Does never having been in a relationship mean I have no right to have an opinion?

[bemyonlyone]

Another forum I go on is one where people seem to think I have no right to have any opinion on anything about relationships because I've never been in a relationship.

Would people here agree with that?

[Pasadenacpl2]

Anyone has a right to an opinion about anything. That's the beauty of our nation.

Now, would I take your opinion seriously? Without being mean, no. Relationships are something that must be experienced in order to truly understand how to fuck one up. This is why a Catholic priest as a marriage counselor is not my first or hundreth choice.

Pasa

[bemyonlyone]

That was so not worth taking you off of ignore for.

*puts you back on ignore* thanks, but no thanks.

[Luffly1]

I have to admit I agree with Pasa. Of course you are entitled to you opinion but I feel it is something that should be taken with a grain of salt. Having an idea of how relationships work and experiencing it are two different things. Just my honest opinion here.

[bemyonlyone]

So does this mean in the future discussions I should just keep any ideas I have to myself and let people who have been in (abusive, failed, loveless, rebound) relationships do all the talking?

[tenni]

bemyonlyone
Of course, you are entitled to your opinion. There is also some merit is considering personal experience. There is also some merit in training and education. If you compare the opinion of someone who has been educated on a subject, trained how to execute a task and has years of experience doing the task, would you be inclined to pay more attention to that person or someone who has no education, training or experience at the task?

"So does this mean in the future discussions I should just keep any ideas I have to myself and let people who have been in (abusive, failed, loveless, rebound) relationships do all the talking?"

No, you might want to consider how you present your ideas. Be cautious and perhaps comment with a question or two along with your comment. We can all express our opinion and you may in fact be able to see something from another person's post that makes you wonder. If someone is immersed in a problem or issue in their life we all can miss the forest for the trees concept. Of course, we all can screw up and so don't beat yourself up because these other people seem to be critical of your comment. I know that I screw up daily. Maybe, reconsider he delivery of your comment? I dunno...just a thought based upon what you've posted.

[brutal_priestess]

Do you mean any relationship or just a same sex one?

[Long Duck Dong]

a opinion is a opinion..... knowledge is knowledge.... but understanding is the key to wisdom

many people will have opinions of what is right and what is wrong and what works and what doesn't...... but in all honesty.... unless theory is put into practice and tested..... its still a theory......

it is like a person that has studied for many years in university..... they have all the theories they could ever want.... but you will often hear people talk about how they know sweet fuck all..... as what looks good on paper, may not work in reality

you believe in the validity of your opinion and your understanding of things... and feel that while you may not have experience in a number of areas, that your opinion is no less valid than a person married for 50 years...... but the person married for 50 years has the edge when it comes to talking about being married for 50 years......

[bemyonlyone]

Do you mean any relationship or just a same sex one?

I've never been in any relationship, with someone of the opposite or the same sex.

So...to tenni...I should ask questions with my comments? Even if I have absolutely no questions? So as to appear humble and servile to The Great Havers of Relationships? Gotcha.

[tenni]

LOL...well think of it more as being as wise as Socrates :bigrin: Appear humble but with weight of a good question you never know what they may begin to see and understand...and you may also see something new in their answer?


I've never been in any relationship, with someone of the opposite or the same sex.

So...to tenni...I should ask questions with my comments? Even if I have absolutely no questions? So as to appear humble and servile to The Great Havers of Relationships? Gotcha.

[brutal_priestess]

Well then I'd say you have a right to your opinion, but depending on the subject matter, you may not bend much of an ear.

People have offered their opinions on worser things when they know just as little as you do. I say, do as you will and as you want, and fuck those who would look down on you for never having been in a relationship.

[bemyonlyone]

fuck those who would look down on you for never having been in a relationship.

Plenty of people look down on me for it---here, on the other forum I go on, and they probably would in real life--if I told anyone.

[Pasadenacpl2]

Well then I'd say you have a right to your opinion, but depending on the subject matter, you may not bend much of an ear.

People have offered their opinions on worser things when they know just as little as you do. I say, do as you will and as you want, and fuck those who would look down on you for never having been in a relationship.

I don't think anyone has looked down upon her on this site for not having been in a relationship. Bemy has painted a V on her forhead and refuses to believe otherwise.

Pasa

[bemyonlyone]

I don't think anyone has looked down upon her on this site for not having been in a relationship. Bemy has painted a V on her forhead and refuses to believe otherwise.

Pasa

And this is supposed to mean what?

Also, I should mention that I know more than you think...the fact that I read the sex stories of people here tells you I know a little something.

[Canticle]

bemyonlyone
Of course, you are entitled to your opinion. There is also some merit is considering personal experience. There is also some merit in training and education. If you compare the opinion of someone who has been educated on a subject, trained how to execute a task and has years of experience doing the task, would you be inclined to pay more attention to that person or someone who has no education, training or experience at the task?

"So does this mean in the future discussions I should just keep any ideas I have to myself and let people who have been in (abusive, failed, loveless, rebound) relationships do all the talking?"

No, you might want to consider how you present your ideas. Be cautious and perhaps comment with a question or two along with your comment. We can all express our opinion and you may in fact be able to see something from another person's post that makes you wonder. If someone is immersed in a problem or issue in their life we all can miss the forest for the trees concept. Of course, we all can screw up and so don't beat yourself up because these other people seem to be critical of your comment. I know that I screw up daily. Maybe, reconsider he delivery of your comment? I dunno...just a thought based upon what you've posted.


That was an extremely wise answer, tenni.

[bemyonlyone]

It seems like nobody is going to listen to me until I have a relationship. That pisses me off...

it's not like I wouldn't have had one by now if I could. If anyone honestly thinks I would CHOOSE to be a 26 year old unkissed person, they're fucking insane.

[Pasadenacpl2]

Since you asked,

V on the forehead stands for Victim. I thought it was a common enough trope that most would get it. You display victim mentality with just about every thread you start. You try to garner support here for the 'mean' things you perceive people do to you on other sites. Then you get upset when we tell you the same thing. Classic victim mentality.

Take this thread as an example. You knew the answer you'd receive. Hell, even Tenni and I posted nearly the exact same thing. And yet, you still posted, and still got upset at the response. Your next move was to try to play the pity party. Neither is an effective way to garner support.

I can think of no one here who will look down on you for not having a relationship. I can, likewise, think of no one who will pity you. You will, however, find an abundance of people willing to take you under their wing to help you if only you are willing to listen, and honestly look within to find the source and solutions to your problems.

Pasa

[ohbimale]

Of course you are entitled to your opinions and can express your opinions freely. Keep in mind much wisdom comes from personal experience's and what you as an individual take from those personal experiences. Just as we all are free to express our opinions others have just as much of a right to disagree and express their opinions. No one has a right to ridicule someone else just because they disagree. People can agree to disagree and still be civil with each other.

[Long Duck Dong]

It seems like nobody is going to listen to me until I have a relationship. That pisses me off...

it's not like I wouldn't have had one by now if I could. If anyone honestly thinks I would CHOOSE to be a 26 year old unkissed person, they're fucking insane.

sit back in your chair and take ya fingers off the keyboard for a moment or too.... and think about something.....

you have knowledge and experience about a aspect of life that others do not.... thats something that you can talk about on a level that a lot can not..... use it or lose it......

how many people do you know, can talk about a quiet life, a life without a lot of the issues of a relationship.... the feelings of isolation and loneliness, waiting for the first kiss, the first moments of passion etc......

sure you may be near 26 and missing out on a lot of the bs from relationships.... and the good shit in relationships.... but you have a fucking shit load of experiences, knowledge and understanding of a lifestyle that many do not have..... treat it as a curse as much as you want.... its something thats not that common.... and not that many people can talk from that level of experience that YOU have

seriously.... I would trade places with you in a heart beat.... just to have what you are blessed with.... and that is the ability to feel emotions, the *spark * between people etc...... but thats something I can never have....
I was born with dysthimia ( a form of depression ) and cos of it, I can not experience a lot of different emotions..... now that can be a curse in peoples eyes, but in mine, its a blessing.... I can be clear headed and stable where most people would be at the mercy of their emotions.....
now putting that aside.... cos of the issue with no emotions, I can be lonely in a relationship cos I can not feel the connection or the emotions that you can...... and I am near 40.....

instead of trying to live like everybody else..... how about you share from your own experiences about the way you handle your own life..... cos thats help that people can need...and not find......
there are 100's of millions of people with knowledge of relationships and the issues and blessings of them..... but there is not that many that can speak about living without the first kiss......
you can either be unique or one of the crowd..... its your choice......

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Your opinion is yours and you are of course freely entitled to it, but how can you comment on something you've never had? Unless you have the experiances, how can you present a valid argument on the subject? You can read all of the stories in the world, and still not fully understand something until you've actually lived it/experianced it for yourself. You're estimate or opinion of what it might be like is good, but may not be totally accurate.
Not trying to be mean (like I Know you'll hear that I am,) just pointing out a simple fact. Its like having a child, or having heart surgery, ect...unless you've had this, you cant fully appreciate what it is unless you've been there, done that. See what I'm getting at?

Most of us here have had short term and long term relationships, and cant tell you what they are like because we haqve lived them..some of us for many years. So, instead of getting defensive, just relax a second and listen to what people have lived it have to relate to you. :}
Cat

[FalconAngel]

Another forum I go on is one where people seem to think I have no right to have any opinion on anything about relationships because I've never been in a relationship.

Would people here agree with that?

It isn't that you are not allowed to have an opinion on relationships, but people tend to give validity to those who have "been there, done that".

In your case, giving advice on something that you have no experience in is very much like getting sex advice from a Catholic Priest.

Basically, never having had a relationship, gives you no effective knowledge or experience base to draw the knowledge and wisdom from which to give effective advice.

You learn those things when you get older and more experienced.:tong:

[BiBedBud]

You know.... this whole thread is chock-o-block full of abstractions and no concrete examples of the kinds of 'opinions' you say that you'd voice, if only people would listen. Well, give us some examples, some specific opinions regarding relationships that you hold; and perhaps this will illuminate the particular problems you have encountered with gaining acceptance for your views.

Just for a quick sampler, give us your 'top three' or 'top five' opinions on relationships, and hopefully we'll get feedback on them from the assembled 'bisexual brain trust' to see if you're really some kind of unrecognized relationship guru, or just an inexperienced no-nothing, or something in between (the most likely prospect -- just like everyone else here).

Let us have it!:cool:

[darkeyes]

Another forum I go on is one where people seem to think I have no right to have any opinion on anything about relationships because I've never been in a relationship.

Would people here agree with that?

No!!!!!

[TwylaTwobits]

I agree with Fran, but it does mean that you will likely be regarded as not having a clue as to what you are saying. As has been posted here, experience counts for a lot.

[darkeyes]

I agree with Fran, but it does mean that you will likely be regarded as not having a clue as to what you are saying. As has been posted here, experience counts for a lot.

Experience dus.. no doubt... but so much has been contributed 2 this world by those who lack experience.. experience means the "ole guard".. an the "ole guard" often get so bloody complacent and set in ther ways it gets 2 b bloody infuriatin.. so ther is def a place for those who hav nun.. they so often look at things wiv eyes not colad by "experience".. no organisation or group a peeps can exist wivout new blood.. many will kno ver little cos they lak experience.. wivout that new blood, experienced or no, they will die or becum irrelevant..

[TwylaTwobits]

True but we are not talking about relationships as a whole. The OP has a habit of posting her opinion in an authoritative way in threads just about sex. Having never been kissed... I find it hard to accept anything she has said about sex. Masturbation is one thing, being with a partner is another. And while fantasies in your head of what you think it would be like are fine, the actual knowledge of how it feels to orgasm because your lover cares enough to please you is something that can only be experienced.

[darkeyes]

True but we are not talking about relationships as a whole. The OP has a habit of posting her opinion in an authoritative way in threads just about sex. Having never been kissed... I find it hard to accept anything she has said about sex. Masturbation is one thing, being with a partner is another. And while fantasies in your head of what you think it would be like are fine, the actual knowledge of how it feels to orgasm because your lover cares enough to please you is something that can only be experienced.

Is that not often the waya those that kno nowt Twyla? Wen me knew nowt me always talked hind legs of a donkey tryin 2 show me wos not jus a lil bimbo.. an always seemed 2 end up lookin like 1.. its a risk we take babes is it not?:eek:

[TwylaTwobits]

Is that not often the waya those that kno nowt Twyla? Wen me knew nowt me always talked hind legs of a donkey tryin 2 show me wos not jus a lil bimbo.. an always seemed 2 end up lookin like 1.. its a risk we take babes is it not?:eek:

Fran, I love ya, but I completely disagree on that point. Life depends on how you view yourself as well as how others view you. My thoughts remain the same, someone saying they will never do a certain act is fine, that's their opinion. But to continue on and on with thoughts of whether a man or a woman is better at something is ridiculous. That's where experience comes into play.

That's like someone with no kids and never been around them coming up to you in the market and telling you how to raise your child. You'd be a bit put off by them, and that's what is happening here.

[first time guy]

There is nothing to stop you from having an opinion on anything in any country of the world thoughts have always been free. Nobody can control your brain or thoughts yet. Although many would like to try.

[brutal_priestess]

I don't think anyone has looked down upon her on this site for not having been in a relationship. Bemy has painted a V on her forhead and refuses to believe otherwise.

Pasa

Oh I wasn't referring to anyone on this site. Just as a general rule.

[bemyonlyone]

This will only be a blessing if all this time I've had to wait pays off ...otherwise, it is a curse. I am cursed. Being not kissed at 26 is a curse.

Why am I so disgusting that nobody will kiss me? I don't get it. I would post a picture of myself here but I don't trust anyone enough.

I posted a pic somewhere else...I wish I hadn't now, I feel so exposed. My looks aren't the problem, my personality is. I have a horrible personality.

[Long Duck Dong]

This will only be a blessing if all this time I've had to wait pays off ...otherwise, it is a curse. I am cursed. Being not kissed at 26 is a curse.

Why am I so disgusting that nobody will kiss me? I don't get it. I would post a picture of myself here but I don't trust anyone enough.

I posted a pic somewhere else...I wish I hadn't now, I feel so exposed. My looks aren't the problem, my personality is. I have a horrible personality.

susan boyle was 40 and not kissed.... and she has gone on to shine...using a unique quality that she had, and made millions smile......

if you wanna set the world record for being the worlds oldest emo....go for it... but the only person that is taking notice of your defeatist attitude is you.... and the only people that will suffer cos of it, is you.....

now...you have been given a lot of help, support and advice.... what you do with it is up to you..... and how you turn your life around is up to you..... but I have to say, honestly and bluntly.... unless you look in the mirror and realise that you are responsible for what you have created in your life....about the only kiss you will give is from your own reflection.....

I know people a lot worse off than you.... and they make the most of it....and move on..... hell even stephen hawking had 3 kids and two marriages and hes dammed near totally paralysed...... and hes no george clooney either...

so simple lil bit of advice..... take responsible for living your own life, stop trying to live it on the net..... and make changes in your own life.... cos the net is no miracle cure.... and finally..... there are plenty of other forums to move on to..... but the advice will end up being the same....
its your life, live it and make the most of it.... cos bitching about it on a forum, will not change anything

[Darkside2009]

Wen me knew nowt me always talked hind legs of a donkey tryin 2 show me wos not jus a lil bimbo..

Nothing changed there then, Fran.lol Sorry! I did try to resist the cheap laugh...for all of five minutes,it was just too good to pass up. The custard pies are on Fran today. Lol

On a more serious note to the OP, most people will have an opinion on every subject under the Sun, it doesn't necessarily make those opinions of equal worth.

A blind person cannot tell you what colour red is, they might have an opinion on it. Similarly it would be a very stupid person that would submit themselves to surgery, if the proposed surgeon didn't know his/her scapel from his or her elbow.

Experience will come to you in time, your situation is a little unusual, outside of some strict religious circles. My advice, for what it is worth, is to aim for friendships with others that share your interests and let the relationships grow from there.

Even Quasimodo had Esmerelda for a friend, so there is hope for all of us...yes, even me.lol

[bemyonlyone]

I don't think the Susan Boyle thing was legit, it turned out to be just a rumor.

Even so, I don't want to be unkissed even one more year. If someone here could give me advice for removing myself from this situation, that would be great.

[Realist]

I once knew a man who lived with and took care of his mother until she died. He spent the first 30 years of his life in that endeavor. He had never been on a date, or any kind of personal relationship with any other person. However, he had a list of criteria that he expected a potential lover/mate to have. For over 10 years after his mother's death, he searched for a lady who met each requirement on his criteria sheet.

Then, he met a lady who was everything he expected she'd be. Strangely, she also has a list of things she'd have to attempt a relationship. She had been in a failed relationship, before.

After they married, they both found out that many of their expectations were unrealistic. You cannot possibly know and understand until you take the plunge and get your feet wet.

What I'm trying to illustrate, here is, those who said experience is the best teacher are right. Maybe the best thing you can do is to make a connection with someone and begin your process of learning about yourself and others, too. It may, or may not work out, but at least you'll learn more about you really do want and need. Being actually involved, instead of dwelling on theory, will be a better way to learn. Theory, based on observations, rather than actually participating with someone, never provides the quality of education, as being there, doing that, will.

[bemyonlyone]

How can I be involved with someone when nobody seems to want to be with me?

[FalconAngel]

How can I be involved with someone when nobody seems to want to be with me?


What are you trying to do to draw them to you? Developing a relationship is a two-way street.

You need to both attract and be attracted to the person/people that you are seeking.

What activities do you participate in that puts you in contact with like-minded people?

What activities are you participating in that puts you in contact with people that you are attracted to?

How much extra socialization do you do with the folks within those activities? Do you go out for drinks, hang out and watch movies with them, etc.?

The only way to meet people is to go out and have fun with people.

For example, I met my wife through a fellow Rennie who was also a member of a Science Fiction fan group.
But if you do not get out there and try a variety of activities, then it kind of limits the possibilities that are available to you.

To quote from Rocky horror Picture Show, "Don't dream it: Be it."

[TaylorMade]

This will only be a blessing if all this time I've had to wait pays off ...otherwise, it is a curse. I am cursed. Being not kissed at 26 is a curse.

Why am I so disgusting that nobody will kiss me? I don't get it. I would post a picture of myself here but I don't trust anyone enough.

I posted a pic somewhere else...I wish I hadn't now, I feel so exposed. My looks aren't the problem, my personality is. I have a horrible personality.

Only if you make it so. I'm a year older than you. . . I didn't actually have serious boyfriends or girlfriends till i was 18 or 19. I lost my virginity pretty late too.

You make of your solo time the best solo you can be. Don't drag yourself so-low, no one can find you. If you spend your time moaning about being single - - single you will stay.

So- - yeah.

*Taylor*

[bemyonlyone]

It's really hard because I know whining is unattractive but I can't stop whining because of how I feel so it's a vicious cycle...ugh!

Maybe I should just go mute. And have my hands tied behind my back so I can't type.

[Darkside2009]

Maybe I should just go mute. And have my hands tied behind my back so I can't type.

Well, Hell's Bells, woman. Why didn't you just say you were into bondage in the first place? Lol

[bemyonlyone]

I should have known someone would make a joke like that.

I just don't want my hands cut off because I might need them someday.

[Annika L]

Of course you have a right to opinions about anything, regardless of your experience.

Of course you have a right to express those opinions.

Of course we have a right to put whatever stock we want to into your (or anyone else's) opinions. Do you honestly see a lot of us here hearing what *anyone* (even an expert) has to say about a topic and saying "huh, yeah, I guess I was completely wrong about that"? Myself, I don't see it much...some, but not much.

You are a unique person, just like everyone else. That gives you a unique perspective. Some things about relationships are best viewed from inside one; some things about relationships are best viewed from outside one. As somebody outside of a relationship, your views on the latter will be much more valuable than your views on the former.

How do you know which is which? I dunno...do what everyone else does: share your opinions and let everyone else decide what's valuable. It may differ from what you think is valuable. So what? Everyone values different things.

Try caring a bit less what others think of you and your opinions, and start valuing yourself...that's what people find attractive.

[darkeyes]

How can I be involved with someone when nobody seems to want to be with me?

...an wy is that me wondas??? Ya havta hav sum idea....

[bemyonlyone]

I think it's the way I act. All the behavioral problems of my past, my childhood, conspired to this end.

[darkeyes]

I think it's the way I act. All the behavioral problems of my past, my childhood, conspired to this end.

K..can accept that..far as it goes..but it all a tadge vague...not sayin tell us but a few more details wud help us undastand more.. we like 2 help ya kno.. we not all nasty... in fact ver few r...:)

[Doggie_Wood]

My dad used to tell me that if I wanted to change an area of my life, the person that I needed to talk to about putting things in motion to change or at least start the ball rolling to effect those changes, that person was always available. And you can see that person in the mirror.
Now, I am simply voicing my opinion and not trying to imply anything at all.
Just my two cents.

Doggie :doggie:

[FalconAngel]

A lot of people here have given you some good and valuable advice, thus giving you a direction to take to fix your problem of not having a relationship.

So here is more of mine. It is almost identical to what a friend told me after my divorce from my son's mom.

Get off your ass and see what it is that you do not like about you. Change it.

Nothing that you do will change unless YOU are the one to make that change.

And only you can stop you from being a whiny crybaby about things. So if you want to not be a virgin for the rest of your life, then get off your whiny ass and change what needs to be changed and deal with your personal issues.

My major change was growing a beard and letting my hair grow long. It certainly helped my confidence (and it didn't hurt that I am a biker, either).

Others have told you this, but you sound more like the "needs a kick-start in the ass" types.
So I will not cut you any slack for whining, like some have done. I will kick you off your ass and onto your feet.
Again, only you can change you. So don't whine about it. Do something about it.