FYI...Good article about jealousy...

[mikey3000]

This article deals with jealousy in polyamorous relationships, and how to overcome it.

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html

Enjoy!!

[roy m cox]

i like being in a open relationship theirs no being jealous between me and my mate :bigrin:
i don't mind him seeing other guys a the same go's for me tho i can see other guys and girls cuzz my boy friend have an understanding about being open and yeah be for you ask we make sure who ever else we see is clean and has no std's :2cents:

[mikey3000]

BUt being in an open relationship is not the same as polyamory. Big difference.

[FalconAngel]

Mikey is right, Roy.

There may be some similarities, but there are differences. At least our poly friends say so.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[B}Polyamory is nothing but open relationship with another name as they are not monogamous relationships at all so it is in fact nothing but an open relationship since even if you call your open relationship "polyamory" you are inviting other people to have sex with you and your partner and making it an open relationship.[/B]

You really need to get your facts and info straight and true before you pass on advice to anyone else. Being Poly, and being in an open relationship are two totally different factions. So dont comment on something you know nothing about. Jeez, some peoples children....:rolleyes:
Cat

[Long Duck Dong]

How is polyamory anything but an open relationship?

It's not a monogamous relationship at all and you're inviting other people or another person to have sex with one or both people so it is an open relationship no matter what you want to call it even if you do have to call it poly just to try to delude yourself that you are somehow not in an open relationship when you actually are.

I've found this to be true in all self proclaimed poly people.

I have been in both open and poly relationships and they actually are the exact same thing but just with different names.


cos a open relationship can mean that you can take a random partner at will... a poly relationship is one where there are a set number of people with guidelines.... there is a difference....

while a poly relationship may be a open relationship by defination, they are different in the way they are percieved and handled

[Long Duck Dong]

yeah I admit what it is but I define the difference between a open relationship and a poly relationship

you restrict it to purely open relationships which are generally we fuck and move on.... poly is we develop relations within the relationship.....

thats the reason for the amoury part.... it refers to love and emotions.....

all I am seeing from you is a narrow minded arguement structured to fit your own inability to cohabit within the nature of a ploy relationship, so you are attacking others that can successfully co-habit with others....

you write about adam in another thread, and like a few males in the site, you all seem to share the same male attitude towards relationships and cohabiting... I do find it interesting to notice that, its like a strong dislike of the fact that a lot of people have no interest is forming relationships on your terms with your points of view as the rule.....

seriously, just cos you have issues, doesn't make other peoples good relationships, fucked up

[Long Duck Dong]

A poly relationship and an open relationship are the same thing but just with different names.

As for my past why does that matter? As for what I wrote about Adam that was a shout out since I like his posts since he can think for himself which many people can't do. ;)

Why do people who are poly look down upon swingers and people who are in open relationships when the poly people themselves are in an open relationship?

Polyamory as a relationship model and a philosophy is nothing new and it's just one person's bullshit philosophical theory that they are using to make money with.

Homosexual men and even bisexual men have been having relationships like this since the dawn of humanity yet none of them try to market it as a new age relationship lifestyle like self defined polyamorists do.

I didn't say anything about your past, I just made a observation.... if it rings true and you appear to have indicated that something has... then clearly, you have issues with poly relationships..... and thats indicated by your posts....

[mikey3000]

Maybe this will help to define Polyamory:

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html#AnchorP1

[void()]

"Polyamory is nothing but open relationship with another name as they are not monogamous relationships at all so it is in fact nothing but an open relationship since even if you call your open relationship "polyamory" you are inviting other people to have sex with you and your partner and making it an open relationship."

Void growls lowly. "Damn it, thought I could just read."

I have been married going on ten years now. Five of those married years, me and the wife have been open. We are monogamous. We come home to one another. We do not cheat. We do not merely "fuck around". Damn you're such an ass.

One of her new friends asked if we were poly, or just open. She couldn't say because she didn't understand the difference. I love her and my boyfriend. So, to my way of thinking we're poly. I love more than one person. She can too. Does that mean we aren't monogamous? No. Does it mean we invite folks into our bed? No, at least not yet, not sure if ever. Doesn't matter to me.

She lets me enjoy the company of my boyfriend because she loves enough to let me be happy. I let her have company too, for the same reason, I love her enough to see her be happy. Of course, 'let' isn't exactly the word we'd use but it has to suffice. We do not own one another. Love does not imply ownership.

Damn you're such an ass.

Her new friend commented that we actually are poly. She looked it up first and didn't think we fit the mold exactly. I guess it comes back to individual perception and definition. You don't like hearing that, stop asking for it.

Well, I need to check out this article.

[void()]

Good article, found it useful.

"Why do people who are poly look down upon swingers and people who are in open relationships when the poly people themselves are in an open relationship?"

We don't. Then again it falls back to each person/s' view and definition.

"Homosexual men and even bisexual men have been having relationships like this since the dawn of humanity yet none of them try to market it as a new age relationship lifestyle like self defined polyamorists do."

Not all of us slather our private lives in "New Age Theory" or such. Not all of us preach our way is better or worse than any other. We do say it is our way and works for us. You are welcomed to try it, no warranties though. It's not always easy.

Really glad to have read that article. It did help me see beyond a few things which cause trip ups. Thanks for passing it along. Maybe others can read it and garner something useful, too. Void shrugs, slips back into the ether.

[void()]

Google is an excellent resource. I suggest folks use it. Only took me a few seconds to look this up.

Monogamous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamous)

They've posted a nice section on social monogamy. Yes, I admit I would take my boyfriend as a husband also while being married to my wife. If laws and society were agreeable as such it would suit all three of us.

No, I did not deny having an open relationship. I did say me and the wife are monogamous. And yes, by one variation of the definition we are indeed, so.

While at it you may consider recalibrating your definition of mania (http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=mania). Yes I can admit to having some mood disorder/s. Can also admit I'm doing much better staying in control thanks to therapy and medication. I'm not as apt to irrational action or violence.

I said you were an ass because in my opinion for you to hold such an asinine view makes you an ass. And I perceive your view of my marriage as asinine. Nothing irrational there. I perhaps ought not call you ass, after all burrows may get offended. Alright, I'll call you a space monkey just for grins. You're a monkey taking up space, just like me.

Still not irrational, nor angry. But I am entitled to retort to your debasement, which I've adequately done.

[void()]

I don't really see it as denying anything but rather as having both.


"Even if you want to pretend that your relationship is monogamous with your wife for whatever reason your relationship with her is non-monogamous and an open relationship since you have an open relationship where you have sex with other people besides each other.

What sort of mood disorders do you have?"

Chronic clinical depression brought on in part due to issues with anger. I black out from anger, don't remember what happened. Another part of the depression stems from the usual rough Appalachian childhood. Step father was a trucker, drunk and popping pills on the weekend at home between bouts of mopping the floor with me. And then there's the inner discipline, holding it all back, sparing others.

Also tend to be really private, introverted. I often find that when I ask for help it's too late. Oh yes, and they say my intellect is a curse and blessing. Some days I wish for a frontal lobotomy, just to feel all nice and cuddly and fitting in with the other throngs of folks. But lobotomies are no no, now. Electroshock therapy however, is still an option.

I don't relax too easily. For about the past two decades I got by on 2-4 hrs of sleep a night. Recently, I've started getting more. It seems to help a little but at times ... well.

But yes, I'm on medicine and in therapy with various psychologists, psychoanalysts. And yes, I'm making progress real gradually. It is an uphill battle that I may face the rest of life. One I'm not wanting to lose because to lose would be to give up. And yeah, I'm well past tired of fighting the good fight. But I keep going because of something you consider bullshit, love.

You've every right to think love is bullshit. You're welcome to that belief. But for myself, it doesn't suit. The greatest challenge is to live for someone. So I do.

[mikey3000]

Void, please don't feed the troll. Some people will never understand. Obviously some people can't even have one relationship, let alone two. Just enjoy what you have for as long as it lasts. Damn the others!!!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Void. Honey. Some folks just cant get past their own narrow minded opinons, and see facts as truth, so dont go beatin' a dead horse. Thats the trouble with Trolls..they are so short that their brains are too close to their assholes..:rolleyes::cool:
Cat

[void()]

"Obviously some people can't even have one relationship, let alone two. Just enjoy what you have for as long as it lasts. Damn the others!!!"

I hear you there. In recent developments my wife has been talking with a fellow. She was a bit tickled and started laughing, then hugged me really tight. I asked her what all the hubbub was over. "I now understand you loving two people and how good it feels to be loved by two."

Sloppy,

You may be correct in all your blathering mate. I'm not going to argue or debate the point with you. Because what me and the wife, boyfriend have works for us. That's all that really matters in the end. I'm just glad of a site like this that offers a little bit of a safe haven. Yes, others say I could probably be more 'out' in life. They might be correct, or not. I prefer being safe, keeping family safe. That is part of loving folks.

"Some folks just cant get past their own narrow minded opinons, and see facts as truth, so dont go beatin' a dead horse."

I agree. But then again you have to consider all the different views. A life unexamined isn't worth the living. And seeing the different views lets you find your own way. I'm not saying my way is correct, or best. It just happens to work, so far, for us. I get a bit sad missing J. because he lives in another state. But we all have our own lives and it's understandable we only get so much time to visit.

I look out all the windows to avoid being narrow minded. But yes, you could even be so in doing that. So, while I'm not beating a dead horse, I can at least acknowledge Sloppy's window. He's got a different tint on this one. I don't care for the pallor of it, he does. (shrugs) To each their own.

[Realist]

I've always felt that swingers were those who had sex with anyone, who afforded the opportunity, and that poly folks were basically monogamous with each other.

I've never been a swinger...just not geared that way. But, I've have been in two LTR poly relationships. We never had sex with others, outside of those relationships, either time.

I doubt there's any set rules and, what I've experienced, may not be the same as others.