"Drunk Sex"

[TheBisexualProfessor]

OK, please keep my question in context--I'm not asking about a date, but about a long-time marriage. My wife drank too much tonight and I helped her safely to bed. Is it immoral for me to finger her a bit while she's sleeping?:male:

[TwylaTwobits]

Personally, if she allows it normally and she'd enjoy it while drunk I can't see the problem. Not like you are saying you want to ride her unconcious body for your own pleasure.

[Long Duck Dong]

I can not answer from the point of view of a female.... but as a guy.....if I was shit faced and twyla was swinging on my cock like a monkey in a tree, she may as well enjoy it..... but its not like I am aware of it.....lol

grabs the popcorn and waits, cos I know what is coming

[TwylaTwobits]

monkey in a tree, baby??? Hmmmm that might be a fantasy to work on. Honey I'm telling you right now if I drink too much you have my blanket permission to finger me til I wet the bed with cum :)

[crazy_cat_lady]

I donno...like people have said no problem if she doesnt mind normally....still sound just the tiny-est bit creepy to me though...sorry ^_^;;

[Realist]

I agree with cat lady, I learned long ago that alcohol does not enhance sexuality, only reduces the inhibitions. I guess, if you know your partner would not care what you did, it would be OK................... but trying to be sexual with an unresponsive partner, feels a little self-serving to me.

[tenni]

hmm I don't know but I don't think that a person who is incapacitated for any reason would be legally determined to not be able to give consent. Even if she says that she gives permission as a standard practice pre being drunk in one situation, I would think that she is entitled to change her mind. Can a man who is married be charge with raping his wife where you live? if so, I think that is is a dangerous thought to have in your mind.

[rissababynta]

See, the problem is people think that just because you are in a long term relationship or that you are married, it's not like finding a stranger off of the street. To some degree...no...it's not the same. But the individual off of the street and the person you share the same bed with every night still has the same basic rights to when and if they want their body to be touched.

[**Peg**]

Prof...

the fact that you even asked this question tells me you had second thoughts about doing it... I am of the era when such an act would, indeed, be considered immoral, and, as Realist put it "self-serving".

Rissa, well said IMO.

:2cents:

[Lady_Passion]

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Agreed.

If it's something that was discussed prior and mutually agreed to, maybe. Even then, it borders on molestation because a person might change their mind given awareness. "Sex" implies at least two thinking, therefore conscious, people.

Aaaaand, one thing can lead to another. If it doesn't stop there, then other lines are crossed.

Philosophically, it could be ok or not ok.

In nature, just about anything goes. Maybe because most of us are indoctrinated by socially acceptable 'norms', perhaps that's the only real reason we would question touching someone sexually while unconscious. However, separating ourselves from 'all the other animals' has differing degrees of appeal and meaning on an individual basis.

If both people mutually agreed in advance, and both comprehend and appreciate more primal instincts, who can what is right or wrong?

I would not judge anyone else, but personally I would want to be aware of what my body encounters. Being inebriated to the point of unconsciousness is entirely UNappealing to me :.)

[Darkside2009]

OK, please keep my question in context--I'm not asking about a date, but about a long-time marriage. My wife drank too much tonight and I helped her safely to bed. Is it immoral for me to finger her a bit while she's sleeping?:male:


It depends what you mean by fingering. If you are touching her vagina or breasts for your own sexual gratification whilst she is unconscious, then clearly that is without her consent.

You are no gentleman to take advantage of her in such a way.

At best, it is sexual assault, but you already knew it was immoral, and illegal, before you asked your question.

So what is the real point of your question, seeking absolution, or simply conducting a survey?

[TwylaTwobits]

Actually, Darkside, take a look through his past threads. I've read them all and it did flavor my response to this particular question. A happy relationship where they are sexually adventurous. For all we know there is a standing agreement to do just that and the question was asked not for our actual advice but to see what we would say. Human nature at it's finest sometimes.

[3waytrey]

Slippery slope here...........

When you fingered her......did she moan (pleasure), did she protest ("stop that"), did she say "Com'oooon, I'm drunk, cut it out........." ?????

If you got one of the above responses, you should have acted appropriately to the response........

If you got NO response (i.e. "passed out"") and you went ahead with YOUR business, then you are a sick fuck.......and yes, pretty fucking immoral......

[Pasadenacpl2]

It's pretty simple: When drunk, one may not give consent.

I have a rule that has done well for me always in the past. If they say yes when they are sober, and then get drunk, then all is well. If they say yes when they are drunk (but not before) then the yes doesn't count. If I didn't ask, and they are drunk, then I'm probably in the wrong.

If she normally wouldn't mind, (and you know your wife), then that's probably consent (I know my wife has consent to use me when she wants to whether I'm conscious or not). But, if she doesn't, then you are treading on thin ice, I think, morally.

Too many variables not known for a straight answer here.

Pasa

[darkeyes]

It's pretty simple: When drunk, one may not give consent.

I have a rule that has done well for me always in the past. If they say yes when they are sober, and then get drunk, then all is well. If they say yes when they are drunk (but not before) then the yes doesn't count. If I didn't ask, and they are drunk, then I'm probably in the wrong.

If she normally wouldn't mind, (and you know your wife), then that's probably consent (I know my wife has consent to use me when she wants to whether I'm conscious or not). But, if she doesn't, then you are treading on thin ice, I think, morally.

Too many variables not known for a straight answer here.

Pasa

Doesnt it rather depend on what we mean by "drunk" Pasa? Out of our minds and incapable of standing up is certainly something which would meet your spec.. and nowadays would agree with you. It was not always so.. and this can be said of for many of us.. wondering who is this person lying next to us of a morning after the night before.. and knowing that the deed has been done, if not remembering anything about it has happened to me more than once in my life, especially in my teens. Very dangerous that sort of thing but as a teenager I just didnt care.. I used to think mmmm I hope I enjoyed it.. and more than once.. jeez.. I didn get off wiv him did I?? Eeeeeeewwwww... It didnt happen often but enough...

But when we are typsy? There is a point after a few drinkies we (at least me..and lotsa othas) feel particuarly randy.. what do we do then? We are well oiled, but very well aware..we know what and who we want.. do we refuse consent? Should we be refused? The first time Kate and I made love we both were well on the way and both at the point of greatest horniness after flirting, laughing joking, mucky chat.. it took a goodly amount of plonk for my lil "str8" girl and the object of my desire to succumb..if it was not for good old mother plonk I may never have gotten her in the sack.. and where would we be now?

So I do agree with you as far as it goes Pasa. But once I would have taken a different view but then I was very young and very daft.. but it does depend on what you mean by drunk don't u think?

[Canticle]

.........I know I have some rusty razor wire lying around......somewhere......

'nuff said?

kerching :2cents:

[tenni]

Reading Pasa's words reminded me of such a drunken scenario. A lifetime ago, I was hanging out with a buddy and two women that he knew from work. He had been with both sexually and I had not yet been with either of them sexually. We were drinking and returned to his place. He headed to bed with one of the women. I headed to bed with the other woman. Now, I had known her for a few weeks casually but this would be my first opportunity to score. I don't think that I had even kissed her. When we got to the bedroom, she seemed to pass out. I decided oh well....too bad for me.

The next morning she gave me shit for not making out with her. wtf.....l:bigrin:

I never did make out with her ( I decide that she was a little too wacko)........but the other woman...mmmm good.

[darkeyes]

Reading Pasa's words reminded me of such a drunken scenario. A lifetime ago, I was hanging out with a buddy and two women that he knew from work. He had been with both sexually and I had not yet been with either of them sexually. We were drinking and returned to his place. He headed to bed with one of the women. I headed to bed with the other woman. Now, I had known her for a few weeks casually but this would be my first opportunity to score. When we got to the bedroom, she seemed to pass out. I decided oh well....too bad for me.

The next morning she gave me shit for not making out with her. wtf.....l:bigrin:

Cant say me wos quite that bad... but did test drive the betta 1s me cudn memba doin owt wiv in the mornin:bigrin:.. the 1s me wondad wtf me wos doin wiv.. they wer given a cuppa coffee a slice a toast an told "dont call me..".. The diary entry for the event wos always the same... name of offendin lummox.. an the words.. "no ta. stay sober..".

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well, she's your wife, and you can do what you want with in reason I guess. Did you tell her in the morning that you had fingered her while she was asleep? What did she say?
Cat