Monogamy?

[DuckiesDarling]

I'm just curious since we've had some heated debates in various threads I thought I'd make one about the most debated subject.

Obviously bisexuals can be monogamous, we have several examples of that on this site alone. So I'm just curious about everyone's thoughts. I would ask that you not be nasty in judging other's remarks as you post and try to make this an intelligent rather than mud slinging thread.

I am in a monogamous relationship with a bisexual male. There are many reasons for us choosing that path, the most important is his dysthimia. But when you have had instances where you had unfaithful partners it is a dream to find someone who respects fidelity as much as you do.

I fully realize that monogamy is not the path for everyone and I do not judge people who are more comfortable in open relationships.

For me monogamy is just the way I'm wired, I've never been comfortable being one of a many in a relationship and I doubt I ever will in this lifetime. But that is the personal choice of me and my partner, it works for us.

So post your thoughts and please as I asked do not be nasty and judgemental about posts or posters.

I look forward to reading when I wake up :)

[Pasadenacpl2]

I have always been bad at monogamy. It was never about faithfulness. Sex and love have never been linked concepts for me. After many years of pain in our marriage we decided t attempt consensual non-monogamy. It has been wonderful for our relationship. There are rough patches but nothing nerely s challenging as the lies and pain we had before.

Monogay works for many people. I suspect, however, that it wrks fr far fewer people than are in monogamous relationships.

Pasa

[MarieDelta]

Monogamy works for some. It doesnt for others.

I'm not a person who chooses to try to be monogamous at this point in my life.

For myself it is easier and more honest to be non-monogamous. I respect those who are, but it doesnt work for me.

For myself I'd rather be honest with those I care about. For their sake as well as my own.

[Rugby girl]

Monogomy is the only thing for me. As you say its the way we are wired. I commit myself to another and that is it. I may be old fashioned, but it works for me. I love and adore y gf (who I met on here) and I intend on always being faithful to er, as she does to me.
Anything else to us is dishonest and hurtful and extrememly complicated. So we chose monogomy.

Thats what love does!

[Something Else]

I'm bisexual. I'm a man. And I'm monogamously wired.

In my past relationships, my XGF & XBF had said they were too!

However, as time unfolded, they were unable to remain faithful; whereas, I had never thought of anyone aside them and have never been unfaithful.

Those experiences have led me to believe that being monogamous is not something for everyone. And definitely not something that everyone can sustain if they're not wired for that.

Some people say they desire monogamy, until they are actually dealing with it. And then there are some, that are just hard wired to be monogamous and do that without ever wondering about an alternative scenario.

I look at monogamy as another element, in the spectrum of sexuality.

Some people are able to love many AND have sex with many. Then there are some people that are able to love many; yet have sex with few or one. As well as there are some people that are able to sleep with many; yet love very few or one.

Monogamous people are wired to love one AND have sex with that ONE while being fully content in that arrangement.

There are no right or wrong ways to express one's love.

The only thing I would advise is:

learning if you're wired for monogamy and finding someone that is aware of these things and willing to engage in a monogamous relationship with you.

For what it's worth, MOST people are NOT wired for monogamy; so adding that into the dynamic of finding a compatible mate is something to be cognizant about.

[not_ur_typical_girl]

I have tried monogamy in the past...some attempts have been successful, but most have not. I have almost always cheated in some way shape or form on a boyfriend. Most of the time the cheating was emotional cheating not so much physical cheat. But I have physically cheated on b/fs before. I am now trying to be more open and honest about my wants and needs. And that means being poly for now...My mind may change, it may not. I am young and who knows what the future brings :)

[tenni]

If bisexuality is natural, I'm not convinced that the hetero style of monogomy is a natural state for bisexuals. I think that it may be more of a natural state for a bisexual to find one opposite gender lover and one same sex lover. It may also not work at all for some. Monogomy may work for some. They don't all have to fit in some harmonous group either. There may be varying degrees of commitment and these couplings do not have to be forever. Whether they live together or one of the other lovers also has a lover are all variables. (ie two bisexuals of the same gender have opposite gender lovers as well). I don't think that monogomy is the default or natural type of relationship though for humans and especially when humans now live for so long compared to a few centuries ago. We have serial monogomy that goes on with extremely high divorce rates indicating that monogomy is not really the way to live. If someone has a solo lover and switches those lovers every year or so that is quite different than a solo lover that has the same lover for say fifty years. Is one more monogomous? I don't think so but I don't think that makes one person's lifestyle better either.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Honeygirl, that's your perogitive. If you dont want to be with anyone else, then more power to ya, Darlin! You tell 'em, Girlfriend.
Cat :}

[Annika L]

The conflict I personally have with understandings of monogamy is that while we all theoretically have reasonable control over what we do physically, we don't always have such good control over our emotions.

Sometimes you can just find yourself getting closer and closer to a person (other than your partner) emotionally, becoming part of one another's lives in a way enriches both of you, and yet in *no* way detracts from the feelings you have for your partner. If these feelings are allowed to grow (which can happen naturally, unless you cut off or lmit contact with the other person), it can grow into love, or something so close to love as to be indistinguishable from it. Ok...at least this happens to me...and I assume I am not unique in this (although I also don't assume everybody works this way).

Now to my way of thinking, this world is better off with *more* love, not less, and as these emotions and relationships are life-enriching, they should be encouraged, not discouraged. So it doesn't even seem right to me that we *should* control our emotions...if life leads us to love, we should love. So far, so good...where's the conflict?

Well, sheesh...why do you have sex with your partner (assuming you do)? It's not just because you like sex or getting off...at least not always...at least not for some of us. For some of us, sex is frequently an expression of our emotions for one another, and a beautiful form of communication between loved ones. To me, when emotions hit a certain level of depth, a desire to share sexual expression together feels like a natural consequence.

Now if there is a monogamous understanding, this kind of sharing is off-limits. Yes, I am capable of exercising restraint and honoring the monogamous understanding (and do so regularly)...but doing so limits (or seems to) emotional growth with the other person, and certainly leads to frustration that feels counter-productive to developing love. And again, I work from the principle that says that more love is good; less love is less good.

Again, asks the reader, where's the conflict? Don't you just conclude that monogamy isn't for you? Well, yeah, except monogamy does have the benefit of (when honored) building trust, closeness, and stability, which are requirements for deeper love. There's the conflict...I want the freedom of non-monogamy without sacrificing the benefits that monogamy brings.

My conclusion? I think there is some promise of a resolution to this conflict in the idea of polyfidelity: basically, a circle of people who all mutually care for one another (no "primary/secondary" ranking that generally seems to go along with "the poly lifestyle" and to me seems counter to real closeness), and can have sexual relations freely within the group, but not with anyone outside the group, unless everyone in the group agrees to extend the group.

I don't think this kind of lifestyle would work for just any group of people who might try it...it might work for very few, in fact. But for the right group with similar mindset and temperaments, it seems like the one kind of arrangement that would have the positive freedom aspects of non-monogamy, while keeping the trust and stability aspects of monogamy.

This is where I am thus far. Personally, given this, I don't think I could ever get myself into another relationship with a fully monogamous understanding. I feel that I've dampened/stalled/cut off enough love in my life in the name of being true to my monogamous understanding that...well...there just must be a better way.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ahhh monogamy lol for me, there is no option..... I have to remain monogamous for my mental well being and state of mind.....

while I am pansexual ( I can form a full relationship with any person of any gender ) the option of free roaming or a multiple partner relationship is not a option for me...... it causes issues of self doubt, betrayal and other issues that affect the dysthimia that I live with.......

to me, its a challenge every day to juggle a pansexual nature and desires, with a nature of honesty, loyalty and commitment to a parter...and then juggle them both with dysthimia.....

I do not judge others that embrace and walk the free roaming path, I respect the people that can do it with honesty and respect for all the partners involved...... but I am harsh on people that will lie and cheat and blame their partner for it..... as your partner is not responsible for the fact you are bisexual and act on your urges.....

monogamy is not for everybody...and to each their own and may they be judged for their actions..... but for myself, I am amused that i am criticized for being monogamous, my sexuality is brought into question and my motives are judged harshly, by people that are quick to be angry that society doesn't accept them as they want to be accepted......

and like annika says, monogamy can nurture traits that are good to find in people.....

so I live a life that is half and half, monogamous with my partner ( sexually), but supportive and understanding of my friends ( emotionally and mentally )
maybe not the best of worlds.... but far better than losing my partner and all that we have worked to build up

[tenni]

"I do not judge others that embrace and walk the free roaming path, I respect the people that can do it with honesty and respect for all the partners involved...... but I am harsh on people that will lie and cheat and blame their partner for it..... as your partner is not responsible for the fact you are bisexual and act on your urges....."

SORRY DUDE
That is judgmental. If I were judgmental of you I would tear a piece of your ass off. You write contradictory nonsense.

[DuckiesDarling]

"I do not judge others that embrace and walk the free roaming path, I respect the people that can do it with honesty and respect for all the partners involved...... but I am harsh on people that will lie and cheat and blame their partner for it..... as your partner is not responsible for the fact you are bisexual and act on your urges....."

SORRY DUDE
That is judgmental. If I were judgmental of you I would tear a piece of your ass off. You are a fucktard.

I love the personal attack, Tenni. So nice of you to drop into this thread for the express purpose of being annoying.

[littlerayofsunshine]

"I do not judge others that embrace and walk the free roaming path, I respect the people that can do it with honesty and respect for all the partners involved...... but I am harsh on people that will lie and cheat and blame their partner for it..... as your partner is not responsible for the fact you are bisexual and act on your urges....."

SORRY DUDE
That is judgmental. If I were judgmental of you I would tear a piece of your ass off. You are a fucktard.



Thinks that make you go Hmmm.


Monogamy is not for me. But there are periods where we are monogamous, and those moments are even more special because of not being monogamous.

[tenni]

DD
Sorry but your lover partner did not fulfill your requirement of this thread with his judgmental crap. He constantly makes judgments when he is a definitely flawed human.

[Long Duck Dong]

"I do not judge others that embrace and walk the free roaming path, I respect the people that can do it with honesty and respect for all the partners involved...... but I am harsh on people that will lie and cheat and blame their partner for it..... as your partner is not responsible for the fact you are bisexual and act on your urges....."

SORRY DUDE
That is judgmental. If I were judgmental of you I would tear a piece of your ass off. You are a fucktard.

I am a fucktard cos i do not decide if the free roaming path is wrong or right ??? or I am a fucktard cos I do not support or condone lieing and dishonesty

well MR blame the heteros for a trait that can exist in all sexualities.... you are a prime example of passing the blame to people that are not the reason for the way others choose to live their lives.....

I am responsible for my monogamous way, not the heteros, not my partner, not religion..... but me.... and if being me, makes me a fucktard.... its a label I wear with pride

[littlerayofsunshine]

DD
Sorry but your lover partner did not fulfill your requirement of this thread with his judgmental crap. He constantly makes judgments when he is a definitely flawed human. His and others constant attacks on bisexuals who do not live by his moral standards is repulsive to me and clearly pisses me off. What is wrong with your lover?

Tenni..

Chill sweety.. You are way to uptight about others. reign in yourself a bit luv.. Because Twyla also said
So post your thoughts and please as I asked do not be nasty and judgemental about posts or posters.

Time to get out of the sandbox and sit at the big table.


You don't fit what you call her requirements either for this post.


Sorry Twyla.


And BTW. Notice how he is so venomous, yet.. after someone posts.. he changes his to sound much nicer and regal. Like He's getting attacked.

Gee. I thought edit was mostly for typo's and additions. Not rewriting history.

[Annika L]

Damn, and the conversation was kinda interesting. :(

[wrzwldo69]

This is often the place where these exchanges go from discussion of the topic to discussion of those participating
Not the same thing

As a male bisexual, I have struggled with the concept of monogamy and fidelity
Tough to sort this all out for some of us

Some of us, I think, have partners we respect, and love
Our concept of respect however includes a fidelity to partnership but not sexual exclusiveness. These means more after 45

This would all work except for risk and total honesty
Gender monogamy??
woody

[citystyleguy]

i have in any of my ltr's been absolutely faithful to my partner; never has the thought of another entered my mind, or been considered, during the duration of any one of the ltr's. the same is said also of the other. my(our) mindset was to remain with that one; the relationship ended mutually for both, the needs of each of us factored into the split at the time.

however, during the duration of some of the relationships, a third or fourth entered the relationship; the other(s) were always well aware of the other(s) within the realtionship, there was never, ever anything duplicitous by any other. this fluidity functioned as well as it did, as the needs outside the ltr's were minimal, and for all involved, very similiar in nature. the combination of each was, as is possible in this format and best outlined, as MMF, MFF, or MMFF, without crossing back of one relation into the other. i can only hope that this narrative makes sense.

my last, and longest by far, was my wife and myself; in an earlier thread posted by me, those who read it will know a part of the realtionship, and the concern that it caused me; however, it actually started and endured for a period of time as my wife, my male partner, and myself. prior to my wife, my partner and i had been a couple for several years, and the partnership overlapped into my last realtionship (keeping in the format of the above, it went from MM to MMF, finally into MF); i, and the other(s), were absolutely devoted to the other, no other entered into the picture, each devoted mind, body, and soul to other. as we progressed, another women entered the picture, eventually my male partner's wife, and we continued as separate relations, but still without any crossover, or again as F/MM/F.

as i considered my relationships, there was always an absolute monogamy, with a level of fluidity by the participants, but never any duplicitous actions to or by the members.

i can love only one man, and one woman, at a time; i fully expect the individual relationship to last until death do us part. to my everlasting horror, it has been my great misfortune to have the former prove the latter!

so, can a bisexual individual be monogamous, and remain bisexual, with absolute certainty, yes!

[citystyleguy]

Tenni..

Chill sweety.. You are way to uptight about others. reign in yourself a bit luv.. Because Twyla also said

Time to get out of the sandbox and sit at the big table.


You don't fit what you call her requirements either for this post.


Sorry Twyla.


And BTW. Notice how he is so venomous, yet.. after someone posts.. he changes his to sound much nicer and regal. Like He's getting attacked.

Gee. I thought edit was mostly for typo's and additions. Not rewriting history.

...many thanks for your posting; i was trying to say the very thing that you did, but only invectives came to mind, sooo...!

[coyotedude]

I think that being bisexual or pansexual and being monogamous are ultimately two separate questions. Being bisexual or pansexual means that you can have relationships with people of different genders; being monogamous means you choose to have a specific kind of relationship with one person, regardless of gender.

One of the observations I have made over the last several years is how few bisexual men appear to be comfortable with the notion of an emotional attachment to a man. For many (perhaps most) bisexual men, it would appear that they are far more comfortable with man-on-man sex than they are with man-on-man intimacy. (Because I am someone who could fall in love with men as well as women, I often feel like a minority within my own community.)

I wonder if this is one factor (among many) impacting why monogamous commitment to a relationship with a woman can be a challenge for so many bisexual men. It's not emotional fulfillment that they seek, but rather raw physical desire. Is it easier for many men to self-justify cheating on one's partner if you lust but do not love the other person?

Thoughts?

[coyotedude]

One other question for discussion:

If you are in a relationship where you and your partner agree to have sex together with other people, but you decide to privately have sex alone with another outside the relationship and do not share that fact with your partner, is that cheating?

My thought is that you can still cheat on your partner even when you are technically not in a monogamous relationship. Isn't cheating as much about the lying as it is about the physical act?

[biguy3113]

Well getting back to the previous post I myself and my wife are looking for an intimate relationship with the guy we bring to to our primary relationship. I have never been one for just sex without an emotional attachment, maybe it is my fem aide coming out but I was raised with morals and values no matter how skued they maybe.

[Long Duck Dong]

I think that being bisexual or pansexual and being monogamous are ultimately two separate questions. Being bisexual or pansexual means that you can have relationships with people of different genders; being monogamous means you choose to have a specific kind of relationship with one person, regardless of gender.

One of the observations I have made over the last several years is how few bisexual men appear to be comfortable with the notion of an emotional attachment to a man. For many (perhaps most) bisexual men, it would appear that they are far more comfortable with man-on-man sex than they are with man-on-man intimacy. (Because I am someone who could fall in love with men as well as women, I often feel like a minority within my own community.)

I wonder if this is one factor (among many) impacting why monogamous commitment to a relationship with a woman can be a challenge for so many bisexual men. It's not emotional fulfillment that they seek, but rather raw physical desire. Is it easier for many men to self-justify cheating on one's partner if you lust but do not love the other person?

Thoughts?

I would challenge any man to prove that their actions are purely sexual....lol as sexual action and sexual release, can trigger emotional changes in a male
.... maybe not the intimate, romantic, love type emotions... but there are emotions there....

lol I say that cos lacking emotions myself, I am acutely aware of changes in the emotional state of others I am around..... its like the blind man with acute hearing, smell and taste

the submit and serve emotional energy and thinking is present in bottoms.... and yes there is a shift in the energy, as my partner can tell you
so it begs the question if for a lot of males, its not just about sex, but the need to feel the subtle emotional shifts inside themselves....that otherwise they would not express....
and there is a difference between bottoming for a female than a male..... like a conflict of emotions.... the dominating male submitting to the the dominating male.... kinda like the beta male, submitting to the alpha male, but then going home and being the alpha male to the female.....

its not present in pansexuals and polyamory people that have no primary / secondary nature...... but even they follow a natural dominate / submit chain within the group that is so subtle, its barely noticed

the key to understanding sexuality and human interacts, is to watch animals.... they practice what we do.... the difference is, they lack the ability to hide the truth..... humans however, hide the truth on a regular basis

[DuckiesDarling]

Now wait just a minute... Monogamy is not forced. It's a thing decided on by two people with all thoughts considered. If you don't want to be monogamous then obviously you are not going to enter into a monogamous relationship.

I have openly stated it's not for everyone but it's what some people feel the most comfortable with.

Exactly where does anything state that monogamy is a forced thing? And I mean where besides on this site by individuals that have their own private agendas?

[ErosUrge]

Monogamy. There's a lot in that word for me and in the meaning of it. I have only been able to be monogamous only once in my life. And the person I shared that relationship was unable to keep to it. I don't fault her for this either as she shared with me the fact that being bi, she still had an intense need for being with women from time to time...without going in to more and giving more detail, she opted out of the situation with me and I was greatly saddened. However, though I had remained monogamous during that time with her, I can't say I would have had we continued and she too understood that I had desires for men. But during our time together, the desire never struck me as it normally does to have sex with a man.

I give great credit to those who can maintain and live in a monogamous situation and I have yearned for this from time to time in my life. I think it beautiful when two people can actually sustain a truly real and happy life with one another without the desire to ever stray. It's beyond me and so I don't give it much thought anymore. But it surely doesn't mean that I don't love or can't love deeply either.

I am saddened sometimes because of the fact that sometimes when I try to explain the fact that I do love deeply and devotedly yet cannot contain my appetite for having sex with men, I am judged and judged harshly by certain individuals for this. I cannot explain why this is as it is. And certain monogamous individuals because of this, do indeed make comments not really fully understanding the depth of this. It's the usual, "oh, you want to have your cake and eat it too" comment....and so my response would have to be and obviously is, "yes". And I understand that those who condemn me for this don't understand or are unwilling to understand that it is possible to be in love and want to remain with that person yet indulging in that appetite for the other sex from time to time. This isn't something that happened only recently; I have always been geared up this way since the very first stirrings of my awareness of being a sexual person. The difference being that I loved deeply certain women in my life, but even then, always had this hunger for male sex and only the sex. And as many of us know, there are actually some couples who have made a lifetime of this kind of situation, loving each other dearly and choosing to stay with each other whilst allowing the other to indulge with the same sex or sharing them together. This is not for everyone of course and is certainly not easy for some who choose this path. But there are those who have made a lifetime of it or as a couple I know, have had a very happy life together for the 23 years they've been together allowing each other to indulge with the same sex and then sharing some of them too....a very close knit circle of friends who appeal not only to the sensual qualities they see but to a kinship they all share and understand each other.

I am glad in all sincerity that two people choose to be devoted only to each other and can make it work and thrive that way together sharing in that joy with only one another. I only ask that those who are secure and stable that way to not judge those away who do not choose their path.

[Bluebiyou]

Monogamy,
a wonderful thing when it happens.
I like the way you posited the point, DuckiesDarling, TwylasTwobits.
Please forgive me if this sounds bad...
but your wording and responses mark a personal growth I noticed in you.
My sincerest heartfelt good tidings.
(I'm an old man who smells like cheese, reflecting for a long time on what he's messed up on in life- and what was 'right' -thus my present romantic perspective).
I have striven for monogamy, but have realized love is a temporary state, and sometimes an overlapping state. Sometimes love lasts for many decades, sometimes for a night; and all points in between. Sometimes, to fail to love, in full violation of monogamy, is also a failure in life. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously... the ego... all about us... if we'd just let go to our best understanding of love...
Final answer.
Monogamy is something to be striven for.
As a young man I vowed that I would never call a woman a slut. That the sharing of love in sexuality was so sacred and so important in life, that I would never demean someone who gave it away freely.
I have seen many people die. Life over. Some, I'm glad for what we shared, and some, regret for not having an intimate fling.
We should strive for monogamy.
And accept and treasure and rue the exceptions we may - or may not - make.
To make this clear, I have some regrets for not having an affair. The love of my life is too much to be politically correctly focused on one person. ... and then there's my bisexuality to consider (accepting and loving myself as much as any partner), the whole thing is so complex.
This is not a black and white issue.
I can see it much more of an issue with children involved...
It seems to me the 'wrongness' of non monogamy includes the extent the ego, vice the heart is involved in the motivation.
It's hard for me to condemn someone who sincerely loves/lusts...
But for ego, boredom, greatness, control, profit... violation of monogamy could not be worse.

I'm probably not making any sense.

[Long Duck Dong]

Monogamy,
a wonderful thing when it happens.
I like the way you posited the point, DuckiesDarling, TwylasTwobits.
Please forgive me if this sounds bad...
but your wording and responses mark a personal growth I noticed in you.
My sincerest heartfelt good tidings.
(I'm an old man who smells like cheese, reflecting for a long time on what he's messed up on in life- and what was 'right' -thus my present romantic perspective).
I have striven for monogamy, but have realized love is a temporary state, and sometimes an overlapping state. Sometimes love lasts for many decades, sometimes for a night; and all points in between. Sometimes, to fail to love, in full violation of monogamy, is also a failure in life. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously... the ego... all about us... if we'd just let go to our best understanding of love...
Final answer.
Monogamy is something to be striven for.
As a young man I vowed that I would never call a woman a slut. That the sharing of love in sexuality was so sacred and so important in life, that I would never demean someone who gave it away freely.
I have seen many people die. Life over. Some, I'm glad for what we shared, and some, regret for not having an intimate fling.
We should strive for monogamy.
And accept and treasure and rue the exceptions we may - or may not - make.
To make this clear, I have some regrets for not having an affair. The love of my life is too much to be politically correctly focused on one person. ... and then there's my bisexuality to consider (accepting and loving myself as much as any partner), the whole thing is so complex.
This is not a black and white issue.
I can see it much more of an issue with children involved...
It seems to me the 'wrongness' of non monogamy includes the extent the ego, vice the heart is involved in the motivation.
It's hard for me to condemn someone who sincerely loves/lusts...
But for ego, boredom, greatness, control, profit... violation of monogamy could not be worse.

I'm probably not making any sense.

it makes a lot of sense, to me blue...a lot of sense

and yes... your words carry a lot of wisdom.........

[sephirothtx]

it's all on preferences and taste.
being with only one mate is not entailed by nature, it is not required by physical laws, it was pushed upon us by the people who create laws and want us to be what they want us to be. But if we where that ,we wouldn't be openly gay or bisexual.

Its all personal moral obligations ,i am one that could never not be loyal only to one, at the same time, i perfer those which are loyal only to me, though i have been in a couple of"quite one sided" open relationships.

On the other hand i have seen couplese, straight, gay, bi, whatever, that cannot be happy being loyal to one partner, and yes, i said straight as well

i dont find it wrong as long it is aprooved and agreed upon by both party members and your not going around on the other one, cheeting is just, well, its being an asshole...

[just4mefc]

Ok here is my twisted view, I am monogamous to my wife and she to me. However, we would certainly have outside partners if the situation were right. She has free reign from me to sleep with anyone for any reason. Yet for 10 years or so has not done so. Early in our relationship we both had other partners, often in threesomes. But we were always committed to each other and only played with the knowledge/participation of the other. Weird how things work out. I did not enter this relationship with monogamy as any goal what so ever, we just seem to have arrived here. Both of us COULD but we seem happy to just know that we are not restricted. So non-monogamy does not need to mean cheating. If both are aware and in-the loop then non-monogamy can be just as committed as monogamous relationships. Perhaps more? When you have an open thing you never take it for granted so maybe that helps???

[Long Duck Dong]

Ok here is my twisted view, I am monogamous to my wife and she to me. However, we would certainly have outside partners if the situation were right. She has free reign from me to sleep with anyone for any reason. Yet for 10 years or so has not done so. Early in our relationship we both had other partners, often in threesomes. But we were always committed to each other and only played with the knowledge/participation of the other. Weird how things work out. I did not enter this relationship with monogamy as any goal what so ever, we just seem to have arrived here. Both of us COULD but we seem happy to just know that we are not restricted. So non-monogamy does not need to mean cheating. If both are aware and in-the loop then non-monogamy can be just as committed as monogamous relationships. Perhaps more? When you have an open thing you never take it for granted so maybe that helps???

lol marry me...... lol

you have just given me a insight into monogamy inside a open relationship that changes the dynamic from bisexual needs and desires... to one where... you have bisexual needs and desires but not the need to *rebel* against *monogamy chains *.. or the need to * spread your seed *

I can see where in a relationship, the freedom to roam can remove a * barrier * in a relationship that people may *rebel * against..... and how not having the barrier, doesn't mean that you will roam..... but how having the freedom, can strengthen the bond between you and your partner, and your relationship
I guess its like a bird of prey... they have the freedom to fly from your hand... yet they choose to stay on your hand..... but we would expect them to instantly fly from your hand....

thank you just4me for posting that

[BI BOYTOY]

goodmorning or after noon depending on what side of the planet you live on. me and my wife has always been nonmono. for short we have been poly even before we new their was a word for it.... i treid to be monogumos in earier relationships but one of us usualy the other one cheated.. then i got married and got this great idea.... if someone is going to fuck around why do it behind ones back? we both like other people,we have been this way for 18 yrs. it is truely not for everyone.... i think i got off track a little oh well.. hey i got a good question... is infidelity run in the family i wonder my dad married 5 time messed around on every one of them brother same thing till he gave up on marrage ... then their is me the poly thing... kind of makes you thingk hu?

[AsianDream]

goodmorning or after noon depending on what side of the planet you live on. me and my wife has always been nonmono. for short we have been poly even before we new their was a word for it.... i treid to be monogumos in earier relationships but one of us usualy the other one cheated.. then i got married and got this great idea.... if someone is going to fuck around why do it behind ones back? we both like other people,we have been this way for 18 yrs. it is truely not for everyone.... i think i got off track a little oh well.. hey i got a good question... is infidelity run in the family i wonder my dad married 5 time messed around on every one of them brother same thing till he gave up on marrage ... then their is me the poly thing... kind of makes you thingk hu?

Im not in a relationship at the moment - but in the past these have always been open - plus most of the other Gay guys I know who are in long term partnerships have open relationships.

While I do know that a loving realtionship can last - and want to find a life partner to grow old with for myself - the idea that one person can satisfy all of anothers sexual desires for the rest of your lives - seems doomed to fail.

[just4mefc]

lol marry me...... lol

you have just given me a insight into monogamy inside a open relationship that changes the dynamic from bisexual needs and desires... to one where... you have bisexual needs and desires but not the need to *rebel* against *monogamy chains *.. or the need to * spread your seed *

I can see where in a relationship, the freedom to roam can remove a * barrier * in a relationship that people may *rebel * against..... and how not having the barrier, doesn't mean that you will roam..... but how having the freedom, can strengthen the bond between you and your partner, and your relationship
I guess its like a bird of prey... they have the freedom to fly from your hand... yet they choose to stay on your hand..... but we would expect them to instantly fly from your hand....

thank you just4me for posting that

Yes I agree, it is the old cliche "set them free and if they return..."

Well Ok I will marry you, but we have to move to Utah ;) of course the irony being you can have as many wives as you can afford in Utah but same sex union is some how immoral :rolleyes:

[just4mefc]

goodmorning or after noon depending on what side of the planet you live on. me and my wife has always been nonmono. for short we have been poly even before we new their was a word for it.... i treid to be monogumos in earier relationships but one of us usualy the other one cheated.. then i got married and got this great idea.... if someone is going to fuck around why do it behind ones back? we both like other people,we have been this way for 18 yrs. it is truely not for everyone.... i think i got off track a little oh well.. hey i got a good question... is infidelity run in the family i wonder my dad married 5 time messed around on every one of them brother same thing till he gave up on marrage ... then their is me the poly thing... kind of makes you thingk hu?

This is part of what is known as systems theory in psychology. It is used by family therapist. It is often repeated in many generations that an "issue" for lack of a better word here seem to be handed down... alcoholism, cheating, lying, social maladjustment, addictions, abuse spousal and child, etc.. :2cents:

[elian]

I am monogomous at heart, beauty fades, lust fades, what I really want is a loving companion.

The first MMF relationship I was very immature and it was a lot of work - it's hard enough worrying about what one person thinks on an intimate level, let alone two.

The man I am dating now is in an open relationship - I share respect and love for his wife - simply put, because she means so much to him, she also means a lot to me..and I can also see that she is a good person at heart. I love him dearly, I'm good friends with her - they are both beautiful and generous people.

Honestly, I do not know if in the future I can be 70 years old and still doing this, but I am grateful for the loving friends I have found.

He doubts himself, I guess most of the LGBT folks I have met all seem to carry scars in one way or another, but when I close my eyes and imagine him - his loving, generous heart is just amazing.

[Long Duck Dong]

Yes I agree, it is the old cliche "set them free and if they return..."

Well Ok I will marry you, but we have to move to Utah ;) of course the irony being you can have as many wives as you can afford in Utah but same sex union is some how immoral :rolleyes:

lol all the nagging a man could ever need lol :tong: