Need to vent...

[Georgie_Girl]

Not really looking for answers, I just need to get this off my chest but if you have input feel free to share it. I lost all my websites and passwords when my laptop crashed, so that's why I haven't been around.

About a year ago, I had my first experience with a female, and began to doubt being Bisexual. After much thought I came to the conclusion that I'm not. I came out to my husband, and it was a disaster. Crying, screaming, threats, and he outed me to almost everyone we know. A few months later we got involved with a (female) friend (who is married to one of his friends but he was cheating on her with her best friend) and a good time was had by all. It went on for about a month until he told me they'd been screwing around behind my back. We tried to fix things. I found out that he had been planning on leaving me for her and she was mad that it didn't happen, and I was sick of everything, so I cut ties with her entirely. I haven't seen her or talked to her in six months. He still sees her and her husband, who she claims she told everything to. I had been friends with her for years, and liked her for some time as well. Now even the thought of her makes me feel like crying.

My husband accuses me of cheating on him despite the fact that I wouldn't do that, and even if I would I don't have the time. He demanded access to all of my blogs, and after I stopped writing them he started reading my facebook inbox. He goes through my phone as well.

Now I feel almost numb most days. I'm lonely even when I'm with people, and my dreams are mostly sad. I've made great new friends in the PTG at my daughter's school, but I still feel like I'm missing something. I dunno... If you read all of this, thank you. Even if no one replies at least it's out of my head. :)

[TwylaTwobits]

Major hugs, Georgie Girl. It sounds like he wants to be in control of everything and you have said he cheated on you. Now he accuses you of cheating on him. I wish you luck but I think marriage counseling is definitely in your future.

[Georgie_Girl]

If you're married and had sex or an experience with a woman without your husband's knowledge or permission then yes you did cheat.

So yeah your husband is right that you did cheat on him.

No I did not. He knew about it and gave permission. He even watched a couple of times.

[Georgie_Girl]

Major hugs, Georgie Girl. It sounds like he wants to be in control of everything and you have said he cheated on you. Now he accuses you of cheating on him. I wish you luck but I think marriage counseling is definitely in your future.

Thanks. :)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

She never said she was lesbian, she said that she had experimented and had a bi experiance. That doesnt make her a lesbian.
Good luck to you sweetie. I think(well no, I Know) that I'd be finding more peaceful pastures.
Cat

[Georgie_Girl]

Good luck to you sweetie. I think(well no, I Know) that I'd be finding more peaceful pastures.
Cat

Thanks, Cat. :) It's not so easy though. I still love him, and we have a child together.

[boca.openminded]

sorry to hear all that you are going through but I think its the husband (or ex husband) is the cheater NOT Georgie Girl.

I agree with the users comment that if you have sex behind your partners back then you are the cheater BUT he was the one that cheated because he slept with someone else behind Georgia Girls back. Not the other way around.

I actually heard a similar story before. That is why open or open bi relationships mostly do not work. It takes a very strong bond / trust / honesty to make it work. Men tend to get jealous and do not think rationally when sex is involved.

Georgia Girl: I know its tough BUT realize you have an open forum of many friends here that you can talk to. Be strong and realize everything happens for a reason!!!

[Billys_gurl]

Georgie Girl I feel for you. You came to the right place for support. I, too, send hugs to you for your pain. Your husband has NO RIGHT to treat you like he is. I dont have personal experience but I can see what it is doing to my sister. She cheated on her now ex-hubby, got pregnant, and feels like the arse she is with now is what she deserves. The baby is 2 monthes old and he thinks she puts him to bed, and then goes out screwing whomever she can get her hands on. I was told, and have found it to be true, if he's accusing he's the one doing. If you do truly still love him,tell him you want to go to counseling. If he says no then you know what he wants, but hasn't had the cahones to tell you. I hope you are able to work things out, and become a happy georgie girl.:)

[bisexual Javier]

I actually heard a similar story before. That is why open or open bi relationships mostly do not work. It takes a very strong bond / trust / honesty to make it work. Men tend to get jealous and do not think rationally when sex is involved.


It is the opposite of what you wrote.

Most women do not want an open relationship or do not want to stay in one.

That's why open relationships with a male and female couple or a male and female couple and more than one person do not work out.

[robert01]

sounds like your (ex?)husband is
-insecure
-a control freak

He has no right to go through any of your personal accounts trying to find information. I would suspect he did this to humiliate you. Now I will probably be the forum pessimist, or become known as that, but hey someone needs the job no? If he gave permission for you to have this encounter with the other person, than you did not cheat. He cheated, and he probably got you involved in their relationship to enable him to slide from you to her with ease.

BUT: you have nothing to be ashamed of, if the people he outed you to were really your friends, they will not have cared.

Keep an eye on the numbness and down feelings. Depression can rear its ugly head at very bad times, and if I was in your position I am sure it would.

Stick through the tough times. The grass will eventually get greener, and if it doesn't keep walking. Eventually you will end up on someone elses lawn :tongue:

[Georgie_Girl]

Thank you guys for the positive remarks. :)
To clear a couple things up, we're still together, and the people he told about me are either homophobes or he put a spin on the story to make it seem like I was a horrid bitch, because most of them don't like me anymore.

[Bluebiyou]

Georgie,
Reading your stuff initially made me think 'control', but reading again gives me the impression he is 'building up demerits' to leave you.
In other words, you're in love with him, he doesn't sound to be in love with you. He feels some obligation to stay (marriage/child), but needs to build a case of justification for leaving you; that's why he wants to see all your messages; that's why he's already tearing you down to all your friends.
You'll be walking on eggshells until he does leave.
Finally, you'll say a curse word in front of him, say you're not in the mood for sex, spent $100 that he didn't authorize, looked at him crosseyed...
Then he'll self righteously proclaim he's reached a reasonable limit of tolerance and leave.
I could very well be wrong, but that's the way I see it.
Marriage counselling may or may not help.
Good luck and best wishes.
Blue

[Realist]

It's been my experience that, when you catch someone with their drawers down around their ankles, it's common for them to yell at their accuser. They know they're wrong and try to drop the ball back in your lap. Bullshit!

In my view, you did nothing wrong. He's the sneaky, secretive, liar! You were up front and honest with what you did, he wasn't.......so, there's no contest here, as far as I'm concerned.

[Indyguy]

in MHO, you need to sever the relationship. Never let anyone control you, and your desires. If you can't walk hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder with this person, then it is time to move on. Just learn from the experience and don't make the same mistakes, be up front and move on.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

That's why open relationships with a male and female couple or a male and female couple and more than one person do not work out.

This is a generalization, and isnt always true. Some couples in open relationships do fine, but it isnt the case in This case.
In this case he's controling, manipulative, and down right mean and vindictive.
He's calling the kettle black when he in fact Is the same said kettle. He didnt mind her having some girl-fun as long as he was sitting there watching and perhaps joining in later, but its ok for him to be cruel and hateful towards her.
He's wanting to control everything she does, and hold her right under his thumb. Thats a sure sign of a very insecure person. Sad.
I hope things work out Georgie.
Big hugs and love to ya Girlfriend
Cat

[DareMe]

Not really looking for answers, I just need to get this off my chest but if you have input feel free to share it. I lost all my websites and passwords when my laptop crashed, so that's why I haven't been around.

About a year ago, I had my first experience with a female, and began to doubt being Bisexual. After much thought I came to the conclusion that I'm not. I came out to my husband, and it was a disaster. Crying, screaming, threats, and he outed me to almost everyone we know. A few months later we got involved with a (female) friend (who is married to one of his friends but he was cheating on her with her best friend) and a good time was had by all. It went on for about a month until he told me they'd been screwing around behind my back. We tried to fix things. I found out that he had been planning on leaving me for her and she was mad that it didn't happen, and I was sick of everything, so I cut ties with her entirely. I haven't seen her or talked to her in six months. He still sees her and her husband, who she claims she told everything to. I had been friends with her for years, and liked her for some time as well. Now even the thought of her makes me feel like crying.

My husband accuses me of cheating on him despite the fact that I wouldn't do that, and even if I would I don't have the time. He demanded access to all of my blogs, and after I stopped writing them he started reading my facebook inbox. He goes through my phone as well.

Now I feel almost numb most days. I'm lonely even when I'm with people, and my dreams are mostly sad. I've made great new friends in the PTG at my daughter's school, but I still feel like I'm missing something. I dunno... If you read all of this, thank you. Even if no one replies at least it's out of my head. :)

Group Hug ((()))

If your husband is accusing you, perhaps he is projecting his own action upon you.

If something is still missing, perhaps it is not the sex, with either sex for that matter, but intimacy in knowing someone truly knows you and has your back no matter what. Are you mad at her for screwing your husband? or at your husband for screwing her?

((xoxo)) hugs and kisses. keep your chin up.

DM

[bisexualman]

I really don't know your whole story but I see some major red flags.

1. The control issue is a worry. Demanding answers and searching private material is a warning flag for abuse.
2. Making agreements and keeping them as a one-sided deal is another warning sign for abuse.
3. If you are thinking ofleaving and are unable to do so because he controls the finances and monitors your every move is a major red flag for abuse. You have not indicated if you are or are trying to leave.
4. Abuse in the form of outing you in the manner you describe is unacceptable in my book. It is your choice how to handle it but it is the ultimate act of disrespect from a friend, lover, or partner. To personally accept it as anything less is disrespectful of yourself.

I am very worried for you and hope that you are safe. You have a group of people here, but I also hope you have a group of actual friends and family who can help you in person. I hope I am not too harsh. These are merely my observations and I ask that you take them in that light.

[Georgie_Girl]

Thanks again for the kind words and hugs. :)