differences in relationships

[Dorian Earnest]

I am curious about the differences in same sex relationships vs. opposite sex relationships. Men, do you find that your relationships with women differ than those with men in terms of things like depth, types of emotion, level of commitment, etc. If so, how? Is it harder to approach strangers of the same or opposite sex? A friend of mine said that men are familiar and comfortable to him, but all his growth happens in relationships with women. Another said that he doesn't fall in love with men because they don't inspire him with the kind of emotions that cause that (and women do). Do you agree? Disagree?

[mikey3000]

Rick? Is that you?

Geez, I just had this discussion last night with my male half, and he couldn't answer it either. I'm maried to a wonderful woman but sometimes I need a man too to balance me out. My guy is comittied to another male and has been for the past 27 years, yet he needs me too, and can't explain to me why. He got all fustrated and got angry with me, almost like I had no right to ask him why. Basically is answer was, "just because, don't question it."

For me, I've fallen into the dominant role with my wife, the protector, the provider, the alpha male role. Once in a while I need to give that role up and just be looked upon as an equal, a peer, with no expectations and no emotional ownership. Kind of like cleansing the palette.

[Bisexual Explorer]

For me, differences in the person are more important than differences in gender. I try,and sometimes succeed, to relate to each person individually and have been treated pretty much the same by my partners. The number of great and not so great relationships (emotional, sexual, etc.) I've had with men versus women are about equal.
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[Realist]

Well, I think each person has different agendas, interests, and inspirations. I have been in love with both genders, but there are irrefutable differences.

For one, I have approached women, to whom I was attracted, but never a male. I have never been sexual with a male, who I didn't already know well and trust, before the subject of intimacy arose. In my youth, I was sometimes intimate with women, who I'd only recently met. I can think of two ladies, who I became intimate with on the first meeting.

I have had a few strictly platonic sexual relationships with men, but only a couple with the ladies. Having been in relationships with more women, the averages are lower with them.

Also, I am more inclined to be romantic with females, but only about a third of my MM relationships were. I've been with 9 males since I was 14, so it's easy to break those relationships up into three categories: A third were very deep, loving and romantic! Another third were what I'd call extremely good, sensually stimulating, and rewarding. The remaining third were more like friends with benefits; very platonic, but they fit the mood and attitude of the time. Luckily, I've only had one mm relationship that was a mistake.

There are definite and obvious differences between loving both genders, to my way of thinking. However, one must adapt and be flexible, as no two people are the same. If you love them, there will be adjustments to be made.

There are so many variables and differences in a person's needs and desires, so it'd be interesting to see how others feel about this subject.

[ErosUrge]

I am curious about the differences in same sex relationships vs. opposite sex relationships. Men, do you find that your relationships with women differ than those with men in terms of things like depth, types of emotion, level of commitment, etc. If so, how? Is it harder to approach strangers of the same or opposite sex? A friend of mine said that men are familiar and comfortable to him, but all his growth happens in relationships with women. Another said that he doesn't fall in love with men because they don't inspire him with the kind of emotions that cause that (and women do). Do you agree? Disagree?
At the risk of repeating myself and for those who have read my threads on this topic, I can't help but respond to it yet again. Actually, I've touched on this subject in other places where the topic wasn't directly about this. But since this one does, here I am yet again.
I realize how bisexuals are varied here in what it is that makes them tick by giving themselves the label of bisexual. There are many who are involved in relationships where their significant other is of the opposite sex and some where that person is of the same sex. I would have to agree with the idea that it isn't as much about the gender as it is the person. With that said however, I am one of those who can only become emotional with women. It's never been that way with males and I don't see it ever happening. Yet, I don't write off the possibility that it could happen. It's just highly unlikely since my desire for males sexually is for that reason and that reason alone. All of my dearest male friends I am not sexual with, have never been, and have absolutely no desire for them that way. And for those males I am sexual with, our friendship is not anything with depth. It only involves the sexual. And I have indeed been with women who were interested primarily in the sexual with me with a light friendship without entanglements.
With most women however, I have always adored them sexually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually; a myriad of reasons. The main reason for none of these relationships being successful is because of my desire for the same sex with the exception of two who accepted it. It was for other reasons that we parted ways but still remain friends today. In the past I tried countless times to put to rest my desire for the same sex when involved with a woman but finally reached the conclusion that this is who I am. I know there are many couples who have an understanding and trust about this sort of thing and are not threatened by it. And I also know there are bi couples who do not allow anything to happen outside of the relationship. I have stated many times that I understand that and if it's something that works for them, then wonderful. My only gripe has been (as I have also stated before) that they judge others such as myself who will not stop the pursuit of sexual encounters with the same sex when they have made a connection with someone who would or could possibly become significant in a connected and involved relationship. It is difficult to be involved in a relationship of any kind much less the type I am speaking of where each partner allows the other to continue to be with the same sex or if the couple is of the same sex, allowing that partner to have experiences with the opposite sex. Again, I get that and I also really mean it when I say that credit be given to people who connect that way. Good for them. But I would rather be honest about my sexuality than to hide and lie about the desire I have for the same sex and my wanting to still experience it when I am connected to someone significantly. What I do love about being bisexual or pansexual as some might describe, is that most bi people are open to at least understanding the diversity of human sexuality....and when judgments aren't cast towards others sexuality, then I feel confident about this label we give ourselves and define as bisexual. It tells me that those who are involved in something without having this superiority attitude about their situation are at least willing to acknowledge that not everyone has to prescribe to a concept or situation dictated by their experiences. There's room for us all being bisexual in my opinion. This will be the last time I elaborate so much on this topic. Thanks for your patience and endurance reading this lengthy thread.