husband just came out as bi and i'm excited.....weird?

[newguy7643]

Hey everyone!! I am new here and am so happy i found such a supportive and friendly site. So many of my questions have been answered by your posts on the boards.

I have a question for everyone, hoping for some honest answers. My husband and I have been experimenting with strap on's and anal play for a year or so. It was kind of an adjustment for me, but it's cool. He has recently confessed to me that he would love to suck a real cock and be fucked by a man. I guess that I am really supprised at how cool I am with it and am really excited. I cant wait to watch him be with another man, i don't even care if I get to be part of the playing. Am I weird for feeling this way? Or am I naive in thinking that letting him be with another man isn't going to change our marriage. I hope that some wives (or husbands) can help guide me through this new and exciting chapter in our marriage.

[gimmiemore]

IMHO there is nothing weird about your response, it sounds like you two have a very healthy relationship. If you do not feel "threatened" by his request, then I say go for it hun.

[Mike's_ready]

While under the influence one night, I told my wife about the few times I was with another male when I was in my late teens. She pressed me for details so I gave them to her. This led to great sex between us as I shared all the details. She then bought some gay porn and we both now enjoy watching it together. She then suggested I find a male friend to play with, which I have. She likes to hear the details when I come back spent after meeting him and she then revives me and we have great sex. Now she wants me and my friend to have a female join us and return to her giving her a blow-by-blow description of the events. Am I a lucky man or what?

It sounds like your man is lucky as well to have a woman who will let him be himself and enjoy his sexuality.

[FalconAngel]

There are a wide variety of reactions to a partner from disdain and revulsion to your reaction of positive support and excitement.

Your reaction is wonderful and you two should be able to work things out in a way that will work out for you in a wonderful and erotic way. :lokai: :rotate: :wiggle2:

Good luck to both of you.:bigrin:

[Sarah and Tom]

Honey, you are so NOT weird!! Or I am too. :bigrin:
I LOVE to watch two guys go at it... two girls too... or more... I just love watching people loving eachother!

sarah

[newguy7643]

Thank you so much for the positive words. I kind of thought that maybe i was weird for wanting to watch so badly. I know that my husband loves me and our life. I think that is why i see this as just a positive addition for us. I know that he want to be married to me and be with our family, but craves the raw sex of a man. If he were to have sex with another woman i would freak out. Funny how we see things sometimes:tongue:

[Abiguypilot]

Funny, my wife would kill me if I had sex with a woman, but is cool with my guy friend. She knows the gay thing is just about sex, and not a threat to our marriage.Looks like you think the same way, so good for you and have fun. Just remember, STD's are a bitch, so play safe.

[ErosUrge]

Ahh the ideal situation in my opinion. It is what I hope will one day happen with me also. But for that to happen, I would need a significant other. I know of couples who have this situation with each other already; the best to you both.

[NEPHX]

I guess that I am really surprised at how cool I am with it and am really excited. I cant wait to watch him be with another man, i don't even care if I get to be part of the playing. Am I weird for feeling this way? Or am I naive in thinking that letting him be with another man isn't going to change our marriage. I hope that some wives (or husbands) can help guide me through this new and exciting chapter in our marriage.

You're reaction can be a pretty common reaction when a relationship is solid and after all, you have been using a strap on on him so its not all that odd sexually as he enjoys what you also enjoy. The sexuality thing was likely much easier for you both than for a couple who's hubby just coming out out of the blue.

Term that describes it commonly used in the Polyamory community:

Compersion n 1: taking joy or pleasure in someone else’s joy, pleasure or happiness 2: feeling joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another, the term was coined by the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity, Kerista disbanded in the early 1990's

Warning: (and not to be little miss mary sunshine here but...) don't be surprised if your feelings vacillate/ebb/flow over time due to or depending on other factors in your worlds. Sexual expression (regardless of MF or MM or FF or whatever combination) all typically have different intensities depending on OTHER things in one's life. People with sudden stress in their lives such as losing a job, wrecking a car, you name it... tend to retract or not feel as sexual themselves and reflect that to their mates. I was reading a study on the topic just this week about the economic impact on sexual expression but I can't find it :-(.

Guess what the lowest common denominator can be for ALL your problems in your marriage going forward?? HIS/YOUR sexuality/sexual expression (more than just the two of you regardless of combos). "If you weren't out f*cking around with [xxxxxxx], you'd see that [yyyyyyyy]"

If he/you should grow fond of one particular guy or you both start "seeing" someone feelings could create some jealousy. Understanding how that might feel ahead of time and having a plan to try to handle it is the best. You might think its just sexual most of the time but it could creep to be more but not significant enough to worry about. If you say it will never happen to you, you're just setting yourself up. But, properly handled with OPEN and HONEST communication based on a set of rules/guidelines of engagements with others that can (and will need to) change and evolve over time is what people that have successful open relationships/poly relationships will likely tell you. As in all things, it will depend on you and hubby and any other people involved.

Consider joining a lifestyle group in your area (look under Poly or Polyamory) or Swingers too (basically just sexual). But the poly groups will likely help you develop more tools and understanding. Good starter: www.lovemore.com (http://www.lovemore.com/)

It sounds like you have a great thing going!

[julbug]

Good for you. I am in the same situation, but as of yet have not been able to tell him to go for it. I think I would be OK with a threesome or just watching but he doesn't want that, he wants a foursome. And I'm not sure if he wants to be with a guy, it seems, for now he is happy with what we have, and we to like to play around with the toys. What a conundrum I have, huh? Maybe I need to have another talk with him about it.:crosseye:

[Afterdark1975]

It can be tough to come out to a spouse. My ex seemed good with it at first. We even had 3 somes, and another guy in bed with us. It just never worked out for her. It can be hard and lonely at times. But even more so to hide who you really are.

[NotLostJustWandering]

Good for you. I am in the same situation, but as of yet have not been able to tell him to go for it. I think I would be OK with a threesome or just watching but he doesn't want that, he wants a foursome.

If you don't mind my asking, why does the mister want a 4some? Is the idea MMFF? (Interested because this is what I'm looking for, and there's reasoning behind that idea; see my post at http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=498) You haven't said anything about being bi yourself, but I can't imagine why else he would think 4 better than 3. If it's not to satisfy your own bi needs, why take on the complications?

[Dorian Earnest]

NEPHX -- Gave you some very thoughtful and objective advice. Always good to go into things with your eyes open and prepared for any and all possible results. I like to read these thoughtful and considered responses.

[sterculius]

A few years ago I confessed to my wife of over thirty years that I used to really enjoy giving blowjobs to my best friend in high school. She was surprised to learn that her macho husband had once been an avid cocksucker but she chalked it up to early adolescent experimentation, which in a way it was. I didn't tell her that, on occasion, I still like to suck cock. At my urging, she has agreed to use a strapon dildo to fuck me anally and orally, but I know that she would not consent to me sucking real cock.