nothings5d
Feb 1, 2010, 1:04 AM
As I got ready to post this I realized I haven't been on here in over 9 months, and yet this is still the place I think of first to post my thoughts on life, at least when those thoughts are related to sexuality.
The reason I haven't been on here though, thinking about it now, was because of the depression I'd been in that I only recently started to come out of. Long story short a guy I really liked, John, led me on for a while, used me, then left me hanging saying that he wasn't in the mental state to be in a relationship. I found out that was bullshit about 3 months afterward when I learned he was in a relationship and had been for a while by the time I found out. I still don't know if he was cheating on the other guy with me or not. This hurt me quite a bit. For a while after that it seemed like anyone I met, whether I was interested in them as a friend or as something else, would ignore me or flat out tell me they didn't like me, which of course only worsened the depression.
Anyway, onto the good news. I had started coming out of the depression about 2 months ago. I have a group of friends who go LARPing, Live Action Role Playing for anyone who doesn't know, and they invited me along. After a few events I started to realize that the people I saw regularly at the events actually considered me a friend.
And then there was what happened this weekend. I got back from Ohayocon, Ohio's biggest anime conventions, about 9 hours ago. It took me this long to realize that I'd been in a much better frame of mind since going to the con and figure out the main reason for it. On Friday I was looking for something to do and noticed that there was a Yaoi round table about to start, Yaoi being male on male animated porn if anyone doesn't know. I decided to go to it, but wasn't really that enthused about it thinking that, given that I was in Ohio which in my experience is not really that gay or bi friendly a state, I'd be the only guy in the room. But I found out fairly quickly that the audience, 200+ people, had a decent percentage of guys, at least double digit percent. For the rest of the con I kept finding myself having conversations with people I met at the Yaoi panel.
So I guess what I really needed to kick myself out of this funk was just to be around people I can talk freely about my sexuality with. A lot of my friends here at school get annoyed if I talk about it for more than a few sentences, unless they're asking me questions about what it's like. I guess that, now that I realize all this, you guys are probably going to have to put up with a lot more posts by me in the near future, and by that I mean maybe one a month :bigrin:, at least until I graduate and move out west. And all this from going to a Yaoi panel that I didn't even think I'd be that interested in.
The reason I haven't been on here though, thinking about it now, was because of the depression I'd been in that I only recently started to come out of. Long story short a guy I really liked, John, led me on for a while, used me, then left me hanging saying that he wasn't in the mental state to be in a relationship. I found out that was bullshit about 3 months afterward when I learned he was in a relationship and had been for a while by the time I found out. I still don't know if he was cheating on the other guy with me or not. This hurt me quite a bit. For a while after that it seemed like anyone I met, whether I was interested in them as a friend or as something else, would ignore me or flat out tell me they didn't like me, which of course only worsened the depression.
Anyway, onto the good news. I had started coming out of the depression about 2 months ago. I have a group of friends who go LARPing, Live Action Role Playing for anyone who doesn't know, and they invited me along. After a few events I started to realize that the people I saw regularly at the events actually considered me a friend.
And then there was what happened this weekend. I got back from Ohayocon, Ohio's biggest anime conventions, about 9 hours ago. It took me this long to realize that I'd been in a much better frame of mind since going to the con and figure out the main reason for it. On Friday I was looking for something to do and noticed that there was a Yaoi round table about to start, Yaoi being male on male animated porn if anyone doesn't know. I decided to go to it, but wasn't really that enthused about it thinking that, given that I was in Ohio which in my experience is not really that gay or bi friendly a state, I'd be the only guy in the room. But I found out fairly quickly that the audience, 200+ people, had a decent percentage of guys, at least double digit percent. For the rest of the con I kept finding myself having conversations with people I met at the Yaoi panel.
So I guess what I really needed to kick myself out of this funk was just to be around people I can talk freely about my sexuality with. A lot of my friends here at school get annoyed if I talk about it for more than a few sentences, unless they're asking me questions about what it's like. I guess that, now that I realize all this, you guys are probably going to have to put up with a lot more posts by me in the near future, and by that I mean maybe one a month :bigrin:, at least until I graduate and move out west. And all this from going to a Yaoi panel that I didn't even think I'd be that interested in.