Several Questions - really need some help

[KentuckyGal]

First a bit about me. I am 25, single, female, not very pretty, and heavy. (just so you can better understand my problems)

Problem One: I have always considered myself to be straight but lately I'm really thinking about girls too. I'm very attracted to them, and I would love to explore this more. But I'm not sure of how to do so discretely. I'm not ashamed of myself, I just know that I could never handle my family's disapproval. I would really like some advice on this. Especially since it is very new to me.

Problem Two: (which in my mind is more pressing) Sorry all but I'm going to be blunt, I'm still a virgin. I very much want to change this, but I don't want to just go to a bar and 'hook up' with some drunk. I've tried dating and it has not been successful b/c of my looks. I really want someone special to show me the ropes on this one. I am desperate to explore my sexuality, but at the same time I'm scared of change...I really am not sure how do this safely. It is supposed to be fun.

Any/All advice would be more than appreciated.

[Realist]

KG,

First of all ..............in YOUR eyes you may not be pretty, but you appear to have a nice personality and a will be desired and loved. I can tell you from experience that you may be your own worst critic. Even though you don't think so, someone may be attracted to you, because of the whole package, your looks included.

A genuinely honest, friendly and intelligent person will often become more endearing than one who's looks may make them THINK they are a gift to others.

I'm writing this with an effort to explain what I was told by my first wife, who was bi. Her first experience was with a woman who was not what most people may call pretty. She was short and heavy, but smart, genuinely caring and funny. She, like you, didn't think she'd be appealing to anyone, especially another woman.

However, my wife fell in love with the lady because she saw a person she could relate to, share mutual interests with, and knew how to communicate. She came to like the lady's looks, too...not in a swooning, fainting way, but the better she knew the lady, the more she became enamored with her looks, as well as other qualities. Her inner beauty shined through.

I'll bet, that if you maintain a friendly and open demeanor, and never settle for less than you really want, you will find someone who will be the exact person you need.

I'm sure you'll get more astute advice than this, from those more articulate that me. But, the best lovers I ever had, more often than not, were those who may not have generated the most severe initial response. Personality, mutual interests and the ability to communicate honestly and openly, wins out with me every time....just as it did with my 1st wife

Best of luck to you and I hope you find love and happiness, soon.

[crazy_cat_lady]

I feel the same way you do sometimes. I know a quite a few Bi females and none of them seem to want to help me explore that part of my life. So
I always feel like I wasnt atrractive enough for women cause I thought women were more picky. well I still haven't explored that side of me yet but I feel like i'm getting closer. so work at it and be patient...you'll find someone soon...promise!

;)

[Sarah and Tom]

Honey...
love yourself first... everyone else will follow your lead...here... I'll even start: I'm glad you're on here, exploring yourself. YOU are beautiful and I love you for being. I mean that honestly too. {{hugs}}

Sarah

[FalconAngel]

I presume that the thumbnail on your profile page is you. You are not unattractive, but you are very much on the plain side (what my and my parents' generations would refer to as "homey" - not homely).

The problem goes away when you develop self confidence. It is amazing how people see you when you are more confident.

In my younger days, I saw myself the same way, but once I changed how I felt about myself, everything changed for the better.

Some things about your physical image and self image will change as well and your desirability will increase as a bonus effect.:)

In the meantime, try to have what fun you can.....if you do get to play, then always play safe.

[katz368923]

My first bit of advice is that which I have told my kids. One has be be comfortable in their own skin. Modles and the such are freaks of nature and unfortunately society as labled them as the standard for how someone is to "look". As was told to me, stand naked in front of a full lenght mirror and find 5 parts of your body that you would not change for anything. Every person has at least five. When you are confident in those boday parts, it will show. Pull your shoulders back and hold your chin up when you walk.

Practice small talk with people you encounter with your everyday travels. Learn to smile and make eye contace with those arround you. Learn to laugh. All of this you may be doing, however when it seams that someone wants to take more of a interest in you, keep the conversation going. Getting to know people and how to read body language is a true art form. Take a quick glance at yourself in a window reflection. Do you like what you are seeing? That reflection is what other see. If you don't like the personality that is being reflected take small baby steps to make changes.

I tell you all of this with kindness and compasion. I hope it helps a little. Every person in the world has something special to give to another. The something special is not sex, it is kindness, carring, love, and understanding. The sex part is a great benefit.

[TwylaTwobits]

KG, Lexington is beautiful and so are you inside. Long after looks fade on anyone there is gonna be the personality and if it's not attractive then that is a problem.

You really need to gain some confidence in your self. I mean look what you have done, you posted on a board full of strangers and you actually put a pic. That takes guts girl, so you have what it takes.

Try a different hair style and see how it goes. And do not worry about the girl vs guy thing...When it all comes down to it, it's who you are comfortable with that matters.

Adding a link, doesn't mean go barhopping and go home with someone, but it might be an opportunity to meet someone who could mean a lot to you. At least it would be around people who feel the same, at least curious, if not openly out.

http://www.gaybarmaps.com/bars/kentucky/lexington

[TwylaTwobits]

I also want to add that you are not unattractive or plain, you have a smile that lights up your face and I bet it lights up a room when you are in it. And that's from a straight Kentucky gal :)

[olebear]

Honey...
love yourself first... everyone else will follow your lead...here... I'll even start: I'm glad you're on here, exploring yourself. YOU are beautiful and I love you for being. I mean that honestly too. {{hugs}}

Sarah

Yeah! What she said from the heart ((((BIG HUGGGGGSSS))))

and the pic mm mm mm nice!!!!

[rissababynta]

It is a darn shame that you describe yourself the way that you do because when I saw your picture I didn't see any of that. You have an amazing smile. The one thing I did notice is that your eyes show uncertainty.

Ya know...some of the most physically beautiful people have made themselves look so disgustingly ugly to me because of their attitude...and then some people in the who others would refer to as ugly in appearance I couldn't get enough of because their personalities were so great that they were like magnets haha.

As for what to do to explore...there are many dating websites you could sign up on or you could go out to a few bars or clubs. Going out to a bar doesn't mean that you will hook up with a drunk. The big thing with finding someone is putting yourself out there. Not everyone is lucky enough to have some fairy tale romance story. Don't expect to take a step off the sidewalk and be caught by some beautiful being after they notice that you were about to trip and fall to the ground and when you look into each others eyes it's love at first site. I know it'd be cool as hell! But it's not likely haha.

[Musings]

First off, I want to tell you that you are far from being not pretty. No, I'm not hitting on you or wanting something else. I know, at least I think you do, feeling frustrated, scared; of many things, the reactions of family members, the women you might be attracted to and just the very idea of being out. And maybe just getting rid of the virgin part of yourself. Just relax. Take a deep breath, realize who you are regardless of other's opinions (that doesn't mean telling the ones you don't want to but means outing yourself to yourself if that makes sense. That I believe might be the scariest thing of all. It was for me.

Just love yourself, let life and nature lead you. You'll be fine

[Nadir]

Listen, KG, just because you don´t think of yourself as atractive doesn´t mean you are not. Surely there are many people who think you are gorgeous. I once dated a girl who was overweight and, to be sincere,she really could drive me crazy with her beauty. She was a real BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) with amazing eyes and lovely lips (a pity that she is engaged and going to marry now...). Don´t be afraid of change, because most of times it only leads to the best. Don´t be afraid of yourself,of exploring, because as my mom used to say..."Life is like a weekend, you only have two days and one of those is the hangover".

[csreef]

Kg -
1) You need to get your self confidence UP...ok? For me confidence and an outgoing personality, not looks are what I look for in a woman.

When you can love yourself & feel good in your skin, you will have no problem finding a partner for L'Amor.:smirlove2

[mikey3000]

I agree with everyone else KG. You are by no means unattractive. You have a very beautiful face and a great smile. Just learn to love yourself and others will follow.

[Northerner]

I see lots of good advice above, but I'll throw in my two cents worth;

You may not have what some would describe as "classic beauty" but don't assume the that is what every guy is looking for, we are all attracted to different things. Others have commented on your smile, don't discount that, it means a lot to some of us. The expression on the face is often a window into the inner person.

I am personally much more attracted to somebody who does the best with what they have, rather than somebody who happens to have won the genetic lottery. As for size, people come in all sizes and shapes, and only a fools and scouts for modelling agencies limit themselves that way.

In a way I think those of us who were not born looking like movie stars have a slight advantage in life, because the shallow types filter themselves out :-)

[sterdama]

Wow, had to reply here. Your pretty. I wish you knew that.

That's why everone is going on about confidence. That's all it is. Love yourself first please. You are not plain. How have you gone so long?

I know a few people from former west Germany and they have a saying "Bad sex is better than no sex" It's true. Good sex is harder to find. If you don't try you wont find. You need to learn what you like first. It's nicer when your with somebody you like and all that but you can meet someone nice. Or at least adequate.

I have to inform you being a Virgin is an Ace up your sleeve. If it's not as good as you expected it will only get better! It's also a huge turn on for many people. Being somebodys first is a huge complement. Guys and girls will line up to meet you so pick who you want. If you don't scream in pleasure try the next. It's greeeeeat fun. Like being a kid in sweaty shop and nobodys looking.:tongue:

Your'e in for so much fun I'm jealouse.:bigrin:

[NotLostJustWandering]

Well, no point in repeating all the great advice you've already gotten, but to cast another vote, I think you're cute, too! :)

[onewhocares]

I was wondering if you could point me to the profile of the person you described because I did not find her on your profile. All of the advice given above echos my thoughts. I was like you when your age...never thought a man (or woman for that matter) would find me attractive. It was only until I became more self confident and began to like myself did that emanate from within me and THAT was attracting people. I wish you best of luck.

Belle

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Give it time Girlfriend. All in its due time. In the meantime, just be happy, and be confidant in yourself, and be You. :} There's several sites where one can meet some decent people, and you never know....Someone may be looking for you, too..:};)
Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

*Winks at Miss Belle laviciously* Pssst, hey lil girl..wanna cookie? lol:bigrin::cool:
Bad Cat

[Samantha Sabrina]

OK you have gotten some great advice here.....:)

This is my take on it...

I checked your profile and your pics, and DAMN girl, I think you need a new mirror, your's is BROKEN...giggles.

Take it from a TG, if I can go from living my life as a male for 50 years to living as a Female and I can draw attention you have NO worries, (I only wish I had as much going for me from the start as you do sugar).

Let me give you some advice I have not seen yet.

Surf the net, and start paying attention to other women you see when you are out and about, and try applying some of what you see to yourself, (as long as it is not being a bum, giggles).

Look sweetie, this is honest and from the heart, all you need to do is get your hair up to a current sexy style, and learn a little about putting on your makeup, you have a great wonderful smile and a fab canvas to work with, and trust me you can find everything you need on the net, (if I can figure out how to do my hair and makeup so I can pass as a female I KNOW you can), I would tell you to figure out what your best asset is and build on that, but from the pics I saw you have many great assets to work with, smiles.

I am going to tell you the best advice I got when I first came out as a TG and was so concerned about being "Passable", it is all in YOUR head, IF you think you are "Passable" and you "ACT" like you are "Passable" then you WILL be "Passable"....and....You know what?

I live as a female 24/7 and even on the few days I get lazy and don't really put forth the effort and I do venture out from home people still call me ma'am...go figure...I honestly have to go 4 or 5 days without shaving my face before my beard gets visible enough for people to start calling me Sir again.

Ok I think you get the idea here!

Bottom line if I CAN pass as a Female, sugar you have NO Problem getting noticed and being able to pick and choose who you want to be with, I would not be a bit surprised if people don't already notice you and have a burning desire to be with you, but you have blinders on and have not noticed them looking your way, OPEN YOUR EYES hun.

You have tons going for you, get your head straight and put a little effort into changing your perspective and your look a tad and you will have it made!

Good luck sweetie!

With Love

Samantha

[Billys_gurl]

Well, I guess its my turn. I agree with what everyone else has told you. Honey I do believe that I am bigger than you in the BBW department, and its all true. I had to learn to be confident in myself before others took notice of me. I am married, looking to explore my bi-side also, and I am happy with myself. You are a nice looking young lady. I think you need to do what I did and explore your feminine side. I, still am, was very much a tomboy growing up. Hated dresses, make-up, and saw no point in fixing my hair a certain way or anything. In fact, most of the people I went to school with thought I was a bull dyke! It wasn't far off but it's just who I am. I tend to be a bit more masculine than my husband about some things and then turn around and cry over a commercial. Anyway, I ramble, start buying things you never thought you would. Some blush here, a sexy top there, maybe some cute panties... who knows you may end up liking it AND yourself. Take it from one who knows, there's someone just WAITING for you to walk in a room and flash them a come here baby smile.

[bicurcple]

Just like everyone else has said here you are not unattractive at all.........you have to love yourself first and whats important is finding that person who see's you for you. Take your time...your first time at any of this will be much better if you are with someone who cares about you. We wish you the best.....and you can find alot of good friends and good advice on this site. (Bad too, so be careful!)