absolutely nothing....

[Emotional Masochist]

So I am going to warn you this is basically a rant... I am going through a rough moment and well just need to vent. So basically I am dead broke. People i have loaned money to have fucked me over. My mother s crying about something and won't tell me what's wrong. My father is getting on my nerves. My girlfriend and me just broke up.

Its kind of funny. I was talking to a fried of mine a little while ago an he randomly through out the saying "when it rains it pours." When he said this I had originally disagreed with him, but now I couldn't agree more. Honestly though. Most of this isn't very different from what I am used to. Like me being broke isn't something new. People not paying me when they say they will is something I expect to happen. My dad pissing me off is a part of my daily routine. But my mom usually confides in me when something is wrong. So its weird to have her sitting beside me in my car and crying without telling me why. And its bothering me but i can't seem to focus on her. She won't answer me when i ask. Won't explain whats wrong. And the problem is my head is not properly here. Not since my break up. I can't seem to focus. Like it only happened two week ago and well it was a mutual decision. Not a happy one but one we made together. But it is driving me insane. I love her and now all i do is lie in my bed and think of her. We did it for us cause being together would cause more problems and pain than being apart. Its a weird situation but anyways I miss her like crazy, but can't do anything about it.
So basically that's where I am right now. I am kind of sad abut most of the time just sort of numb. Like i walk through my day on auto pilot. I still talk to her on a daily basis. Which could be an issue and part of the reason why i still feel so attached, but right now i can't let her go. She still loves me and that's also a fucking issue that drives me insane. How can we love each other and yet not be able to be together? Fuck......

So that was basically my rant and I Thank anyone who has read it. I just needed somewhere to basically vent some pent up frustration.

[Long Duck Dong]

Life, while living it is not optional, we have no option but to live it, if we seek to leave it.....

I have been down that path myself..... a couple of times.....

I learnt that we can come up with all the sayings and affirmations that we want, but regardless of what is said and done, without life, we are not living...

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Big hugz to you honey. It'll all work out in the end with you and your lady, but I'd be more concerned about your Mother than anything else, including yourself. Try taking for a ride by yourself and talk to her. Could be she needs someone to talk to too, but cant. Maybe she doesnt have a place like this where she can vent and let loose.
Give it a try hon...your Mom needs you right now. And by helping someone else it may better help you to help yourself.
Good Luck
Cat

[Canticle]

So I am going to warn you this is basically a rant... I am going through a rough moment and well just need to vent. So basically I am dead broke. People i have loaned money to have fucked me over. My mother s crying about something and won't tell me what's wrong. My father is getting on my nerves. My girlfriend and me just broke up.

Its kind of funny. I was talking to a fried of mine a little while ago an he randomly through out the saying "when it rains it pours." When he said this I had originally disagreed with him, but now I couldn't agree more. Honestly though. Most of this isn't very different from what I am used to. Like me being broke isn't something new. People not paying me when they say they will is something I expect to happen. My dad pissing me off is a part of my daily routine. But my mom usually confides in me when something is wrong. So its weird to have her sitting beside me in my car and crying without telling me why. And its bothering me but i can't seem to focus on her. She won't answer me when i ask. Won't explain whats wrong. And the problem is my head is not properly here. Not since my break up. I can't seem to focus. Like it only happened two week ago and well it was a mutual decision. Not a happy one but one we made together. But it is driving me insane. I love her and now all i do is lie in my bed and think of her. We did it for us cause being together would cause more problems and pain than being apart. Its a weird situation but anyways I miss her like crazy, but can't do anything about it.
So basically that's where I am right now. I am kind of sad abut most of the time just sort of numb. Like i walk through my day on auto pilot. I still talk to her on a daily basis. Which could be an issue and part of the reason why i still feel so attached, but right now i can't let her go. She still loves me and that's also a fucking issue that drives me insane. How can we love each other and yet not be able to be together? Fuck......

So that was basically my rant and I Thank anyone who has read it. I just needed somewhere to basically vent some pent up frustration.

You have a rant if you want, love and another, if it will make you feel better, if only for a little while.

I can't know exactly how you are feeling and what your personal hell is like, because like everything else, that is exactly what it is, personal to you. But, I think I can guess, something of how you are feeling and Yeah, it sucks.

We have this dark cloud hanging over us and we can't see a way forward, or maybe several ways forward, depending upon, how many problems there are, but we also know, that there is no way of going back, not to how things were. So the only way is forward and sometimes, it takes a long time.

Sometimes, we wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel, when all we can see is fog. It hurts like hell....it feels like hell and the going forward, may be even more painful a journey, than the problem/s, causing the actual pain. Yet there is light at the end of that tunnel. We just have to be patient.

Maybe some things will return to as they were before, maybe not. Maybe they will change for the better. Sometimes, we may lose love, but keep a friend. We may get out of a bad marriage and find a new freedom and a new us. Whatever the problem/s.....we just have to keep going forward.

If you want to have a rant, but don't want to put here, what are in your thoughts, write it all down on paper. Empty your soul, of all it's anguish and then burn, or destroy the writings, in some manner.

The anguish may re-fill the tank....but you can go through the procedure again and again. If it relieves the stress levels, for awhile, it's worth it.

Be patient with your mother and with your ex......and when the time is right.....the talking will take place. Other problems, you may have to become very pro-active about. I wish you luck.