To those who came out to their wives.... [Archive]

View Full Version : To those who came out to their wives....

guycurious

Mar 28, 2006, 8:32 AM

ddbmma

Mar 28, 2006, 11:09 AM

1) How did you start the conversation ?

2) What was her initial reaction ?

3) What have the long term results been ?

4) Were any of the wives unable to deal with the revelation thus ending the relationship ?

Thanks

1) She called me her boyfriend, wanting attendence of her college graduation. "Well, if that is the case, you should know I'm bi." Which led to her reply almost instantly ...

2) "So what? I love you even if you are purple and drink through your ears."

3) We're still together nearly a decade later, and wear matching, custom made rings.

4) In our case, I think it's a safe bet to say another decade will find us together.

We have bumps as any couple is bound to have, but life is interesting because of those. You can not have roses without a few thorns. Or borrowing an English adage, pain and pleasure from the same vine grow.

Yes, we're both insane. I need to be to put up with her and vice versa. :)

Apologies if this answer seems bland or stoic. The magic lies in keeping the boat level in the water, it is no easy task, but worth every minute of sailing time.

Bothbi_cpl813

Mar 28, 2006, 11:45 AM

I came out to her before we were married, I have lived the lie before and hated it.... better now everything is out and i don;t have to sneak around anymore

wildboy40

Mar 28, 2006, 12:05 PM

Well me and my other half arnt married but heres how it happened any way we were lying in bed and i told here i had something to tell her so i just said "by the the way hunny you know i love you but i enjoy sleeping with guys as well im bi "

Well you could on nocked me down with a feather not easy as im 6ft4" when she just lay there and said "yeah fine i guessed so "then we had great sex and have been very happy ever since.

Since then she has come out to me that she is also bi.

That was 5yrs ago and we are both very happy and intend to get married in the next few years :flag3:

innaminka

Mar 28, 2006, 8:41 PM

1) How did you start the conversation ?

2) What was her initial reaction ?

3) What have the long term results been ?

Thanks

OK, the rules have changed - I came out to my husband.

1. It was after I knew in a concrete way ( :tongue: ) that I was at least bi. We were on a weekend away, lying by a pool in Noosa.
I just told him that I had become physically attracted to women, but that it in no way detracted from my love from him. Or my sexual desire for him.
It was something that had happened. I had no idea until it had.
2. A VEEEEERRRRRRY long silence. He asked me how I was going to handle the situation. I said I had no idea, but that it was very real.
He then asked me had I actually been to bed with another woman - I answered yes, I was talking to him because it was a reality.
He then took a very long walk for about 3 hours.
When he returned he only asked 1 more question - "Did I love him?"
I said yes. We screwed!.
3 Long term results were not so good initially. A distance definitely grew between us both emotionally and sexually and it has taken time to heal.
It has!!!! :)
His approach is he wants to know nothing about what or when I "practice" -
Because we spend up to 5 months of the year apart, in a funny way this has aided and strengthened our marriage.
Neither of us asks what the other does during those absences.
Works for us!!

Flounder1967

Mar 28, 2006, 8:56 PM

glantern954

Mar 28, 2006, 10:45 PM

1) I started the conversation with tears because I was petrified of her reaction. I said I have to tell you something that I have realized about myself, I am bisexual.

2) Her reaction was complete shock and she got drunk. The next day she said she realized I was the same person that she fell in love with and would continue to do so.

3) I originally had no intention of acting on my bi side, but she kind of encouraged it. There have been a few ups and downs around that experimentation but I could not imagine a woman being more okay with the non-traditional aspects of our relationship.

4) She has rules that I have to abide by, and do. So she is okay. I do at times resent some of the control she has over my life though.

Qetesh

Mar 29, 2006, 8:17 AM

I'll answer on behalf of my hubby as he very rarely comes to this site any more.

I brought up the subject, I'd found something on the computer that gave it away, actually my initial reaction was shock and anger, I just assumed he was gay. Anyway I went to see some friends and calmed myself down. I didnt talk to him (or even see him due to the shifts he was working)until I was calm, I figured no matter what I felt, it was nothing compared to what he was going through, he knew what I'd found though. Anyway he got home at seven in the morning after finishing work and lay in bed as far away from me as possible (he hated himself and thought I did too), so I just rolled over and wrapped an arm around him.... we talked a bit, hugged a lot until he felt brave enough to tell me he thought he was bi.
My reaction (I'd already worked it out but I needed to hear it from him so I knew he wasnt in denial anymore) was a great big hug. I said thank you for his bravery and honesty and told him that I loved him. I told him (still tell him) that I'm soooo proud of him for having the courage to face up to it and actually tell me.
Its only been a few months but we are a lot closer now and I can cope with it, as far as I'm concerned he's still him, nothing has changed!!! :)

Mimi

Mar 29, 2006, 10:26 PM

although i don't have a personal story, i just wanted to say that i'm very happy to see this thread. kudos to you, guycurious!! :) it warms my heart to know that there are so many brave bi men with integrity and sensitivity to their partners. and it makes me feel proud to know that others are standing up too.

there's a chinese saying that goes something like: "it's easy to break one chopstick but very hard to break a bundle of chopsticks."

strength in numbers!!!! :grouphug:

mimi :flag1:

bigregory

Mar 30, 2006, 11:06 PM

There is no exact day that it came out,it just came out over the years of marriage.
Lots of little pillow talk adds up over the years.
Next thing we knew we were both out to each other that we were bi .
Life is good.

BI BOYTOY

Mar 31, 2006, 2:36 AM

i cheated he he we were in bed and she had come out to me and so i could not tell her i was also bi.it was a start of a very interesting relationship,
she was shocked to say the least.it was not the end of a relasionship.i wuold be very carefull in coming out to your wife you now her better than any body.

Iowabiguy

Mar 31, 2006, 11:51 AM

1) How did you start the conversation ?

2) What was her initial reaction ?

3) What have the long term results been ?

4) Were any of the wives unable to deal with the revelation thus ending the relationship ?

Thanks

After my marriage ended in disaster (in part because of my bisexuality) I decided that I would tell anybody early on that I was bisexual so that it would not come as a surprise.
I started the conversation by telling her that I wanted to talk to her about something important. I was nervous but figured that if she was going to know the "real" me she needed to know about my bisexuality.

She reacted very well. In fact, I think that she thinks that it is was brave to tell her but more importantly that it was a strength to know myself enough to verbalize that I was bisexual and did not know exactly what that meant.

The long term results have been primarily great. I say that because I could not ask for a more loving and accepting woman. She has a beautiful soul. We talk regularly about sexual issues. We talk about hot guys, things that I read about on this site, possible threesomes, and anything else that comes to mind about being bi.
The HOWEVER comes with her rules on my outside-relationship sex. She insists that I use protection even during oral sex no matter how well I know the person. Of course, with anal sex I would insist on a condom but I just don't get any satisfaction from giving or getting head with a condom being used.

Mrs.F

Mar 31, 2006, 3:48 PM

Well i didn't start the converastion. I had found this site and was bocome conforatble with my self and wanted to tell her. But I left the site up on my laptop and she found it.

She cried alot, but she knew she loved me. there was a few days/weeks that i wasn't sire what was going to happen. We started talking and sex between us also started to grow with us.

We are still working out the long term, but we plan to stay together and love each very much.

SHe hasn'e left me yet and i don't think she will.

It never crossed my mind that I didn't love you Flounder....I knew I did. But my fear was that you didn't love me. I cried out of fear that I would never be enough for you, that you had done things behind my back and that you may, just up and leave me due to unhappiness.

After the crying stopped and we talked and hugged things became clearer for me, the pain and fear started to go away and I joined this site to help me understand all I could, which inturn would help us. I feel bad that you have kept this inside for so many yrs. I wish you had felt you could tell me.

As he stated, we are still working on the long term but will stay together and watch out love grow even bigger and stronger.

I'm not going anywhere Flounder....I love you. :tong:

Mrs.F :)

Alaric

Mar 31, 2006, 6:28 PM

1) How did you start the conversation ?

I don't know... I just knew I had to tell her everything about me, even those things that I had always kept secret. She had a right to know, and I had to trust in her, she deserves that more than anything. I did hint a lot though, felt her out...

2) What was her initial reaction ?

Initially it was almost a "woohoo" thing, an added dimension to the most wonderful sex life I have ever known.

3) What have the long term results been ?

I have only let her really "know" recently, before it had been in broad hints and fantasies during sex.

4) Were any of the wives unable to deal with the revelation thus ending the relationship ?

This is the perfect woman for me. I believe in her, and love her more than life itself. I think she knows the love I feel for her, and I think she knows there will never be any danger of betraying her.

As an added footnote:

I came in here under another name, and I lived a fantasy world here in many ways. I often talked about what I wanted to do from that fantasy world, even though I had not actually done those things... Some of the experiences I had were a long time ago, many many years, but I talked as if they were recent. I only fooled myself.

Telling her about me hurt, was painful, but she - as usual - did not balk or run, did not hate me, deride me, or point accusing fingers at me... She simply loved me...

To all of you, this is me... This is who I am... And the woman in my life is the most perfect woman I have ever known... It remains a wonder to me that she wants any part of me at all.................................

My :2cents: worth....

MrsAlaric

Mar 31, 2006, 9:44 PM

Dear Alaric thought it was news to me. It wasn't. I have known for a long time. Maybe the words had not been said, but it was there. The actual "telling" has allowed a dialogue between us that is so open and honest. I think it has changed our relationship for the better. Yes, I just "officially" found out, but the fact that he trusts me enough to share something so intimate speaks volumes to me. He knows all my secrets, now I know all his. This won't harm our relationship, it will only make it stronger. We are best friends above all else. Of course, he is sexy as hell, but that's just a bonus!

Omnisexuality is just part of Alaric. I love the total man, all of him, and this is part of him. Doesn't change anything for me. He is my world.

Hope everyone is having a great Friday! :love1: