How do you distinguish between real bisexual women and women who just say they're bi?

[kcatthegreat]

So I'm interested in exploring bisexuality, but a friend warned me that a lot of women who claim to be bi aren't really interested in having sex with women. They just want to kiss girls for the sake of turning men on.

I actually feel bad for her, because she met a girl online who said she was bi, and my friend moved to another state to be with the girl. Once she was there, she realized that the girl wasn't really interested in having sex with her.

So that was a terrible experience for her.

How can you tell which girls are really bi and which ones are just saying they're bi?

[just4mefc]

So I'm interested in exploring bisexuality, but a friend warned me that a lot of women who claim to be bi aren't really interested in having sex with women. They just want to kiss girls for the sake of turning men on.

I actually feel bad for her, because she met a girl online who said she was bi, and my friend moved to another state to be with the girl. Once she was there, she realized that the girl wasn't really interested in having sex with her.

So that was a terrible experience for her.

How can you tell which girls are really bi and which ones are just saying they're bi?

Have her send you a picture of herself going down on another woman, tat should do it :tongue:

[Robinium]

How can you tell which girls are really bi and which ones are just saying they're bi?

I'm very sorry for your friend. Fakers are awful.

Occasionally observe them secretly (!) for a while (several days at least, better over a longer period of time) who they are looking at with lust in their eyes while looking up and down their bodies. Only looking up and down other women's bodies without lust means nothing, however, might be envy, comparing their own body to the other girl's bodies trying to figure out who looks better, or observing and judging the other girls' outfits etc.

This only works for girls who are fairly bi all the time and without having more straight and more gay phases. And if you do not meet them in a phase where they are not much interested in sex anyway. Maybe it also does not work if they are currently dating another girl so they might be more interested in other guys than other girls as they already have a girl at home.

Also observe their social behavior, if they tend to see other women more like friends or rivals or tend to "flirt" with them, but these clues are very very subtle and easy to misinterpret or miss, as a bi woman usually does not flirt openly with all other women and does it very undercover if at all (they're not stupid). Not flirting with other girls is no clue however, might be shyness or whatever. And if they flirt obviously as soon as a male they're interested in is around and otherwise not, that's a very clear clue.

Another clue: just ask them about what it's like being bi for them, and how they experience it. But ask them live when you see them, not over the internet. And ask them how it was for them to tell their parents and friends if they told them, and if they did not tell them ask them whether they consider telling them and why (not). Don't use any insider words while asking ("coming out", "lesdar" etc.) so they either have to use these words themselves or to circumscribe it. Neither using insider vocabulary nor circumscribing is a clue in itself, but the way they do it might be a good hint.

Another clue: ask them if they ever went to the lesbian scene or a lesbian bar or something like this. Neither yes nor no are a clue in itself. But ask them why they have not been there or how it was there and it might help you finding out fakers.

I think a faker will try to make you think that she's never had any problems whatsoever and never worried about getting into trouble or being rejected. Even if she does, it will probably sound shallow and incongruent as she never experienced it. If you are bi yourself, it's easier to find out. And she might even hint that she's horny all the time and blabla (to guys), and this probably in female language, so not necessarily thaaat obviously but between the lines while flirting and stuff. Eeek.

[littlerayofsunshine]

So I'm interested in exploring bisexuality, but a friend warned me that a lot of women who claim to be bi aren't really interested in having sex with women. They just want to kiss girls for the sake of turning men on.

I actually feel bad for her, because she met a girl online who said she was bi, and my friend moved to another state to be with the girl. Once she was there, she realized that the girl wasn't really interested in having sex with her.

So that was a terrible experience for her.

How can you tell which girls are really bi and which ones are just saying they're bi?


How do you distinguish a real bi from a not real bi?

Depends on your definition of bi in relation to women. Women can love without sex, desire only intimacy with no sex, or be sexual and desire all.

Girls in the 15-25 range, maybe be more prompt into Showing off to everyone with a lesbian kiss. But they typically grow of that in their own time and become their true sexuality.


How to tell, is to get to know someone.. in their real form, in their real life and not rely solely on emails and chat. Some women still question themselves. Some are insecure about their bodies, or the way their vagina or breasts look, or stretchmarks or how they may possibly taste to another woman, so sex may not be their first intention.

As with your friend.. You can't base all judgments based on someone else's issues. You don't function with their mindset. I would never have moved in with someone or for someone that i wasn't for sure i was sexually compatible with.

Just take the time and get to know someone IRL, let those juices flow and see where it goes. They will let you know if they are "truly Bi" in whatever way that means to them.

Good luck

[rissababynta]

Some are insecure about their bodies, or the way their vagina or breasts look, or stretchmarks or how they may possibly taste to another woman, so sex may not be their first intention.


Good luck

ahem...*raises hand slowly*

[littlerayofsunshine]

ahem...*raises hand slowly*

Aww Rissa, you know i worship every part of you.. Even if only from afar *sighs*

[Robinium]

ahem...*raises hand slowly*

Hey, don't be too self-conscious. It's not looks that count, that's way too superficial. You can have awful or boring sex with even the most beautiful people and great sex with regular or even ugly people.

Okay, that statement was superficial as well. :bigrin:

[littlerayofsunshine]

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/fewskillz/kittyfacepalm.gif

Isn't that the cutest facepalm you have ever seen???

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

How to tell, is to get to know someone.. in their real form, in their real life and not rely solely on emails and chat. Some women still question themselves. Some are insecure about their bodies, or the way their vagina or breasts look, or stretchmarks or how they may possibly taste to another woman, so sex may not be their first intention.

Yep yep, I'm afraid this is me. I adore kissing another woman, and I'm not just another "Bar-Sexual" But you Will find alot of girls who'll tell you "Oh sure, yeah, I'm Bi" and only get that way when they are out with the girls and have had a few drinks to loosen the inhibitions, but who wouldnt Dream of doing another with another woman outside of the bar or party. Sad....
I love arousing, teasing, pleasuring with fingers and toys, but I'm just not one for "Eating at the Y" unless I know a woman Very well. So that makes me a bad bisexual..lol Oh well. I'm much better with the male anatomy anyway.
Cat

[sephirothtx]

just watch them, from my experince it's easy to tell, even if you don't see her in bed with another woman or such.

Bi women who have a real intrest in other women, will act like men sometimes when it comes to checking out other women. My last x was bi, coincidently my x before this was a "fake bi" that came out after i came out to her.

Fake bi: told extravegent stories about going down on other women that seemed all too interesting not to be ridiculously untrue. She seemed very uninterested in "other women" when walking about, unless she knew i was watching to see her reaction as a bisexual, and then she'd only act it with close friends who weren't really bi either. Furthermore, concidering how unfaitfull she was when it came to men, of the time i was with her, she never truly had any affairs with other women. (i can't really tell you how many she had with men because frankly, before we broke off, i lost count.)

Real bi: First of i realized she was bisexual long before i came out to her (made coming out easier though she still took it a bit akward for a time). When we became intement enough to be around eachother for hours and watch eachother surf the web id note the way she'd talkt to other women, this one she talked to was as if she was keeping an long distant relationship open, this other woman was enganged or married, but still, there was always talks about missing eachother, and uh, more private tittilating topics, as well as constant sharing of "naughty" pictures with eachother of eachother. When about i'd see her check out women like most women check out men, and she'd often comment, kind of non-chelant, on brest sized, how pretty the other women was, and not in that "im jelous i want that" tone but in that "im wanna jump her bones" kinda tone. The few times we hit social gathering she'd hit on and dance with ladies without caring weather or not iwas watching (Bty, this relationship was "open" from teh beggining, my one truley only open relationship, so cheating didn't count despite like a coupe of minor rules).
OMG, this one time that x, asked to go out on a diner date (me and her) with my x before her (The fake bi 0.0) and afterward she spent much of the afternoon rating her on looks, though she did spend a little while comparing herself which was innocent enough -.-.

I think all this goes the same for bisexual guys, just exhange the fake or real bi with a man and the men he's intrested in.

[tenni]

First, sexuality is self defined imo. You may not say that someone is a "fake" bi. Now, just because a bisexual is not interested in the same sexual activity as you doesn't make them "fake". It simply means that there is a wide range of sexual expression.

It is true that women express themselves in a more touchy way than men and that doesn't make the woman bisexual or a lesbian. If the woman states that she is attracted to men and women, she is bisexual. (Period).

It seems that women are not as up front as men when it comes to sexual tastes. Casual sex amongst men is like ordering a take out (take away for the Brits? ;). Discussion happens quite often before anything is done. Sometimes, it is a deal breaker. Quite often, men are more casual about sex though. Women may place emotion before "what do you enjoy doing (sexually)" questions..

If someone is not interested in a certain sexual act, that doesn't mean that they are really hetero.

Surprising that your friend was so willing to move before checking out the sexual compatibility!
PS I am responding to the OP.

[sephirothtx]

by fake bi i mean = somone who is NOT really truley bisexual, has no true real interest in women, relationships with women, sex with women, checking out women, ect, straight females, that pretend, to be bisexual in hopes to either garner intrest, acceptance, or importance, of some matter.

Dictating that after she came out, after she found out i was bisexual, she never truley showed any sexual or emotional intrest to any woman, ever, after she left me she got one more bf, went around on him too, and thats a far as i know. From her past 'friends' as far as anyone knows she's never admitted to being bisexual to anyone before, even her closests of friends that one would devulge too (i know i have) and that she has never shown any intrest nore had sex with other women. It's been confirmed that she is NOT sexually shy, i can personally tell yo usex in public was a big thing for her, so the only reason withstanding is she had no intrest in women and played biseuxal.

[darkeyes]

In the days long ago (well not THAT long ago..it just seems like it) when I pursued and was pursued by other women body language told a lot about sexuality of the intended victim. How they look, and touch.. often how they avoided looking. Ways they held their head, looked at me how their body was postured.. it was never an infallible method, but bit was sufficiently valuable in allowing me to have my cake and eat it more often than not. Body language of course can be used in gay, straight or any other kind of sexual pursuit, and men and women have many similar yet different ways of saying "No ta..fuck off" or giving us the come on... we all use body language without knowing it in every activity, and all of us ion relationships used it to snare our partner as they did to snare us..even those who are not interested in us, we can determine their attraction to male and/or female by observing how they interact with others, and when I am out with Kate and my m8s we often have little bets on which sex a particular girl will get off with that night..

.. and one thing Cat said about alcohol lowering inhibitions..in my opinion those "straight" women who drink a little too much and have some sexual activity with one of their own sex are nothing of the kind. This is not a hard and fast rule but my observation of enough women, and more so younger girls and women in the 15-25 age group convinces me that it has a sound basis.. The alcohol has lowered their inhibitions and brought out in them something which is already there.. not that they have been led astray.. upon sobering up their inhibitions kick back in and then they are back to being the "straight" person they like the world to think they are..often with shame which has been instilled in them by upbringing.. it wouldn't be the first time I have slept with a woman or girl after a good night out, had a lovely night of fun and games, and found them much less friendly upon a chance meeting in the street, shop, cafe, pub or club. You can tell they are uncomfortable with you just being within 50 feet of them, especially if the latest man is in tow...

[NakedInSeattle]

How do you tell if a woman is really bisexual? Ask her "If we get together, are you gonna lick me as much as I lick you?" If the answer is yes, then ask her "Where and when are we gonna git 'er done?"

[Lost 69]

So I'm interested in exploring bisexuality, but a friend warned me that a lot of women who claim to be bi aren't really interested in having sex with women. They just want to kiss girls for the sake of turning men on.

I actually feel bad for her, because she met a girl online who said she was bi, and my friend moved to another state to be with the girl. Once she was there, she realized that the girl wasn't really interested in having sex with her.

So that was a terrible experience for her.

How can you tell which girls are really bi and which ones are just saying they're bi?

im sorry someone has to treat u that way ... maybe i could help out ..i want some to be serious with ..we should talk

[Realist]

There's some good advice and some not-so-good advice, here. I think you'd do best by contacting the ones who give honest, heart-felt advice.

Since you are fairly new and interested in fulfilling your interests, you should seek out those who have gone before you. If you want honest, heartfelt answers and/or suggestions, ask those who can guide you down the right path.

Still_shy, Fran (Darkeyes), CSKATE, Onewhocares, cat, Rissa, and a few others I can't think of right now, would be excellent sources for the information you're looking for. I think they'll guide you in the right direction.

Good luck in your quest.

[NjbiGuy01]

How do you distinguish a real bi from a not real bi?

This is not only a woman issue, nor a bi issue. How do you even truly know someone's intentions when dating heterosexually too ? I would say that meeting someone on line and moving to another part of the country is a bold move, whether to meet someone gay, bi or straight.

I played with guys in HS while I also dated girls, played with mostly MF couples since. I had a number of multi-year relationships with a few married couples that had a bi male half or were adventurous. In some cases they divorced, moved, moved-on, or just decided that the lifestyle wasn't for them.

I considered myself a bi male since my late teens, and although I live a straight life with a wife and kids, a business, and am content, I do feel a portion of me is certainly bi. I simply find that I enjoy sex with men, but enjoy it most with a woman involved. I have played (on a few very rare occasions) man on man since getting married, but my most enjoyment comes from a MFM threesome especially when the woman is a willing participant and likes and supports the idea of joining, directing, watching, etc. This is difficult not only to find, but to maintain for many of the same reasons cited in the thread. I've met couples where the reality of the encounter occurred, and one or both of them realized it was more exciting as an online fantasy, and the reality freaked them out ! One couple said "we had fun with you, but decided we want to play with couples, not singles". Fair enough.

For example: I met a nice local couple recently. We got along well socially over drinks, had one single wonderful afternoon of sex play at their home, we talked of "having many other great encounters in the future, as you're the kinda guy we've been looking for" but it suddenly went from bliss to "don't ever call us again or we'll call your wife". Maybe I got foolish too quickly, but we got so close, so fast, with so much honestly (both ways btw, names, phone numbers, jobs etc), because it felt so right. I've never felt quite this hurt and confused in all the years I've been swinging.

Suddenly (for reasons I may never fully understand) it came exploding apart. He (I think) had issues with how well she and I got along, perhaps he was feeling threatened despite my making implicitly clear I didn't want to "take his wife, destroy their marriage or mine". He seemed cool with his wife and I having sexual contact, and our parting was very friendly. He and I had shared mutual oral, she participated too, and I made clear I would love to meet for man on man play as well (to explore anal etc), as well as more threesomes in the future. She seemed happy that we all got along so well.

Suddenly I just became "a guy who's willing to suck dick to fuck my wife"...So therein is the question: I'm being called-out as "not really being bi"...what sets the criteria ? Should I be meeting men in a gay bar, a rest stop, a steam room ? Should I give up my life, wife, kids, and just come-out ? Can I not enjoy both a straight life and a bi life ? Apparently, not everyone thinks so...

I have grown so skeptical and frustrated with the lifestyle in general that I'm not sure I even want to continue trying to find people to play with. I've grown tired of the chase (time wasters, rude people, couples where both are not on the same page, and living this secret life....), or finding people and enjoying an encounter, only to crash and burn afterwards when it falls apart. Too much drama and emotion.

[PolyLoveTriad]

I find it interesting how everyone has their own ideas of how to tell if a woman is bi or not, especially when its a man giving the opinion lol Ask yourself this question, how do you tell if the guy sitting across from you o n the bus is straight, bi or gay? How do you tell if the woman driving the bus is straight, bi or gay?
I think sometimes you just have to take someones word for it. But as far as your friend goes, what the hell was she thinking? Had she actually met this person face to face? Spent any time with her?
I think if I was going to move to be with someone, I would find out if we even really liked each other IN PERSON first. Id have spent weekends with them or at VERY least flown out and spent a week or so with them before I pulled up my life and transplanted it somewhere else in *hopes* I might have a decent relationship. Had she done any of this she would have found out long before the heartache.

The first time I ever "discussed" being bi with someone, it was with another bi woman. We had talked about the fact that some bi women dont like to go down on their girlfriends, some did, some dont like breasts, some do, some like to use toys and some dont. But even if you dont enjoy going down doesnt mean you arent bi, just because you dont think breasts are the best thing on earth, doesnt mean you arent bi. We arent made up equally, theres no definite chart to say who is what and what is bi or not.

I am bi, I havent had the best experiences going down on a woman so Im a little hesitant about doing so, but trust me, I LOVE woman. Theyre the most sexually enticing beautiful creatures on the face of this planet and I am grateful we exist :) Anyways...

[crazy_cat_lady]

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g219/fewskillz/kittyfacepalm.gif

Isn't that the cutest facepalm you have ever seen???OMG yes it is where'd you get it from?