Cherokee_Mountaincat
Feb 16, 2010, 2:32 AM
An old man goes into a drugstore to buy some Viagra. "Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?" he asked.
"I can cut them for you," said the pharmacist, "but a quarter tablet won't give
you a full erection."
"I am 96," said the old man, "I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking
out enough so I don't pee on my slippers!"
.................................................. ......................
Eddie wanted desparately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a
boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desparate that he went to her and said, "I'll
give you a $100 if you'll let me have sex with you."
The girl looked at him shocked and said "Hell no!"
He said, "I'll be real quick - I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend over
to get it, and I'll be finished by the time you've picked it up!"
She thought for a moment and told him that she would have to talk to her
boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, and he won't even be able to get his pants down!"
She agreed and accepts the proposal.
30 minutes go by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks, "What the fuck
happened?"
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "That bastard had all QUARTERS!"
.................................................. ......................
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank, wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says, "But, sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"
She looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!"
So, the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well."
So the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey, its not that hard!"
.................................................. ......................
After being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to
look for money and guns, but finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of the bed, ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her
neck. Then he gets up and goes into the bathroom.
The husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's a dangerous escaped convict! He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to fuck you, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you or he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering into my ear. He told me he thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I LOVE YOU!"
.................................................. ......................
Things NOT to say during sex.................
* I have to poop
* Smile for the camera
* Get off me, I'll do it myself
* This your first time......right?
* You're almost as good as my ex!
* When is this supposed to feel good?
* I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs?
* I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a sheep home.
* Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper
* Hey! My friends were right... You ARE good!!!
* On second thought, let's turn off the lights
* But everbody looks funny naked!!!
* Do I have to pay for this?
* Actually, your sister likes it like this
* What's your name again?
* Hold on, let me change the channel
* And the Winner is..............
* It's nice being in bed with someone I don't have to inflate. :bigrin::rolleyes::cool:
"I can cut them for you," said the pharmacist, "but a quarter tablet won't give
you a full erection."
"I am 96," said the old man, "I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking
out enough so I don't pee on my slippers!"
.................................................. ......................
Eddie wanted desparately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a
boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desparate that he went to her and said, "I'll
give you a $100 if you'll let me have sex with you."
The girl looked at him shocked and said "Hell no!"
He said, "I'll be real quick - I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend over
to get it, and I'll be finished by the time you've picked it up!"
She thought for a moment and told him that she would have to talk to her
boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, and he won't even be able to get his pants down!"
She agreed and accepts the proposal.
30 minutes go by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks, "What the fuck
happened?"
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "That bastard had all QUARTERS!"
.................................................. ......................
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank, wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says, "But, sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"
She looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!"
So, the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well."
So the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey, its not that hard!"
.................................................. ......................
After being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to
look for money and guns, but finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of the bed, ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her
neck. Then he gets up and goes into the bathroom.
The husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's a dangerous escaped convict! He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to fuck you, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you or he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering into my ear. He told me he thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I LOVE YOU!"
.................................................. ......................
Things NOT to say during sex.................
* I have to poop
* Smile for the camera
* Get off me, I'll do it myself
* This your first time......right?
* You're almost as good as my ex!
* When is this supposed to feel good?
* I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs?
* I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a sheep home.
* Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper
* Hey! My friends were right... You ARE good!!!
* On second thought, let's turn off the lights
* But everbody looks funny naked!!!
* Do I have to pay for this?
* Actually, your sister likes it like this
* What's your name again?
* Hold on, let me change the channel
* And the Winner is..............
* It's nice being in bed with someone I don't have to inflate. :bigrin::rolleyes::cool: