So there is this guy...

[WithinTheShadows]

I have been talking to this guy for awhile now and its come to the point that he wants to take me out to dinner. This is our first time meeting in person and Im kinda nervous. I am bi and came out about a month ago. He is really sweet and I am falling fast..but, for some reason inside I keep getting this feeling of resistance. Its kinda like Im fighting inside still, which is probably still an issue since I had trouble with this issue in the past. So my question is: Should I see him and try not to be nervous and be myself or break it off?

[BiJared]

i dont know how much help i can really be. i am bi and still not out yet. but for me when i meet someone online i had the same problem. we emailed eachother then texted but when we decided to meet i got really nervous. it felt as though my stomach was just twisting inside me. but once we meet it was worth it we talk everyday and try to hang out together as much as we can.

[ghytifrdnr]

I'm not sure it would be right or wise for any of us to make that decision for you.

:2cents:

[tenni]

I see that you are 19. Perhaps clearing your expectations in your own head may be in order. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or too high an expectation. Look at it as getting together with a new friend and that may reduce your anxiety. Or do you expect sex on this first meeting?

Do you want to be taken out for dinner or would you be more comfortable meeting and going dutch? That puts you on an even playing field. Perhaps, meeting briefly over a drink may be less nerve racking? (I'd suggest a less formal meeting say over a coffee or a drink as a first meeting)


You should go to meet him. Do you mean that you have chatted on the phone so that you can hear his voice or on the internet? Hearing his voice will help you identify with him a bit more before meeting.

Let him know that you are a bit nervous before you even meet. Maybe, he feels the same way or he can help relax you.

[FalconAngel]

I have been talking to this guy for awhile now and its come to the point that he wants to take me out to dinner. This is our first time meeting in person and Im kinda nervous. I am bi and came out about a month ago. He is really sweet and I am falling fast..but, for some reason inside I keep getting this feeling of resistance. Its kinda like Im fighting inside still, which is probably still an issue since I had trouble with this issue in the past. So my question is: Should I see him and try not to be nervous and be myself or break it off?

I see this as a couple of possibilities;

One is that you are nervous, in which case I say challenge your fears and move ahead. But if it is bothering you enough, then also use caution. If, after a while with this guy, things still don't feel right, then make an excuse to get out. if things begin to feel better, then just keep on keeping on.

Another possibility is that something is wrong with him and you can sense it. If that is the case, then follow your gut on it.

Either way, just follow your gut and make it work the way that feels best for you.

[black_squirrel]

It seems to me that this guy doesn't really know his netiquette - he wants to go right from IM'ing (or whatever) to buying dinner? He's skipping the all-important Trial by Public Coffee.

I'd echo what the others have said - meet him for coffee first so you can suss him out. Pick someplace public and well-lit, with lots of people around: a café in a train station or a shopping centre is ideal. I'd suggest bringing a friend with you, but that depends on how you want to proceed with this.

If he seems genuine and nice in person, have fun! If you're still feeling twitchy, though, it could be that you're picking up weird vibes from him.

[Giggles100]

I dont think dinner is a good idea. Especially if your not really out of the closet so to speak.......

Go for a quite drink or coffee or something. Dinner has to be a 2/3 date thing ain't it?...

I wish some cute guy would buy me dinner though :(.

[thatcher29]

I think we're missing some information here--the OP is 19 but how old is the guy who wants to buy dinner? If he's 40 or 50, I'd have my doubts about the thing. In any event, first meetings should always be at a public place. Restaurants and bars wouldn't be my first choice because you get stood up a lot. How about meeting at a park someplace just to talk?

[fredtyg]

My own preference is for at least a phone call first. It might give you some idea of whether the guy's a flake, or not.

A few years ago I'd been exchanging IMs with a guy on Yahoo Messenger. One night I finally decided to take the plunge and get it on with him, but I had him call me on the phone first. We spoke for 15 or 20 minutes and I felt pretty comfortable with him. He came over within a half hour and I wasn't disappointed.

[Holmes]

I have been in the same situation, but it worked out we went dutch for dinner talked for 2 hours and after much scheduling difficulties went to a dinner party and met his friends. I say go to dinner make sure it is dutch and work it from there, at best you will make a friend at worse he is not worth the time and you move on.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Wise words from all of us that have been there/done that. Going dutch is the best way to go, Hon. But tell him that you'd like to go to one of your fave places(even if you havent been there before..lol) Make sure its public as mentioned before. Buy your own drinks/dinner the first time, that way you are in no way obligated for anything else.
Talk, communicate, laugh, see what each other is like. See if he's someone you want to spend time with again, or if he goes back into the Toad Pond..lol
Go, but be smart and be safe, and have fun. ;}
Cat's :2cents:

[tenni]

Another totally wacky but worthwhile consideration is to be aware of how horny you feel before you meet. As crazy as it may sound, blowing a load before you go to meet may be helpful in keeping the big head in control of the little head. It will reduce one of the pressures. Then again, you are 19 and recharge quickly.:cool:

[mikey3000]

I met a guy on the internet once. We agreed to meet and went to dinner in a nice Brittish pub half way between our houses. I was very nervous too and afraid of being stood up.

But after WE met everything was fine. We had a great dinner with great conversation. In fact we just went out a second time too and I met his dog, China.

Classy guy. So remember, not all people on the net are crazy. Just use caution and common sense.

[WithinTheShadows]

Thanks you guys for all the advice. He is 22 and I have seen pictures of him. I just told him actually that I am nervous and he feels the same way. At this moment right now, we are txting. I have yet to hear his voice. But he is very genuine and sweet. And I understand you guys can't make decisions but, I apprecate all the advice. :)

[black_squirrel]

If you do decide to meet him DO NOT bring a friend like black_squirrel suggested (who the hell brings their friends with them on a date?)

It's a pretty basic safety precaution when meeting someone in person, having ony known them online, and I did not actually suggest that Within should bring this friend on a date with him.

[**Peg**]

In the interests of personal safety, I happen to agree with the black_squirrel. Because you are nervous, you definitely could bring a friend to sit across the restaurant so that your friend can see YOUR face. Your friend will know by your facial expression if things are going well or not.

My protocol for meeting onliners is always the same: emails with pics first, then a couple phone chats, then coffee in the daytime only (and I buy my own). Only then, if things went well, would I consider seeing a person a second time.

I might be a trifle over-cautious, but at least my body isn't lyin in a ditch somewhere. Honey...trust your instincts (that's why we have them).

best of luck.....and if it does go well, be sure to let us know :)

**Peg**