Why do I feel guilty

[davidbiuk]

I met a guy again this morning for the third time. We had not seen each other for months and I was really horny for him. When we meet we always have great sex, yet each time I leave him I feel guilty. Even when I am setting off to see him I feel guilty.

It is the same when I have cum after a wank.

I think 'why am I doing this' and 'I won't do it again'. Yet I always do of course.

Can anyone explain why?

Is it because I have been brought up to believe its wrong to wank and even more wrong to have sex with another man?

[smokey]

One of the ways society controls its members is through guilt....personally I gave up guilt for lent years ago...seemed like the most practical thing to eliminate.

[bijingles]

Can anyone explain why?

I wish people could climb inside of me and know why I feel this or that or make me stop doing something that I feel mixed emotions about, I wish. The best help some one can give to me these days is to listen to me. I empathize with your emotions and have been in that situation, more than once... with male and female partners. I continue a daily struggle trying to erase the old tapes that play through my mind. I was exposed to, taught, or learned as a child, ideas, beliefs, that I do not want or need now. They no longer serve a purpose. Digging deep inside my self to the root of the pain, shame, struggle the conflict between what I know to be true now and what I carried as truth until now, is a times taking and painstaking process, probable not for everyone. It works for me.
“It’s not easy being green” quote from a frog. Nevertheless, I am what I am and that is all that I am. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. When I learn to love me just the way I am? Soon I hope. Until then I share your pain, wish I could tell you why you feel guilty.
The things I can and will do for you are, cry with you and laugh with you and smile and be sad when you evoke those emotions from me. Because we all share the deeply personal choice of bisexuality and communicate it openly with each other I feel true connection. I hope by posing your question in the forum that you find the solace and support that you seek.

:flag1:
Bijingles

[ambi53mm]

“It’s not easy being green” quote from a frog. Nevertheless, I am what I am and that is all that I am. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. When I learn to love me just the way I am?
Bijingles
There was a time in your life when you believed in Santa Clause…the Easter Bunny and the infamous Tooth fairy. You didn’t question their existence because the source of the information were those you trusted. When you later discovered the truth, you were probably given some excuse or reason as to why it was OK to tell you these untruths. “ Well you’re older now and the whole Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy, thing well…that was really just make believe.”

Then, you were given some story about Adam and Eve who had this big boat that held every animal in the world, and a man who must have somehow been related to him, died on a cross, came back to life again, told everybody he would return one day again to put you in his sled with his reindeers, and whisk you off to heaven.

…..perhaps the only truth in any of this…is that you’ve been learning to love yourself since day one…and when you have those moments of doubt about just how wonderful a person you truly are..trust one more time that there’s one who holds you in the highest regard.

Namaste’
Ambi :)

[innaminka]

One of the ways society controls its members is through guilt.

We are all members of a society - and as Smokey wrote, there are rules, mores and attitudes of that society that tends to keep the individual's behaviour within what that society regards as acceptable.
Organised Religion is based on that very fact.
The most important person within any society is the one who says, "I can talk with God(s) - you can't" (sorry slight thread drift.)

These limiters act both externally (laws) and internally - guilt/conscience.
Most of us are law-abiding citizens - why? (ok, thread drift again) But when you say you are feeling guilt about some of your actions, its these limiters that are kicking in.
Complete disregard results in nihilist/anarchic behaviour - total socio-misfit. Total regard and you are almost certainly going to be cononized.

Like everyone, you must balance what you know is wrong against what is really limiting your potential as a person.

Goodness, its Sunday morning here, far too early for Philoisophy 101,

[PeterH]

Hi David,

I wish i could tell you why you feel guilty, but I can't
What I can do is tell you how I cam over some of my guilt, and that was through reading alternate views, keep on acting on what I knew was right (repeating a behaviour reduces the guilt) and prayer. What I can also say is if you are not hurting anyone with your behaviour, what is wrong with it? What is wrong with loving someone? It seems to me that there is only one person that is hurting, and that is you.
Perhaps another way to look at it is: how would you feel about someone else who acted like you did. Would you condemn them? Why? Is it really wrong for them to want to be intimate with somebody, or want to feel good?
Also, how would you want your love life to be, ideally. Is that realistic? Does your life really have to be perfect?
Just some random thoughts, hope they helps.
All the best, Peter H

[funtimebiman47]

Howdy David, you asked an excellent question, which in return recieved profound answers. All of which can be found above. I think you answered your own question ...Is it because i have been brought up to believe its wrong to wank and even more wrong to have sex with another man?

[rumple4skin]

David,
Like others here I cannot say why you feel guilty. What I can tell you is why I felt guilty about the thoughts I had without even acting on them. I was taught that certain acts were wrong and certain thoughts were wrong. I was taught that sex with a woman was a dirty thing that should not be discussed. Masturbation was bad and sex with a man was just plain wrong. I allowed myself to be trapped by these views and stereotypes.

I had to ask myself what I really believed and why. I had to be willing to shed some old ideas. It was scary at times but finding what fit me better has made me a much happier person. When I stopped gauging myself using other peoples standards I became much more accepting of myself and of other people.

I have adopted the view that if I am not hurting someone (needlessly) then I am not doing anything wrong. I do not have guilt anymore about being intimate with someone as long as we are on the same page. It took me time to get there and I had to ask myself some tough questions, just like the question you asked yourself about why you feel guilty. I think it is much better to ask why you feel guilty and really think about it instead of telling yourself that you must be doing something wrong since you feel guilty.

I do not feel that I will ever have "all the answers" but it is important that I keep asking the questions because my answers may change over time as my view changes. The worst thing I can do to myself is to use someone else’s answer when it does not really fit for me or say well that is how I used to think so I must continue to think that way. The hardest part of asking the questions for me was honestly thinking about my answers instead of repeating what I had been “taught”.

It is an ongoing journey for me but one that I have come to embrace and enjoy more and more. I hope you enjoy your journey and find the answers that fit best for you.
Rumple

[DiamondDog]

good luck.
part of your guilt may come from how society programs people to think that you can either be only gay/straight and that there's not a grey area inbetween when it's rather obvious that there is. And it's not just there for sexuality, as there are very few 100% things in life.

Or IMO bisexual males have A LOT harder time being accepted/coming to terms with their sexuality, than bisexual women do.

Best of luck to you.
Here's something that a friend told me that makes a lot of sense and I think of it when I think of your situation. Your sexuality is beyond gay/straight/bi, you're a human being and you are unique and yourself.

[Sparks]

Is it because I have been brought up to believe its wrong to wank and even more wrong to have sex with another man?
Yes!

With time you'll be more comfortable with your "self". You aren't a bad person because you have sex with another male. Look at yourself in the mirror. You are you.

I would venture to say that most of us here have felt guilt by virtue of social standards. You'll find a place in time, when you look into the mirror and say to yourself "screw guilt".

Abraham Lincon once said, "pain in life is inevetable. Suffering, however, is optional".

Take care, for you're not alone.