*URGENT* Update

[rupertbare]

:grouphug: wow I needed that!! :bigrin:

Before I start I'd like to say that I term these threads my "falling apart in public"!! lol!! :)

Well my cyber family - little was I to know that as I pressed "submit reply" to my last thread with an update regarding my counsellor that the phone would ring nor that as I sat to type this that it would ring again. This two telephone calls are about to have a huge impact upon my life as I know it. And not for the good, I am afraid.

You have been warned before you read further - I type this with trembling hands.

The first phone call:

An eldery neighbour of my family has been allowing my wife to drop off certain of my possessions that I e-mail my wife (with her consent - I have a letter from her solicitor (attorney) stating this) requesting. The very last thing I asked for was a soft sun-glasses case with a few pens and a some slips of paper in. Yesterday I went to collect this case - but (and my son's believe deliberately - to provoke a negative response.) it was the wrong one - in fact I had clearly asked for a "brown" one and she has sent a "black" one - containing sunglasses!! So I mailed her again and pointed out the colour difference and she responded with a threat to "not drop off anything, anywhere".
Well this call was to let me know that she had, in fact, dropped off the case I so desperately wanted.
However, when I went round - about a 20 minute walk away - I discovered - to my horror - that the case contained just my few pens - NO slips of paper.

These slips of paper, the top copy of three, on carbon impregnated paper, browning and becoming brittle with age (poor quality paper - not intendeed to kept) are some of the most precious things in the world that I own. Here in the UK if you think that you are pregnant you go out buy a "Home Testing Kit" and if it's positive you go along to the nearest British Preganancy Advisory Service clinic and they repeat the test. They then give you the top copy, keep a copy for their records and send the third to your Family GP who then make an appointment for an anti-natal visit.
Well this case contained FIVE of these slips. Five because although we only have two children they were the only one's to go "full-term". My wife kept the scan photo.s. I the slips. One of the three that didn't make went to second trimester and had to delivered, dead and beginning to dacay.
But for these three, the only thing left of them were these oh so precious slips of paper.
And my wife has "stolen" them from me.

So I came back and started to type this, wishing to express my disbelief at her cruel action and my hurt and my anger, and again the 'phone rang.

The second 'phone call:

It was my first wife - I already knew from the son that I am staying with she had wanted to speak to his brother and was rather "worked up" that she couldn't reach him. So I just assumed (that word - ass of u and me) she was seeing if he was visiting me.
But no, that wasn't the reason at all!!! In fact she spent several minutes (seemed like hours) telling to get the f*ck out of her flat!! Although my son pays all of the bills and rent and she lives abroad the tenancy agreement is still in her name. And out of the blue she has decided I must leave!!
I've spoken to my son about since - he's told me to ignore it - but I find I can't.

So there we are.

"another fine mess"

You just couldn't sit down and think this sh*t up!!

With love and peace to you all
your cyber-friend

Ron (aka Rupe) :)

[ladydelanie]

Rupe, (Ron)

Once again I am so sorry you are going thru more pain.
As I have told you I went thru a very nasty divorce.
A few things I learned and wish I would have been strong enough to do these things at the time are this..........

If someone is calling you and they become verbally abusive, just hang up!
No one has to take verbal abuse!....If it is something you are use to, as I was at the time, I thought I HAD to listen. It was learned behavior on my part. Please know that NO ONE has the right to speak ugly and you have no obligation to listen to it!......
Trust me it feels really good to just hang up!
If they call back just keep hanging up or dont answer at all.

Sooner or later they will get the drift.

If your son is paying the bill on the flat, please ignore the anger of his mother.
He wants you there, so stay!
You need to be surrounded by all the family and friends, love and kindness that is possible.

Hugs to you and may you find peace!!

Ladyd :)

[arana]

I am flabbergast at your newest events Rupert. Where on earth did you find these women and remind me never to go there? I am not going to tell you things have to get better anymore as that seems to be a jinx for you, but I will say that I look forward to the day when balance works it's way back into your life and you feel complete once again. Be brave Rupert, it will come. Until then we're all here for you.

[huneypot]

Rupert my friend,
im so sorry that ur day took such a bad turn.
Life has a habbit of shitting on us from a height sometimes eh mate.
Please take some time out just to digest the situation and events that have happened.
The immidiate impact is often so very mindblowing.
My advice my friend is to somehow try clear ur head for a while, take ur mind of things(easy words i know).
Take a walk, have a lavender bath, visit a friend, do anything........
Let ur mind try to slowly take the day and digest it and then u can begin to make out the true impact of the days happenings.
Ill be online on and off today and tonight,
please dont hesitate to contact me.
hugs and hugs and hugs to u mate
Huney
:kiss:

[Mrs. Taz]

I want you to know we love you ruper and will always be there for you. I just wish I could be there for you in person, to hold and hug you. I am affraid online hugs n kisses and holding will have to do, that is unless you can make it to kansas, in the u.s. Lots of love and good luck wishes your way sweetie.

[RebekaLee]

i am so sorry to hear this. damn the luck you've been having...or rather, lack there of. it especially broke my heart about the slip of paper story...b/c i recently miscarried and know that objects like that can mean so much in those situations. but once again, i am glad that you can write in the forums about these things going on. it hopefully is a comfort having this cyber family.

(((((((((((((((((((rupe)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[rumple4skin]

Rupe,
I am sorry to hear about this latest act of cruelty. She seems to have no end to the cesspool of bitterness that she draws from. My heart goes out to you.

I am not sure how the tenancy laws work in the UK ( your solicitor should be able to help you there ). I am not saying this is the right course of action or not but since you are in the flat and she is not I would make here take you to court to get you out of the flat. You are staying as a guest of your son. I know in the US it is not as easy as a phone call to make someone leave a dwelling. You have been more than accommodating to her and too bad if she does not like the fact that you are staying with your son. The only reason you are in the flat is because you accommodated her and left your home. Even if she wins the court case in regards to your occupancy of a dwelling she does not reside in it may give you time to find yourself someplace else. Talk to your solicitor and do not panic. If you have Caller ID use it. If you answer the phone and it is her just tell her all correspondence should go thru the solicitors to avoid any further “confusion” and inform her that the conversation is now terminated. Do this in as polite a tone as you can (that should really get under her skin ) and it should make you feel a little better knowing that you do not have to dance to her tune. She brought the solicitors into this. Let her reap what she sows.

Most importantly Rupe, know that you are loved and that you have support from me, and lots of other people. Remind yourself that while you do not deserve what she is doing you will get through it.

Love, Peace and Strength to you,
Rumple

[allbimyself]

Rupe,

I am so sorry. I will not say I wish I could be there to help because the way i deal with such things often offends the more genteel, so it's probably better that I'm not.

And dude, stick to men, you seem to have bad luck with fems.

Love and hugs,

Allbi

[csrakate]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Rupert)))))))))))))))))))) )

As always, I am overwhelmed at how ugly things get in these situations...I am appalled that people who claim to have once loved you can be so cruel...But do know that we are all here for you...and NO...we do NOT get bored with your posts nor do we tire of being a source of support for you!!

This too shall pass, my friend...stay strong...keep your faith...and hopefully right will triumph over wrong!

Hugs,
Kate

[meteast chick]

What can I really say in a time like this?
You certainly have my sympathy, friend.
Those who have loved each other the most can be the most petty, the most childish, the most vindictive.
Why do we, as a human race, often treat complete strangers better than those we share our bed with?
I believe it is one of the most utterly attrocious things in this world to poison a child's mind, whether it be to a person's skin color, sexual orientation, or worse...one's own depraved maliciousness being thrown at a child against their own parent.
To take something so precious from you...I can't understand it, I won't.
It's despicable, and I can only hope she changes her ways before she something permanently regrettable...maybe it's too late.
For you my friend...I hope not.

Good luck and god bless,
loads of luv and kisses
meteast

[sailorashore]

Ron~~
I know from experience how devastating an ugly split can be, and my heart goes out to you, my friend. I affirm all that others have said above, and remind you that you have done nothing to deserve the apalling treatment to which you're being subjected. I have to agree with rumple's advice on how to handle communications with your ex from here on in, and don't let her bully you. And remember us, Rupert, your friends and allies. We're in your corner.

sailorashore

[Diddybidaddy]

:grouphug: wow I needed that!! :bigrin:

Before I start I'd like to say that I term these threads my "falling apart in public"!! lol!! :)

Well my cyber family - little was I to know that as I pressed "submit reply" to my last thread with an update regarding my counsellor that the phone would ring nor that as I sat to type this that it would ring again. This two telephone calls are about to have a huge impact upon my life as I know it. And not for the good, I am afraid.

You have been warned before you read further - I type this with trembling hands.

The first phone call:

An eldery neighbour of my family has been allowing my wife to drop off certain of my possessions that I e-mail my wife (with her consent - I have a letter from her solicitor (attorney) stating this) requesting. The very last thing I asked for was a soft sun-glasses case with a few pens and a some slips of paper in. Yesterday I went to collect this case - but (and my son's believe deliberately - to provoke a negative response.) it was the wrong one - in fact I had clearly asked for a "brown" one and she has sent a "black" one - containing sunglasses!! So I mailed her again and pointed out the colour difference and she responded with a threat to "not drop off anything, anywhere".
Well this call was to let me know that she had, in fact, dropped off the case I so desperately wanted.
However, when I went round - about a 20 minute walk away - I discovered - to my horror - that the case contained just my few pens - NO slips of paper.

These slips of paper, the top copy of three, on carbon impregnated paper, browning and becoming brittle with age (poor quality paper - not intendeed to kept) are some of the most precious things in the world that I own. Here in the UK if you think that you are pregnant you go out buy a "Home Testing Kit" and if it's positive you go along to the nearest British Preganancy Advisory Service clinic and they repeat the test. They then give you the top copy, keep a copy for their records and send the third to your Family GP who then make an appointment for an anti-natal visit.
Well this case contained FIVE of these slips. Five because although we only have two children they were the only one's to go "full-term". My wife kept the scan photo.s. I the slips. One of the three that didn't make went to second trimester and had to delivered, dead and beginning to dacay.
But for these three, the only thing left of them were these oh so precious slips of paper.
And my wife has "stolen" them from me.

So I came back and started to type this, wishing to express my disbelief at her cruel action and my hurt and my anger, and again the 'phone rang.

The second 'phone call:

It was my first wife - I already knew from the son that I am staying with she had wanted to speak to his brother and was rather "worked up" that she couldn't reach him. So I just assumed (that word - ass of u and me) she was seeing if he was visiting me.
But no, that wasn't the reason at all!!! In fact she spent several minutes (seemed like hours) telling to get the f*ck out of her flat!! Although my son pays all of the bills and rent and she lives abroad the tenancy agreement is still in her name. And out of the blue she has decided I must leave!!
I've spoken to my son about since - he's told me to ignore it - but I find I can't.

So there we are.

"another fine mess"

You just couldn't sit down and think this sh*t up!!

With love and peace to you all
your cyber-friend

Ron (aka Rupe) :)

Rupert:
Good job for you that you are in therapy. Well done. It will make you better. Hang tight to that. Your ex-wife, I regret is by all accounts being vindictive. i would suggest you talk to your therapist about this, but now your ex has overstepped the line. SHE's the one now who needs therapy. If you can reframe this, imagine now for yourself what damage SHE is doing to her children and yours by her behaviour. It is one thing not to want you around due to reasons related to your sexuality, which again is her issue, it is quite another if her pathology forces her to torture someone after she is free of the connection with you. The relationship between you and she has ended. She is now just being vindictive.

[BI BOYTOY]

OH FUCK THATS BULLSHIT I WOULD BE PISSED TO

[rupertbare]

Well here I am again folks!!

Can I just say how much I love :love: this cyber-family of ours and how much we owe to Drew and co.!!! And it is a place of education - I learn so much here - I never knew about website robots pretending to be users in chat rooms until yesterday for instance!!!

I had to go into town today (what Londoner's call the commercial centre) and as I travelled down Oxford Street on the top deck of a bus, listening to music, I became aware that the tips of the branches on the trees were full of just opening buds, green showing through - Winter turning to Spring - New Life! - Growth!! Moving on!! Just like my life!!

And then, on the way back as I walked along a back street short cut - I came upon one of our famous telephone boxes - only this one wasn't the traditional red you see in the movies, no sir!! It was bright pink!!! I had to laugh aloud!!!

Now regarding my Monday "darkest day" - although there are many who helped me through it - I simply MUST name two - they are very special to me because of it and will not disclose how they helped in such a special way - but to Nubiwoman and Rumple - I love you guys!!!!

And now just to reply and clarify: (I ain't gonna apologise for doing this - a coupla folk would box my ears if I did!!!! lol!!! :) )

LadyD: I did hang up!!! I'd only arrived back by 15minutes, angry and upset about my "slips of paper". I wasn't expecting, and certainly didn't need to hear my ex-wife "going off on one"!! And she did 'phone back and I did ignore her!!! I'm learning, very quickly, to "stand up for myself"!!! lol!!! :)

Arana: I keep posting/chatting saying it can't get worse and that wretched jinx pops up!!! loL!!!

Huney and Kitten:: was in chat for over eight hours yesterday - at various times!! - was fun and other emotions!!

Rebeka: my heart feels for your recent loss. God bless you and yours. Love yer!!

Rumple: I only e-mail my wife and am always very careful about how I phrase things. About my "slips of paper" - I haven't responded about this yet - I need time to compose my thoughts and let my anger subside. And thanks mate - you are a very special friend!

Allbi: No hope for me mate!!! Have fallen in love with a str8 woman!!! lol!! :)

Kate: I'm writting this!!!! lol!!! :)

meteast: it is why I tried for mediation - rather than drag it through the courts - my babies are all hurting - not just my two youngest - but the older three as well!!

Sailor: you are not the first to say to say it - but thank you for reminding me - my wife is a bully!!!

Diddy:: I have spoken, at length, to a trained counsellor in Abusive Relationships and he expressed exactly that thought - she does, indeed, need therapy - but she must first see that need.

and finally....
BI BOYTOY: and you a "newbie" and one I have never met or even seen your name - welcome and thank you for your post - it really made me laugh aloud!!

So there are, dear friends, I do read all of your replies, and I do take on board your advice and I have learnt to not only respect those views but to accept the love with which they are posted.

Thank you, thank you one and all

wishing you love and peace upon you and yours

Ron (aka Rupe) :)

[rupertbare]

The following is a copy of an e-mail that I have just sent to my wife with a cc copy to my solicitor (attorney):

When I requested my brown soft covered spectacle case as the last item that I could store I was expecting to find them as I had left them, contents intact.

After collecting my brown glasses case I discovered that, to my horror, items precious to me, and of no monetary value, were missing. As it is impossible for them to have "fallen out" I can only assume that have been deliberately removed. They are five slips of paper from the British Pregnancy Advisory Service confirming the positive results of pregnancy testing. Three of them represent the only worldly reminder of my children that didn't manage to go "full term". I am both extremely upset that they are missing and very angry that they have been removed without my consent. They have remained in this case for over ten years and the case has remained in the same position during that time.

I should be most grateful if you would return them as a matter of urgency. They belong to me. You held onto the "scan" photo.s. This is a spiteful and unjustified action to have taken. And I have no idea why you have chosen to do so.

Sincerely

And I have one of the two referees that I need to become a volunteer at our local Oxfam Bookshop - I will get the second from a member of the clergy team at my church on Sunday - headed notepaper always does the trick!!! lol!! :)

Rupe :)

[wildboy40]

hi rupe

iv been following your story on line and i must say my freind im sorry that your life has come to the postion you are in i dont want to sound disrepectful but your wife seems to be a right bitch i know how you feel and what you are going though the same situation happened to me some 13years ago myself and wife separated and she caused me nothing but greiff and still dose to this day holding the kids over my head all the time iv only seen my youngest once in 13 years i can call but only when it suits her and the other four i see buy picture only, untill last year.

there all getting older so they will see me when they want

but want im realy want to say is it dose get better it might not feel like it but it dose i just hope it takes you less time than it took me, but iv found myself and a great girl.

all the best and love clive

[csrakate]

Rupert,
You are on the right track! Document everything!!! Keep accurate records of each and every phone call, email, telegram...hell...even telepathic or subliminal messages, LOL!! You can't put a price on pain and suffering but you can surely make certain that it is notated and accounted for!! Bullies only get away with what we allow them to get away with. You are starting to fight back and demand your rights and your respect. Way to go!!

Hugs,
Kate

[Michael623]

Hi Rupe,
I am sorry to hear of your continued misfortune. I wish for you a prosperity consciousness.

Hugs,
Michael

[rumple4skin]

Rupe,
You are very welcome. You are a sepecial friend to me too.

I am very glad you are standing up for yourself. Way to go mate!!!! You just keep hanging in there Rupe. Keep noticing those things that make you smile.

Love, Peace and Strength to you,
Rumple

[RebekaLee]

:grouphug: i'm hearing the hope...i'm hearing the turnaround. looks like you're getting your strength up. wooooo hooooo rupe!

i almost feel like we have an army started on this cite... "Don't mess w/our friends or the Bi's will get you!" :bibounce:

[meteast chick]

Beka, You are absolutely right! Bi army it is!!! LOL!

Rupe, I must say...How fantastically democratic of you!!!
Kudos go out to you my friend, for attempting to and it seems
more often than not succeeding in keeping your cool.
I'm incredibly pleased at how you are going about all this,
however baffled at how you manage to come across these types of women!
I suppose you don't ever go into a relationship with the foresight of its demise,
and thus never know how a person will act if it does end, but still I wonder...
Keep us posted as to your progress, and I certainly hope that conniving bitch gives you back your slips of paper!

luv and kisses galore
xoxoxo
meteast

[arana]

Ron, I'm happy to see you are not going to sit back and let her bully you any longer.


I am both extremely upset that they are missing and very angry that they have been removed without my consent. They have remained in this case for over ten years and the case has remained in the same position during that time.

I should be most grateful if you would return them as a matter of urgency. They belong to me. You held onto the "scan" photo.s. This is a spiteful and unjustified action to have taken. And I have no idea why you have chosen to do so.
Sincerely[/COLOR]
Rupe :)

**Because she knows you, she knows how to push your buttons and she knows if she makes you angry or fearful enough in front of the right people she can make it look like you are unstable and shouldn't have the children. She's use to the Ron that does what she wants. Don't give her that satisfaction. Show her the new, improved, tougher, not gonna take your B.S. anymore, Ron..... lol

[Mrs.F]

Ron, I'm happy to see you are not going to sit back and let her bully you any longer.



**Because she knows you, she knows how to push your buttons and she knows if she makes you angry or fearful enough in front of the right people she can make it look like you are unstable and shouldn't have the children. She's use to the Ron that does what she wants. Don't give her that satisfaction. Show her the new, improved, tougher, not gonna take your B.S. anymore, Ron..... lol

That is so true arana. She does know how to push your buttons Ron and she is trying to make you look like the one who is unstable. But we all know better here and know that you are becoming stronger, tougher and your not going to put up with her pushing you around anymore. We are here to back you all the way. :)
You know I love you and will do anything to help you.. ;)

Mrs.F :bigrin:

[slipperin]

i am sorry to question all your views of rupert's wife I have read all that has been put up on this site and seeing as you only have one side to the whole overall story of events how can you put her down so ??? Surely that is unfair?? I know you all support each other but remember it takes two to make and or break a marriage and maybe there is more to the breakdown than just ruperts sexuality????
Sorry rupert if this sounds a little unsurpportive but.........??

[csrakate]

Slipperin,
I appreciate your wanting to be fair and offer such a comment, but we were all very supportive of Rupert's wife in the beginning and tried to understand what she may have been going through. But this has gone beyond his sexuality or her issues with it. Our responses are based on things that have transpired since then, are based on a history of actions and reactions and are no means based on character assassination.

As the wife of a bisexual man, I would never assume that any situation such as this could be cut and dry in regards to acceptance of someone's sexuality. But Rupert's situation has culminated in some very nasty and punitive actions on his spouse's part and our reactions are ones that reflect our support of a friend, not as a rally for bisexual rights.

I hope you understand that we have more integrity than to assume anything is one sided.

Hugs,
Kate

[proud daughter]

Hey as most of you know im rupes real life daughter and i just wanted to say slipperin; if i thought anyone was being unfair to my mother i would be the first to put a stop to it. im not gonna say that rupes all innocent in this, it does take two to make or break a relationship, but my mum has done some very spiteful and unjust things in all of this, she has turned it from a potentially amicable 'breakup' into a very messy war of a divorce.
people arent attacking my mum, they just know what rupe has been put through and the actions taken by my mother.
i fully appriciate and thank you for sticking up for my mum, she is still my mother and i do love her so much, but she has done some very horrible and spiteful things.
not meaning to have a go at you, please dont take this the wrong way...just wanted to explain.
by the way, welcome to the site!!
PD x

[rupertbare]

Phew!!

This is a hard post for me because I now, actually, regret putting up this thread.

I have had lots of great feedback, it seems to have hit a "spot" for many people, much more than I could ever have imagined. And I have had a few PMs that are very much appreciated. A couple from guys who have been through the same sort of things - one who has sufferd from seperation from his children for many years and now waiting until they are old enough to go to him. So I am getting off lightly.

But as I stated in the original post I was typing it "as it happended" - in pain, frustration, anger, even confusion.

But I was NOT thinking kindly.
And I compounded my silly error by adding a third post where I included an e-mail to my wife - and that is UNFORGIVABLE. It was a private thing and had I thought about it first - rather than just posting it - I would have realised that what I SHOULD have done is give just the "gist" of it - not a copy. If nothing else, it was just down right rude of me.

Regarding my first wife - it is her flat and she would never have allowed me to stay here - full stop. That is her right.
I have always expressed how we have remained on friendly terms. Alas, I feel that is now a thing of the past. But my sons are now men and losing any contact with her at all will cause me no grief, just a little sadness. But we have not been together for 24 years.

Regarding the e-mail to my wife - I had a response, a nice response. And the gist of that is that they are her reminders too. She pointed out that we suffered only two miscarriages not three - something I have always got wrong - I still believe it - but MUST accept that my wife is correct on this most personal of matters. Any of you who have gone through that know the pain and grief couples share. And you women will also know the sense of failure that accompanies it. As a man I can never know that feeling.
I have suggested to my wife that she make a photocopy of the slips and gives them to our neighbour - well the old lady is much more than that - she is a dear and loyal family friend and is caught in the middle of this situation. It is very difficult for her too and her help comes at a cost to her emotional wellbeing as much as ours.

So my dear cyber family this is what I came to say:
here, publically:

I was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. And I apologise to both of my wives.

And I hope that you are able as my dear friends to accept this wrongdoing and forgive me.

I will, of course, keep on posting updates, but in future they will be more considered, and far more respectful of the other people involved.

I will continue to discuss the situations in chat.

I'd just like to name check three people.
Tom_UK and Huneypot - they both know why.
And my daughter - Proud Daughter - who has felt "left out" because I was sharing so much here. I explained that it wasn't my intention to "exclude" her but to "protect" her. She has shared so many of my tears and my pain and anguish. But she has told me that she is stronger than I give her credit for and must share with her. So to you, darling daughter: I apologise. And getbetter soon!!! I love you.

So there we have.

With my love to all

Ron (aka Rupe) :)

[csrakate]

Ron,
We all do things in the "heat" of the moment that we later regret but what is important to remember is that we are only human and that we all make mistakes. What you have done is to accept responsibility for something that you felt was improper on your part. What is most admirable is that you chose to not only own it, but to apologize for it. Not that you had to apologize for anything at all...but doing so merely shows that you are a man of character and I do appreciate that, as I am sure many others do as well.

You really don't need to apologize for anything that you have done with your posts....all of us understand the pain and frustration that you must be going through...and don't forget...WE opened the door for you to share that pain and frustration and if it helps you to do so, please continue to do it. As I told Slipperin in my response to her thread, we are very aware that there are two sides to every story...but what we have chosen to do is to lend support to a friend in need and that is what we are doing. But like you, sometimes we respond out of our frustration for our inability to do more to help...and if that comes across as judgemental against your spouse, I am sure it was not intentional. Just know that we will continue to be here for you.

Keep your faith...stay strong...and stay in touch!!

Hugs,
Kate

[RebekaLee]

no wise words coming from me...but i wanted to show my agreement to what all kate said. so um... I agree! :female:

and prouddaughter...i'm glad you have such a strong relationship w/your dad. thats awesome

hugs,
beka

[rupertbare]

Ok - there has been a fair amount of "traffic" regarding "splipperin"'s contribution here.

Firstly:- Slipperin "WELCOME TO THE SITE" - I hope that you use chat and that we get a chance to meet so that I can say "hi" and maybe we can get to know one another better.

And secondly:- it takes a lot of personal courage to make your first ever post one that goes "against the grain". And this IS a public forum - all views MUST be accepted - this certainly ISN'T a "bad post". (Maybe this thread was the "bad" bit - see my above post where I disccuss that)

And as "splipperin", rightly, points out - we are only hearing my and Proud Daughter's side to this mess. There are always two sides to every story and if my wife were here she would deserve "right of reply".

So - thank you "slipperin" - it was a good post and gave me food for thought.

with love to you and yours

Rupe :)

[rupertbare]

Oh I am ALWAYS doing this!!!!
I log out of the site - think I something I should have added - and then can't "edit" it in!!! Twit!!!! :)

Anyway......

"Slipperin" I just wanted to add that I joined the site on the 26th April 2005 (nearly my birthday guys - I expect a party!!!! lol!!! :) ) - so a fair few folk here already knew me pretty well before any of this stuff kicked of.

And when it did start going so horribly wrong folk here offered to talk to my wife about it in private - through PMs or chat. their most recent comments are based on what my wife is doing now - and my account is backed up by my daughter - who has witnessed some of it and lived in the family home so understands the dynamics of her parents relationship.

That's it - maybe I should start to write my posts/threads on paper first - then copy it into here!!!!

Love

Rupe :)

[2ferinindy]

I think you're being too easy on your ex to be, Rupert, and not generous enough with yourself. I've been following your story for some time now and I usually am quiet because I don't have much nice to say about what's been done to you. There is no excusing cruel and malacious behavior like what has been inflicted on you. Such as outing you against your wishes. Taking your reminders of your babies is even more cruel. I'm gonna go be quiet now before I say something I might regret. But please go do something nice for yourself!

[rupertbare]

emmmmmmmm
Well.

Well guys thank you for your love and support.

I was hoping that I'd have something nice to say here today, however as the son I am staying with keeps saying "why are you still so surprised dad".

My wife has had both the time and opportunity to copy my "precious little slips of paper". She also had the chance, yesterday, of passing a copy on to me.

So, time, opportunity - but not inclination.

She has failed to honour my simple request. And, dear friends, that's what is was - a request, not a demand, I used no threats or abusive language, just a very simple and polite request.

And in my last e-mail to her I had needed to ask a question regarding the loss of our second miscarriage - a detail I didn't quite understand - and she did mail me back about it - so, as this was a different "attitude" from her, I assumed that I would, indeed, be receiving a copy. Now that word assume - I was once told (and have never forgotten) that it can be broken down thus:
"ass of u and me". And that is what I am - an ass for trusting and believing that my wife could do just one last thing for me that was the "decent" thing to do.

Now I find I cannot describe my disappointment. There are no tears over this, not even anger, just a very deep sadness that my relationship with my wife has taken yet another blow.
And, now, I am left with no trust of my wife at all and that, too, leaves me with a heavy sense of loss and sadness.
"Falling apart in public"
And a few of you already know that I was coming to terms with accepting my marriage was beyong repair or saving. But this loss of trust if the final understanding. For without trust there can be no marriage, for marriage is based on trust, not love alone.

So, dear friends, my wife still has her total control of my life. She has my children and refuses me contact, she has our family home. She has made a sworn statement to the courts that contains many outright lies. Proud Daughter will confirm that fact. She witnessed some of the things stated and her memory of the events are very different to those stated. And now she has a few bits of paper with no earthly value and can't even find it within herself to copy them for me. And what hurts the most is knowing that it would have been an effort for her to find them in my glasses case - she had no idea that they were there or that I still had them - this wasn't an "accident" - this was a deliberate act of betrayal on her part. I cannot understand it at all. It really makes "no sense" and I can no longer even pretend to myself that I understand her motives or actions. It is an act of vile cruelty - to copy them would have cost nothing in emotional terms and very little in terms of effort, time or cost.

And can I just add - this latest thread has had the most incredible response to any that I have posted about this awful situation. I have received PMs from folk who's site names I don't even recognise let alone not having met them yet. This feels my heart with joy. I am hearing that people are following this tragedy and that although they won't post - they feel they have nothing to add or that there anger is unhelpful - they are following the threads. And this has amazed me - and this latest thread really seems to have hit a "nerve" for a lot of people. A few of these PMs have contained the most personal of details about their own live's - really open and honest thoughts and "sharing" and, although it will take time, I will answer you all. And I offer my most deepest thanks to you. It means such a lot. And to those I have PM'd, old and new friends alike, I would also like to thank those of you who have revealed your "real" names - I feel highly honoured to have that information - it is the height of love on this site when we share that with one another. It is wonderful that you trust me with that info. Thank you. So, at least, some good has come out of all of this - I have many new friends and much deeper relationships with older friends - going way back to when I was first a member of this cyber-family.
I would also like to send much love to the member who has family in Littlehampton - I'm not going to name-chack this person - but just wanted to say how our coversation on Friday showed we had no many things in common that it all became very weird and wonderful and I feel I now have a very special "soul buddy" because of it - I will treasure our friendship as something "special" foever.
And I should also like to share that I have found "love" here. Unexpectedly and without seeking it I have "clicked" with some-one. The Atlantic gives us distance but love knows no distance. To that person I say here, in public, "I love you" - you make my heart sing!!

So there we are, folks.
Sorry if it's rather a long post.
Hope there aren't too many typos this time!! lol!!! :tongue:

with love my love to you and yours

Rupe :)

[*foxy_roxy*]

Hey rupe,

I have been following your threads and I am so sorry to hear of what has happened between you and your wives. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and they have never got on well together, as they neither trust nor like each other.
I hope that the future looks a lot brighter for you now that you have found someone special, and that you keep your bond with your children, it will mean a lot to both of you.
Remember, I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.

Roxy
x x x x x

[nubiwoman]

Hugs Rupe...

.......I am heartened that you are expressing some indignance alongside your deep sorrow :cool:

hang in there eh..

love, your friend julie xx

[Mrs.F]

(((((((((((((((((((rupert)))))))))))))))))))))) :)

Your doing very well and each and every post you sound much happier and stronger! Just in talking to you I can tell a difference. :bigrin:

I'm so happy your heart is singing again. You deserve so much happiness again.

Keep smiling and keep writing....what I would do with all my time having no "rupe" posts to read... :rolleyes: lol.

Mrs.F :)