Would appreciate your insight on this

[annakarina]

Hi all. My husband and me are considering what it would be like if I or we were to become physically involved with another woman. He is straight. I have considered myself bisexual for a long time but have very limited experience with women. We recently watched a video with 2 women together and we were both really turned on. When he saw how turned on I was, he said he thinks it would be good for me to have sex with a woman if it’s someone I trust.

We both like the idea of me or us getting involved with another woman, but we are both wondering what effect it would have on our relationship with each other. As a threesome, he wonders if it would bother me that he gets 2 women but I don’t get another man (neither of us is interested in another man), and I don’t think it would, but I don’t know. Sometimes people feel good about something when they do it but afterwards have regrets and feelings they didn’t anticipate. We figure it would take some kind of emotional maturity to introduce a new partner(s) into our relationship without damaging our own relationship. It feels a bit hazardous. I would be interested in hearing from anyone whose primary relationship was damaged by consensually introducing another person, and from anyone whose relationship has been fine or got better as a result. What was your experience?

Also, can anyone point me toward any statistical studies about success/failure rate of primary relationships where additional relationships were added? Thanks.

[Sparks]

Life is full of hazards. Yet, you communicate well and that is the most important part of any relationship you will have. As the riddle states, "name a four letter word for sex?" The mind spins with the usual stuff. . . however, the correct answer is TALK. With patience and understanding, you and your hubby will find the path that is most comfortable for the both of you. Take good care. :2cents:

[Tx46M]

Prior to our marriage my ex-wife had 3 girlfriends, she had some innocent girl to girl kissing & feeling as a teen and wanted to experience more. She met a girl at her office and one thing led to another and eventually they became lovers. After about 6 months I was invited to join them, I was unsure about what exactly I was allowed to do so I merely held & kissed her girlfriend. We were together 3 or 4 times and I must say as a man the thought of 2 women making love was always a turn on for me. However the reality of actually being there and sharing the same woman (my wife) was really beautiful. I believe it brought us much closer and my wife felt more fulfilled as that aspect of her sexuality was finally realized. Later she met another friend she was with for about 6 months and I was never with them both (the first girlfriend had to transfer 1500 miles away for her job) and eventually another lady she worked with & my ex played occasionally. I never felt jealous or "left out" I just thought it was sweet. Damn I miss her!!! :2cents:

[CountryLover]

I'm part of a threesome now. My sweet lady is married to a delightful man. We've played together as a threesome a few times, which is always a lot of fun. However, like Friday night, he'll usually take the kids to go visit Grandma and let us have some privacy.

Our relationship has been great from the beginning, from the first time we met last June. She tells me the last time they tried to have a relationship with another woman, that person did her best to break up their marriage. I've been VERY VERY careful not to give off any of those vibes!

Just to make things interesting....her husband brought home his best friend about 2 yrs ago....she now has two husbands. I had to explain to her that when two men enjoy sucking cock, THIS is bisexual behavior......... :tong:

Anyway, it IS possible to have a non-traditional relationship, but it does require a great deal of trust and communication, as well as the right people.

[coknballiker]

There are definitely risks to every behavior. As you are indicating, you need to be very careful and communicate honestly. Many situations work out but I am also aware of many situations that don't. Even some where the husband leaves with the other woman and the relationship ends in a divorce. I am not discouraging you for in the right circumstances and with the right people with the right expectations and right commitment, a beautiful relationship could be waiting for you. Only you can determine that. Good Luck!!!

[open2both]

Go for it, baby!

[Mimi]

relationships with 2 people require a lot of communication. adding a 3rd means even more communication. you will be dealing with 3 people's emotions, expectations, and behaviors, not just 2. here are some things i recommend you figure out before doing anything.

on your own:
-what is your reason for wanting a 3rd (curiosity, self-fulfillment, better your sex life)?
-what do you want to get out of inviting a 3rd (just sex, emotional, or both)?
-is there anything you could add to your relationship with your husband without inviting a 3rd?

with your husband:
-who do you want to invite (stranger, acquaintance, friend)? does your husband need to agree on who the 3rd is, or just you?
-who does the inviting? how is the inviting done?
-what activities are allowed and what are not allowed?
-does your husband participate and if yes, to what degree?
-if your husband doesn't participate, then how much will you tell him about it afterward?
-will it be a one-time thing with each person, or an on-going thing with one person?

hope this helps,
mimi :flag1:

[Tx46M]

relationships with 2 people require a lot of communication. adding a 3rd means even more communication. you will be dealing with 3 people's emotions, expectations, and behaviors, not just 2. here are some things i recommend you figure out before doing anything.

on your own:
-what is your reason for wanting a 3rd (curiosity, self-fulfillment, better your sex life)?
-what do you want to get out of inviting a 3rd (just sex, emotional, or both)?
-is there anything you could add to your relationship with your husband without inviting a 3rd?

with your husband:
-who do you want to invite (stranger, acquaintance, friend)? does your husband need to agree on who the 3rd is, or just you?
-who does the inviting? how is the inviting done?
-what activities are allowed and what are not allowed?
-does your husband participate and if yes, to what degree?
-if your husband doesn't participate, then how much will you tell him about it afterward?
-will it be a one-time thing with each person, or an on-going thing with one person?

hope this helps,
mimi :flag1:

And you are so right, if you read my post it all sounds sweet (it was) but there were times that the dynamics of the relationship bought about interesting and unpleasant "twists" like the girlfriend and I loved the same woman..but we had a sort of brother-sister relationship too. And time issues...oh well, it was still oh so special!! If I had to do it all over again I would.
D

[slipperin]

make sure it is what you both want and not just fantasy for one of you or it will lead to trouble!!

[innaminka]

If you believe you are bi, and belive me there is a world of difference between watching a couple of professional models go through their well practised and sanitised rountine to actually being physically intimate with another woman, my advice would be to find out the truth of your feelings yourself.
Alone!
having fantisies about another woman is one thing. Doing it is another.
do you really want to be in a situation where your husband is with you and you realise that what you thought you desperately wanted to do will in fact make you want to vomit?????

It happens more than you know...........

find out discretely what your reactions will be before you start to go through the emotional rollercoaster that 3'somes involve.
Just my :2cents:

[onewhocares]

As all have stated above, communication is the key. Having the pleasure of being involved with a third has its advantages, but drawbacks can also become a factor. Knowing that your husband is the one to whom you come home to everynight and the one you love is key. Someone once told me that being able to seperate the emotions from the physical enjoyment is key. That theory has been helpful- although not always sucessful as I am caring to a fault. The excitement it can add to your marriage is magnificant. Not only for you the participant but also for your straight husband, I know, I am the straight wife.

What ever you choose, make it your choice, one you make openly. Finding a lover, the right lover may be a difficult search, but you shall be rewarded in the end.

Belle

[moonlitwish]

hmm, been there, tried that, realized I'm just not that into men...now I'm getting divorced from my husband. My advice...Make sure you know yourself and are completely open to yourself before you consider entering into any relationship. You're here, so you're definately on the right track. On the flip side-you never really know until you try. I never thought I would be ok with being public about my same sex relationship, but it doesn't bother me. With any luck, lots of love and the right people, a threesome can be a wonderful experience. But first and foremost every partner involved should heed this warning.....KNOW THYSELF!
:2cents:
Hope it works better for you than it did for me.

[Driver 8]

But first and foremost every partner involved should heed this warning.....KNOW THYSELF!
Sometimes I think I know myself, and then I realize I'm wrong. Or maybe I've changed ;)

[moonlitwish]

Sometimes I think I know myself, and then I realize I'm wrong. Or maybe I've changed ;)
no shit girl....I think that's what me problem was...

[annakarina]

Thanks very much, everyone, for your comments. We’re not in any hurry, so I like the idea of focusing on these suggestions first:

- is there anything you could add to your relationship with your husband without inviting a 3rd
- KNOW THYSELF

Re: what is your reason for wanting a 3rd (curiosity, self-fulfillment, better your sex life)?

I would say this is not just curiosity – I know from in-person experience (not just video) that I am more physically turned on by women than men (so 60% gay on that “how gay are you” quiz is about right, even though the quiz is for entertainment), although I have always been more emotionally attracted to men – so it’s a matter of self-fulfillment and better sex.

However, it took both of us 40 years to find someone we wanted to marry who also wanted to marry us, and we love each other, and having a permanent loving marriage is most important to both of us. If getting physically involved with a woman were to lead to either one of us falling in love with her and wanting to leave our marriage for her, or me feeling what the heck am I doing with a man, I should be with a woman, in my view that would be most unfortunate. And I appreciate the comment that adding a third person requires even more honest communication and considering the third person’s wants and needs too. So there is lots to think about.

Considering that the aim is self-fulfillment and better sex, I do think we can work on that more with just the two of us for quite a while first. Just knowing that we are both okay with the real possibility of including another woman for either me or us, whether or not I/we eventually decide to take action on the idea, feels enormously freeing to me.

Thanks again. :)

annakarina

[Mimi]

i'm glad you're taking some of my suggestions. :) good luck and keep us posted!

mimi :flag1: