How do you communicate that you're bi?

[doorbell]

Hey, everyone. I am a 19 year old boy. I am fairly new to this, I have only been suspecting myself being bi for 2 months. I believe many of us have struggled and confused about whether if we are bi, or why did God make us this way. I have gone through both stages again and again.

It all started one night when I was with friends and their friends. I am a very open person, so I made friends with them very quickly. 3 people in a row asked me: "Are you gay?" It was because I spoke poshly, I dress well and I was in a fashion college, so it's stereotypical to be gay. But even so, I have never been suspected being gay or bi in anyway before, and it got me thinking. At that moment Not that being gay is bad, I have many gay friends and they are amazing human beings, but when your belief and conviction of a lifetime is being questioned, it creates a tremendous pain.

After that night, it has been bugging me, although I was never being questioned about my sexuality again. I know I can't be gay, because I love women, and I am fairly sexually experienced with girls. But could I be bi? I decided to find out. I have never done this before, I went on a porn website to find gay videoes. (I'm sorry I'm getting too personal here, but I need help...) And while I was watching, I was going hard. Clearly I am being turned on.

Then I was googling bisexuality to find out more about it. But the more open-minded I got, the more negative I got. All the hate-crimes, all the discriminations got me very worried. Then I became really shut down on this idea of me being bi, I thought this is negative, I thought being bi is wrong.

So this morning, I went through all the mental struggle process again. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. But I didn't, instead something else happened. In a split second I came to accept who I am.

I am bi.

Even though I never had anything with a guy before, but I know if it happens, I am going to be OK with it.

So now the question is, how do I communicate this with people? With family, friends, or even in a relationship. And in the future, if I start dating a guy, how do I go on the street... Finally, how do I deal with the discriminations and hate-crimes?

Again, I am really new to this, so any help appreciated.

[biblkman]

I understand what your going through I am 35 and had struggled with my bisexuality from when I was 21 till a couple years ago. If you get turned on by seeing two men have sex it does not mean your bi. I would advises doing some soul searching and a little experimenting before you decide to come out to anyone. But please don't sweep this under the rug, if you do I promises you will have a tormented heart for a long time trust me I know. Remember keep an open mind, be honest with yourself and whatever or whoever you do do it safe, I wish you all the best

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Baby, I think you may be Bi-Curious, especqially since you havent had any experiances yet with another male. And why communicate it with anyone? It's no ones business what sexual orientation you are. Just relax and be You. When you have your first experiance, and decide to love it or hate it, then you can decide if you like men or not. Wont know till ya try, Sweetie. ;}
Have fun and be safe. :}
Cat

[FalconAngel]

I have never really been where you are. There was no moment of epiphany with me.

It seemed like I have known what I was and just accepted it, but then again, I knew at a very young age.

As has been posited, until you have had a same gender experience, you can never really know, so you would be Bi-curious. It isn't a bad thing, just realistic.

Getting turned on by gay porn is not an indicator that you are either gay or bi, after all, many gay men get turned on by straight porn. I know that very little gay porn turns me on, but most Bi porn certainly does.

or now, just be yourself. If you feel an attraction to another guy, then (being cautious to prevent a hostile reaction or to offend) just see if they are attracted to you.

If you feel that you want to really test your curiosity, then go to a gay club and hook up with someone that you like there.

But you will find, in your own time and in your own way, whether you are more than just bi-curious.

[TwylaTwobits]

Let me start with saying I'm straight. But I have seen many bisexuals express themselves on here as anything from completely closeted to completely open. What you decide to tell the important people in your life is your own business. As for handling haters....well just smile and say it's okay I don't have a date with your gf tonight but maybe you could do a threesome tomorrow? (Kidding don't do that, just smile it confuses em and melt away into the crowd)

I wish you the best of luck and recommend you check out some of the past threads on this site. They are chock full of information you might find helpful.

[Canticle]

I'm not gonna say you are straight, bi, gay, or sky blue pink, with a yellow border, but it does concern me that you should start thinking this way, merely because three friends, ask you if you are gay and for the reasons you give. If every single one of us who spoke well (not posh...grrr), dressed well, was well educated and artistic, was asked that same silly question, I think I know what a lot of people would say.

Tell me...had a lot of alcohol been consumed, when these things were said to you?

It's not wrong that you should start wondering, in fact, under the circumstances, I think it is perfectly understandable. You are very young and probably very unsure about many things in your life and a few friends, making comments like they did, is bound to get the cogs and wheels whirring.

I would have thought that a healthy 19 year old young man could get turned on by many things and when it comes to something like pornography, maybe it wouldn't make any difference if it was gay, bi or straight pornography. Let's face it....some young men only need to look at a member of the opposite (or same), sex, to get excited.

I think others have said very wise words here. I certainly don't think you should start labelling yourself as bi, or anything else. What you need to do, is to try to put what the ''friends,'' said, out of your mind and get back to where you were before, in your life.....to a certain extent. Easier said than done, I know.

If you are at college, is there a college cousellor, to whom you could talk, because I think your friends have not just triggered all the ''am I,'' thoughts.......they have upset you a lot...and now you must be wondering how everyone sees you.

[doorbell]

Thanks, thank you to all of you. Your responds make me understand this whole thing so much better. In just that moment when I was reading this, my reality shuttered into pieces. I come to see this so much clearer.

I can finally toss all the negativity I had aside and live my life as how I did. If I do get into a same-gender-sexual-activity, I'll decide whether I am or not. As all of you have said, I'll never know until then.

[Bi_Druid]

Online is often easiest, as many sites these days have Bi as an option, which I happily openly select.

In person, if someone asks, then I tell them I'm bi. If they ask if I'm gay I'll tell them no; this often ends up with the questioner then asking "bi then?".

I find it's as much in having a positive attitude towards it yourself that helps. I find that if I don't make it out to be such a big thing, like it's as much a part of me as the colour of my eyes or hair or something, then people tend to be fine enough with it and let me be.

[elian]

For me, being bi was very confusing at first too - because I kept wanting to prove I was one way or the other..thinking somehow that would be easier.

I used to think everything had to be black or white as far as sex and gender identity but the experience I've had on this site opened my eyes to the fact that there are happy, healthy folks who are also interested in the gray in between.

What it boils down to is you love who you love, you like what you like and your sexuality is only really one part of your identity, not your whole being.

As far as how or who to tell I agree with the others. I would tell someone I am attracted to after I got to know them, but before things get extremely serious. If I knew the person would never accept someone with an alternate lifestyle I might discontinue that relationship, as painful as that would be.

As far as telling other people, I have told a few friends that I knew would be open minded. Not everyone in the world HAS to know and depending on the demographics of your location that may be the best policy until you are sure you will be able to support yourself independently.

One of the tactics that homophobes love to use is to silence and isolate GLBT folks, if you are cut off from others who are secure in their own sexuality and tolerant then it's a lot easier to destroy self esteem, become depressed, etc. I always like to remember regardless of what any one person or group of people might have you believe that we are all connected, and that we are all a spark of the divine.