilt from cheating on him. I told him 2 weeks ago that i cheated on him with Kylie. He was PISSED. He yelled at me and stormed out of the house. He was so mad at me that he ignored me for a week. About 27 calls, and 100 texts. A lot of them saying how sorry i was and how much i missed him. But deep down i was glad that it happened. That made me feel terrible cause I loved Travis so much. Then on Monday, he called me and told me to meet him at Olive Garden. It's my favorite :) So i went, and we talked. He decided that it would be best to call off the wedding for now until we worked some things out. He also said he was sorry for overreacting and he shouldn't have ignored me. We still have a lot of stuff to talk about and work out, but it's better than being ignored. I was just glad he didn't break up with me.
The most recent news in my life:
My older sister Kelly, had to have emergency back surgery 2 days ago because she had a herniated disk in her back that was pressing on a nerve. She couldn't feel her legs and couldn't walk. The doctors did surgery and everything went well. she's recovering now. I'm going to see her today in the rehab place she's staying at :)
That's my life story up until recently. Well an outline of my life with a few details thrown in. I couldn't possibly write down EVERYTHING that's happened in my life :)
This is me, you don't have to comment on it if you don't want to.
Sorry for any spelling errors. I did my best to reread and look for any typo's
Thanks, :D
<3 Kipp
I'll start off with my life story lol cause everyone loves those!
Mmkay, I was born in California 18 years ago on December 7th. I had a pretty normal childhood, except for the fact that i always had so much responsibility and stuff to worry about. My mom ran a day care center out of our house, so it was always my job to make sure all the kids were behaving. I was "The Tattle-Tale". For as long as i can remember I've been looking after kids. Changing diapers, holding bottles, watching to make sure they don't get hurt. I was always the good kid, who listened to her parents and did what she was told
Okay, I'm gonna go onto when i turned 10. Right before my nephew was born, my grandpa died. He had always been my favorite. I called him Pepe, which my mom always told me was french for grandpa. He was someone i could talk to about anything. I remember the day we went over to my grandma and grandpa's house the day that he died. I couldn't even go into the house. I walked up and down the street till it was time to go. The same at his funeral, i couldn't sit in there and listen to everyone cry. I just couldn't handle it, so i waited outside till it was over.
Mmkay, now i'm gonna jump to when i turned 13. I met this girl at the park named Courtney. She was 17. She was a "bad girl" i guess you could say. She would take alcohol from her parents house and bring it to the park and shared it with me. I hung out with her all the time cause i thought she was awesome and she treated me like an adult. A few months after i turned 14 she invited me to her house. It was just me and her chillin', drinkin', and watching movies together. Her parents were out of town for some conference or meeting of some sort and wouldn't be home till tomorrow. She asked me if I wanted to try something with her. I said sure and went along with it. She took me up to her room and closed the door behind us... and that was my first sexual experience. After that she asked me if I wanted to be her girlfriend. Of course i did!
Later that year, my grandma died. I was staying over at her house cause i wasn't getting along with my parents. That morning she went to take a shower, i heard a thump in the bathroom. I thought she might have dropped the shampoo or something, so i went and watched tv. After about half an hour I started to worry cause I knew she didn't take long showers. I called my mom and asked her what I should do because i was worried. She told me to open the door and check on her, and that my grandma would understand if i just peeked. I set the phone down on the counter and went down the hall to the bathroom door. I remember being so nervous cause i didn't want her to be mad at me for peeking into the bathroom while she was showering. I knocked hard on the door 3 times and when I didn't hear a response I opened the door. My grandma had fallen in the shower. I turned off the water, then tried to wake her up but she was unconscious. I ran back to the phone and told my mom. Well, i kinda yelled it cause i was upset. She told me to hang up and call 911 and she was on her way. So i called 911 and gave them the address on Pujol Street. I remember thinking to myself "I have to stay calm, freaking out won't help anyone." I stayed on the phone with the 911 operator will the ambulance got there. I watched as they wheeled my grandma out of her house on a stretcher. My eyes were stinging trying to hold back tears and i whispered goodbye to her as they went out the door. One of the EMT's asked if i had someone coming for me, and i told him i did. My mom and dad showed up a minute after the ambulance left with my grandma.
We went to the hospital that they had taken her to. We found out that she had a brain tumor that had bled out, and a broken leg from the fall. This part still kills me, I heard the doctor tell my mom that her brain had bled too much for them to do anything. Which meant, if i would have checked on her earlier, she would still be alive. I cried, and cried. It was my fault she was dead. I should have checked on her after her normal 10mins in the shower, but i waited 30mins and her brain had bled too much. My grandma was on life support. The doctor said if they tried to fix her brain she would probably end up being a vegetable for the rest of her life. My mom knew my grandmother wouldn't like that so my mom made the decision to take her off life support. My family stayed in that small room crying together all afternoon.
Okay, now that I'm about crying, I'll move on. We moved to Virginia the year after my grandma's death. A few months after living in Va, Courtney broke my heart and said that she didn't want a long distance relationship anymore. I was so upset, I tried to take my life at the age of 15. I took a whole bunch of sleeping pills. My mom found me unconscious on my bed. I woke up a few days later. My stomach had been pumped. I felt like shit (for a lack of better words). I didn't wanna live anymore. My parents would be mad and disappointed with me. My mom and dad gave me the "no matter how hard life is, suicide was never an option" speech. They signed me up for therapy and i was on a suicide watch.
After i turned 16 i stopped going to therapy cause it was too expensive. Then i met Johnathan at a party my friend was having. I loved him the moment i saw him. He was tan, tall, dark short hair, dark brown eyes, and toned. We were both kinda wasted. I gave him my number and told him to call me. the next day he did! I was so happy cause this was the first guy i really liked. We started hanging out together. Then he asked me out on a date. My life couldn't have gotten any better at that moment. We went out on a few dates and then to take our relationship to the next level, we slept together. Well, he didn't use a condom. Guess who ended up pregnant at 16? Moi. I was freaking out. I knew how to take care of kids, i knew what they needed, how to comfort them, how to be a mom basically. But i was still freaked. I did 3 pregnancy tests and they all had that same little mark that indicated i was pregnant. What would my parents say? What would happen if they kicked me out of the house? I told Johnathan that i was pregnant. Know what he told me? He told me not to call him anymore. He didn't want anything to do with me. He even went as far as to accuse me of sleeping around, and the baby wasn't his. He said he couldn't be a father, he was going to college next year. I was broken. He left me. I had nobody else to turn to. I called Courtney bawling my eyes out. She told me not to freak out and just to calm down and wait a second. She told me to look into abortion and adoption. My mind was set against abortion so that still left adoption. Then something empowered me and I knew I would be okay. I knew i could be a single mom till i met the right man to take care of me and my baby. And with that option i would get to keep the precious baby i so desperately wanted now. I had a loving church who could provide me with stuff for the baby. I even started picking out cute baby names. Everything would be okay. I truly believed it. Then, the second week of my second month, i ended up having a miscarriage.
After that i fell into a deep depression. I would sneak out at night to drink and forget who i was and what I've been through. I cut myself a few times. I wanted to feel something, even if it was more pain. I never thought my life would ever be right again. I was on a path to self destruction and nobody knew except for me. I was 17 when i met Travis. He worked at a bar that me and my friends would go to. I got to know him a little. Then one night my friends left me at the bar! I went home with Travis that night we started talking more, and then dating. I would go to the bar just to see him. But there was this girl who worked with him, her name is Kylie and i thought she was the prettiest girl I've ever seen. "She's a lesbian." Travis told me. I had never met a lesbian before and i was curious. I started talking to her while Travis was busy. One day while waiting for Travis to get off, she asked me to help her with something in the back room. While we were back there, she kissed me. Fireworks went off in my head. Her lips were so soft on mine. It felt like electricity was flowing through her hands as she ran one down my side and the other around the back of my neck. My hands stayed on her waist cause i wasn't sure where to put them. She pulled away and i had to catch my breath. My heart was beating so fast that i thought it would beat right outta my chest. She smiled that sexy smile that only she can do and asked me to help her grab a box. I helped her carry it into the other room and my head was still spinning. She whispered in my ear as we were walking into the other room "pretend it never happened". So that's what we did. Plus i didn't want to hurt Travis with something little, like a kiss.
Changing the subject. I always go to church. Wednesday nights to hang out with my friends at youth group and Sunday mornings with my family. So, i started bringing Travis with me to church. He started getting convicted about working at a bar so he quit his job and went to go work with his uncle at a small mechanics shop that he owned. Then about 6 months ago, Travis got saved. Everything was perfect. I had a loving boyfriend, my family loved him. I couldn't ask for more. We were both happy together. Then he proposed to me! I said yes of course :) but i had that nagging memory in the back of my mind of Courtney and the kiss i shared with Kylie. So, i decided a month ago that i would tell Travis that I'm bi. If we're gonna get married, then he has the right to know... right? "He will understand" i thought. I told him and he said it was wrong for a girl to like another girl. that it was against the Bible. He told me that i had to try to change or he would break up with me. I was so torn because i love him so much, but could i change my feelings? i wanted to explore my sexuality with his support...
While i was battling these thoughts and feelings, Kylie invited me to a concert. Of course i would go with her. It was a free ticket, I loved the band that was playing, and i got to spend time with her. We went together then after the concert we went back to her house. It was around 1am when we got back and we were both hyped up on energy drinks. She suggested that we go sit in the hot tub. I was all for it cause i love hot tubs :) we stayed in there for a while just talking and laughing together. Then when everything got quiet we got closer together and she kissed me again... and again. Those same fireworks went off when her lips met mine. My fingers tingled as i explored her bare stomach and back with my fingertips, and as i played with the strings on her bikini. Wherever she touched me it seemed to tingle. she had one hand on my hip and she running her fingertips with her other hand down my thigh. We started kissing more passionately. Then she stopped kissing me and asked if i wanted to go inside. As much as i love hot tubs, i wanted to go inside with her more. We got out of the hot tub together. My fingers were laced in hers as she led me into her house and then to the bedroom...and that was my second sexual experience with a female.
I forgot all about Travis.... I felt horrible with guilt from cheating on him. I told him 2 weeks ago that i cheated on him with Kylie. He was PISSED. He yelled at me and stormed out of the house. He was so mad at me that he ignored me for a week. About 27 calls, and 100 texts. A lot of them saying how sorry i was and how much i missed him. But deep down i was glad that it happened. That made me feel terrible cause I loved Travis so much. Then on Monday, he called me and told me to meet him at Olive Garden. It's my favorite :) So i went, and we talked. He decided that it would be best to call off the wedding for now until we worked some things out. He also said he was sorry for overreacting and he shouldn't have ignored me. We still have a lot of stuff to talk about and work out, but it's better than being ignored. I was just glad he didn't break up with me.
The most recent news in my life:
My older sister Kelly, had to have emergency back surgery 2 days ago because she had a herniated disk in her back that was pressing on a nerve. She couldn't feel her legs and couldn't walk. The doctors did surgery and everything went well. she's recovering now. I'm going to see her today in the rehab place she's staying at :)
That's my life story up until recently. Well an outline of my life with a few details thrown in. I couldn't possibly write down EVERYTHING that's happened in my life :)
This is me, you don't have to comment on it if you don't want to.
Sorry for any spelling errors. I did my best to reread and look for any typo's
Thanks, :D
<3 Kipp