cheating?

[CuriousKatt]

what do you consider cheating?

[NEPHX]

is it considered cheating when your s/o sneaks around to have BI sex when your conveniently at work or out away from them? also, what would you think if your s/o seemed to enjoy masturbation more than sex with you and or could be horney as a toad then lose it all when you start having sex?

If I was in a monogamous relationship, I would consider it cheating.... if we didn't allow for it.

If you mean BI as in you are a male/female couple and he is off with a guy... If it were me, I'd still call it cheating if he/she were my S/O.

If I were in an open relationship and he/she was off with someone depending on our agreement, it may nor may not bother me. I wouldn't want it constantly. But, I wouldn't want it to take time from me but, then again, I WOULD like to know... but that's me. I like to share that kind of thing with my S/O's.

If my S/O enjoyed masturbation more than sex, I'd get into watching him/her or helping if that was ok, or just making out with them while they did it if they enjoyed that... Sometimes some men and women can't "get off" on PIV only.

"Horney as a toad" and then "lose it" could be related to a psychological issue, physical issue, hang-ups, guilt (if he/she's cheating). Figure out what the trigger is if you can. You, as a couple, should at least try to discuss it about it (get help if you need help to facilitate that kind of a discussion)... maybe he/she needs to talk it out with a counselor privately first. Something could be changing his/her mood.

To me, Love is not all about sex and sex is not all about love... . Its awesome when the sex is as awesome as the love for another. Our primarily serially monogamous (or so advertised) society at least here in the USA (generally speaking), tends to relate love and sex to loyalty and devotion. There are so many pieces to the puzzle and infinite variations on a theme.

[bimyself4now]

Anything you can't tell your partner about. If you're doing something you can't tell your partner about, then you're doing something wrong.

[TwylaTwobits]

Depends on your relationship, what I would call cheating might not be what someone else would call cheating. To me, it's not just a physical betrayal but an emotional betrayal that can be more damning. Both have happened to me and I must say the emotional betrayal hurt more and to this day things still crop up that remind me and the pain rears it's head going "hey don't forget me, you still are learning from me."

Emotional betrayal can be something as simple as exchanging emails that delve way too far into flirting and sexual connotations. Yes I'd consider cybering, emotional betrayal. But then I have a relationship where it's clear boundaries for us.

[mariersa]

When whomever decides that whomever decides the relationship is "stale' no excuses, and if you didn't see the signs of that, oh well, Good Luck

[Stinger78]

Cheating....interesting topic. What would I consider cheating...? Well, I've got to start by saying that I agree with the question of is the person's bisexuality an issue or not? Like for instance, I'm bi and lets say I was in a relationship with a woman that knew & accepted I was bisexual. Let's also say that she and I had come to an agreement that in the event I wanted to go n' be with a guy, she was okay with it so long as she was aware of it ahead of time. Okay, with that said, let's assume I were out on the town one night just chillin' at my favorute/usual bar, not looking for anything and I happen to meet a guy. If he and I were to leave together and go to one of our places and fool around, I personally would feel bad and guilty because even though my partner has said she's okay with my being with guys, I did it without her knowledge and kinda spur of the moment thing. To me, if it were a spur of the moment thing, that would only make it a worse thing to do because 'spur of the moment' would imply that I'd given no thought to/about her whatsoever. Yes, I may care for/about her deeply, and she may know that, but even so just going and doing it right then and there, I'd feel as if I'd betrayed my partner.

Okay, well...I'm finished here. That's my lil' bit of input. I felt I should leave a post cause I haven't been on here in a few weeks. Part of that was due to helping a couple friends with a few things. The other part of it had to do with the fact that my laptop, as careful as I typically am, got a pretty nasty virus/malware and just earlier tonight I finally broke down and reinstalled Windows 7. So hello again all you bisexual.com forum slackers! hehe... Wether you know me or not, I'm back!!!

Darren, Albuquerque NM
"A grave is the best place to store ill-gotten treasures." - Flavor text on a Magic the Gathering card. http://magiccards.info/od/en/132.html

[darkeyes]

Is where ya do summat behind sum 1's bak an wivout ther knowledge an thus break an undastandin or agreement..dusn hav 2 b sex.. but principally for the purposes a this thread.. or wer no such undastandin or agreement has ev been made.. werya think the otha person from ya knowledge of them wudn agree or approve..

[daewoo69]

cheating: Well to us cheating is doing something outside the argreement to and your partner have set. This might sound a bit prudent, but we both talk about everything. it can be quite a surprize to find out that your partner is interested in seeing you explore your desires. And visa versa.

[void()]

Anything you can't tell your partner about. If you're doing something you can't tell your partner about, then you're doing something wrong.

Sums up the view here, too.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Any time that you lie to your partner/SO and go behind their backs to have a sexual romp is considered cheating. When one goes outside the peramiters of your guidelines, rules, agreements, without their knowledge and/or consent, then you're cheating. Plain and simple.
Cat

[innaminka]

"Cheating" is doing something outside the rules - wheter it be games, education, business (no, sorry, that's permissable!!) or a personal relationship.

If you do soemthing that is outside the rules that you and your partner have either overtly or just understood together - I guess that's cheating.

The degree you wish to give it is up to you.

[tenni]

I like the point that innaminka has given a meaning that goes beyond the concept of relationships. Her ideas are more well rounded and valid to me.

I do have a question for he OP.

Why is it important to you to read other people's views on the word "cheating"?

[MarieDelta]

To me cheating is lying, misleading, and yes breaking the rules, whether spoken or unspoken.

[drawingboard3]

As Jerry Seinfeld once said, "when the nipple makes it's first appearance"...

[31cho]

what do you consider cheating?

Yes cheating! Be veary carefull who you meet here! You never know a person until you get to know them.Most of you know who i am talking about! I knew that girl for two years never knew she would do such a rotten thing.Its a damm shame.O well she lost out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:devil:

[thatcher29]

On the other thread, this subject got up so much passion that there were were one inch bold letters. A lot of people see this as black and white. But I would think that as bisexuals (who are themselves a gray area to many people) we'd be open to see the situations that fall in the cracks. For instance:

(1) In my bisexual explorations, I've run into many older men whose wives are no longer willing to provide sex. Would it be better for these guys to inform their wives, cause them immense pain, get outed to their friends, and set up an ugly divorce? Or would it be better to have discrete affairs with other men and enjoy the remainder of their sexual life. Most men I talked to took the latter option and feel it was the best choice.
(2) Priests take a vow of chastity. If a priest is happy with his life and wants to continue to help his parishioners, but feels he wants a sexual life, should he tell his bishop and get kicked out of the church? Or would it be better to pursue a sexual relationship and ignore what he feels is hypocrisy?
(3) Many people here are in open marriages. I assume these people have talked and agreed on rules. But rules, no matter how well thought out, can never cover every possible situation. Sometimes these people find themselves in situations they haven't discussed with their partner and have to make decisions by themselves. Is this cheating?
(4) There's another form of open marriage. This is where both partners have sex with other people but never discuss it with each other. Some of these marriages are quite happy. But is it cheating?

I could go on and on but I think I've made the point. Some people think we live in a world of absolutes where everything is strictly defined and every question can be easily answered. I just don't think life is like that.

[Donkey_burger]

I have provided my definition on the last thread I replied too. I'll sum up here:

"Cheating is having more than one sexual or romantic relationships, without everyones' express and explicit permission, or even knowledge."

There are medical, ethical, and legal implications to cheating. I wouldn't do it, myself.

DB :bipride:

[**Peg**]

To me, sharing intimate details with someone I have never met is cheating, by depriving my lover of those very same thoughts and emotional intimacies, so that's why I don't cyber.

Twyla (SO WISE) said a mouthful here: "hey don't forget me, you still are learning from me." Although he is now dead, I'm still learning from the man who looked me squarely in the eyes and denied sharing his intimate sexual fantasies with 5 other women AND actively cheating with 3 of them while we were living together.

The damage he did...has changed who I used to be, behind my back, without my knowledge and against my will.

interesting article here (http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/05/online.dating.liars/index.html?hpt=C2) about onliners and why they lie.

cheating is soul-destroying stuff (if you let it be) but I'm still standing :)

Peg