FAE 2005-10?

[darkeyes]

At the time I signed up for this site.. I was coming to the end pof a marriage and my then sexuality was truly reasserting itself after a hiatus which lasted from my engagement till a few months before the end of my marriage.

The site was both crutch and joyous entertainment, and shall we say.. some good old raunchy fun.. I didn't need it to express my sexuality.. I knew what I was and apart from my husband who was blissfully unaware of it.. I had never hidden it.. distance from home town, friends and family helped keep up this masquerade.. a masquerade once I had begged people to allow me because I was in love. And what a fine mess I made of it.

In the first few years it continued to be fun and joyous entertainment.. it was still a crutch, for those on site who know me best know something of my love troubles.. in particular love trouble with one particular person.. and those people you have no idea were awesome in getting me through some of the darkest days of my life. Certainly I had and have amazing friends in my life.. but I didn't spend 24 hours a day with those people.. there was the time I was at home..alone and feeling f***ing miserable.. that was when those wonderful people came into their own and helped me keep my sanity.

These days are thankfully past. The mizzy side of them at least. My personal life is settled, and no longer require the crutch.. if crutch I need, I live with her..

There have always been huge barney's on this site.. and I have loved them.. there has been anger yet rarely was there too much bitterness and recrimination..trolls were unheard of and there was an affection and respect which permeated through the site.. sadly this seems to have dissipated and there is now an anger and contempt which I find hard to take. The site could never stay the same I knew that.. but the lack of respect for each other I find horrific.. the lack of idealism and aspiration for a better world and the reluctance to accept we can ever have a better world hits home and there is a despair on site which I have never shared.. and will never share.. that has always been there..we live in the real world.. and I do not like it in the real world either.. yet I find .com not so much mirroring the real world but in fact outstripping it for its lack of respect, feeling and compassion for others.. not everyone is like that but increasingly we find more people who are..the ethos of the site has changed and its not nice.

Sex has always been a part of this site..it would be odd if it wasn't.. but I find myself having read so many of the same questions and answers that it becomes tedious.. I know there are new people all the time..they want to know like anyone else..yet the feeling increasingly comes across that the sex threads are for effect not for any reason other than that.. some are still valuable but all too many lack any credibility whatsoever.

When I finally accepted I was no longer bisexual, but a gay woman I remained on site, because I loved it so. The people, the laughs, the content. Yet somehow I increasingly find that .com and I no longer really have that much in common. I still love many of you, still love much of the content but whether my own homosexuality has finally made me realise I either no longer belong here I just do not know.. my life is different to 5 years ago.. the site has changed, not for the better in my view.. so many people have moved on, to wherever who can say.. I have changed.. I am no longer bisexual.. there is less fun and less attempt at understanding.. less tolerance and compassion.. so much is different..

From time to time for reasons of my own I have drifted off for months at a time yet have always returned.. never have I seriously considered because I am unsure of my place in this community or whether I have a place in it.. I know my place in the real world.. and it isnt where a lot of other people want me to be..

So what am I going to do? As yet I don't know. I know my partner's view. mine is far from made.. its not that I think I am better than anyone else.. heaven forbid.. I am just unsure how much we have in common and how much longer I can watch something which has been so much a part of my life, and have so much to be grateful for, wither and die, or worse.. become a joke among the lgbt community...

[TwylaTwobits]

Giant huggles and kisses to you, Fran. You have been an inspiration to me through the last rough month or so and a true example of grace when under fire. I truly hope you do not wander away from this site for more than a breather. There will always be differing opinions on lots of issues that are near and dear to hearts. The way we debate says more about us than the actual debate. The intelligence in the posts and the passion in the positions are something I have come to always expect from you even if we might have a different view point of an issue.

Sides who is gonna torture me with fifty different ways to use knickers in that label game, I didn't know you were that inventive :tong: :three:

[Long Duck Dong]

one persons strong legs help support the strong shoulder for another to lean on...

you for a good part of my first year in the site, along with many others... were a help and support with my own issues.... the loss of my sister, my own diagnosis of dysthimia, my struggle to recover from a 4 point stroke.... and yeah, one of my best critics and teachers......
there were times that people helped me without realising it.... merely by disagreeing with me.... thank god for differences of opinions.....

fran, for many years, I have used my fists to protect the lgbt in bars and pubs...and I bear the scars from many fights..... and the criminal record lol.....and I realise that there is a time to fight with my fists, and times to fight using my mind and my voice...... but there needs to be a cause worth fighting for..... and now I can sit back and think, I was fighting for people like fran and others, people that do not want the world at their feet, but to just get back on their feet in the world......

twyla once said that if she was over in that end of the world, she would love to meet up for a drink at the local.... and I am the same.... ( and on my best behievour :tong: )...

but what ever you do.... please take heart in the fact that sharing your struggles and dreams, has helped more people that you may ever know..... and that is part of why you are here in the site..... cos everybody is a teacher in one way or another.... and life is full of lessons to be taught and learnt.... and without fran and kate, many of them may have not been shared and learnt.....

for that, thank you both, simply for being who you are

[Bluebiyou]

Fran,
LOL... I love you, you Scottish tart and you know it.
For no other reason than your expressed opinion.
Humorous aside:
being that I'm bisexual and love you, I want to have sex with you regardless what you've got between your legs!!!!!!
ROFL (I know you'll take this as I truly meant it and not in a bad way).
But seriously.
Sometimes we need, sometimes we take. Sometimes we do both.
If this site is helping you, or if you think you are helping someone by posting on this site, then by all means continue.
I agree with you about the recent negativity.
I disagree with you about the long term negativity. Don't you remember the reoccurring battles with Mage, DD, Azreal, (and periodic battle stoic stances by me)...?
Sudden, but related jump.
A friend suggested once that I attend ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) meetings. I did; religiously at first for a year or so, then less frequent with time. I learned a great deal about myself, others, and codependent issues. I eventually left (not so much 'left' as just 'stopped going'). There was very little or nothing I needed to discuss, help, or ...
It's true bisexual.com addresses issues of our community. These are community issues.
More frequently this site also addresses issues of individuals in every phase of bisexual self discovery. These, while remembering to respect the feelings of those in angst, become tiresome to respond to.
Fran, you are one of the more/most self-challenging/self-improving people I have come across. You're farther along than me (but I'm a boy... that's my excuse for ignorance and I'm sticking to it!) in personal growth.
Riss..baby is also in some ways. She's a leading social edge that is nearly flowering. Her best years of her life influencing people in a positive way are just starting to begin.
So are yours, Fran.
At first I envisioned this wise, large, matronly woman (50 plus years) to be 'Darkeyes'.
Why? So advanced and so wise (she clearly had many years)... and so firm (she had to be 'Bertha" physically large to be so strong), yet gentle (as a grandmother with a grandchild).
It's no wonder you tire with folks all the way down to those constantly angry... or (insert your own label here) "Hey, horny here. ASL? Wanna CAM?".
Even seemingly intelligent folks on this site defy moral, intellectual, or emotional expectations, norms, or even minimums! These things that you can't even disguise to yourself under "different opinion".
If you need to leave, then leave. I have.
But I have to admit, at risk to myself (as absurd as that previous phrase sounds), I return because it's so hard to find a challenging opinion (in order for myself to grow). I find only a handful of people here have a respectfully different perspective that actually challenges me. I find even less in the day-to-day world I live in. I am a leader. So are you, Fran.
Vent your disgust, or approval on this site (you know I have!)
Come or go as you need.
And if ya eva stateside, ah gladly sire ya little ones... or just raise a pint... whatever!
I love you unconditionally, Fran... and am very okay with you being married and all... with me just being your friend.
:)
Blue

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ahhh, Sweet, beautiful Fran. Dont let the trolls and assholes run you off. You are smarter and classier than that, and they dont deserve such power.
Stick around to be the thorn in their side that they hate, and help the rest of us that love this site be the voice of reason in the face of ignorance. :}
You are much loved and greatly respected here, Hon. By all of those who know you, and one crazy dumb country girl in particular.
We're here for you, love.
Yer Cheeky Cat

[darkeyes]

Hahahaha.. its certainly not trolls that are runningme off.. nor the argifying or how and why things have changed.. as such I can't put a finger on it but at a best guess it is a bit of everything.. maybe I just need a break.. I've done it before and if I hung around I would do it again...

..there are times in our lives we just have to take stock of what is and what should and should not be whether it be in general or item specific.. that has happened to me before and I have absolutely no doubt will happen again.. vis a vis .com I think thats where I am.. its not sudden but has been creeping up on me for some time.. when I broke last year I wasnt sure whether to come back.. whether ever or sometime. I did because I missed it.. and yet almost from the first I doubted myself having made the right decision.. time I think has proven my doubts had at least some substance.

I have always questioned myself and the wisdom of every decision. Often I have made wrong decisions out of pure selfishness and knowing I was wrong so the questioning wasn't always very effective... then somehow live with the aftermath of what I'd done. Fran is far more self critical than she ever is about almost any other human being. I continually review my life and that is I think something we should all do. Kate and my dad think I do it far too much, my mother and sister not enough... whichever is right I can't say. Its a bugger being me sometimes.

Right now its .com in the spotlight.. it has been quite a large part of my life for 5 years and it would be a wrench not to have it there.. but I am quite serious when I say I'm not sure whether we are quite compatible any more.. its not a specific thing.. more a combination, and maybe just maybe, that I am not quite the spoilt, selfish inconsiderate little brat I was no so long ago. I have changed.. a lot.. I've grown up in ways I never imagined and never wanted to.. things are so different for me and I thank kismet for it.. I don't need the .com crutch any more..

Yet I think of so many of you and know just why I have so much to be grateful for.. love, friendship, laughs, blubs, argy bargies, support.. Ive had it all and can never repay it.. I question whether it is enough for me just to be, and not need.. is that selfish? Probably is.. for what do I put back in then? Certainly nothing if I'm not around..

Questions questions questions.. is it time to say thanks me lufflies but its time to move on? I just don't know.. yet I have a family and a life to lead.. am I just finding that at last I can lead that life and devote time to my family without the distraction of the cyber world? Is that what I want? Christ only knows for I am sure I don't.

..and Blue..ty for the matronly view... no hun.. I wont be having your babbas or ne 1 elses for that matter..;) I repeat what I've always said..no 1 will ever make out of me a whalie... and just to make things worse for you.. Kate and I are not married.. maybe someday... I have been married but once to a very nice lesser mortal... but we goddesses are an altogether lufflier kind..:bigrin:

[Bluebiyou]

Laughing... and fondly laughing.
Yes, Fran, ye ARE married to Kate, whether ye like it er not!
An maybe ye don need this site so much no more.
Come an go as ye please; ya tart!
While you may not emotionally need this site anymore, you will probably miss the camaraderie of your higher levels of life. I don't know that I ever actually challenged you from a higher level...
But I can always say you've challenged me from a higher level! (Ye DAMNED TART!)
And as a teacher of youth... I can safely say that every one of your students - with a depth greater than a plate of water - will remember you until the very day they die 60 - 70 - 80 years from now.
Fran... I believe one of your students, one day, shall receive the Nobel prize.
And you will have been such a strong influence that, had you not come along, it wouldn't happen. You're THAT kind of person.
:)
And that ain't jus blowin' smoke up your arse...
(Though I'd love to blow anything up your arse!)

[flame&psyc]

For most of my life have kept my own bisexuality to myself , out of fear of my family turning away from me, out of fear of all of my freinds judgement that i knew would fall on me like a ton of bricks, only to find myself confused and alone with noone to turn to,until reacently my own wife was kept in the dark about my sexuality, even though she is bi and very open about it
but more than anything else i was afraid to admit to myself that i was really bi sexual, I even found myself saying im not gay, im not bi, i just enjoy having sex with men, it is just sexual not emotional.
the older i got the more i came to personaly accept my true sexuality, but still feared loseing everyone i love because of it, the day i told my wife that i was bisexual i felt like the weight of the world came off my shoulders for a bit i had finally grown enough to tell the most important person in the world to me what i thought was my darkest secret, not long after that we found this site, our interactions with people here as a couple has helped us to both become more secure in the fact that we were that most rare breed, the bisexual couple

however my personal interactions here have helped me to become far more secure in myself , here i can truly be myself a married bisexual man, and not feel like im being looked down on and judged

the most important people in making me this sure of myself are the ones who have been here for several years, yet all of them talk about how it used to be, that this was a place to get advice,compasion,and for me personaly acceptance of myself i have seen the sad side of this site as ost of us have but all of the people who are fixures here i hope you know that there is still that light shining through, acceptance,compassion,understanding,and a willingness to help raise someone up to make them so much more sure of themselves.

I could never begain to thank all the people who have done this for me individualy but i want to thank every single person here who is willing to reach out there hand and show someone like me that i can stand and be proud , when i have spent so long crawling to hide my own fear

[mrplayfuluk]

Seeing your comments Fran, has got me reflecting on my own feelings about the site and it fills me with melancholy when I realise that like you I have been here since 2005, and I can't even remember joining. I'm sure if I tracked back through my postings that I would be stunned by my questions, comments and reactions. Unlike you I feel like I am still in the waiting room of sexuality still trying to figure myself out but conversely I have moved forward as without the site I would probably still be in a twilight zone of self denial. So many people, yourself very much included, have helped me to see the positives of bisexuality and how to embrace it, even if I have chosen to remain discrete apart from to a couple of close friends.

This site had been a place where I could be myself and it frustrates me how we have become repeatedly a victim of trollish behaviour rather than healthy debate. I will never forget your lengthy pieces on the Gaza Strip invasion and how much I agreed with you and defended your position. That was a debate worth being angry about rather than some of the bitchy trivia that has caused so much pain lately.

These days I have found myself protectively skimming the forums for trollish signs rather than jumping in, safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be flamed for someone else's entertainment. If I have to use the ignore button on a regular basis, then something is wrong.

So I wonder if I will become a less frequent visitor. I attempted to engage in the general chat room recently and I felt like an outsider as the others there slagged off the frequent forum posters as whiners.

So maybe the whole place needs a spring clean before the senior members drift off one by one into the sunset and the site will evolve into something else that on returning we won't feel a part of anymore. :(

[still_shy]

Frannie I understand what you are saying. I haven't been here nearly as long as you have but long enough to understand the direction the site is moving. It's the same ebb and flow that occurs in our lives, change is something we cannot avoid and if it's change you need, then by all means, seek it. That's not to say that I wouldn't miss seeing your posts in the forums, it would be with great sadness that I watch you go. You add something wonderful to this place, your insight and wisdom, humor and naughty times....best of all, friendship. I hope I'm not being presumptuous by calling you my friend, you have helped me through some really rough times and for that I'm grateful and honored to call you my friend. Getting to know you has, in a sense, made me want to be a better, more educated person...just so I could converse with you and not seem like a dolt :) Anyway, darlin, I hope you figure out what it is that you need and know that your friends will be around whether you are here on .com or not.

[12voltman59]

Well Frannie---there are times of late that I have thought of taking my leave of the place too--but I seem to keep coming back----maybe some would wish I'd go away, I don't know!!!:bigrin:

I can understand if ya take a break--with the summer season fast approaching--I won't be on here nearly as much as time as I tend to spend in the colder, darker times of the year.

Even though I will not be on as much in the next few months---I will be back too---I'd say just maybe take a break for a "spell" by not being on here as much---then come back more regularly again in a few months.

Hell---it doesn't matter if you consider yourself straight, bi, trans or whatever to be here----so don't let that stop ya!!! (not that it hasn't) :bigrin:

I do hope ya don't ditch this place all together!!

[Billys_gurl]

You can't leave us with no Fran speak forever?! That would be cruel and unusual punishment. I understand your desire for a break though, and hope that if you take a break, you realize how many of us will be holding lanterns by the camp fire with Cat waiting for your return. You must follow your heart and brain, so if it says you need a break I hope you get all the rest you need. I know that you keep in touch with some here offline and I am sure they will keep you updated. I just wanted to add my 2 cents so you would know that I, too, would miss you terribly. Whatever your decision, so be it. Kisses through the sadness. *Billys*

[darkeyes]

Well Frannie---there are times of late that I have thought of taking my leave of the place too--but I seem to keep coming back----maybe some would wish I'd go away, I don't know!!!:bigrin:

I can understand if ya take a break--with the summer season fast approaching--I won't be on here nearly as much as time as I tend to spend in the colder, darker times of the year.

Even though I will not be on as much in the next few months---I will be back too---I'd say just maybe take a break for a "spell" by not being on here as much---then come back more regularly again in a few months.

Hell---it doesn't matter if you consider yourself straight, bi, trans or whatever to be here----so don't let that stop ya!!! (not that it hasn't) :bigrin:

I do hope ya don't ditch this place all together!!

Ta Voltie...an Ta all.. howya leave summat as such we not membas of???? Gud question..

Wudn jus disappear... tho hav jus stopped cummin in in past.. but ther r peeps that it wud b jus 2 hard nev 2 ev hav ne contact wiv ev 'gain.. but we can get round that.. its Sunday mornin..free of the usual hangova an feelin gud ta ver much.. so the grey cells r thinkin clearly (least as clearly as they ev dus..tee hee).. think if me dus owt mos likely is jus 2 take that break an c how we go.. will always look in if not sign in... an so its always likely me will poke me lil nose in wen its not wonted...ther r times that me finds it diff 2 keep me gob shut..

Ne ways..jus havn decided wtf me doin yet.. jus take it for now that am findin it jus a lil diff 2 think me belongs.. so a break mite b the ansa an c how we go..

[Hephaestion]

Lost for words.

H.

[bigbadmax]

we havnt really spoken much but I agree..

site has changed whether for the good or worse...I thought it was me but your comments have made me question those thoughts.

Some old names are here...no disrespect guys n gals and some new ones.

There does not seem to be the same sense of "familly" anymore, maybe its because people move on...times change etc.

I know i miss your sarcasm and personal opinions..but thats what makes you tick and in essence helps this site ticking along.

If we lose you then life will go on but a hole will be left and over time it will be fixed but evidence will stil be there of the hole you left behind.

I wish you health,wealth and happiness. keep smiling.

phil

[bisexual Javier]

It's just a web forum or internet site people and someone is leaving it. No big
deal.

People register and some decide to post, some don't post at all, and some people post for a bit and then leave without making a huge fuss over it.

If you use a web forum or site as a crutch or think that the random strangers on a site will replace or become your actual friends and actual family then I feel bad for you since you will not find that on this site or any other site or on other sites.

Don't take the site or the internet so seriously.