The Sanctity of Marriage?

[rdy2go]

Oh man! This caused a stir! Last night, my buddies and I got together for a jam session. As per usual, about a dozen or more people that we know wandered into the garage we play in, to hang out and listen to us play. They usually bring some refreshments and sit around listening, and some of them even dance! (to many refreshements likley) It is always a good time, we started doing these jams when we took the band out of playing live about a year ago. Anyway last night a couple of my friends wandered in, with them was a woman I had known for years, who is also my friend. I find her very attrractive, and we get along wonderfully, her husband is also a friend of mine, but he wasn't there. She had a few to many, and was a bit "tipsy." Anyway the party rolled on until about 11:00pm or so, then we had to shut 'er down, noise bylaws you understand. We were breaking down the gear and she strolled over to me and struck up a conversation. We talked for a bit and laughed etc. Then out of the blue this woman looked me in the eye, and said, "I want to go home with you tonite." Holy shit! Like I said I always found her very attractive, and now I was getting a chance to take that to a whole other level. Wow! Lucky me! I refused. She got pissed off and the conversation ended very abruptly. One of the guys who plays guitar said "Are you nuts, I would have jumped at that chance. I stuck to my guns, "She is married to a friend of mine." I told him, "no way do I go there." So would one night of fun be worth the aggravation if her hubby had caught her cheating with me, would it be worth the loss of a buddy I've known for years? The woman, may after sobering up, realize that I was probably justified in saying no, or she might be pissed at me for a long time. Maybe her hubby and her are having problems and this could have been a way to make him pay for a mistake he made. It doesn't matter, the fact is I didn't, I wanted to, but couldn't bring myself to fuck another mans wife. The Gtr player says I'm an idiot for not taking her home, I say I can look at myself in the mirror and recognize the person looking back. Knowing that if there is problems in that relationship I am not part of it. Maybe she just wants me! lol It was a first, no married woman has ever asked me that before, geez!

[JP1986UM]

Two words:

Smith
and
Wesson


Those are the things you need to worry about with married women. The married man might have those words in his house branded to the side of a firearm.

You chose wisely.:bigrin:

[jamieknyc]

Bear in mind that other people have big mouths to tell you what *they* would have done in your place, but wouldn't have the courage to go through with it themselves if they were in your shoes. And if you had done it, she would have turned around the next day and said that you took advantage of her when she was drunk, to cover her own a$$ with her husband.

[Chris98-12]

More power to you!!

[Lonewolf76]

I say Great job rdy2go! A very similar situation happened to me in my first marriage - only my supposed "Friend" didn't say no. He said yes and like the idiots that gave you a hard time "jumped that". End result = my marriage unraveled and I ended up losing not only my wife, but my friend as well. No one ever wins at that game in the long run. IMHO there is a "sanctity" to marriage. Could be your lady friend just had too much to drink and almost made a huge mistake (if you hadn't been a decent, honorable guy) - if it's something she does routinely - then the marriage won't last. I say we need a lot more guys like you! As a bi-male - I won't even play around with married women OR men - I don't want to be part of the cheating equation. You should be proud of your actions - you did the absolute right thing! Wolfie

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You're a good man, Honey. Not many would have walked away like that. Ya done good, Sugar. ;)
Hugzz
Cat

[eddy10]

I also think you did the right thing. "Discretion is the better part of valor."

[april30]

You did the right thing even though I am married and my hubby and I have an open marriage not everyone does so good for you. Why be a reason to go there and ruin a friendship in the process your a good man.

[TwylaTwobits]

Gives Rdy a cookie from Cat's plate, that was well stated and nice to see that some people do exactly what they say they are going to do when put into situations. Without going off onto a tangent of why cheating is wrong, I just want to say that woman owes you a thanks and an apology for putting you in that situation.

[BareHunter45]

I'll take a slightly different approach and try to say it simply. If you had done it with her...you wouldn't have been his friend." My hat is off to you. So few people have ethics these days. You do! It doesn't matter what she thinks...you did the right thing on so many levels!

[rdy2go]

Thanks for the thumbs up folks! I knew there were good people here! :tongue: "Now if only some hot SINGLE woman would ask me the same thiing at the next jam! lol.

[Luffly1]

I'll take a slightly different approach and try to say it simply. If you had done it with her...you wouldn't have been his friend." My hat is off to you. So few people have ethics these days. You do! It doesn't matter what she thinks...you did the right thing on so many levels!

I couldn't have said it better myself. :)

[12voltman59]

No dobut--you did the right thing----in all likelihood---if you had slept with her---it might have caused a entire domino effect of negative things---and I hope that your lady friend does realize that too.

It is obvious you are person who has principles and doesn't sucumb to the concept of "if it feels good, do it!" that some of your buddies who thought you "crazy" for turning her down seem to believe, as it seems our culture now tries to tell us it is OK to do.

You most likely saved you, your buddy and his wife and others a whole lot of grief.

Way to go!!

[darkeyes]

If she's going out and getting drunk and asking random dudes to fuck her, her husband probably knows that his wife is sleeping with other men besides him or wants to and he just doesn't care.

For all you know they could and probably do have an open marriage.

Bro you should have hit that shit and had no regrets.

Your buddy is probably getting some action on the side from some other woman since his wife is going out getting drunk and asking random guys like you to bone her.

Marriage or a partnership between a man and a woman is not sacred at all as it's a failed Heterosexual institute that doesn't work.

If the woman makes the first move there's no guilt on you since if she doesn't get fucked by you she'll go and get fucked by some other guy who is not her husband.

What's going to happen when you hang out with your friend are you going to say, "Hey bro, your wife got smashed and wanted me to fuck her! I just wanted to get your OK first before I tapped that shit!"

Opportunity knocks just once and you had your chance and blew it!

Odious little man who speculates out of his arse...:rolleyes:

[Canticle]

If she's going out and getting drunk and asking random dudes to fuck her, her husband probably knows that his wife is sleeping with other men besides him or wants to and he just doesn't care.

For all you know they could and probably do have an open marriage.

Bro you should have hit that shit and had no regrets.

Your buddy is probably getting some action on the side from some other woman since his wife is going out getting drunk and asking random guys like you to bone her.

Marriage or a partnership between a man and a woman is not sacred at all as it's a failed Heterosexual institute that doesn't work.

If the woman makes the first move there's no guilt on you since if she doesn't get fucked by you she'll go and get fucked by some other guy who is not her husband.

What's going to happen when you hang out with your friend are you going to say, "Hey bro, your wife got smashed and wanted me to fuck her! I just wanted to get your OK first before I tapped that shit!"

Opportunity knocks just once and you had your chance and blew it!

What Fran said...plus.......

''Marriage or a partnership between a man and a woman is not sacred at all as it's a failed Heterosexual institute that doesn't work.''

You must work with horses....cos you're talking their shit!!!

The OP did the right an honourable thing!!

[12voltman59]

White Rabbit's comments hardly deserve a response----I guess you have a profound sense of "situational ethics"---I hope you are just stating an extreme "devil's advocate" sort of position just to be provocative--or maybe you are another "trollish" type who has chosen to light here--either way---you are not thinking with anything but your cock.

You sure haven't thought out the real world ramifications of the way of acting you advocate.

To say that the woman somehow "deserves" to be taken advantage of since her judgement was clouded by drink---that is totally reprehensible--and if you really believe that ---you are a vile person---and what you suggest also stinks of misogynism at best and actually is borderline rape at worst.

I am going to be watching future posts of yours--other posts of this nature will cause me to put your sorry ass on my "iggy list!"

[darkeyes]

It's not speculation.

If she's going out getting trashed and looking for random guys like rdy2go to sleep with she's getting it from guys other than her husband and her husband knows it and probably does not care and he probably gets some pussy on the side too.

What would you know about Heterosexual marriage anyway? You're a lesbian and even if you have been married to a man before you probably hated it and cheated on him with a woman like many married and closeted dykes do.

First of all Im sorry for the words I used in my previous post. They were uncalled for but I reacted badly to the tone of your post which I found incredibly insensitive and lacking in any effort to try and understand another human being's actions..

Your words remain speculation... u may b right, but neither u or I can possibly know that.. Rdy may know, he may suspect or he may be blissfully unaware.. all you have done as I see it, is to work from the base level of the sewer and judged others by your own standards.. there may be other reasons why she acted as she did, but we don't know that..

... and I know more than u think about heterosexual marriage both as observor and yes, as a wife... but more important than peoples sexuality I try to understand them as human beings, have some compassion for them and know that they often act in many things for reasons which would surprise us. Gay, straight, bi or trans... we are not so very different....

[jamieknyc]

White Rabbit's comments hardly deserve a response----I guess you have a profound sense of "situational ethics"---I hope you are just stating an extreme "devil's advocate" sort of position just to be provocative--or maybe you are another "trollish" type who has chosen to light here--either way---you are not thinking with anything but your cock.

You sure haven't thought out the real world ramifications of the way of acting you advocate.

To say that the woman somehow "deserves" to be taken advantage of since her judgement was clouded by drink---that is totally reprehensible--and if you really believe that ---you are a vile person---and what you suggest also stinks of misogynism at best and actually is borderline rape at worst.

I am going to be watching future posts of yours--other posts of this nature will cause me to put your sorry ass on my "iggy list!"

Situational ethics do not come into play when someone's wife who had too much to drink propositions someone. Situational ethics is when someone puts a gun to your head and says 'do this.'

[innaminka]

I have always thought that the concept of sexual exclusivity as being the cornerstone of any marriage was rather strange.
I thought maybe friendship, trust, partnership are more applicable.

That said, I believe you did exactly the right thing. Alcohol does strange things to people (:bigrin:) and who knows what ramifications may have eventuated.

I like it when you wrote that if you'd slept with that woman, you wouldn't be the other guys friend.

From someone who has slept with and shagged more "casuals" than is probably decent, friendship is worth far more.
If you want, you can nearly always find casual sex, but real friends are like gold.

[Lonewolf76]

White Rabbit's comments hardly deserve a response----I guess you have a profound sense of "situational ethics"---I hope you are just stating an extreme "devil's advocate" sort of position just to be provocative--or maybe you are another "trollish" type who has chosen to light here--either way---you are not thinking with anything but your cock.

You sure haven't thought out the real world ramifications of the way of acting you advocate.

To say that the woman somehow "deserves" to be taken advantage of since her judgement was clouded by drink---that is totally reprehensible--and if you really believe that ---you are a vile person---and what you suggest also stinks of misogynism at best and actually is borderline rape at worst.

I am going to be watching future posts of yours--other posts of this nature will cause me to put your sorry ass on my "iggy list!"

Let me begin by saying -hat's off to Voltie - very well spoken. To white Rabbit - If you read my earlier post on this - you'll see that I had an identical situation happen to me - My wife and I didn't have an open marriage and I wasn't getting any tail on the side. We were having our problems - but her choice (yes alcohol induced) to sleep with my best friend ruined my marriage & my friendship - I lost my wife and my best friend from one stupid act of betrayal. And you actually encourage those kind of actions! You are an idiot!!!. Stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your brain (Hint- It ISNT located down there!) Let rdy2go stand by his ethical and moral behavior - god knows in this day and age - we need more men like him and a lot less of men like you! Be very careful dude - if you think and act like that - some morning your gonna wake up and have an angry husband confronting you and you may not have a dick left to think with!

[BareHunter45]

I think you guys missed the point...certainly mine. If he wanted to hit on her and she is married, as white rabbit pointed out, he could have and many people would. His friend my very well have been known and getting some of his own on the side. If that was known it would, perhaps> be a different story. Since he does not know that they have an open marriage or that his friend is getting some one the side, he had to assume he was not. Although I still admire him for not doing a married lady, the real admiration that I see is, he passed her up for the sake of his friends friendship.

[Realist]

I wish I could be as strong as most of you seem to be, but many years ago I was faced with much the same situation. I, however, succumbed to it.

Although, I was not in a happy, fulfilling, marriage and neither was she, we lied, cheated, and had to sneak around. Both of us became paranoid and was even less than cordial with our mates.

Your advice is solid...I know, because I failed where you were strong and I suffered the circumstances.

You can go on looking at yourself in the mirror in the mornings and know that you did the right thing!

I had to learn the hard way!

[BareHunter45]

rdy2go's wife was not cheating on him, and rdy2go does not know rather his friend (male) is cheating on his wife, nor that the husband even knows about it. You have to assume he is not and that he doesn't know. Until you do know...he made the right choice. Given your response, I can tell you that I would not trust you as my friend, white rabbit.

[BareHunter45]

Pasa,

I think you are right. A prolific poster in the few days he's been a member.

[BareHunter45]

uuummmm, so....Is that the reason he should have nailed her...I think those facts are irrelevant!

[void()]

"Stop being so puritanical."

The wife and me have a very open relationship. However, we agree that everyone is abreast of lover/s. To go behind the back without honesty and communication, would be cheating to us. I'm an Atheist. Last I checked we aren't puritans. No, I'm not calling you vile either. I enjoy having sex while drunk. But if it's sex behind someone's back, sorry I don't play that. Each to their own I guess.

[bicurcple]

I don't know of any man or woman who are married together who have never had an affair on each other. It's really that common.

Most Heterosexual marriages despite how much the men and women in them want to try to pretend that they're stable and fine are in reality not stable, wind up failing, and they end in a divorce even if the people never have an affair on each other.

Wow...that is kind of a bleak outlook on marriage.

rdy2go,
We commend you........that showed maturity.....and guts. If it had been me(the male) maybe 15-20 years ago.....ummmmm...I would have done it. But that shows immaturity. It's amazing how we grow and change with age.
Good Job in making the right choice.

[Realist]

White Rabbit,

I re-read my post and I did NOT say my wife cheated on me. She did not! She went through early-onset menopause and had become the least-interested-in-sexuality of any person I ever knew.

My paramour was in almost the same boat, for different reasons, but neither spouse deserved to be cheated on.

[12voltman59]

Situational ethics do not come into play when someone's wife who had too much to drink propositions someone. Situational ethics is when someone puts a gun to your head and says 'do this.'

Come on Jaime stop being such a damn lawyer!!!--my meaning of situational ethics in this case---this freaking fool advocates taking advantage of a situation where a person's judgement is compromised by a mind alterting substance and that shows he has shit for ethics and it makes him a scumbag of the first order--but of course--this fool is one of our trolls yet surfacing again and not a real person but a bad imitation of one!!! So---to have responded to him at all really was not worth the time!!

White Rabbit is now on my iggy list and I urge everyone to put him on their's too lest you want to read his sputum!

PS Addition:

I found the following definition of "Situational Ethics" at one place on the net:

"Situational ethics, or situation ethics, is a Christian ethical theory that was principally developed in the 1960s by the Episcopal priest Joseph Fletcher. It basically states that sometimes other moral principles can be cast aside in certain situations if love is best served; as Paul Tillich once put it: "Love is the ultimate law". The moral principles Fletcher is specifically referring to are the moral codes of Christianity and the type of love he is specifically referring to is 'Agape' love. Agapē is a term which comes from Greek which means absolute, universal, unchanging and unconditional love for all people. Fletcher believed that in forming an ethical system based on love, he was best expressing the notion of "love thy neighbour", which Jesus Christ taught in the Gospels of the New Testament of the Bible. Through situational ethics, Fletcher attempted to find a "middle road" between legalistic and antinomian ethics. Fletcher developed situational ethics in his books: The Classic Treatment and Situation Ethics.

Fletcher believed that there are no absolute laws other than the law of Agapē love and all the other laws were laid down in order to achieve the greatest amount of this love. This means that all the other laws are only guidelines to how to achieve this love, and thus they may be broken if the other course of action would result in more love.

Situational ethics is a teleological, or consequential theory, in that it is concerned with the outcome or consequences of an action; the end, as opposed to an action being intrinsically wrong such as in deontological theories. In the case of situational ethics, the ends can justify the means."

I think based upon the last pargraph in this definition--my use of the term was proper---with this fool basically saying the the end he justifies is to fuck a woman who was inebriated and whose judgement is presumably impaired--that it is OK for someone to fuck her since all White Rabbit wants is to have someone "get off" and there is no concern for the outcome or consequences of such an action.

There is not much Agape love in White Rabbit's stance--at least for "the other"--the only love he has is for his dick and his lust to be satisfied!

In this case---it does show that since Rdy did not take advantage of the situation at hand---he is an ethcial and moral man.

[citystyleguy]

You're a good man, Honey. Not many would have walked away like that. Ya done good, Sugar. ;)
Hugzz
Cat

....same here, guy! you did good!

[bicurcple]

Here it goes again........personal attacks........White, how can you even think to comment on who Volt has had sex with or has not, and then tell him he is spoutting drival because he does not know anything about you............Is that not the pot calling the kettle black...........what if this woman got caught by her husband then claimed rdy2go raped her..........happens all the time....just like spouses cheating.......what would he do then?

[Long Duck Dong]

Here it goes again........personal attacks........White, how can you even think to comment on who Volt has had sex with or has not, and then tell him he is spoutting drival because he does not know anything about you............Is that not the pot calling the kettle black...........what if this woman got caught by her husband then claimed rdy2go raped her..........happens all the time....just like spouses cheating.......what would he do then?

thanks bicurple, I was just about to bring up that point..... drunken sex, then regrets in the morning....can spell big issues for any male...

from a legal point of view, a drunk female can be ruled to be unable to give clear consent.... making any sexual contact by a male a crime.....

I know of a number of cases, where that scenerio has happened... and it gives the male a very bad look....

[thatcher29]

I salute the OP. He understood the situation and the consequences and made the decision he thought was right. As a child of the 60's I can tell you that nothing is free. Everything has its price. Freindship can often be a lot more valuable than a quick lay. Two books you should read if you haven't:

"On the Road" by Jack Kerouac. Jack and Neal Cassady blasting across the country in old cars, wild sex, lots of drugs. Having great times and living for the moment.

"Off the Road" by Carolyn Cassady. (Neal's wife) Carolyn left with no money in San Francisco, pregnant and with a small child. A burned out Neal Cassady dying alone beside a railroad track in Mexico. Jack drinking himself to death.

Like I say--everything has its price. Try to figure out what's important.

[Billys_gurl]

Have you ever had sex with a man or woman that's married or who has a boyfriend or girlfriend that they are cheating on?

Or have you ever had sex while you were drunk or high on drugs with anyone even if they were also drunk or high on drugs?

If you answered yes to either of these questions, you have no reason to judge what I wrote or claim that I'm somehow a vile person.

Hell yes I have done both! The second one was RAPE!!!! I got slipped a mickey, if you even know what that means, by my boyfriends 'best' friend. How DARE YOU sit there at that keyboard and tell me I DESERVED it!!!!!!!! It is people like you that make women NOT report such incidents, because it was our fault. I was just listening to people sing karaoke, and then I found myself in a van being violated. I didn't DO anything to bring it on myself. If poison is all you spew you need to find some place else go. I know that we are supposed to give our opinions here, but DAMN, you are pushing your luck now.
And as to the first, he and she BOTH said they were seperated, broke up what have you before I slept with him. WHATEVER its in the past.
Both incidents are, but the first one I wrote about still hurts.

[Long Duck Dong]

I've never posted on this site before.

Drunk sex, sex while on drugs, cheating, wife swapping, and affairs are all very common even if people on this site want to pretend that they don't happen.

they do exist.... but we are realistic, of the issues and dangers that things like that can cause.... and the risks involved to people.....

[BareHunter45]

Looks like WhiteRabbit has crawled back in his hole, (or was shoved by someone back into it).

[TwylaTwobits]

Yep Bare, thanks to Drew or whoever took such quick action.

[12voltman59]

Here it goes again........personal attacks........White, how can you even think to comment on who Volt has had sex with or has not, and then tell him he is spoutting drival because he does not know anything about you............Is that not the pot calling the kettle black...........what if this woman got caught by her husband then claimed rdy2go raped her..........happens all the time....just like spouses cheating.......what would he do then?

Well--I normally don't directly "attack" someone--but looking at the pattern of WhiteRabbit--I figured I was on safe ground to assume that he was our troll resurfacing yet again in lets see---the bajillonith name he has assumed!!!! Goodness-- ya got to give that person a medal for his dedication to his work, which seems to be to dog us on this site!!!! LOL

His ugly mug should be on one of those corporate motivation posters under the catagory: Perserverance!

I just could not let the statements of what WhiteRabbit said without making coment since I found them so vile and repugnant. Obviously everyone else did too.

As far as what Jaime said to me--I just had to respond to that since I knew that I had used the term in question in the proper context, as my posting that definition clearly shows.

[elian]

I side with your actions rdy2go, I am single, there have been times when I would've liked to be with good friends of mine but they were vulnerable at the time and I decided to check my hormones. Being all horned up with no where to go isn't pleasant but I've never regretted being a gentleman. Sometimes people need a friend more than a good lay. Especially since your friend's girl obviously had much to drink I think you did the right thing - had she sobered up and realized what she'd done she may have regretted it more.

[darkeyes]

Well--I normally don't directly "attack" someone--but looking at the pattern of WhiteRabbit--I figured I was on safe ground to assume that he was our troll resurfacing yet again in lets see---the bajillonith name he has assumed!!!! Goodness-- ya got to give that person a medal for his dedication to his work, which seems to be to dog us on this site!!!! LOL

His ugly mug should be on one of those corporate motivation posters under the catagory: Perserverance!

I just could not let the statements of what WhiteRabbit said without making coment since I found them so vile and repugnant. Obviously everyone else did too.

As far as what Jaime said to me--I just had to respond to that since I knew that I had used the term in question in the proper context, as my posting that definition clearly shows.

Me knew who 'e wos wen 'e started postin.. daft sod isn 2 brite cos its allus the same in evry way.. in part thats wy me slagged 'im in me 1st post.. then thot...me's betta than that.. jus do yasel a fave an show yas betta than that.. so me apologised..yea even 2 'im.. an slagged wot 'e sed off instead... wich me thinks is much betta way.. but spose they r fair game.. but hav nev been sure just rippin inta them as idiots an stupid nasty selfish getts is the way 2 go bout things.. even tho they r ne an alla these things..