Bisexual Etiquette/Logistics

[BiByNature]

I have a question about “Bisexual Etiquette” or “Logistics” when men get together for sex. I have no actual experience yet, but if I do decide to live out my fantasies, I will have to deal with it.

I know that everyone is different, but if I masturbate while fantasizing about a bisexual encounter, as soon as I have an orgasm, I instantly lose all desire to do anything sexual with a man. Another personal thing is that I am only interested in oral sex. Based on what I have seen on this and other forums, I know that there are many men who share my curiosity and libido. So, given these ground rules, I see a potential problem.

If I hook up with a male partner who has the same libido and sexuality that I do, and he blows me, I won’t be able to reciprocate for some time – perhaps hours. I assume that he will have the same reaction if I blow him. I wonder how others (who have actual experience) deal with this. Do they take turns – this time me, next time you? Does the second partner just masturbate, and wait for the next time? It seems awkward – especially if they hook up for a ‘quickie’.

I know that many will assume that I can change my libido over time, and that I will overcome my inhibitions after an orgasm, and I am open to it - I’m always looking to explore new things. But for the purpose of this discussion, please assume that my sexual desires and behaviors will not change. I am interested in finding out how others, with the same libido, and who have actual experience, have dealt with this situation.

[lovescum2]

Well I'm bi and feel that way too, I agree with LeF. Blow him first and that should solve you problem for you...

[BiByNature]

If I suck him off first, then he will lose his interest/libido, and he won't reciprocate. I would like it if both could be satisfied.

If that's just the way it is, then I'll just have to deal with it. But I'm still hoping that someone has a more creative solution.

[BiByNature]

I'm very frustrated, because I can't seem to effectively communicate the question that I want to ask.

The original question is admittedly very narrow in scope. Just to be clear, for the purpose of this question, assume that BOTH partners have the SAME libido, and do NOT want to proceed in ANY way/shape/form after they cum. This leaves their partner without an orgasm. Without making major changes to their sexuality, is there a creative solution?

I know that there must others with sexuality similar to mine, and they must have hit this problem before. I'm looking for their REAL-LIFE experience.

I don't know any other way to ask it. Please read the original question again.

[Falke]

I'm very frustrated, because I can't seem to effectively communicate the question that I want to ask.

The original question is admittedly very narrow in scope. Just to be clear, for the purpose of this question, assume that BOTH partners have the SAME libido, and do NOT want to proceed in ANY way/shape/form after they cum. This leaves their partner without an orgasm. Without making major changes to their sexuality, is there a creative solution?

I know that there must others with sexuality similar to mine, and they must have hit this problem before. I'm looking for their REAL-LIFE experience.

I don't know any other way to ask it. Please read the original question again.


I would just be up-front about it, then look for someone who would still hold interest post-orgasm so you can get off. They are out there!

[citystyleguy]

...i have read and re-read your original posting, plus your subsequent postings, and have to say i am still somewhat concerned by your expectations;

given this dynamic, my response would only be an opinion, along with the others here, so i will only say that your thread is not so much the question, but one of technique

i simply say, to each their own! :2cents:

[BiByNature]

I really do appreciate input and advice from everybody, but I can't seem to communicate very well today. But please don't be concerned by my expectations.

The situation that I described is not what I would call an ideal situation, and I'm not looking for exactly that. But I may find myself in that situation, and I would like advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

I know that everyone is different. I know that nobody will not have EXACTLY my sexuality. I know that I can't expect a new sexual partner to be exactly what I want. I do not have any illusions about that. I asked what I thought was a simple question. It was purely HYPOTHETICAL. The original question asks about two men in a specific circumstance.

I'm very happy that people are not all the exactly same. But my simple question is based on two men with sexuality similar to mine. Yes, I may end up having sexual liaisons with people very different from me - gay men, or someone who only likes anal sex, or transsexuals - you name it. Its a big wide world out there, and I'm eager to explore, but I have to do it my way, at my own pace. And within my safety zone. As I enter into a new phase of my sexual world, I have some simple questions.

Please be open to the fact that a situation such as I described is at least possible, and I will admit that I may never actually find myself in a situation like that. The question is if anyone HAS actually found themselves in a situation similar to the one that I described, and HAS found a creative solution, I would like to hear it.

Anyway, I really do appreciate those of you who have spent time trying to help. I do not wish to insult anyone, or belittle their input. I'm just very confused about this new area of my sexuality, and I need to take small steps, and ask simple questions. If I worry about too much about all of the possibilities, good and bad, I will never progress.

[biinterested]

I read your post and after having an orgasm with a guy my labido declines and I recoil from any further activity. The problem is that all my past experiences have been hookups( I haven't done those in years.) where I didn't know the guy .
If I were to get to know the person I was with, became friends on some level and trust grew between us that would change my response after orgasm, whether mine or his. It might take time to get an erection again, but at least I would be in a trusting and safe situation. I think this might apply to you also

[morgan33t]

I think you are stressing way too much about the whole thing. If you do decide to go ahead with something just let things happen that feel good. The things you are worried about will become trivial. You can't plan exactly how things will work out anyway so quit worring.

[BiBedBud]

I think too many people have an outlook of 'goal-oriented sex'. They pursue their goal (orgasm) to the exclusion of everything else, and then when they reach their goal (they cum), they loose all interest. Men are more guilty of this than women, IMHO. Why not take your time and enjoy the experience more?

Why not change your outlook?

Why not suck him for some time, and before he cums, switch?

Why not let him suck you for some time, but before you cum, you switch?

Why not play like this for hours?

Suggestion: Get an alarm clock -- the one with the anoying BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! sound, and keep switching positions after hitting the snooze button again -- that way you each get seven minute turns on the other guy's pole?

If you do this enough, in time, it might make it easier to wake up in the morning, having trained yourself to relish that BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!:bigrin:

[ironwood]

Do these numbers help "69"

[NEPHX]

...I know that nobody will not have EXACTLY my sexuality....

...I know that I can't expect a new sexual partner to be exactly what I want... Perhaps but you certainly can expect them to "do only what you want" by having realist and clear limits with them up front even if they might often "do more" or "different" with others.

...It was purely HYPOTHETICAL....

When hypothetical/theoretical turns into actual, you might find none of all those details you believe so important now to be as important later (sexuality, libido, etc.)

...But my simple question is based on two men with sexuality similar to mine.....

The simplest answer is: It depends



Overall, I think you might be trying too hard to intellectualize an emotion/hormone driven kind of thing.

Let the other guy know upfront your concern; that if you cum first, you might not be interested in helping him finish. He might have a different idea for that day. Maybe he only likes to give vs. receive. People have different moods and want different things on different days (and something they never want something).

Don' be shocked it you get involved and suddenly something else feels/sounds good and you go with it if you're both ok with it.

Have a stop word so you don't have to "mince words" to stop something.

So, even if it all sounds confusing, its still a good exercise even if its kind of like The Blindmen and the Elephant fable by Saxe.

[wrzwldo69]

I assume that he will have the same reaction if I blow him.

That is your assumption, not everyone else

My experience in bi sex is that sex also includes position
Some is on top and some one is on bottom

I have topped a few guys and I know they are satisfied with the experience
I have bottomed for a few guys and wanted to give them what they were looking for.
So in your masturbatory imagining - some one will be in one those places

There are a lot of bottom guys out there looking for definite tops

If you are one - enjoy it - and give it to the last 'inch'

If you want to satisfy a top - enjoy it and enjoy every drop

Exploring alternate (yes it is still alternate) sexuality each person needs to be open to a range of experience

Otherwise look for a rent boy
wudi

[TulsaTriad1]

As soon as I have an orgasm, I instantly lose all desire to do anything sexual with a man.

BBN, I know exactly what you're talking about. And for me, it applies to women, too. Or at least usually, lately, with both.

The phenomenon you describe is physical, and some men have it in a big way, others less so. When I was a younger man (and living str8), I had a very quick recovery, and so the let-down didn't matter so much.

But as I got older (and being diabetic, this was long before I got anywhere close to what people think of as "old"), my ability to "come back" diminished to the point where even once a night wasn't a given!

And I felt really shitty about it. Not being able to reciprocate. And it doesn't matter how much s/he says it doesn't matter, it was your turn, there are lots of ways to make love, etc. You want to be a generous lover.

I would echo some of the practical advice given above, specifically the part about going first. If you're concerned about a first encounter, I would very much encourage you to take that initiative. But sooner or later, somebody's got to come first, and if it's you, you need to be okay with what happens next.

That can include a lot of possibilities, and you may need to stretch beyond your initial impulses to be that considerate lover. My advice would be to relax (before and after, not necessarily possible during) and let things happen. You may surprise yourself! It would help if you were NOT in so much of a hurry. I don't really understand the hookup modality -- I love so many people, it's hard to imagine the appeal of skipping past all of them to be with someone I don't have feelings for.

But I don't discredit its appeal, or its (responsible) expression. One thing, though, about being with someone you know you will want to see again, is there are always opportunities for reciprocation.

Take care.