women are from venus, men are from mars

[Long Duck Dong]

Two female co-workers are having a conversation at work.

Woman 1: Did you have good sex last night?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in 4 minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How about you?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home. He took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we took a walk for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. After foreplay we had an hour long session of fantastic sex and then we talked for an hour. It was like in a fairytale!



At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: Did you have good sex last night?

Husband 2: Yes, it was great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I didn't pay the bill. In return I had to take my wife out to dinner and the dinner was so expensive that we didn't have money for a cab. So we had to walk home for an hour and when we got home, there was no electricity, so I had to light ****ing candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't cum for another hour. After I finally did, I was so mad and aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

[TwylaTwobits]

Well we know that men and women view things differently honey...


A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

'Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship, 'the wife explained.' He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening.'
************************************************** ******
Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, "Mother of Six," in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home, Mother of Six?'
Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, 'Anytime you're ready, "Father of Four".'

************************************************** ******
Patrick came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front garden.

The door of his wife, Valerie’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the hall, Patrick found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the rug was piled up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the worktop, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

Patrick quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for Valerie. He was worried she might be ill, collapsed, that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and sink.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found Valerie still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

Patrick looked at Valerie, bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

Valerie again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was Patrick’s startled reply.

Valerie answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'

[bemyonlyone]

Reading that actually makes me sad.

[IanBorthwick]

Reading that actually makes me sad.

Same here. I, for one, will never accept exceptions as the rule that invites mockery.

[TwylaTwobits]

They are jokes... and demonstrating the way that women and men communicate differently, and it does happen because the male and female brains are wired differently. Whether by nature or nurture. So please don't think that a freaking joke is sad, if you can't smile at it because you have never experienced any instance that could be viewed differently from the other person involved....then that is sad.

[NEPHX]

... Patrick looked at Valerie, bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
Valerie again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes,' was Patrick’s startled reply.
Valerie answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'

I gotta try that... Funny...and gender neutral. I have had the same discussions with my male partner of late. We have my teen too (and the big dog) so I'm pretty much a house hubby/dad. Today I literally cleaned the house from top to bottom including all the carpets with three different machines. He knew this during the day... came in and asked what I did all day. I feel like a 50's house wife :eek: Must be time for a high ball.

[NEPHX]

Two female co-workers are having a conversation at work.

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster...
Husband 2: Yes, it was great!

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing!
Husband 1: It was horrible.

I'd take women #1 and husband number #2.... I'm sure we can work something out :rolleyes:

I hate there is no connection. :rotate:

[rissababynta]

Those were great! I'm going to have to send these to Tony. He will get a kick out of them...and probably say something along the lines of "I can see this being us some day" lol.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

What in the world were you sad over? These are old jokes. But its true about the old saying "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" Ask any house husband, he'll tell you..lol ;)
Cat