From Friends to Lovers??

[Dream_Weaver]

:flag4: As most of you know, hopefully by now you know I have a crush on a certain female co-worker. I know she deserves to know but it's complicated. She has a boyfriend and says she is happy in the relationship which is always good. At the same time she tells me she is afraid of being physically abused. :flag4:

I just feel like she is living in fear. And thats no way to live. Telling her is something I am debating with simply because I don't know how she would feel about going from friends to having a relationship.

[titeabs]

How about an intimate night, just the two of you, in which you send some signals and see if she reciprocates?

[Tx46M]

:flag4: As most of you know, hopefully by now you know I have a crush on a certain female co-worker. I know she deserves to know but it's complicated. She has a boyfriend and says she is happy in the relationship which is always good. At the same time she tells me she is afraid of being physically abused. :flag4:

I just feel like she is living in fear. And thats no way to live. Telling her is something I am debating with simply because I don't know how she would feel about going from friends to having a relationship.

From a man, BUT my ex was (is?) bi, one gentle but nice way to introduce your interest is..."I had an interesting dream last night"....and go from there. :male: :2cents:

[angie197418]

Hello. I totally completely understand how you feel about you and your friend. I have had a similar situation that is very complicated. A female co-worker became my best friend. To begin with we never been with a woman or believed we were bi...just curious. Things happened between us with men and each other. I fell in love with her and she became very afraid of it all. There was lots of hurt on both sides and our friendship died for a long time but through time, space, and my desire to rebuild we are just now at a point I can say we are friends again. Through this experience I realize I am bi and she denies it and is bound and determine that the love I feel for her has to come from a man. But she has a bad habit of finding the users and losers...and all I can do is be there for her when it falls apart. So my questions to you is this...is this woman bi or just curious or never been with a woman? Do you think being with a woman would scare her too? I know in my heart if this lady of mine would let go of her fears we would be together but she has not and not sure if she will ever do so...so I have to go on with my life and am learning to just be her friend. Be very careful with your heart. If you want a relationship with this woman take it slowly...find out ways how she feels about such relationships...find out how she feels about herself with a woman...take your time. Do what you want the most and take a chance. Don't be afraid but be careful. Love is love from whoever it is from and everybody deserves to be loved. So good luck with you and your friend.

Angie

[bijingles]

:flag4: As most of you know, hopefully by now you know I have a crush on a certain female co-worker. I know she deserves to know but it's complicated. She has a boyfriend and says she is happy in the relationship which is always good. At the same time she tells me she is afraid of being physically abused. :flag4:

I just feel like she is living in fear. And thats no way to live. Telling her is something I am debating with simply because I don't know how she would feel about going from friends to having a relationship.

For whatever it is worth...
My Red flag went up when I read “co-worker”. I can wholeheartedly appreciate complicated relationships. Since I am new to this site, I do not know if your coworker is bi or if you preferences are known on your job. If the friend to lover experience goes well no problem… however if it blows up at some stage, and your friend reacts unkindly or loudly well… I have made it a practice to avoid getting romantically involved with anyone at a work place. My observation, based on my experience and what I am hearing you say, is that you might check your motives and move with caution. It might be more rewarding to keep a friend you can protect than to rescue a potential lover.

The place you find yourself in might feel emotionally very tight, I sincerely hope that the choice you make will be rewarding for both of you. Enjoy, and keep me posted.

:)

[innaminka]

She has a boyfriend and says she is happy in the relationship which is always good. At the same time she tells me she is afraid of being physically abused.

I just feel like she is living in fear. And thats no way to live. Telling her is something I am debating with simply because I don't know how she would feel about going from friends to having a relationship.

You say you are friends - is telling a friend who has no idea about how you feel about her sexually really a sign of friendship?

She has indicated she is happily involved in a str8 relationship. What makes you think she would welcome an approach which contradicts her sexuality?
I would think it could be classed as harassment.

Secondly, if as you infer she has a deeper problem with abuse, again, what sort of a friend would lump her with another issue???

Friendship is basically about support - continue being a friend.
If there is to be any change in your relationship with her - let it come from her.

[huneypot]

DW
sweetie
my :2cents: is that i try avoid these situationa at all cost,cause unfortunatly hun only 1 in 10 of us are bi/gay and that to me aint good odds.
I do fall for str8 women, well, i did a lot, i think now ive trained myself not to, to avoid the hardship, now i concider them "eye candy" , bit sad eh, lol.
I feel most comfortable in a situatuion where i know the other oerson is bi/gay like a club or here.............
at least then my chances are a bit better,lol

hun, its ur choice......and a hard 1....
i hope it goes well for u whatever u decide...
My advice is weigh up the options and potential outcomes


is this girl bi?
is she interested?
will she leave her partner?
does she give u signals?
how much do u like her?

2 outcomes i suppose
1) she feels something for u
2) she is straight and does not

vey simple.

Also being a co worker makes it more difficult, as if u tell her ur feelings and she does not feel the smae, it could bring an atmosphere into ur job, something to concider

god, i seem all doom and gloom dont i sheshhh

U do what is right for u hun
i wish u the very best
Huney
xxx

[open2both]

EXPERIENCE has taught me NEVER enter into a relationship with anyone where you live, work, or do business!
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[jamiehue]

Never at work.Always at play....

[Sparks]

My heart goes out to you. One should never, I repeat, NEVER have an intimate relationship with a coworker. Personally, emotionally, and professionally it spells disaster should things go wrong with the intimacy.

I've seen it many times at my work with UCLA. Keep the fantasy to yourself. If she is actually being abused, help her summen up the courage to report it. There is no excuse for violence against women, or men. And it's a crime for those who do it.

If you want to rescue her, encourage her to file a report with the PD. And then, let your relationship grow from there. You'll have a stronger chance of building a deep friendship with her, which will last a thousand years, if you do this. :2cents:

[angie197418]

Wow...I wished i had met ppl here before I ever had my relationship with my first lady. It would had helped me so much. What is sad I have never had a relationship wit any co-worker before or with a friend...and let me tell u...don't do it. It isn't worth it if it doesn't work out. The emotional turmoil that me and this lady has gone through over this has been the worse in my life. Not counting the tension at work... Friendship? We are/have trying/tried. I can't tell you how hard it is to try to be a friend without the other person thinking u want something sexual and vise versa...I can't even hug her in sympathy when her mom died this week. Isn't that sad? My advice...the risk is huge...r u willing to lose it all including the friendship if doesn't work out? If the answer is no...then DON'T do it. That way u will always at least have her friendship. And more than anything for me that is what I miss and loved the most.

Angie