Observations on the Drama

[cliffordmontero]

I started to post this on another thread but I think it deserves its own. I keep seeing posts on threads, and I keep seeing the same thing. People who are new members (and I do consider myself new here as well) with more posts on here than days they have been members. I post here enough to have started being recognized by the regulars, and yet I have only posted roughly a post every other day in almost 5 months. One person who has been placed on my ignore list has posted, at current time, 58 posts in the 31 days they have been a member on this site. Another, 59 days of membership and 112 posts. And here they are stirring up all kinds of trouble. Why bother responding to people who barely have spent any time here, but yet have all kinds of things to say. One of their profiles lists NO information. Not their kinsey scale rating, age, nothing more than a screenname and a general region of the country. It is one thing to be discrete, it is a whole different beast being the invisible man. The other, well, let me copy paste things out of their profile to show how they contradict themselves IN THEIR OWN PROFILE let alone in conversation.

i dress, act and talk like a female as much as possible (only in private for now tho).

i always wear at least my wig, stuffed bra, thigh-high stockings and make-up at all times.

Really now? So are you only in private at all times? Perhaps you wear your bra and wig and thigh highs under your man clothes, becuase you only dress in private now/

Mostly straight, more than incidentally gay/lesbian

i always keep my penis hidden and it must not be messed with for any reason. at no time will anyone see, touch or play with it so do not even try.

Now, I understand there are alot of positions and activities on can do sexually, and I understand your listed as transgendered. What confuses me is that the kinsey scale listing you choose indicates activity with both sexes. Now, regardless of if you did the scale based on your birth gender or your true gender, how are you having either "mostly" sex with women or "more than incidentally" having sex with women? Maybe I am looking at this too hard, maybe you just like cunnillingous ALOT.

Join Date: Feb 9, 2010

Unofficial Community Leader

Now, maybe I am remembering wrong, but I do believe that when you sign up for your account that signature line just reads "Member". How on earth did did you walk in the door and consider yourself an "Unofficial Community Leader"

Now I purposely left out names. Quite frankly, everyone who reads this probably knows exactly what the "drama" is, and who I am refering to. Anyone else who doesnt know, either you will catch on or you will avoid the drama.

Please, for the love of all things sacred, everyone, use the ignore button. If they cant fill out their profile with any information outside of penis ownership but can criticize and comment on other peoples loyalty to the LGBTQ cause ignore them. Their cowardice, hiding behind the security of their monitor, not brave enough to even list a town and age, causing chaos among active members of our community, only proves they themselves serve no purpose in the cause. Hiding in the shadows, attempting to divide us and our allies, you are the very people that slow progress in getting the LGBTQ community equal rights.

That ignore button works wonders, seriously. If they can't be bothered to get their own profile organized enough that it doesnt contradict itself, click the ignore button.

If you cannot find the ignore button here are directions:

Open the offending persons profile
As you look at the profile, note their screenname, signature line, and possibly a picture all in a brown or tan feild.
Now look at the green line directly under that
In that green line, in white letters, is two options, "add personx to your buddy list" and "add personx to your ignore list"
and just follow the directions

[TwylaTwobits]

I do agree with your thoughts, Cliff, regarding many posts in a few days, but we also have a few people that do spend time here reading and who don't post. Yet they got tarred with the same brush one of the few times they posted. Just put the offending parties on ignore and life is happier. It's a demented preacher that keeps going long after the congregation has left the building.

[Long Duck Dong]

reading what is posted in the profile, gives me the impression that they are a female in private on a level that is not done outside of the house....
that could indicate a person that is who they are in private, but outside of the house, wears a different * face *

there are a number of reasons that a person can do that,.... fear of being outed or humiliated, fear of reaction.... or at the other end of the scale, living a fantasy life that is real to them, but is only livable behind closed doors

that can be the case for some cd's and trans that are not ready or able to live as who they are.....

I know that in some trans people, that can cause a conflict between the persons gender identity disorder.... and any other pre existing issues such as depression, low esteem, drug and alcohol issues... or a inability to handle the fact they are not able to reconcile who they are with what they are.... ( trans person without the ability to transition )

there is the other possibility that they are creating a persona to match the person within and that too is creating internal conflict on a mental and emotional level...

we do love to give the impression that we are all well adjusted, stable, normal and same people, but for two groups mainly, ( the bi and trans ) they deal with dual aspects to their personality and that can cause more headaches than people realise.....

whatever the case may be..... the saying in nz about mentally ill people can apply here..... they do not need your judgments, just your understanding.... and I say that based around the fact I suffer from a mental illness myself.... so I understand how conflict in a persons mind can lead them to do things on a extreme level......

I do wish the person luck tho..... when you lose sight of who you are, in your own mind, its near impossible to really see who others really are, and that can be a life destroyer

[void()]

cliffordmontero,

I wanted to address the idea of being in the shadows a little from this end. Some of us are not openly militant or active in 'the good fight'. Frankly, I think it'd be great to have the U.S. cease in all it's puritanical beliefs and ways. But realistically I don't see that happening.

If to be who and what you are as you are taught, means skirting upon the fringes, then we shall. In the grey areas we find tranquillity, freedom. But it isn't the freedom you know. It is a more of a covert and subversive freedom.

So, in a sense we are militant even if we desire not to be. I would rather just be and leave off at that. Isn't that really all anyone desires? Why should we need to fight when life is granted freely to others? Screw rocking the boat, it might tip and drown us all.

And these are the shadows I choose to wear. Hopefully, it clears up where I stand. Tired of fighting when it's just to keep fighting. Seems kind of pointless, non?

[cliffordmontero]

I understand your point on not rocking the boat. That comment was not intended for those of you who are content to simply be. That comment aimed at those among us who feel the need to hide, anonymous, behind their computer monitor, while at the same time attacking their allies. Its akin to a sniper picking off soldiers from the same army. Friendly fire happens, unfortunately, because people chose not to take aim before they fire. They do not confirm their target before pulling the trigger. For those of you who are happy, to continue the war metaphor, being civilians, that is fine. If your happy in your life, then so be it. However, firing shots at your own army, no matter what your position within the country, will not win you any battles. Maybe the shadows bit was the wrong metaphor . . . maybe not . . .

[elian]

BTW, in my experience the titles under people's profile name seem to automatically change based on the number of posts they have made to the board - if you continue to post here some day you will probably see "Unofficial Community Leader" under your title as well. I guess you can probably override this but I'm not sure.

With regard to the unhappiness I've seen on the forums lately I can only say that while I will debate "ideas" with anybody, I will not debate "people". I have not read all of the posts any one of you has ever posted, and I've only gotten to know a few of you personally. Based on that limited experience how could I ever presume to know everything about a person?

I'm sorry if I offend anyone but I try to treat most people fairly on this board simply because I am glad to have a place where people struggling with these issues can speak their mind. I'm sorry if some of you feel that isn't the case - there are always going to be differences of opinion - and you should not expect that others will always agree with what someone else is saying...but if you stop talking, or resort to trying to make personal attacks at that point the healthy conversation pretty much stops.

Apparently therapists use something called "I" versus "you" language - that is to say that when you make a statement - you phrase it in such a way as to speak from your own point of view and not start off a conversation by speaking about the other person in a derogatory way.

(http://marriage.families.com/blog/using-i-language)

I do not believe outright personal attacks against others are warranted. I suppose i should remember that some LGBT folks are also struggling with issues of self worth and that IS one of the reasons I will not resort to personal attacks. I have to believe that everyone has worth. I'm a dreamer - I do work toward the goal of equal rights for every person (in my own naive way) but I'm also a realist who believes that as we make choices in life we must also be responsible enough to face the consequences. if you take the life of someone simply because they are gay, or black or female - then you deserve the consequences of that action.

I'm sorry to hijack your thread cliffordmontero - I hope you will forgive me but some of the stuff I've seen on here lately has been distressing.

[rissababynta]

Well now...I hope the profile posting doesn't cause a backlash. This has happened a few times before whether names were handed out or not...*keeps fingers crossed*

On another note...ahem...I haven't really checked but aside from my avatar my profile should be empty right now :bigrin: Just wanted to throw that out there haha.

[12voltman59]

The little line under the name does have an automatic feature to it based on number of postings--but you can change it yourself too and then it sticks with whatever you put.

No doubt that we do get those who come in here---saying they are new people--yet they start making all kinds of posts----usually the comments they make a for the most part negative ones--they often make make the same sorts of posts and their comments are the same as ones in the past--things like "why are so many bisexuals fat and ugly?" being a pretty common one--they seem to know a fair amount about a few of us they like to diss and it is something--you get other "new people" who come on and for their first posts make comments about the things they said by the other person-generally agreeing with those posts----and of course---in nearly all cases---there is little to no info in all those profiles beyond the most basic of information.

Kinda of a pattern you can see with all of this.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Its IS funny, and not in a haha way, that those who choose to cause the most commotion has very little it anything, on their profiles. They've been here such a short time, yet they are willing to cause the most trouble. And the newest one to come along professes to be a "Babygirl" but has snippets of former trolls and trouble makers comprising her name. Now this may be just coinsidence, but I'm gunna watch anyway. :} If a person doesnt fill out their profile, thats their business, but it just makes me wonder with the ones who have alot to say, but who are so secretive about Who they are, their age especially, that they cant at least let the site know a little about them...
Just my :2cents:
Lets go back to the fire, Ya'll..lol
Cat

[void()]

Void sighs long and hard, takes a drag off a smoke.

"You folks just won't let a navel gazer be, will ya? Oh well."

Cliff, I understand your point of view a little better now. Thanks. I was only asserting the view from here. It's nice when folks can express views openly and come to understanding.

But, and there is always a but. It doesn't occur with enough frequency here, now. The site has in deed, word, action deteriorated to little more than egotistical pissing wars. I posted recently that it was love which can win wars.

Not sure if everyone on the site has listened to, or read the lyrics from Hands of Love by the rock group U2 or not. If not, you really might want to sometime to understand more so. The song describe how a man loving his family can destroy another family that another man loves. Both men, and the use of the masculine in the song is meant as gender neutral, create or destroy for those they love.

Folks can love ideas, too. Go back to the Circus Maximus of ancient Rome, the stadiums awash with the blood of those defying lions out of love for the belief in The Christ. You could even take the instance of America fighting to bring about true Freedom, all the blood for those thirteen red stripes. The point being to further elucidate upon my earlier post, love wins wars, love creates soldiers.

Soldiers pledge to be killers and vandals to protect those they love from opposing ideas. It isn't hate that drives a soldier. And as it isn't hate that drives a soldier, it isn't fear that makes one seek to just be. Being in and of itself has become something of meaning you become a soldier.

That courage and love also compel one to move away from those loved. I know that may seem a bit paradoxical, or even contradictory. It isn't though if you consider being a killer for those you love requires constant discipline, questioning, challenging. Those you love don't need or want that, and you don't want or need to give it to them. So, unto the quick shall we?

"Y'all run it slow, this void be going on walk 'bout a spell. Lots of negative here that asks too much, better to be more aloof."