What's the place of romance in your bi life?

[PeterH]

Hi all,

I was just wondering about this question: what's the place of romance in a bi life? I was thinking about this because of a desire for my life to have romance, and permanent relations. At the same time I have romantic ideals that do not seem to mix well with being bi.
I have done lots of romantic things with women, and several things with men.
The former included writing poems, going on dates, talking for hours and hours... The latter included things like holding hands, going on an overnight train trip to Prague, and talking for hours. (I do l like talking :bigrin: ).
Do you seek romance with both male and female partners, did you have romantic experiences with more than one partner at the same time? In my experience, romanticism seemed to have a lot to do with focussing on the person I was with, and this seems to exclude being with more than one person.
I'm very curious about your experiences, so let me know, please!
Thank you for posting, Peter

[Lisa (va)]

Romance. A word seldom heard of when discussing the aspects of being bi.

Although I hesitate on the symantics, there is a difference between 'loving' an indivual and 'being in love' with an individual. Therefore (in my opinion) you can only truely have romance with one.

And even more generalization, it appears that the male sector tends more towards the physical as opposed to the females being the more emotional (albeit there are always exceptions). That said, yes I have been romantically involved with both men and women: on an emotional level the feelings of love are the same, their gender takes a secondary role.

Romance can take all forms, being together or even when apart. From laying in his arms quietly after making love, to thoughts I have when he is at work or outside elsewhere, i.e. when he is outside inthe garage working on his cars and I am inside thinking about his enjoyment he derives from them.

Romance isn't a place you can go to, it's a place within you. Where your partners pleasures are equally yours.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Lorcan]

I would really like to sit down and have a romantic dinner with two men.... one of which would have to be my husband. And hopefully i'd fall in love and be in love with both of them.

Seriously! why can't DATE? why do we have to jump in bed with them right away? A good friend once told me that if you jump in bed on a first date the relationship will go nowhere. I think that applies to all relationships.

-Laura
the hopeless bi-poly romantic

[ambi53mm]

Hi all,

I was just wondering about this question: what's the place of romance in a bi life?
Do you seek romance with both male and female partners, did you have romantic experiences with more than one partner at the same time? In my experience, romanticism seemed to have a lot to do with focussing on the person I was with, and this seems to exclude being with more than one person.


I get confused when it comes to the word "Romance", and its various forms verb, noun, adjective etc. but for the sake of trying to understand the question and thereby answer, I can state the following:
I am a married bisexual male, married and spiritually committed to my wife who also happens to be bisexual. The relationship we enjoy together is romantic in every way possible and we have been together for almost a decade. We consider our relationship permanent and neither of us would want to be on this planet without the other. We love one another and are in love with one another. This for both of us, is what we term our” primary relationship”. It has been tested under fire as they say and we probably have a level of trust that exceeds what would be considered “ above and beyond” the parameters of your more conventional relationships.
On the one hand, I would say we work hard to maintain this type of relationship by including those romantic moments in the course of a day. We are so grateful to have one another and communicate this constantly. There isn’t a day that goes by where the energy we project to one another could be interpreted as anything other than love. On the other hand, it takes no effort at all because it is what it is and, it flows naturally.
We both began exploring our bisexuality long before coming together as a couple. I knew coming into this relationship that she was bisexual. It took me a couple of years into our relationship before I could finally cross that bridge. My fear of maybe loosing her based on some very negative experiences in my past and the attitudes in general towards male bisexuals were my reasons for the delay. I would consider myself in certain areas of life a very private person. I have had to deal with some serious trust issues in regard to relationships, and she has taught me to “trust one more person …one more time”
We both choose to explore our bisexuality in various ways. We are very aware of the need to communicate honestly and openly about this, so that when an opportunity does come along where romantic attractions towards a same sex relationship occur, that each of us are secure with the knowledge that these relationships are no threat to our primary relationship. Can these same sex relationships be romantic? Absolutely. However, I would not exclude my primary relationship and neither would she. We have both witnessed one another in same sex explorations and, have joined together on more that a few occasions because we enjoy the sexual side of being with both at the same time. If intimacy is an attribute of being romantic, then we have been romantically involved with one another and others at the same time. There have been a few occasions where I have gone off with a friend alone but with her knowledge and encouragement. I have no problem with her having a girlfriend ( she has a few) and would encourage her growth in that area without fear if it were expressed romantically. We are that secure with the relationship we have, and place one another’s growth ahead of our own. That is how “we” define LOVE. “Placing another’s needs, and spiritual growth ahead of your own”. With five children between us we have had more than our fair share of practice LOL.
This had been and continues to be our experience. I think the concept of romance is subjective. I can only say what we have works for us.

Ambi :)

[WillowTree]

As for me, being bi means having the capacity to love, and even be in love with, more than one person. In my case, that means one of each sex. :tong: I think in a situation where I was involved with a woman, eventually I would like to have her included in some activities with myself and my husband (not sexually speaking). That might include a date night with a romantic dinner, a movie night, a trip to the theatre, etc. I thnk as long as all parties are comfortable in each other's company, romance in a triad is easy. There is nothing that says I can't be romantic with my husband and my g/f at the same time, and they can be completely comfortable simply being friendly with each other, instead of romantic.

[ddbmma]

I think romance is a good part of being bi. Reflecting on Willow's reply, that is much the same way I think. Eventually there will people able to say, "call my wife, tell her my husband is taking me to lunch." And no one in the general society at large will even flinch. "Sure."

As a bi, romance is part of the whole ball of wax. I appreciate being romanced and romancing in return. No real preference on either, it depends on the situation, moods, people. My wife is always surprised when I pounce and hug her when she comes in. Romance does not die off because you are bi. At least not for me.

JMH :2cents:

[rupertbare]

(((((((((Peter))))))))))
What a lovely thread.
And I find out something new about you every day, you like talking!!!! :)
Well, well well.

Now romance, ahhhhhhhh! (or in English 2.0:- awwwwwwwwwww!)
Now theres' a word!!

Until a few days a go the very last "love" poem I composed - way, way back in my 20's was for another guy.

A romantic is a state of mind, it is in the very being of the person, at their core, a part of their soul.
It seeks expression.
It is a spirit of excitment, of adventure; and maybe, at least it is for me, it is the spirit of mystery.

It is what drives those little things, the holding hands that makes the heart leap for joy at the touch.
It is the peck on the cheek to a partner who is tired, maybe as they stand at a sink, shoulders hunched, clearing the pots at the end of a long day looking after the kids.
It is the gaze, the glance, towards your loved one across a crowded room.

And for a bisexual these things can be directed at either sex, with no differentiation.

For a lot of bi guys, however, they find romance with women and sex with other guys.

But for a "true romantic" they will see no difference - when they find a love it will be the same, whatever the sex of the other person.

And the romantic tends to be able to feel and express this for just one person at a time, it is an exclusive thing, one to one.

So, Peter, I'm not sure if that helps you at all!!! :)
It is just an opion.

But what I can say is: my new love makes my heart sing, if we speak, I spend hours "walking on air". I find thoughts of of that person creep into all that I do, even as I stand in line at a supermarket checkout.
It is almost "obsessive", all consuming, and yet at the time so freeing.
It is creative.
Our PMs to one another have become full of poetic prose, without intention, it is just how that love flows, how it has to express these innermost feeling and thoughts.
And it is not about lust, although there is desire.
For us there can be no "jumping" into bed - an ocean seperates us!!
But even if we could, it would be the cuddles that would stay in mind longest.

So Peter that's my :2cents:

With love to you in Holland,
from your chum in London,

Rupe :)

[rupertbare]

Peter I thought you, and others, may enjoy this:


Girl, Boy, Flower, Bicycle
by M. K. Joseph

This girl
Waits at the corner for
This boy
Freewheeling on his bicycle.
She holds
A flower in her hand
A gold flower
In her hands she holds
The sun.
With power between his thighs
The boy
Comes smiling to her
He rides
A bicycle that glitters like
The wind.
This boy, this girl
They walk
In step with the wind
Arm in arm
They climb the level street
To where
Laid on glittering handlebars
The flower
Is round and shining as
The sun.

Rupe :)

[Itsjustme14]

Romance is in the eye of the beholder, and for me, the world doesn't exist if there isn't some kind of romance.

For many years I cut myself off from actually showing or receiving emotions, and yet in my head there was still romance and a series of 'secret' crushes. Now that I have not only opened myself up but learned to love again, it seems that romance IS the biggest part of that journey.

There is romance everywhere in my life now. In endless conversations I can't wait to have, in the thrill of an unexpected touch on my shoulder and in just a look from across a room that reads to me, "Just makking sure you are there".

And I give that romance back, dear Peter, in participating in those conversations, in making sure that there is always a cheesecake in the fridge, and doing my best to make sure that the person who has my attention knows what my feelings, and not just my intentions, are.

While none of this has anything to do with the bedroom, that too, holds an overwhelming element and raises the standard of romance. Holding a partner close enough to feel them breathe, the quiet shock of two naked bodies (especially one you have become familair with) touching each other, and being roused from sleep by a sweet kiss to realize that it was done in their state of sleepful bliss and not from arousal.

Put worries aside, dear friends. Just because you are bisexual doesn't mean that you are excluded from romance. And remember the true definition of romance isn't what YOU feel, but what YOU do, and what you end up feeling--those moments of "Ahhh that's so sweet"-- are the benefit of the effort YOU put forth in making the partner, temperary or permanent, feel like the total focus of your world.

And surprise, surprise, the biggest discovery that I have made is that romance can be put forth and received from people that you simply pass on the street. When was the last time you smiled at a stranger and saw their face brighten, probably because it was the first good thing they've felt all day? Or when someone holds a door open for you and picks you keys up when you drop them on the ground. It is the simple things, not the complicated planned things, that touch of "I feel loved and respected", that burgeons romance. While the planned grand displays of love we see in the movies are overwhelming, and fun to give and receive; they have anethstitized us into thinking that is all that romance is.

Truly it is not. Romance is a gesture or a response that makes us feel justified in doing something special for anyone that for one moment in time you respect and feel deserves YOUR appreciation.

Never have any fear of losing the romance you crave, because you are bisexual. Whether you are having a hot sweaty screw with a partner of the same gender or a hot one with someone of the opposite gender--romance is alive any moment you choose to receive and/or create it.

It IS there, dearest Peter and bisex.com family, all you have to do is BE it.

Love and LOTS AN D LOTS of romance,

Itsjustmemd

[maslowstudent]

I had to respond to ItsJustMe.

Now you know another ONE of the reasons I'm in love with this guy.

Maslowstudent

[rupertbare]

Peter and you all - there is now a poetry thread ("Poetry Slam" by badkittyamy) - but the rule is you must have composed it yourself - it's lovely idea for a thread - is Spring in the air!!! Is it love that is resulting in this new creativity!!

Well I didn't compose this - but I share many of the sentiments and thought in it!!! :)

Spell of Creation
by Kathleen Raine

Within the flower there lies a seed,
Within the seed there springs a tree,
Within the tree springs a wood.

In the wood there burns a fire,
And in the fire there melts a stone,
Within the stone a ring of iron.

Within the ring there lies an O
Within the O there looks an eye,
In the eye there swims a sea,

And in the sea reflected sky,
And in the sky there shines the sun,
Within the sun a bird of gold.

Within the bird there beats a heart,
And from the heart there flows a song,
And in the song there sings a word.

In the word there speaks a world,
A word of joy, a world of grief,
From joy and grief there springs my love.
Oh love, my love, there springs a world,
And on the world there shines a sun
And in the sun there burns a fire,

With the fire consumes my heart
And in my heart there beats a bird,
And in the bird there wakes an eye,

Within the eye, earth, sea and sky,
Earth, sky and sea within an O
Lie like the seed within the flower.

Rupe. :)

[ackjae01]

romance is the farthest thing from mind in my bisexuality...a healthy genitally

based experience with a discreet person as horny as me is the goal...

[CountryLover]

AMbi53, I must say I'm green with envy :bigrin: It's so reassuring to know that what I'm looking for is actually possible.

I'm equally romantic with either gender. My girlfriend received sterling silver dangling heart earrings for Valentine's Day, along with a sappy card and lots of sweet kisses. If I had a male lover, he might get flowers and cards and some other sentimental gift, along with plenty of lovings.

Casual sex is fun and all, but now I'm ready for the kind of committment - you said it so perfectly Ambi53 - the primary relationship that I can trust.

[Sparks]

For me, romance and passion is reserved for women. Although I love the friendship of being with another man, I could never fall in love with him. My passionate side is towards women. Flowers, opening doors, seating her first, and yup, keeping the toilet seat down...lol. But then again, I do love sex with a like minded male friend in all it's aspects. :2cents:

[rumple4skin]

I think romance means different things to different people. For some it is spontaneity. For others it may be self-sacrifice. For me it means different things but most importantly it means letting someone I care about know that I care about them in words and in deeds - like getting up early to spend time with them when I would like to sleep in. So I guess romance means a little of both to me - spontaneous self sacrifice LOL. I do not have a problem expressing "romance" with men or women. I enjoy cuddling with both and expressing my feelings to both. I do seem to have an uncomfortably with public displays of affection with women or men. I guess I feel it is a private thing. Maybe I will get over that maybe not. I am sure some partners would take it very personally if I do not give them a deep kiss in public - but to me it is a private matter. Oddly enough I have no problem hugging women or men in public. I guess I still have some issues to work out :)
Thanks for the post,
Rumple

[anne27]

I often used this smart assed quote "I have the heart of a romantic-I keep it in a jar on my mantle." ;)

Truly, I am a romantic and even after 23 years of marriage, I still write little sweet notes, surprise my hubby with little gifts, and try to find time for just us even though we have two small children. Romantic is living. Without the passion of romantic love, life would be dull.

When my ex g/f and I were together, I'd cook her dinner, bring her flowers, send little gifts and lots of silly little ecards.

It's all about the passion, and romance is a part of that.

[bijingles]

Hi all,

I'm very curious about your experiences, so let me know, please!
Thank you for posting, Peter

I am so very grateful to be alive, and walking vertical LOL, almost everything brings me joy, and I want to celebrate life, live freely and fully. Feel every emotion, maybe the "bad" ones for a shorter time than the "Good" ones ROFL... I want to be human and celebrate my humanity. I love the air, the sun, and the rain. I hug strangers who need hugs; so far, I have not yet been turned down when offering a hug to someone, I know or do not know. I have had the privilege of serving a candlelight dinner to two Bi-males feeling the pride and beauty of my womanhood and then enjoyed them both for desert. I have hugged, kissed and caressed a female lover with a passion I will keep in memory for this lifetime. Recently I walked through a room of strangers who were exploring their sexual natures and fed those who wanted or looked up small bites of pineapple; I was nicknamed the “pineapple girl”. I agree with the idea that the definition of romance is subjective and personally interpreted. One of Webster’s dictionary definitions I can identify with is “a spirit or feeling of adventure, excitement, the potential for heroic achievement, and the exotic” I live romantically out of the bedroom as well as in the bedroom. One of my favorite quotes “If you can’t handle me out of bed you probable won’t be able to handle me in bed.”
I have cried my river of sorrow and at times felt I was going to drown alone in it, yet I survived and thrive because of being a better me than before. I am not hopeless but I am romantic…romance is in the air; and I intend to suck in as much of it as I can get.

:wiggle2:

Bijingles