Apologies for Darkeyes

[BareHunter45]

I posted fun at your spelling in my last Name Recognition, so I thought to apologize...I would post this just for you (and anyone else that might think it is funny). Oh...Sorry...almost forgot...Sorry me luffly!


A Message from John Cleese - British comedian:

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for elective office and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas,
which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and nuclear, and check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing them.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be
replaced by the suffix '-ise'.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. (look up 'vocabulary' ).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be
adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to
sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if
you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on
earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of
British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will
be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies). In the meantime don't try rugby - the South Africans and
Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will
learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to
take the sting out of their deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen.

[darkeyes]

Hahahahahahaha.. Ver gud Barie babes... seen the 'riginal an its hysterical..

..an don u worry ya perty lil bonce bout it.. no apology necessary..u take michael outa me spellin ne time ya like..or owt else... jus as long as its funny an gives me a giggle..:tong:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hey Fran? Ya want me to hold him while you spank him? LOL I have a nice soft, chushy lap for him to lean over..lol
Silly Cat

[darkeyes]

Hey Fran? Ya want me to hold him while you spank him? LOL I have a nice soft, chushy lap for him to lean over..lol
Silly Cat

Naaaa... don wanya wastin ya spanks on Barie... much ratha ya spanked me.. tee hee:tong:;)

[BareHunter45]

You don't have to hold me...I'll go willingly, but I do request rstraints and a blindfold.

Oh...and someone has to yell out "who's ya Daddy" a couple of times.

[onewhocares]

Hmmm...I see a most rather erotic scenario with Bare.........and Darkeyes and the cushiest of laps...Miss Cat. It is so hot it might make a tall blonde from Boston pull up a seat, crap a bag of popcorn and W A T C H.

Belle

[BareHunter45]

OMG...My almost fantasy (there would have to be alittle more to make it complete), but I know have three women in the room watching or playing with me...damn...I am one lucky guy!

[mariersa]

Too hilarious!!!! " names not inserted" ? "what" crap?? behave Fran, neither could tolerate the "spanking" and yes the letter "u" is permanent fixture in the "real" English Language weather a King or Queen. Just admit it, math is overly complex amd the languge is to bizare to comprehend in the colonies. No child left behind, absolutely, pass them to the next years teacher, someone later or sooner has to fail them, don't you think. Good Luck with That!

[Hephaestion]

1) John Cleese works for both the Foreign and Home Offices
2) The best way of announcing policy is to make it an incidental matter - a bit like a joke at a public venue.

[darkeyes]

Hmmm...I see a most rather erotic scenario with Bare.........and Darkeyes and the cushiest of laps...Miss Cat. It is so hot it might make a tall blonde from Boston pull up a seat, crap a bag of popcorn and W A T C H.

Belle

..gorge tall lady from Boston is only gonna WATCH????:(

[allbimyself]

Hey, when color, neighbor, favor, etc, etc begin to be pronounced to rhyme with velour I'll start spelling them with the additional u. Until then, YOU are spelling it wrong!

[still_shy]

How do you crap a bag of popcorn? (Sorry Belle, I couldn't resist, it was too funny):bigrin:

[darkeyes]

Hey, when color, neighbor, favor, etc, etc begin to be pronounced to rhyme with velour I'll start spelling them with the additional u. Until then, YOU are spelling it wrong!

Sorry neighboUr, do me a favoUr and stop trying to coloUr people's ideas of what is right and proper spelling. There is no rhyme or reason to it and you know it.. what you are trying to do is to programME people into doing what is wrong and its about time it stopped.. I may have to smack your hands and face and make you stand in the corner with a pointie hat dunce that you are.. so we agree on the spelling of velour at least.. although any who wears it should also be hanging their heads in shame because it is a tacky, nasty and horrible fabric I wouldn't be seen dead in..whatever its coloUr it does no one any favoUrs. Right neighboUr me luffly.. hav sed me lil bit.. now hav lil kissie.. muah!:tong:

..and while we are at it..it is Edinburgh pronounced Edinburruh (or to many locals Edinburrie) .. NOT Edinboro.. jus a lil summat wich has always rankled..;)

Webster has a lot to answer for is all me can say...;)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Looks like my lap is going to be busy...lol Pulls over a chair for Miss Belle.
You can feed me popcorn whilst Fran wales/whales and wails..Marisa can yell "Who's yer Daddy!???" lmao
Cat

[Hephaestion]

On the point of spelling

pedal —n. lever or key operated by foot, esp. in a vehicle, on a bicycle, or on some musical instruments (e.g. the organ). —v. (-ll-; US -l-) 1 operate the pedals of a bicycle, organ, etc. 2 propel (a bicycle etc.) with the pedals. —adj. of the foot or feet. [Latin pes ped- foot]

pedestal n. 1 base supporting a column or pillar. 2 stone etc. base of a statue etc.  put on a pedestal admire disproportionately, idolize. [Italian piedestallo, = foot of stall]

pedestrian —n. (often attrib.) person who is walking, esp. in a town. —adj. prosaic; dull; uninspired.  pedestrianize v. (also -ise) (-zing or -sing). [Latin: related to *pedal]

pedestrian crossing n. part of a road where crossing pedestrians have right of way.

pedicure n. 1 care or treatment of the feet, esp. the toenails. 2 person practising this for a living. [Latin pes ped- foot, cura care]

pedigree n. 1 (often attrib.) recorded line of descent (esp. a distinguished one) of a person or pure-bred animal. 2 genealogical table. 3 colloq. ‘life history’ of a person, thing, idea, etc.  pedigreed adj. [pedegru from French pie de grue (unrecorded) crane's foot, a mark denoting succession in pedigrees]

pedometer n. instrument for estimating distance walked by recording the number of steps taken. [Latin pes ped- foot: related to *-meter]

Technically a 'pedophile' is foot lover not someone sexaully attracted to children. The latter would be spelt as 'paedophile' i.e with a diphthong 'ae'; the word originates from the Greek 'paedi' = a child (sometimes translitterated as 'paidi').

While we are about it, the word is:
'aeroplane' not 'airplane'
'encyclopaedia' not 'encyclopedia'

You can have your Wikipedia as this is of American rather than classical construct with Hawaii being part of the USA.

[BareHunter45]

Here is one of the reasons the english language is so hard to master.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWN9rTc08GU

[onewhocares]

Well...being that I can cook...and SOMEONE sent me a great recipe for popcorn( thanks A) I will bring my own and plenty to share. Perhaps if I am so arroused by this site...watching may not be the only thing I do.

Belle

[BareHunter45]

We have talked about cooking before, and I am sure you do just fuine, but if you plan on cooking it the way you described in your earlier post....I'll pass...



Well...being that I can cook...and SOMEONE sent me a great recipe for popcorn( thanks A) I will bring my own and plenty to share. Perhaps if I am so arroused by this site...watching may not be the only thing I do.

Belle

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Watch it Bare..or Bell is going to do more than share her popcorn...she may take a slap or two to ya too! lol Either way, I have a feeling that cute lil backside of your is gunna be Awful red! lol
Laughing Cat:bigrin:

[onewhocares]

We have talked about cooking before, and I am sure you do just fuine, but if you plan on cooking it the way you described in your earlier post....I'll pass...

For you Sir...I will do it any way you want........


Belle

[mariersa]

The "U" confused him

[darkeyes]

For you Sir...I will do it any way you want........


Belle

.....:eek:

[BareHunter45]

For you Sir...I will do it any way you want........


Belle

Oh Wow...a submissive woman....I love that too...TPE. I love that kind of play. I have restraints, blindfold, a training collar, cage, and a hot candle for dropping hot wax on you if you are interested.

[darkeyes]

Oh Wow...a submissive woman....I love that too...TPE. I love that kind of play. I have restraints, blindfold, a training collar, cage, and a hot candle for dropping hot wax on you if you are interested.

Oi Barie!!! Gerroff..bak down the Q... gorge tall lady from Boston has sum 1 long long LONG way 'head ofya waitin ...like 1st in Q... an me has alla those things u hav...but me also has Sybina..so wot chance u have??? :bigrin:

[BareHunter45]

Darkeyes....it's the story of my life....hahahaha

Wife wants the sybian too. I think I am going to get her one...but I get to manipulate the controls...and I love to go fast...LOL

[darkeyes]

Darkeyes....it's the story of my life....hahahaha

Wife wants the sybian too. I think I am going to get her one...but I get to manipulate the controls...and I love to go fast...LOL

Dusn matta Barie.. u still down at enda Q an me 1st in line....:tong::bigrin:

[onewhocares]

Oh the choices....what shall I do....Bare...for you I shall keep my nice leather toys for another time....and Frances....I will check the flights to Europe...now.

Belle

[darkeyes]

Oh the choices....what shall I do....Bare...for you I shall keep my nice leather toys for another time....and Frances....I will check the flights to Europe...now.

Belle

....:bigrin:

[bicurcple]

Darkeyes..........We too owe you an apology....believe we criticised you also at one point. Sorry, we are trying harder to understand your lingo.

[darkeyes]

Darkeyes..........We too owe you an apology....believe we criticised you also at one point. Sorry, we are trying harder to understand your lingo.

s'ok.. u criticise all ya like.. am a big lil girl.. Franspeak isn 2 every1's taste..me knos that.. but ta for tryin:)

Ya may hav noticed me usin more propa English of late.. an ur post givs me an opportunity 2 say wy.. 'riginally used Franspeak in jokey, funny lil posts.. English wos used in the main for the more serious 1's..but ova time found mesel usin Fran moren more in the more serious end a the market.. its me..its kinda the person me is an hav always been.. yet sevral m8s an me partner, ..me partner in partic showed me that by postin serious posts in Franspeak me wos kinda makin a caricature a mesel, an a cuppla peeps in 'ere hav sed simlar ova the las few years.. the penny finally dropped only a few weeks ago.. shockin innit? Hav always felt the messsage is more important than the lingo.. an its true.. but not for every 1 it seems..

Thick as a brick at times me is.. so slow on the pick up... an so am revertin mosly 2 me 'riginal use a Fran an English.. so wiv luk.. ya mite well b able 2 undastand me a lil betta a lil easier an a lil more often.. :tong:

[TwylaTwobits]

ROFL I love Franspeak, I can almost hear her when I read it. The kind of actual Scots talking that authors try for and many times fail in some of the books I read.

So to anyone who can't understand the writing, read it aloud to yourself a couple times and you'll get the gist fast enough. If not well there is a phrase I'm thinking applies at times to a few ummm shall we say trolls? Haud yer wheesht :)

[bicurcple]

Darkeyes,
Your a free person.....if that is how you chose to speak it's fine....let the person reading either figure it out or just not read it.....like I said we are getting much better and we enjoy your points. Thank you for accepting our apology. I have friends who don't understand why I laugh at British humor.....they don't understand it....but my older brother and I grew up watching Monte Python and Benny Hill......and always laughed our asses off. Some people are just that thick.......not to see the humor.

[BareHunter45]

You may be an "Opinionated Lil Tart", but you sure are sweet as shoeflypie!

[darkeyes]

ROFL I love Franspeak, I can almost hear her when I read it. The kind of actual Scots talking that authors try for and many times fail in some of the books I read.

So to anyone who can't understand the writing, read it aloud to yourself a couple times and you'll get the gist fast enough. If not well there is a phrase I'm thinking applies at times to a few ummm shall we say trolls? Haud yer wheesht :)

Awww ta Twyla...deserve huge snog... wiv tongue an added pash... muaaaaaaaaaahh!

.. howeva..can c wy peeps think it is, but its not..its not Scots in ne way shape or form.. its a language wich a bunch a rite lil tarts use 2 communicate on line.. its origin is textspeak.. we call it bootgirlspeak.. but English textspeak or textspeak in English take ya pick..

Scots is a completely diff language.. akin 2 English but not of it.. a sista language wich for centuries we hav been made 2 feel is inferior 2 English.. since 1707 2 b precise...wudn dare rite in 'ere in Scots, at least not a whole post.. ..can do it.. me dad taught me.. he is big inta Scots..an ver critical wen me gets it rong.. but Fran is a derivation of English..not Scots.. its babba speak.. cos ther r times wen me an me m8s speak an act like lil babbas...

..hope that makes sense..am jus not 2 sure..tee hee...:bigrin:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Thick as a brick at times me is.. so slow on the pick up... an so am revertin mosly 2 me 'riginal use a Fran an English.. so wiv luk.. ya mite well b able 2 undastand me a lil betta a lil easier an a lil more often..

I get a kick out of Fran speech. My daughtter there in England had a Devil of a time picking up the language when she first got there, but now she says she does great, even when her husband's best friend comes round, and does his "Cockney" imatation with her. And she's even caught herself saying "Wah" or Oy!" a few times...lol
Cat

[Long Duck Dong]

Awww ta Twyla...deserve huge snog... wiv tongue an added pash... muaaaaaaaaaahh!

.. howeva..can c wy peeps think it is, but its not..its not Scots in ne way shape or form.. its a language wich a bunch a rite lil tarts use 2 communicate on line.. its origin is textspeak.. we call it bootgirlspeak.. but English textspeak or textspeak in English take ya pick..

Scots is a completely diff language.. akin 2 English but not of it.. a sista language wich for centuries we hav been made 2 feel is inferior 2 English.. since 1707 2 b precise...wudn dare rite in 'ere in Scots, at least not a whole post.. ..can do it.. me dad taught me.. he is big inta Scots..an ver critical wen me gets it rong.. but Fran is a derivation of English..not Scots.. its babba speak.. cos ther r times wen me an me m8s speak an act like lil babbas...

..hope that makes sense..am jus not 2 sure..tee hee...:bigrin:

'n ddiau fran , namyn ni ill dau adnabod 'r Saesneg ydy 'n eiddigeddus chan 'r Albanwyr fel cawn 'r 'n fraf hychydig tarts a 'r bydew 'n ynghrog scottish bonheddwr.

hugs fran and twyla

[mariersa]

miss' the St Andrews Cross on the flag, the Jack is done

[TwylaTwobits]

'n ddiau fran , namyn ni ill dau adnabod 'r Saesneg ydy 'n eiddigeddus chan 'r Albanwyr fel cawn 'r 'n fraf hychydig tarts a 'r bydew 'n ynghrog scottish bonheddwr.

hugs fran and twyla


Hugs back, you can tell me what ya said later if fran doesn't mail me the translation first.

[IanBorthwick]

1. Then look up aluminium, and nuclear, and check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
pronouncing them.

http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/aluminum

Sorry Sir John, we won't be taken alive until you English, as Professor Henry Higgins famously stated, learn to speak. Aluminum has but one letter "I" in it. As does mischievous, it is not spelled mischievIous no matter how you congratulate yourselves for a higher order of diction than we in the Americas. Also, if it is Schedule, pronounced by dropping the C then therefore it must be pronounced SHOOL when you know it is pronounced School.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owWPgUyK7DY

Sing with me!

[darkeyes]

Hugs back, you can tell me what ya said later if fran doesn't mail me the translation first.

Its Welsh innit? Don hav the gaelic so how me expected 2 kno Welsh...:eek:

[darkeyes]

'n ddiau fran , namyn ni ill dau adnabod 'r Saesneg ydy 'n eiddigeddus chan 'r Albanwyr fel cawn 'r 'n fraf hychydig tarts a 'r bydew 'n ynghrog scottish bonheddwr.

hugs fran and twyla

Muah ya daft ole coot.. me confused easily enuff wivout that lot..:tong:

[darkeyes]

http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/aluminum

Sorry Sir John, we won't be taken alive until you English, as Professor Henry Higgins famously stated, learn to speak. Aluminum has but one letter "I" in it. As does mischievous, it is not spelled mischievIous no matter how you congratulate yourselves for a higher order of diction than we in the Americas. Also, if it is Schedule, pronounced by dropping the C then therefore it must be pronounced SHOOL when you know it is pronounced School.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owWPgUyK7DY

Sing with me!

Actually in Scotland we mostly pronounce schedule skedule.. as does half of England.. the other half are just daft and odd.. tee hee...and as there is no word aluminum..but aluminium...that makes 2 I's in my book an u an odd bod an all...:tong:

[TwylaTwobits]

Its Welsh innit? Don hav the gaelic so how me expected 2 kno Welsh...:eek:

LOL yeah Welsh and he was grinning when he told me what it said, I could tell. Och well I love the mon what can I say?

[darkeyes]

LOL yeah Welsh and he was grinning when he told me what it said, I could tell. Och well I love the mon what can I say?

Ach.. gae the daft erse a guid belt roond the lug an' tak the bugger doon ti the shop an' get yer bawbees back... luve is a' richt sae lang as they dae whit ther telt an' gae ye nae lip!:tong:

[TwylaTwobits]

ROFLMAO but I love it when he gives me lip ummm wait ummm will not be saying where he gives me the lips :)

[darkeyes]

ROFLMAO but I love it when he gives me lip ummm wait ummm will not be saying where he gives me the lips :)

Shockin...:tong: