ugggggggh

[bemyonlyone]

I know maybe I'll get no sympathy, and people will say I brought it on myself, but I can't take it anymore.

My friend was ignoring me hardcore last night (if anyone forgot, in love with her, she's straight).

I just don't get how she can treat me like that. And she didn't even wish me a happy birthday...I get that birthdays don't mean much to people, but I look at how she treats me overall and...she just doesn't seem to care. At this point I wonder if she likes me even as a friend, let alone what I've been fantasizing about and hoping for.

It seems like she only talks to me when it suits her and the rest of the time I might as well be a pile of dogshit on the sidewalk.

I cried twice yesterday and I don't know how much more I can take. I feel so worthless when she treats me like this.

She won't give me her phone number, won't invite me to her house, won't do anything with me, won't see me outside of work. I don't know what to do...I can't take it anymore. I'm in love with this girl. I'm devastated.

[RobUK]

She doesn't sound worth it.

You sound a nice girl, so someone is bound to realize that too. In the mean time, just forget her.

To use an old adage, "there's plenty more fish in the sea". In fact, if you're bi, there'd be twice as many!
:grouphug:

[bemyonlyone]

I know I should just forget her, but it's really hard.

One member on here repeatedly called me a lesbian because I'm in love with a girl! lol. I know I'm obsessed with her and it's not healthy, but it's hard to see anyone else right now. I know I should just move on. I don't know.

I want to be away from her now, that's one thing I know. It's too painful to even be near her.

[bigbadmax]

FORGET HER...anyone who does not treat you with only the smallest ammount of dignity and respect aint worth it.

Feelings can also come from the gut.....if you think she isnt behaving correctly then she isnt behaving correctly.

let the dust settle...she may have problems of her own...if she contacts you and says sorry then tackle that issue.otherwise leave well alone.

P

[bemyonlyone]

*cries*

It just pisses me off because the second I start ignoring her, that's when she starts demanding my attention again. I'm trapped in this vicious cycle and I can't give her a clear, firm, "NO!" because she will find some way to talk to me...then ignores me again once she thinks she can. I'm so sick of it and I don't understand why she treats me like crap.

The worst part is last night she left at the same time as our other friend and they walked out of the store together...she's done this with another friend, but never with me. Why never with me? Why am I not good enough? Why ???

[elian]

Unrequited love is indeed one of the most difficult things to come to terms with as a human being. They say it is better to have loved and lost then not at all - not all of my experiences with relationships have been perfect, but I don't really regret them either.

It is hard to say what goes through people's minds, one film I remember watching even compared the hormones in our bodies to drug addiction - that people's bodies get used to "feeling" a certain way and eventually their behaviors come to model whatever will reproduce that "high". For example there are certain people that always seem to want to pick a fight...their bodies get used to that fight or flight response.

Whatever the root cause, if you cannot clearly communicate how you feel to this person then it is best to let her go. If for no other reason, because she is your co-worker.

Based on your description it sounds as if she'd like to remain professional or platonic friends..but that's just my guess - you know better than I do.

..and you are good enough but if this person you love isn't meeting your needs now, I can't imagine it would be any better in a relationship. Like others have said, look for someone who really knows you.

[rissababynta]

I had an "I'm bored...so let me call Marissa" or an "Oh, I need something so let me see what Marissa is up to" friend. I wasn't in love with her or anything, but she was still a friend that I had since 6th grade and we constantly had ups and downs cause of her shit. Needless to say, I cut her out of my life months ago and she still doesn't even know that I don't like her. She is still asking friends for my cell number because she can't understand why I don't answer the house phone when she calls (which took her a month to do after I decided to cut ties with her...goes to show how much she gives a shit right? lol). These people just aren't worth it...they really aren't...cause in the end all they do is bring you down as a human being.

The best advice I can give you is to stop talking to her (which from the sounds of it shouldn't be too hard since she barely wants to talk to you anyways) and when she actually does start to come back and talk to you, be short and brief with your conversation if you wish to have one at all, and then just let it go. Sure you will cry your ass off and you SHOULD...because it helps...but keep pushing your way through the process and eventually you will find that you start to feel better. OR...next time she actually decides to talk to you...talk to her about this? Ask her why she only acts like you matter sometimes and ASK HER if she really wants to be your friend. There is a good chance that she doesn't realize how badly she is treating you or she doesn't realize that you are this broken up over her behavior and she might start being a better friend. This is what I did with my "friend" a few times before I finally decided to say enough is enough.

[Falling Leaves]

My heart goes out to you...my hus and I have been separating ourselves from a "friend" for 3 months now..it is difficult...and just when we think we've got him out of our lives, our heads, our hearts...he contacts us again...and then nothing for a month...it isn't worth it, the heartbreak, the longing, one way relationships never work...please find a way to separate yourself from this gal, follow the advice given by the others prior to this post...they are right..no matter how much it hurts...you will be better off in the end...

YOU deserve more, you deserve to be treated with respect, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be valued as the genuine human being that you are...i wish you peace in all this...the road ahead will be brighter I promise...you will meet someone worthy of you...and all your gifts will be appreciated and reciprocated..

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Not to sound mean, but how old are you girls? And why are you Allowing her to treat you like this?? If she's playing games, then dont let yourself be treated like this. Its simply not worth it emotionally-wise or mentally wise. Put your foot down and go "Hey ya know what? I'm too old to play this cat & mouse tag team game with you. Either you're my friend or you're not."
In essence, tell her to chit or get off the pot.
Either way, you dont need to be treated like some kind of convienance.
It up to you to be used or not.
Sorry, just my humble grumpy :2cents:
Cat

[kyguy149]

Sounds like she is just using you when she needs to. throw the bitch to the curb and find someone that will treat you like you treat her.

[Canticle]

I really don't understand why some people think, that it is the OP, who is the one being wronged in some manner. The OP has told us all how the young lady, she says she is in love with, is straight and also a co-worker. Perhaps the young lady is just behaving as many do with ''work friends,'' and is friendly only in a superficial manner. Maybe she is the same sort of friend to other co-workers and the OP's view, is coloured by her feelings and does not realise this.

Is the OP expecting total devotion from this co-worker/friend, because of those feelings, which she has. If so, I think , bemy, that you really do need to distance yourself from the situation and think things through. You cannot carry on like this, expecting from someone, what you are not going to get, and thereby, hurting yourself. I'd put money on it, that your ''friend.'' and co-worker, has absolutely no idea, what is going on in your head and troubling you.

Young people make friends, fall out, make up, go their own way, are never really best friends or remain good friends, for life. I don't read this as your straight friend being cruel or nasty to you, but as just the way you are interpreting things.

I think others have advised you, to talk to your ''friend,'' maybe not about your feelings for her, but just being friends...and only that. I may be wrong, but I don't think you have mentioned, how friendly you are with other girls, you work with, or young men of your age. You have, I believe, only mentioned other people, in relation to their friendliness with your ''friend.''

''She doesn't sound worth it.'' RobUK...how can you say this, when you are merely reading about the young woman, who we are told is straight, by the OP and the OP's judgement is clouded by her feelings toward the other young lady.

''One member on here repeatedly called me a lesbian because I'm in love with a girl! lol. I know I'm obsessed with her and it's not healthy, but it's hard to see anyone else right now. I know I should just move on. I don't know.''

bemy, I do not believe that what you say, is exactly what the poster was trying to tell you. However, we all read things and come to different conclusions. You obviously are in a state of confusion and that is sad. I hope you will see a clear pathway soon. have you thought about seeing a counsellor. Someone who would listen and help you. Just a thought.


''FORGET HER...anyone who does not treat you with only the smallest ammount of dignity and respect aint worth it.

Feelings can also come from the gut.....if you think she isnt behaving correctly then she isnt behaving correctly.

let the dust settle...she may have problems of her own...if she contacts you and says sorry then tackle that issue.otherwise leave well alone.''

Max...the young ladies work together. It's almost like having the kind of friends you make at school. Some will be out of school friends....some, just to hang around with during the school day. Again, you are deciding that a person is a certain way, because of what the OP tells us, in her posts. She could well be just that.....or just a young person, with no idea what the heck is troubling her co-worker.

Gut feelings, are not always correct. Letting the dust settle...a good idea, but somehow, I don't think the problem will go away for bemy. She needs to talk to someone....a professional.

''*cries*

It just pisses me off because the second I start ignoring her, that's when she starts demanding my attention again. I'm trapped in this vicious cycle and I can't give her a clear, firm, "NO!" because she will find some way to talk to me...then ignores me again once she thinks she can. I'm so sick of it and I don't understand why she treats me like crap.

The worst part is last night she left at the same time as our other friend and they walked out of the store together...she's done this with another friend, but never with me. Why never with me? Why am I not good enough? Why ??? ''

bemy, you are only seeing this situation, from your view point and that is probably the only view point there can be.

Your first paragraph reads like the typical behaviour of young people and their friendships......read what I said, earlier in my post. You think she treats you like crap. Have any of your other co-workers/friends mentioned to you, that this is what they also think.

You cannot decide whom the girl will leave work with...who she will walk to the bus, or train staion etc, with. She is under no obligation, to make you her special friend. You say why never with you. Turn that around and think...''Ok, why should she.'' I very much doubt that your friend/co-worker, has even thought about you not being good enough to be her friend. You are thinking that and transferring, what you feel, onto her persona.

Rissa, Falling Leaves, Elian, Cat, I can agree with some of what you say, but it has to be remembered that bemy's outlook and vision of the situation is being seen from a very personal and obviously upset, confused and troubled angle.

''Sounds like she is just using you when she needs to. throw the bitch to the curb and find someone that will treat you like you treat her.''

You can have no idea, that anyone is being used. The young ladies work in a store, with other people. They WORK together. Friendships at work, are not necessarily the same as those we may have with friends, away from the work environment. How terrible to call the young woman a bitch. You do not know the real life situation. What can come over as being perfectly plausible, may not be the way things are...not in any way, shape or form.

bemy, you are going to continue to feel more and more upset. You really do need to talk to someone. One on one....someone you will be able to trust...someone who will listen to you, hear your story, see your tears and be able to advise you, in a very professional and neutral manner. However, ultimately, you are the only one who can work through your pain and misery.

I hope you do, because being distraught is not nice...it hurts...it hurts like hell.

[Wrenn]

The one thing that I'm struck by is that this is a work place situation. I do not know all the particulars, only what the OP has posted. I suggest that bemyonlyone does not confess her love for her co-worker as this could be construed as sexual harrassment. Perhaps the co-worker has sensed that bemyonlyone has feelings for her that she considers inappropriate? Perhaps she is uneasy with bemyonlyone's behavior towards her and the co-worker is trying to hadle it by being distant? I don't know....just some thoughts I've had from reading this and the other thread by bemyonlyone on this topic. I've been in the OP's shoes one more than one occasion where I was totally obsessed with someone who did not reciprocate my feelings. It's horribly painful and takes a long time to get over. This is an awful situation where you see the object of your desire frequently because you work together and it's not going to have a happy out come I'm afraid. I'm sorry for your pain bemyonlyone because I know how much it hurts and will continue hurting until you are able to shake the obsession. God bless.

[**Peg**]

I haven't read most of the replies to this thread, but have read a few ... so if this has been said before, sobeit.

35 years after I married my husband, our best man told me he'd always loved me ... I had NO CLUE... and I was nearly 30 at the time, so... cut the co-worker some slack, she might not have any idea how you feel.

IMO it's never a great idea to date the people you work with; it can make for a VERY uncomfortable situation for all involved, should it not work out.

:2cents:

(well said Wrenn, I agree)

[DareMe]

I know maybe I'll get no sympathy, and people will say I brought it on myself, but I can't take it anymore.

My friend was ignoring me hardcore last night (if anyone forgot, in love with her, she's straight).

I just don't get how she can treat me like that. And she didn't even wish me a happy birthday...I get that birthdays don't mean much to people, but I look at how she treats me overall and...she just doesn't seem to care. At this point I wonder if she likes me even as a friend, let alone what I've been fantasizing about and hoping for.

It seems like she only talks to me when it suits her and the rest of the time I might as well be a pile of dogshit on the sidewalk.

I cried twice yesterday and I don't know how much more I can take. I feel so worthless when she treats me like this.

She won't give me her phone number, won't invite me to her house, won't do anything with me, won't see me outside of work. I don't know what to do...I can't take it anymore. I'm in love with this girl. I'm devastated.


If she is straight, she may not want to lead you on in any way. If you are at work and a situation calls for her to talk to you, maybe she is just being professional about it?

I really hope you find someone who will reciprocate.

Gigantic ((HUGS))

DM

[bigbadmax]

Canticle...how dare you be so judgemental of other postings..where you there this morning to talk to bemy...no you were not.

Stop looking so deep into a posting. which in essence decries the free speech of this site.

Canticle you obviously have limited experience of relationships and how what you say can heavily affect the person(s) who have posted responses.

Bemy was in dire straights this morning..I hope she is feeling better after a very hard day at work and reading notes of support not deep CBT ramblings of a interfering wannabe psychologist.

Bemy...many of us are here to listen and not judge.

[TwylaTwobits]

hmmm Max...maybe you should read all the threads of the OP and see where Canticle is coming from. Even better do a google search on her name and find the same exact postings on other boards. Apparently she keeps it up til everyone realizes she is in fact stalking a straight woman who did nothing more than be nice to her, then she moves on to another board and starts the posts again.

[bemyonlyone]

hmmm Max...maybe you should read all the threads of the OP and see where Canticle is coming from. Even better do a google search on her name and find the same exact postings on other boards. Apparently she keeps it up til everyone realizes she is in fact stalking a straight woman who did nothing more than be nice to her, then she moves on to another board and starts the posts again.

Ok. I know you have me on ignore, but I just want to make one thing VERY clear: I am NOT stalking her! How dare you accuse me of something like that?

I agree that I need counselling, but I don't need Canticle to tell me so.

What people can't see is her behavior--one day she acts like she doesn't want me to leave, the next she won't even say goodbye. She's acting weird and she pulls me along with her mood swings. I get stuck and when I try to walk away she won't let me ignore her.

I know for a fact that she likes my attention and wants to keep it. This would be okay if she had a good reason for wanting it, but the fact is that she is bored and lonely, and that's why she can't leave me alone.

[Canticle]

Canticle...how dare you be so judgemental of other postings..where you there this morning to talk to bemy...no you were not.

Stop looking so deep into a posting. which in essence decries the free speech of this site.

Canticle you obviously have limited experience of relationships and how what you say can heavily affect the person(s) who have posted responses.

Bemy was in dire straights this morning..I hope she is feeling better after a very hard day at work and reading notes of support not deep CBT ramblings of a interfering wannabe psychologist.

Bemy...many of us are here to listen and not judge.

''Canticle...how dare you be so judgemental of other postings..where you there this morning to talk to bemy...no you were not.''

Max, it would be a great help, to this rather caring and ''concerned about other people,'' lady, if you could actually point out where, I have been judgemental.

In my post, I was addressing what others had said and this includes bemy. I thought my post was actually, rather sympathetic toward bemy, who is confused and upset and has been getting all manner of advice from people, but the people on this site...all of us, who may have replied to bemy, cannot view her posts, as anything but that, in the same way we read and evaluate, what countless people post. We can only comment on what is put before us. We cannot know the true situation. It's an impossibility.

I assume...or should I presume, that you mean you were talking to bemy, in the chat room. Once again, we are faced with a situation, where one is not face to face with a person, cannot hear a voice, see body language etc. We can only go by what is typed and appears upon our computer screen.

I am sure that you did an admirable job, talking to bemy. There are many good people here and the anonimity of the chat room, can be a good place to vent feelings and frustrations. It can also be a good place to have a good hearted person, ''listen,'' to one and either give or not give an opinion, advice, suggestion...etc.

So please do not call me judgemental...for passing comment...my comment, on certain posts. Some things, which were posted, seemed to just accept that bemy was being treated badly. How on earth can anyone gauge that, from what she has posted. Yes, she is confused..or so it would appear...Yes she feels hurt....or so she says, but some of the posts automatically assumed she was being treated badly, by the other person. What drastic conclusions to come to.

''Stop looking so deep into a posting. which in essence decries the free speech of this site.''

Are you for real? Are you telling me that I should take every post, on face value and that no post should be read, cogitated upon and looked into more deeply. Should one, merely, glance at a post and think..''Yeah, Ok..it's alright to assume the straight co-worker is not very nice, so lets tell bemy to not allow herself to be treated badly, even though we don't know the reality of everything.''

How can I, a fairly intelligent person, be decrying free speech (of this site?), by looking deeper into a post, than you think appropriate. That is a contradiction.

You are telling me, that I should not have freedom of thought or speech, with words like that. I would say this. There is not enough free speech...anywhere....anywhere upon this planet. I am always saying, that free speech, the freedom to say what we think...exactly what we think...is one of the most important freedoms that there is.

And you tell me not to think so freely or look so deep. I'm shaking my head at you, in disappointment and disbelief.

''Canticle you obviously have limited experience of relationships and how what you say can heavily affect the person(s) who have posted responses.''

And what is this meant to mean? For it reads as an insult. So you have decided that I have a limited experience of relationships. How do you come to this conclusion? Have you ever talked to me? Do you know my life experience? Do you know what problems, I have had to deal with, during my life? What an absolutely ludicrous thing to say.

I commented on other posts to bemy. Posts which in the main, I did not feel said anything to help her. I listed the names of the posters, I agreed, in part, with. How can my words of sympathy and neutrality, be words to damage the young lady in any way. And tell me...what use is a post that tells bemy to ''kick the bitch to the kerb.''.....That is really helpful.

bemy needs to talk to someone...a professional.....someone neutral.....someone who will be able to help her. It doesn't mean she can't get help from people here, or elsewhere, but she is not going to be helped, if all she hears, is people telling her how she shouldn't stand for being treated badly, when those people, have been told that she feels that way, by bemy, herself.

And Max, I don't need to have had countless relationships, to be able to advise a young woman. I have lived and am living, a real life, with real problems...the same as everyone else. i've raised three children and had to deal with their problems. So please don't get swollen headed, and think that I am some little housewife, who hasn't got a clue, because I have got a clue and I'm not stupid.

''Bemy was in dire straights this morning..I hope she is feeling better after a very hard day at work and reading notes of support not deep CBT ramblings of a interfering wannabe psychologist.''

Maybe bemy was in dire straits this morning....maybe she wasn't. I hope she wasn't, for her sake. Remember...you were not communicating face to face.

So, telling her that she shouldn't be allowing herself to be treated badly, when you only know what bemy has posted, typed, is showing true support, is it. Telling her to ''kick the bitch to the kerb,'' is true support...is it?

How do you know that the so called ''bitch,'' is aware of what is even going on in bemy's head and heart. But I guess you do know......you probably have such a vast experience of relationships.

I don't do abbreviations...not often.....so you'll have to explain what ''CBT'' means. I don't ramble. I offer intelligent advice and show true concern. How dare you call me interfering...just because I comment in the negative, upon a few of the posts.

I'm not a wannabe psychologist.....I'm a woman of 55, who has raised three children...successfully....had a daughter....had her confused about all sorts of things.....and has to deal with her tantrums...and tears. I'm a mother...I see things through the eyes of a mother and I can see that bemy is in pain. You don't have to have a degree in psychology, to be able to see that.

So, sorry to tell you, Max. I'll continue to advise in my way and say what I think may help bemy and it won't be by assuming that the straight girl must be treating her badly. That could just be the way bemy perceives it. It doesn't mean, that is how it is.

''Bemy...many of us are here to listen and not judge.''

Funny how you seem to be the one who is judgemental. Ah, but I guess that's OK.......because the way you have worded this post of yours...how on earth could you ever be wrong.

You've gone and hijacked the thread.....so I see it.....and just because someone didn't agree with the majority of the posts.

bemy......my words to you are both heartfelt and genuine and said in a caring way. In no way, have I judged you......but it seems that Max doesn't think I ought to post what I think is right...or how I see things. I hope that you do get some help....whilst at the same time, talking to people...here or real time and I hope you will work through this and soon be happy again.

[Long Duck Dong]

unfortunately, I agree with the people on shybi.com that also told you that what you have, is not infatuation, its becoming a obsession....
( yes I did google your username and noticed that you have the same posts on other sites, but near word for word and the same thread name, )

things that point to that you are being obsessed with her, are the way that you are getting worked up about how she will not walk out the front door with you.... and how you feel that you ignoring her, is hurting her feelings, so you can not ignore her
other things that I notice is the total lack of contact outside of work, by the other person..... and that leads me to believe that she is having to work with you as a co worker, but outside of work there is no contact at all....
you have even expressed concern over the fact the females mother has even stepped in to the issue and is expressing concerns over the way you are acting.......

you have said you need counselling..... I think what you also need is 2 weeks away from work at the same time.... so that you can really get your thoughts together and your head sorted..... for your own sake and the sake of the other person......

its not a put down.... its concern for you and the other person

[bisexual Javier]

Why are people stalking the original poster looking at other sites where she happened to write?

That's not cool.

[TwylaTwobits]

Stalking?? nope just looking for truth. Unfortunately that's something the OP doesn't seem to realize. There are people in this world that just won't be attracted to you for whatever reason. No matter the attraction the OP has she has now turned it into an obsession and is posting about that fact all over the net. Did she really think that people here would not belong to other sites and recognize the username? That people here don't talk to one another? Sorry, Javier, you are not looking at the whole picture. Even in just the OP's posts here...she is well aware she has issues. She needs to deal with those issues and stop blaming the object of her obsession. I can clearly see if the pattern continues the OP losing her job and even being the subject of a restraining order. She's been given the same advice on a number of occasions but just keeps going on until someone will tell her she is right. It's not gonna happen when any reasonable person can see it's all a one sided attraction.

[elian]

If you feel used and upset to this degree then it is time to move on - not a matter of trying to prove who is "right" or "wrong" - it's a matter of trying to use energy positively and find a healthy place to start again.

You can't truly know what it means to love unconditionally until you take the time to learn to love yourself first.

Happiness does not come from any one person or thing. Like love, true happiness cannot be bought or sold because it comes from within. It is a side-effect of the results you make with the tools you have been given.

[Long Duck Dong]

Why are people stalking the original poster looking at other sites where she happened to write?

That's not cool.

cos the people of this site have dealt with trolls and other issues a number of times... so now we are a lil more careful

I believe we are up to 7 accounts and counting by the same troll..... and the level of personal and very abusive attacks are something we are now quick to get dealt with....

btw, I am not referring to bemyonlyone with the troll thing..... they are not the troll that has made bisexual.com their home.....

[bisexual Javier]

Stalking?? nope just looking for truth. Unfortunately that's something the OP doesn't seem to realize. There are people in this world that just won't be attracted to you for whatever reason. No matter the attraction the OP has she has now turned it into an obsession and is posting about that fact all over the net. Did she really think that people here would not belong to other sites and recognize the username? That people here don't talk to one another? Sorry, Javier, you are not looking at the whole picture. Even in just the OP's posts here...she is well aware she has issues. She needs to deal with those issues and stop blaming the object of her obsession. I can clearly see if the pattern continues the OP losing her job and even being the subject of a restraining order. She's been given the same advice on a number of occasions but just keeps going on until someone will tell her she is right. It's not gonna happen when any reasonable person can see it's all a one sided attraction.

If it's really that bad perhaps she needs to be fired and have a restraining order to see how serious her issues are?

[TwylaTwobits]

Hopefully she'll open her eyes and realize that before it gets to that point, Javier. Especially in this time of high unemployment.

[citystyleguy]

I know maybe I'll get no sympathy, and people will say I brought it on myself, but I can't take it anymore.

My friend was ignoring me hardcore last night (if anyone forgot, in love with her, she's straight).

I just don't get how she can treat me like that. And she didn't even wish me a happy birthday...I get that birthdays don't mean much to people, but I look at how she treats me overall and...she just doesn't seem to care. At this point I wonder if she likes me even as a friend, let alone what I've been fantasizing about and hoping for.

It seems like she only talks to me when it suits her and the rest of the time I might as well be a pile of dogshit on the sidewalk.

I cried twice yesterday and I don't know how much more I can take. I feel so worthless when she treats me like this.

She won't give me her phone number, won't invite me to her house, won't do anything with me, won't see me outside of work. I don't know what to do...I can't take it anymore. I'm in love with this girl. I'm devastated.

...in reference to your statement embolden here; drop her, now! she isn't worth it and has made it abundantly clear that she doesnt give a damn about you! your just hitting yourself over the head over her and getting nothing but a headache!

you'll have a big cry, the world will have seemed to drop out from under you, but you'll find someone else once you leave her, and the sooner the better!

wishing you well!

[bemyonlyone]

Looking at past sites I've been on is a violation of my privacy. I definitely should have chosen a different username. I realize that now, too late.

I am not stalking her and her mother is NOT involved in any way. Her mother stared at me, but unless my friend told her mom I did something (which would have been strange if she had, because I haven't done ANYTHING to my friend), there is no way her mom would have anything to worry about.

I am NOT stalking my friend. How dare either of you accuse me of being a criminal? I have been stalked by someone for 10 years, I know what stalking is and isn't. To say I did that to my friend is just disgusting.

And to make it sound like she wants nothing to do with me away from work--she has told me she's shy and scared to ask friends to hang out away from work. So I'm pretty sure you're wrong.

I am a good employee, and I'm not going to get fired for feeling this way about my friend. I'm not going to get a restraining order filed against me because I am not stalking anyone or breaking any laws. You two are whacked.

[robert01]

bemyonly;
welcome to the internet where privacy is a myth.

im not going to accuse you of stalking, because clearly i do not know the whole story. but if this person doesn't want to spend time with you outside of work, than maybe they aren't interested in you in a romantic/friendship/barmate kind of way.

im sure everyone here will agree with me when i say that it is hard to just curb romantic feelings for someone, but i think i this case it might be best for you to do so.

period.

[Georgie_Girl]

Not to be mean, but anything you put on the internet is public. There is no true privacy.

[Long Duck Dong]

Looking at past sites I've been on is a violation of my privacy. I definitely should have chosen a different username. I realize that now, too late.

I am not stalking her and her mother is NOT involved in any way. Her mother stared at me, but unless my friend told her mom I did something (which would have been strange if she had, because I haven't done ANYTHING to my friend), there is no way her mom would have anything to worry about.

I am NOT stalking my friend. How dare either of you accuse me of being a criminal? I have been stalked by someone for 10 years, I know what stalking is and isn't. To say I did that to my friend is just disgusting.

And to make it sound like she wants nothing to do with me away from work--she has told me she's shy and scared to ask friends to hang out away from work. So I'm pretty sure you're wrong.

I am a good employee, and I'm not going to get fired for feeling this way about my friend. I'm not going to get a restraining order filed against me because I am not stalking anyone or breaking any laws. You two are whacked.

the internet is public domain..... anything you post is not private.....
and I do need to draw your attention to the fact you are posting your private thoughts in a public forum..... many public forums actually.....

I never said you were breaking laws, I said you are acting in a obsessive manner, that is why I suggested the 2 weeks off work
the reason behind that, is that if you start going into work to see what she is doing or who she is talking to, or you start contacting people to find out what she is doing or saying at work... then yes, its a serious issue.....

as for the aspect of her mother, the info is what you yourself posted, your concerns over the fact that her mother is involved and may escort the lady from work ...also the fact that you have been leaving comments on your friends facebook.... and they too are accessible and readable by anybody if they are public.......

now you are a good employee, but harassment in the workplace is something that protects both of you, not one, that is something you need to keep in mind, if the friend feels that she is being pressured or harassed in any form....

the fact that she has nothing to do with you outside of work, again, is something you have stated she does, and something you are now justifying by saying she is shy....

the fact that you have referred to the person having a boyfriend in other posts in other threads, tells me that shes not really that shy, if shes in a relationship and leaves work with her other friends....

at the end of the day, the info you are giving about her, contradicts the things you say about her being shy etc.......
that leads me to believe that you are justifying your actions and feelings in regards to this female, and making her responsible for you frustration that she is not accepting of your feelings and desires.....

[Jackal]

*cries*

It just pisses me off because the second I start ignoring her, that's when she starts demanding my attention again. I'm trapped in this vicious cycle and I can't give her a clear, firm, "NO!" because she will find some way to talk to me...then ignores me again once she thinks she can. I'm so sick of it and I don't understand why she treats me like crap.

The worst part is last night she left at the same time as our other friend and they walked out of the store together...she's done this with another friend, but never with me. Why never with me? Why am I not good enough? Why ???


You really, really need to let this go. You're analyzing her trip to the store with another friend. From the first line of your post, this girl is playing with you. She may not know she's doing it, but she wants to pull the strings with you. Friendship is a two way street. You say she treats you like crap, do you really want to be a friend to someone who treats you that way?

[bemyonlyone]

Yes, she has an EX-boyfriend.

She has told me she is shy and is scared to ask people to do stuff. SHE TOLD ME THIS.

I cannot take two weeks off work. I don't live in lala land where you can take two weeks off work. And my boss wouldn't let me anyway. And taking time off so that you can see whether I would go in and stalk her? WTF? She is working today. I have no plans to go into the store to stalk her. In fact I never go in when I'm not working.

Her mom came into the store a couple of times. So what? Why do you think it has something to do with me?

As for what I posted on her facebook that her mom read: "Hi (friend's name)!"
"Happy Birthday, (friend's name)!" And a few random quizzes, etc. And a comment on a picture that was totally innocent. So there goes that theory.

She has told me she is shy. She has admitted to being shy. And now you're trying to say she lied about being shy? Ok, whatever.

Oh, and I'm not harassing my friend. For you to accuse me of such a thing is absolutely disgusting.

[Long Duck Dong]

cool down a lil will ya...... you are getting very defensive.....

lala land for me is new zealand, and employees have 3-4 weeks a year paid holidays.... I am not sure about your country

now I was actually referring to the fact that time away from a distraction can be beneficial... as its hard to focus every day on your work while you are distracted by a emotional issue.... or in your case, a infatuation
and you need to make sure that your infatuation doesn't become a obsession

as for the persons mother..... well, you are the one that referred to issues with her mother and your concerns over that.... the fact that she came to the store can be totally legit.... but based around your posts, you have read more into it....

as for the facebook thing.... yeah its public viewing, I never implied you have done anything wrong....

as for being shy.... no I am not saying she lied, I do not know her.... I was going by what you have been saying.... about her actions with her friends...

as for the harassment, I did not say you were harassing her..I said harassment applies to both people..... ie workplace harassment etc.... I am not sure how the law applies in your country, but where I live, a person that have had issues with a employer or another employee over harassment in the work place, can find it hard to get another job.....

I am not suggesting you are harassing her..... but personally, I would be very careful about making the moves on a fellow employee cos it can go very badly and I do not mean just in the rejection stakes....

[bemyonlyone]

Sorry, I forget things are easier in other countries.

Where I am, in the U.S., and especially with a low-level job like the one I have, you can't take two weeks off, let alone paid. I am not full time so I don't get paid leave like full time people do. I can request maybe a week off, but it's unpaid. That's life here, and it sucks.

Yes, she is shy, but he was her first boyfriend, I'm pretty sure. And as for walking out the store with other people: I doubt they went anywhere after, they were just leaving at the same time. I guess the point I was making is that we've had our shifts end at the same time but she never walked out of the store with me. Regardless of how she's acting, she is shy and finds it hard to ask people to do things, let alone ask people out. I'm pretty sure her ex asked her out, she would have been too scared to ask him out. I'm not ignoring the fact that she was in love with him, and may still be.

If I started anything with her I would quit immediately and find a new job. I'm not going to date my coworkers. Sometimes I think that's the only reason I'm still at the job.

[Canticle]

You really, really need to let this go. You're analyzing her trip to the store with another friend. From the first line of your post, this girl is playing with you. She may not know she's doing it, but she wants to pull the strings with you. Friendship is a two way street. You say she treats you like crap, do you really want to be a friend to someone who treats you that way?

''You really, really need to let this go. You're analyzing her trip to the store with another friend.''

I concur.

''From the first line of your post, this girl is playing with you. She may not know she's doing it, but she wants to pull the strings with you. Friendship is a two way street. You say she treats you like crap, do you really want to be a friend to someone who treats you that way? ''

This is speculation. One cannot make any comment about the co-worker, which can be a valid one, as the only information given in the posts, comes from bemy. bemy is saying what is, or may be happening, from her view of the situation.

It cannot be said, that the other young lady, is trying to pull any strings, or is treatig bemy badly. bemy is the one telling the story and her vision is bound to be clouded.

bemy does not mention any other friends, male or female, wwhich she may have. She only talks about this one young lady and other co-workers are mentioned, merely in passing, as in the other young lady spending time with them, but not with bemy.

There are situations, where a person can discuss an event in their life, a problem, happiness or unhappiness, but the story that most will tell, will be expanded upon. bemy's tale of woe, concentrates purely on her one situation and bases it, for the most part (and this is how it comes across), as if the whole scenatio, is happening in the store and not beyond that place.

If the two young ladies have never socialised together and/or with others, outside of working hours (and this does not mean people being close friends), then it cannot be said, that they have been in a close friendship, or any frienship at all.

bemy has never mentioned other friends, be they male or female. I find that rather odd, for a young woman of nearly 26. Most young people have a group of people, their peers, whom they will socialise with, even if these people cannot be called bosom buddies/life long friends etc.

[bemyonlyone]

First off I am 26.

And I have already said on here that I don't have many/any friends. Why is this odd? I have social problems and I don't have any friends. Is there something hard to understand about that? I'm not good at meeting people. I don't socialize. I don't go out to clubs. I go to school, go to work and go home.

I'm not sure what's odd about that, I am hardly alone. I admit it's definitely a problem, but you shouldn't be that surprised. I'm an unkissed virgin at 26, obviously something is not right.

[FalconAngel]

Here is a possibility.

She is playing you.

If she knows your feelings or not, has little effect here. What I am seeing is someone who wants to be part of something more than just living alone (which is kind of implied in your profile name), but is infatuated with someone that is beyond her reach; in this case because of sexuality.

Add to that, the fact that she is behaving the way that you describe, she is one of those types that wants attention, then, once she has it, the attention has no value and she goes cold.
That is why she does the hot and cold thing. She may or may not realize it, but then, you may or may not realize that you are being played, either.

Start by ignoring her a developing the inner strength needed to tell her that you are tired of her games and that you don't need the drama of them.

Find a new friend. Find a real friend. Find more friends. Get out more and the friends will come.
You are still a "puppy" so you have fallen into that social BS of calling people that are, to be honest, just aquaintances, friends. Real friends will never do that. A real friend will be there as a shoulder to cry on, someone to make you laugh when you need it and someone who will tell you that you are being stupid when you are being stupid.

That is a common problem these days. Friends do not do to you what that girl has been doing.

And if you are looking for real love, then look elsewhere for it, because you are extremely unlikely to find it with her.

You are still young, so it isn't like you are a "spinster aunt" or anything like that. Just go out and enjoy your youth and stop trying to waste it with that girl.

[Canticle]

First off I am 26.

And I have already said on here that I don't have many/any friends. Why is this odd? I have social problems and I don't have any friends. Is there something hard to understand about that? I'm not good at meeting people. I don't socialize. I don't go out to clubs. I go to school, go to work and go home.

I'm not sure what's odd about that, I am hardly alone. I admit it's definitely a problem, but you shouldn't be that surprised. I'm an unkissed virgin at 26, obviously something is not right.

Yes, after my post, I took note of your birthdate. Belated birthday greetings.

bemy, you either have some friends or you don't, however close, or general in friendship terms.......so what do you mean by ''I don't have many/any.''? For you then go on to say, that you don't have any friends.

It's not difficult to understand....that you may be shy or reserved, but if you are going to school and are also working, you have got to be iteracting and commuicating with people...on some level. Friendliness and friendship, grow from such interaction. Surely you have had some form of friendship, with others, at some point.

You don't need to go to clubs, belong to any associations, attend church etc, etc to find friends.....and friendships do not need to be close, life long relationships with people.

Some people end up having life long friendships, with those people they attended school with. My brother is such a person, but it doesn't mean that those lifelong friends, are the only friends he has.

People enter and leave our lives. Some may be there, to have a laugh or a joke with, for just a few days, weeks, or months...others for years, but they can all be called friends...for their are different levels of friendship.

''I'm not sure what's odd about that, I am hardly alone. I admit it's definitely a problem, but you shouldn't be that surprised. I'm an unkissed virgin at 26, obviously something is not right.''

It's not odd! For countless people, have only a very few friends, but many aquaintances and most certainly you are not alone, in this matter.

If you think that this is a problem, have you done anything, to change your situation? Being without friends, has nothing to do with you being an unkissed virgin. although some might tell you, that unless you have friends and relationships, that situation, is understandable. I would not.

You call the co-worker, you have feelings for, your friend and yet, you say you have no friends! Whatever your problems are in that area, you most certainly are not doing yourself any good. Your story seems to go around in circles, always returning to the same point....the same mindset.

I have a feeling, that whatever advice was given, whichever sensible comments were made, you would dismiss them all and come back to your original story line. Therefore, what are you seeking?

There are some good people here, who will offer advice...based on what they read.....but in the end, that is all the people here can do, for we do not know you, real time....as people like to term, being off line.

[bemyonlyone]

Actually my name is from the Joe Esposito song "Lady, Lady, Lady" on the soundtrack for the movie Flashdance.

[Canticle]

Falcon, you are someone I respect, when it comes to your posts, but I think, that here, you have done the same as others have. I do not like to refer to it, as falling into the same trap, for that would be unfair and too disbelieving of what we have all read.

You are referring to the co-worker, bemy is infatuated with and assuming that the young woman, has been behaving in a certain manner, when the only one to inform us of the person's behaviour, is bemy, herself.

The whole scenario becomes more and more dramatic, with each post bemy makes and is starting to read, like something unreal and out of some novella.

One can ask bemy a question, such as ''Have you ever socialised, outside of the work environment, with this girl,'' but no such answer will be forthcoming.

Sure, bemy may well know things that go on, in the object of her affection's, away from work life and probably the life events of other girls she works with.....but that is what young women do....talk about their lives...at work, with female colleagues...or with their close friends.

Every subject...from boyfriends, sex, menstruation and period pains, pop music, who they fancy....all will be chatted about. In fact, most women never stop chatting, in such a fashion. It's just, that as we get older, we have different things to talk about.

I have a feeling that the co-worker, may know nothing about what is going on inside bemy's mind and remains totally clueless of the situation, if there actually is a situation, that really does exist.

Guess I am becoming cynical, but then I have realised, in recent times, that one has to remain so, for so many people do weave such detailed stories upon their looms.