I need advice

[Niki77]

Hi everyone! I need advice my boyfriend has told me he is Bi. We have been together for fours years. I have suspected it for a while but i guess i have been in denial and so has he. I love him so much and im trying to accept it but it scares me. I just keep thinking that im not good enough for him or he'll leave me for a guy. How do i get my head around it. Thanks Nicky

[lovescum2]

Well it all depends, if he's bi and not gay why should he leave you. Thats a risk we all take at any time so him being bi shouldn't affect that. ok if he brings a great looking guy home and he's bi and hung the way you prefer. are you really going to turn it down...if you did he should respect you for that too.

just a thought :)

[Niki77]

I know there is no difference if he was to leave me for a girl or a guy but i dont know why i think he's going to leave me for a guy, when ive never been worried he would leave me for a girl.

[MagikSpaceFries]

I'm kind of in the same boat only I'm the one who is bi & my bf knows. Its hard for him but he just wants me to be happy with whoever i end up with. We've been together for 3.5 years. He shouldn't just leave you if he is bi. I'm not gonna just leave my bf. I would just sit down & talk about it. Open up & tell him what your concerns are & limitations.

[fubar13]

Just speaking for me, be happy that he's come out to you at all. Something that is very difficult for most to do. That right there shows an enormous amount of trust in his feelings towards you. #2, Being Bi I would no more consider leaving you for him or him for you. Being with the one your in love with is something no one can take from you. A 3rd in the relationship is just that a 3rd. It's meant to be enjoyed, each person has something unique to bring to the relationship so just kick back & enjoy it, participate, & have fun with it. If he's actually gay you'll lose him eventually anyway & better to find out now then 10 years up the road. If your not comfortable with it, get out now & save alot of heartache. Otherwise trust in each other, don't worry about things you can't control, & go have to much fun.

[Realist]

My first wife was bi and she told me that her need to be with a woman was not the same as our relationship. There were needs that only a lady could meet and needs that only I could provide. She convinced me that she was not going to leave....she loved and needed me. I accepted it and it proved to be true, I never felt that I was second best, but just a separate and totally different person in her life. I allowed her to have the time she needed, whenever she needed it and I never regretted it.

I can see that you love your BF and if you set him free, the chances are, he'll never leave you.

Good luck, I hope your relationship grows and becomes stronger, because of the trust and honesty you two share.

[Stinger78]

I think Nikki's worry/concern is a rather common one. However, what I would think is that if you two have been together for four years as it is, I would assume that he's happy with you, and that yes, you are good enough. But as I said, the 'Am I not good enough?' thought is a common one. What I would suggest is to sit down and have a good, in-depth conversation with him about your worry/concern. That is, if he's willing to listen. Let's hope so. Hopefully, he'll bring up what I did in the beginning. That you've been together for so long already, and that he does find you good enough, just that he's wanting to explore his entire sexuality. Which is perfectly healthy and normal. I hope this helps a bit.

Scratchy
Albuquerque, NM

[69luvr]

He confided in you because he loves you. Relax, he won't leave you for another guy. He has chosen you to be a partner and expressed his belief in you. Be not afraid!

[IM_ME]

There isn't much to add but I thought I would share this thought. Perhaps he doesn't want to introduce a third partner into the relationship but, he just doesn't want you to be surprised if he is looking at other guys or turned on by them.

I, myself, wouldn't be interested in bringing in a third. I would just enjoy the thoughts of my partner when I say, "Wow, he is hot!" I agree that you two need to sit down and discuss what are both your limits and perhaps how you can support him while keeping withing your own limitations.

Good luck and I'm sure he has a huge weight off his shoulders for telling you. I know that weight; I had it on my shoulders for over 9 years until the relationship ended.

[ohbimale]

Be grateful he was able to tell you he is bi. That took a lot of courage. Because before he told you I can tell you from personal experience he went through all kinds of debates with himself in his mind, including dealing with the fearful question - "What if she leaves because I am bi?" I only mention this because the fears you have of him leaving you are also running through his head. Work on not getting jealous, that is a true relationship killer. Talk with each other, work on your relationship together...keep the lines of communication open and above all else reassure him how much he means to you. Blessings.

[Niki77]

Thanks everyone for your replys it really helped. We had a big talk tonight and resolved a heap of issue. When we were talking we relized my biggest issue was that i couldnt completely satisfy him and that he needed something i couldnt give him. But i guess i never thought it could be something we could share together. We just now need to work on that. We just dont know where to start.

[someotherguy]

Hi everyone! I need advice my boyfriend has told me he is Bi. We have been together for fours years. I have suspected it for a while but i guess i have been in denial and so has he. I love him so much and im trying to accept it but it scares me. I just keep thinking that im not good enough for him or he'll leave me for a guy. How do i get my head around it. Thanks Nicky

Guys are simple enough. They either have some problem that needs work, or they don't. If they have a problem, nothing you do or don't do matters because the problem is all-consuming and steals the show. If they don't have a problem, then they stay where they are happy. They stay happy wherever they get what they need, unless it costs too much. Guys need love, sex, respect, to belong, to protect, and something to do so they can look ahead at when it gets done. It can cost too much if you're hellishly nasty to deal with when you break a nail, are short on sleep, suffer from homicidal hormonal fluctuations, or abuse their trust.

Now that you fully understand men and maintaining a relationship, let's consider this news about him being bi. There are some happy couples with one or both partners bi, and the bi of it doesn't wreck anything. This proves it is possible, at least.

OK, now let's get to the real issue. Before he was known to be bi, you could feel as if you were his everything. That is an important feeling for you and one you need in order to be happy. Now, you have been demoted from being his everything to his almost everything. It's not about him, his sexuality or even if he has other lovers, in the affirmative. It's about the deficit this creates in your own sense of what it means to be with him. You say you are worried about not being enough for him, but the truth is closer to him not being enough for you. One of the things you want from a man is that he has no other people to whom he turns for anything shared by you two intimately. He is not the guy for you. He is almost the guy for you. Whether he turns into the guy for you depends on whether you revise your needs, but for now, he falls short.

[rutemptedalso]

My wife asked me why she wasn't enough. I'm still not sure why. I just wanted her know that I'm bi and that I didn't want to live in hiding any longer. The most important thing I wanted her to know is how much I wanted her help living with it.