From Bi-Curious to Actively Bisexual

[Bibearcub]

At this point in my life I've got a gay friend who I talk to and have some occasional no contact play (see my locker room thread) but I've yet to really get down to business so to speak.

Anyway, until recently I considered myself Bi-Curious, but now I'm kinda in a grey zone while my wife and I figure out how to best accommodate my Bi side w/o messing up our marriage.

I imagine that that path from curious to fully active is different for everyone, so I'd love to hear from those of you that have dealt with this long ago, as well as the folks like me that are right in the middle, or even from the folks w/ just one toe in the curios pool.

I'd also really love to hear about it from the perspective of the non-bi partner, if any of the folks here who are partners of a Bi guy or gal wanted to chime in. From the first conversation to the first encounter, or the path to deciding not to play outside.
I'm so new to all of this that I'm still just crazy stoked that I'm finally out to my wife, and I'm really trying to be as sensitive as I can, but admittedly it's hard to put myself in her shoes w/o retaining some of my own perspective, so I really would love to hear for the straight side of couples too.

[parkwings]

well, can't go wrong by being honest in your relations, then you don't have guilt to contend with. Other than that, it's all up to you and those close to you.


-Cheers

[Bibearcub]

I get that, so tell me your story.

[Long Duck Dong]

I am bi.... but I have a long time partner that is not bi..... but what I can share may help

for a start, learn about your bisexuality, buy a feeldoe and try anal penetration solo or with ya wife.... that will help with guiding you in the directions of what you seek in a bi encounter and also give your wife a lil insight into you as a bisexual.....

for some ladies the idea, feeling and active * male * role, can be quite enlightening and enjoyable, and it can help them with realising why you seek a lil added extra to your life, but without distancing your partner .....

I have normally revealed my bisexual side to partners by showing them bi porn or gay porn so they can see what is happening in a visual sense.... and realise that in a lot of cases, its merely male on male sex, not partner and partner lovemaking.... thats a big key part of any open relationship... your partner realises that there is a big difference between casual sex and making your partner feel loved and cared for......

I quess for me, its important that no area is left untouched with my partners before we agree to anything..... that way it removes a lot of questions and misunderstanding about being bisexual.......

[TwylaTwobits]

As Duckie's partner....well let's just say he sent me here to share he was bi before we got into more than casual flirting.

As he says the feelings of being in control and "male" on your partner are incredible for the woman. But as a heterosexual what I have no problem with is playing the male when he plays the female. I would have a problem playing the male if he played the male as well, that's my personal hangup and one we are working on.

The most important thing is to know you can explore your bi side within your marriage. Try that first, see how it works for you. Communication is the key, no matter what you decide in the end to make your marriage work for you, you have to communicate. You can help her by letting her know that she is the reason you wake each day, just to see the smile on her face. That you are her partner and connected to her in a lot more ways than just sex.

Hope that's helpful to you

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Fantastic points from Duckie and Twy both. Try a little role play in your love making and let your lady hold the reins so to speak. Get a strap on, experiment, get a feel(so to speak) of when it would be like to be with another male. See if you can find the movie "Bend Over Boyfriend" Its old, and cheesy, but its a good movie that could give your lady some ideas too. ;)
Or check out the Feeldo's on www.Tootimid.com (Free items that you test out and give a feedback to)
Which ever you go, good luck to you both, play safe, and have fun. :}
Cat

[Bibearcub]

Thanks guys, I think I'm headed in the direction you're sending me, going really slow and being patient, still it's nice to hear from others on this topic.


Feeldoe looks awesome!

[Mature59]

Make sure that you and her pick the partner (Male/Female) and agree on where and when. Set boundaries on how many times during the week or month. How many one-on-one times for each or you. Make sure everyone is pleasured when its all over after a session. Dont go over board , take it slow and work up to the point that you both can enjoy or handle.

[Bibearcub]

Love the responses, but I was actually looking to hear from you guys about your own path from curious to active.

Lord knows I'm a noob and need all the help I can get, but really I figured lots of people here have their own story on how they went from wondering to knowing, and I'd love to hear them.



Summary:

At some point you thought about doing it someone of the same gender.

At some other point, presumably at least a few moments later, if not many years later, you decided what to do with those thoughts.

Of course there are many folks that fall outside my guidelines, and I'd love to here from them too, especially if they have been/are the straight partner to someone who's bisexual.

At some point you and your partner talked about it, and you've either figured something out or are in the middle of that very task.....and so on





I'd love to hear how you got from there to here.


Cheers

[mooon]

Yes, I have been down that path.

Like you,it was a hetero thing at first. Exploring my ass with toys, sometimes with the help of my wife.

Such that later, when I decided that I must have real cock, attatched to a real guy, my wife was not quite shocked. After some time, she realized that sex with a man was something I needed, and that it would not be a threat to her or our marriage. She was brave, and I have done my best to be considerate and caring of her too. We love each other a lot. It helped that I got her permission before breaking 30 some years of monogamy.
She is not interested in watching, participating, or getting any side action of here own :-( It is best for us that we keep it seperate, though I do keep her infomed about who and what I'm up to, and she has met a couple of my 'special' friends.

So I then posted ads in various online meeting sites, including CL and here. I also joined some gay activity groups, and got to know some of those guys.
It has been quite the adventure.
I had to learn to date all over again. It has often been frustrating.
There sure are a lot of guys out there looking for sex. Or, at least that fantasize about it, LOL. So many will disappear when the emails suggest actually meeting. Or they are cheating on a wife, or closeted, and just want an annonymous quickie. And the gay guys mostly are scared to get involved with a married guy, beyond the annonymous quickie.
Nonetheless, there are some nice, real guys out there, even on CL. Just have a thick skin, filter alot, then set up first meetings in a public place. And lots of patience.

That was four years ago. At this point, I have a couple of buddies that I will see maybe once a week or two. I find annonymous hookups to be a shallow thing, and I am still searching for that best buddy that will be that deeper connection I crave.
My wife takes it in stride, sometimes making jokes about my gay side, letting me know she's OK with it.
Life is good!

[Bibearcub]

^great post, thanks