...when you tell your partner you're bi, and..

[citystyleguy]

...i was going to post this question in this thread "..Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI.." but as i seldom revisit threads, until lately, i am putting this question to the great souls that inhabit our bi-world.

my interest is as follows; the incredible woman that i spent nearly a quarter of a century with, to whom i never cheated on, when i attempted to tell her my sexuality, seemed not to be just indifferent, but nothing seemed to register. i refuse to have an intimate relationship without honesty; what kind of love would that be? ...so i attempted to tell, expecting some reaction (this was on several occasions) both prior to our relationship and prior to our marriage, but again nothing! BUT NOTHING!!! (not yelling, just emphasis).

it was like, hon, i am bisexual, with brief inclusion of some information, and her response? ...do want jam or jelly with your toast? Huh???!!! Obviously, this is to get the point across in as brief a format as possible.

i have never gotten this from a man, only a woman; it drives me insane! ...and given this in as serious a topic as your partner's sexuality!!! to my beautiful partners at this site, please dont give me the the sexist pig attitude, i am trying to understand this type of attitude, or reaction.

when you read postings here on relationships, there is always a response from the other person upon revelation of your sexuality, from gee, great, let's invite the friends to absolute horrific responses! at least a reponse!!!

...so, though i am open to any and all of our members, as a clueless male :rolleyes: this question is focused to all of our incredible women!

ps to Cat, yeah, yeah i have read the quote below your postings '...women and cats do as they please, and men and dogs have to just get used to the idea! ...please, i need more understanding!!

..so an inquiry from the :cool:!

[csrakate]

Actually, it sounds to me as if she is trying to avoid hearing you....pretending that you haven't said anything at all. Denial is a fierce reaction...but it's not going to help either one of you. Sounds to me like you need to keep trying to talk to her...may not get you the reaction you desire, but it's better than letting her continue to put her head in the sand.

[TamLin]

Well, not having been there myself and not knowing your partner at all, I can only speculate, but I've known some people who mask (or, in their minds, express) anger with that kind of bland, unflappable attitude.

[DuckiesDarling]

Actually, it sounds to me as if she is trying to avoid hearing you....pretending that you haven't said anything at all. Denial is a fierce reaction...but it's not going to help either one of you. Sounds to me like you need to keep trying to talk to her...may not get you the reaction you desire, but it's better than letting her continue to put her head in the sand.

I agree, but I had another thought. Perhaps she is just accepting and knows it doesn't change who you are. Just a thought.

[Long Duck Dong]

I am not sure what type of reaction you were expecting, city......

from what i gather, your bisexuality has never been a issue in the relationship.... you have not acted in a manner to trigger discord etc....
and that really doesn't give much of a way of a reply lol

its possible your partner may have been waiting for some indication as to why you were telling them.......

sorry, I am gonna poke a bit of fun at the situation

hun, I'm bisexual

thats nice dear, you want two lumps ?

ahh darling, I am attracted to males and females

ok dear, do you want your bacon stiff and your eggs well done ?

ahh baby, I have been with males and females in the past before you

thats nice dear, would you like jelly or jam with your crumpet

( the term crumpet can refer to a female you are gonna have a quickie with )


honestly dude, she may have heard you and saw no reason to reply.... so i would talk to her later and say something like you were a lil surprised that she didn't hit you with the frying pan, when you told her about your bisexuality, but thank you for not doing it........ and she may open up and talk more

[rutemptedalso]

My wife got upset the first time I told her I was bi and then pretended that I never mentioned it the next day. I brought it up again twenty years later and I'm not letting her sweep it back under the rug this time. She still doesn't like it and doen't understand why she isn't enough. She understands why I'm attracted to the same sex but still thinks that I should be able get over it.

[BiCycler]

Passion. Is that not what you are asking about? I tend to thoughts here that reflect what csrakate and TamLin posted. But perhaps not. Is there low level passion elsewhere that speaks to her reaction? Or is she passionate about other aspects of your relationship? I told one partner, of twelve years, about my sexuality very early on in our relationship. She reacted in a very sexy way drawing stick figures of her and me and another man. I thought I reached nirvana. During the marriage, (we had all sorts of issues), she started calling me "little faggot" and things like that. After we were separated, I asked her about why she initially supported me when I confessed my sexuality. She told me, she thought I was telling her about my past. That I had "experimented" and not that I am bisexual. She then told me she thought the whole idea was gross. I felt a little humiliated, until put it back to her. The point here is that she went into heavy duty denial. She wasn't honest about her feelings and somewhere in how I told her and how her mind put the pieces together, she assumed I was "over" it. I can't determine anything about your partner from what you write, of course, but I suggest you press the issue because you do express in your question that this is very important to you.:cap:

[jem_is_bi]

Actually, it sounds to me as if she is trying to avoid hearing you....pretending that you haven't said anything at all. Denial is a fierce reaction...but it's not going to help either one of you. Sounds to me like you need to keep trying to talk to her...may not get you the reaction you desire, but it's better than letting her continue to put her head in the sand.

I read his profile. I believe his wife is now dead. So, I think he is trying to understand her so that he may have a firm basis for the future.
I wish him luck and happiness. I have never been married. Thus, I have no personal experience to give me insight that would enable me to provide useful advice. But, I can understand how very special a good partner and long term marriage can be to someone. I wish I could be more helpful.

[wrzwldo69]

good string here- interesting issue and also interested in the distaff side of things
I am separated but still see family FWB with my 'ex'
After much time, and trying once in the past, I worked up the courage to ask her to try out the staff side with a strap on
For me, extending into my 'bi' side is being the more passive partner, still want to please but want my partner to take their pleasure with me...
For me that is the other side of the role
Excuse the vernacular but I wanted to be fucked instead of the person fucking

She did give it a try ..... butt and (that is a large butt)
Did not grasp what I wanted

and she is a female who enjoys most types of anal stimulation

so secretly bi?

is it only a secret because someone is deaf?

wudi

[just4mefc]

Indifference does often come from denial and indifference is the worst response we can receive form a loved one.

[TulsaTriad1]

it was like, hon, i am bisexual, with brief inclusion of some information, and her response? ...do want jam or jelly with your toast?

Sounds to me like maybe she wanted to end the conversation because she felt like maybe what you really wanted to say/ask you had not said yet.

Maybe she was saying she wanted the conversation to be over, because she did not want to answer the next question with a "No."

I'm with you, CSG, on the honesty thing. The phrase used fairly often, I think, is "honest to a fault." I want everything out on the table, full disclosure, admitting what is true in my heart and in my actions.

Not everyone feels that way. And I think that may be okay. There's a case to be made for avoiding declarations that could turn into ultimatums, or keeping known, acknowledged and accepted realities from coming to a point of pain and conflict.

Maybe she thought that a non-response was better than a showdown.

Is that possible?

[BI BOYTOY]

this is what happend when i told my wife, keep in mind it was a different situation. after a long night of sex pot and booz the morning came around and she told me she was bi. so i thought oh cool so am i, right? na i told her and she looked straight down at the bed and said OH as big oh and that was it for months.i thingk what kate said was right on. good luck. let it sink in a bit. and another good luck.:bipride: