How does it make you feel when people say that bisexuals don't exist? [Archive]

fred fencesitter

Jan 28, 2010, 7:10 PM

astimegoesbi

Jan 28, 2010, 7:29 PM

I feel angry and incredulous. I also wonder if they are morons because I know I exist.

rissababynta

Jan 28, 2010, 7:30 PM

I tend to be annoyed but I get over it fairly quickly because I think these people are stupid...

fred fencesitter

Jan 28, 2010, 7:34 PM

I think one reason why I didn't adopt the bisexual label earlier was that I thought of it as a rigid 50-50. Turns out I experience a lot of changes over time, but I'm usually not at 50-50.

Plus the only image I had of bisexual men was of married guys who sneak off to toilets to have sex with one another and then bring home diseases to their wives. I didn't want to be like that!

Rudy75

Jan 28, 2010, 7:42 PM

It makes me angry, but what can I do?

People are generally stupid. They think everything comes in only two flavors - straight and gay.

It's as stupid as saying people are only black or white, or only christian or jewish.

fred fencesitter

Jan 28, 2010, 7:42 PM

To me, you can call yourself bisexual if:

1. You are attracted to men and women on a non-trivial basis.
2. You have enjoyed sex with men and women on a non-trivial basis. Or would like to.
3. You want to call yourself "bisexual."

fred fencesitter

Jan 28, 2010, 8:07 PM

Yes, I know. I used to volunteer at a AIDS services center. I know all about safer sex. I was speaking of what my stereotypical thinking about bisexual men used to be like.

And I know it's possible to have safer sex with multiple partners. I've done it.

By a "non-trivial basis," I mean more than very rarely.

Fred-FYI just because you have sex with a man or even multiple men in a public bathroom or if you happen to be married and having sex with men, that does not mean that you will get STIs or HIV from doing so.

Get educated and get real about safer sex and then decide what you will and will not do sexually.

Like someone else on this site wrote you can have safer sex with multiple partners and you will be fine and it's safer to have safer sex with multiple strangers than it is to have frequent unprotected unsafe sex with your spouse who has not been tested and who has an HIV/STI status of unknown.

What do you mean by sex or attractions on a non-trivial basis?

fred fencesitter

Jan 28, 2010, 8:10 PM

[QUOTE=IsItAllOverMyFace?;153890]I've noticed that the people who write or bring up these topics and threads about how homosexuals and heterosexuals supposedly do not understand bisexuality are repressed closet cases who are not out and do not even try to explain what bisexuality is, and they do not even try to explain their own bisexuality to other people who are not bisexual at all.

Well, I came out as bi to my onetime gay lover and to a GF. Neither one seemed terribly bothered by it.

I don't think I'm repressing much at all right now.

mikey3000

Jan 28, 2010, 9:37 PM

I've noticed that the people who write or bring up these topics and threads about how homosexuals and heterosexuals supposedly do not understand bisexuality are repressed closet cases who are not out and do not even try to explain what bisexuality is, and they do not even try to explain their own bisexuality to other people who are not bisexual at all.

I've noticed that people who purposly cut people up without any provocation what so ever do so most likely cause they're very lonely and even prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Many others referr to these types as trolls, but I just feel sorry for them.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jan 28, 2010, 10:02 PM

I just smile and say "Well theres alot in this world that supposedly doesnt exist. A million dollars exists but you dont have any doubts that It does, right? Just because you'll never see that, doesnt mean it doesnt exist"
That pretty well shuts em up...lol
I dont mind. They can live with their beliefs, I'll live with the truth. :}
Bad Cat

tenni

Jan 28, 2010, 10:08 PM

I will admit that I've only heard it from gay men on the net mostly. It surprised me at first. I thought that anyone who was a member of an oppressed group would understand but they didn't. When they told me their stories about sad interactions with biguys, I could partially understand but they also expected biguys to be just like them. I eventually learned that most gay men are not like that.

Darkside2009

Jan 28, 2010, 10:55 PM

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I don't spend a second of my time worrying what other people think of me. I live by the dictates of my conscience, and I find that works for me.

Realist

Jan 28, 2010, 11:52 PM

Just as DARKSIDE and Rhett Butler said it, I couldn't care less, myself.

I'll be happy to discuss it, but I'm not gonna get in a animated, emotional, contest over who's right, or wrong.

But, to set the record straight, I know he's wrong!

TwylaTwobits

Jan 29, 2010, 2:16 AM

SaraSaurus

Jan 29, 2010, 2:20 AM

To be honest, I used to be one of those people back before I realized the truth about myself. It was one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, that I could like both. Now though, while it is annoying and rather stupid-minded of some people, I really don't let it bother me. I know who I am and am secure in it.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jan 29, 2010, 3:36 AM

Dude, you quoted youself! And why this all consuming need to constantly rag on Mikey all of a sudden? You're obcessed Isit..seek chocolate quickly. And Mikey, you're still sweet, even tho you have that target drawn on your butt right now..lol
Cat

darkeyes

Jan 29, 2010, 3:50 AM

Honestly, no one has ever said that to me. But go fig I'm a straight girl in love with a bisexual.

I've had gay and bi friends and I have never heard any of them remark to the other that bisexuals don't exist. Perhaps I had more enlightened people around me than some who are hearing remarks. Obviously bisexuals exist no matter what perceptions some may have.

If anyone ever did say that to me, I'd have to tell them not only do they exist but I'm in love with one, have lots of friends that are bi and I'd gladly stand beside not only LDD but all of the people on this site at any event to show support for bisexuals.

Hav heard it more on 'ere than ne wer else Twyla.. but hav had it sed 2 me.. but not 2 often.. an it invariably, tho not exclusively has been sed by gay peeps. Mos gay peeps kno the truth tho..as do mos str8s.. but ther is a hard core who for reasons a ther own r jus bloody minded bout it an actually quite nasty. Not 1st time me has had 2 bite ther heads off... no not that head boys, foreya say owt..... ;)

Long Duck Dong

Jan 29, 2010, 5:43 AM

they say that bisexuality doesn't exist...?????

thats about the point I would say something nasty

* I have no issues with you fucking my ass while I am deep in ya wife *

* if bisexuals do not exist, then you may have had a lot of wet dreams and a bloody sore hand cos a lot of the asses you have been in, do not exist either *

* if bisexuals do not exist... does that mean your husband had more than just the *snip* done... btw, who is the surgeon that did his breast inplants *

* yeah I agree that bisexuals do not exist... thats why ya wife my sisters new lesbian GF *

* its true, bisexuals do not exist.... specially in new zealand.... over here, we fuck our wifes and sheep, mate....*

sammie19

Jan 29, 2010, 6:26 AM

they say that bisexuality doesn't exist...????

* its true, bisexuals do not exist.... specially in new zealand.... over here, we fuck our wifes and sheep, mate....*

Lol. And here was me thinking that was the highland crofters and the welsh.:tong:

NEPHX

Jan 29, 2010, 8:10 AM

Plus the only image I had of bisexual men was of married guys who sneak off to toilets to have sex with one another and then bring home diseases to their wives. I didn't want to be like that!

Of course, Str8 guys bring home diseases to their wives too but more common with M2m/msm because m2m/msm tend to have more casual one-time sexual partners.

And there is the population that is labeled Men That Have Sex With Men (MSM) and identify as straight and not bisexual. MSM "describes a behavior rather than a specific group of people." They just like to have sex; any port in a storm. No need for dinner and drinks. (Ok, no one get out the soap box, that title is real in the health-care and mental health community: //www.unaids.org/en/PolicyAndPractice/KeyPopulations/MenSexMen/default.asp )

That's one of the biggest stereotypes out there and its been earned by far too many married men. And, with the dawn of the Internet, its even more common.

Its the kind of bisexual male, gay or MSM that other people see or hear about. Society doesn't "see" the marriage bisexual man or women that is either monogamous and happily married with kids,etc (just like the married str8 men that don't cheat) or that are polygamous or discreetly, ethically and safely non-monogamous within the rules of his (or her) relationship. Or the same-sex couple where one or both partners are bisexual but happily monogamous or some other option as above.

But, "good" bisexuals (for lack of a better term) become invisible and then people say "bisexuals" don't exist. Good meaning that they are monogamous and happily married to a women OR a man and don't "step out."

Many studies have shown that bi men come in right under violent criminals as far as the general moral perception of them.

NEPHX

Jan 29, 2010, 8:23 AM

I've noticed that people who purposly cut people up without any provocation what so ever do so most likely cause they're very lonely and even prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Many others referr to these types as trolls, but I just feel sorry for them.

There does always seem to be at least one in every forum. They are blind to the fact that its not so much what they say but how they say it.... Its the same drivel with every post he writes. Shamefully overusing the word "you" instead of "one' or "they" at a very minimum making everyone think he's directing is negative message directly at them personally. But, alas, he's our special case. :soapbox:

It like arguing/debating with a turtle.:bigrin:

Maybe, if we ignore him, and only talk about him indirectly, he'll get bored and move over to say a lesbian forum and preach to them. :angel: I swear he's the same person from another forum who claims he's str8. Is that you lucky?

Giggles100

Jan 29, 2010, 9:34 AM

Touch wood..... I'v not really received any comments either homo or biphobic.

darkeyes

Jan 29, 2010, 12:24 PM

Touch wood..... I'v not really received any comments either homo or biphobic.

Who a lukky boy then???:)

Giggles100

Jan 29, 2010, 12:34 PM

Who a lukky boy then???:)

Still haven't told mum though :rolleyes:.....

So are your eyes really dark then?...

darkeyes

Jan 29, 2010, 12:49 PM

Still haven't told mum though :rolleyes:.....

So are your eyes really dark then?...

Fraid so Gigsy..me dad used 2 call me darkeyes wen me wos wee.. hence the name... now 'e calls me "wers me wallet??" tee hee.. isn 'e luffly?? No 1 calls me it ne mo cept on 'ere.. but it a luffly rememberance a the days wen me wos yung an innocent...:)

etncple

Jan 29, 2010, 1:05 PM

I personally have never heard that bisexuality doesn't exist and if I did I would put that person in the same category as any other biased, prejudiced person, too stupid for me to waste my time with.

As far as the idea of "educating" others I was told years ago never to fight with crazy or stupid people, they have nothing to lose.

On the other hand I would pay to see someone stupid enough to try and explain bisexuality to the patrons of some of our redneck bars here in Tn. :2cents:

eddy10

Jan 29, 2010, 2:34 PM

I think we need to read Glen Beck's "How to Argue With Idiots." I might try that.

Karasel

Jan 29, 2010, 7:35 PM

I never meet too many straight/gay people who didn't believe in bisexuality, except for one gay man. Who stated in a really snobby voice that he doesn't "believe that people can be bi, they are just confused or want attention."

I was peeved for a good while.

mikey3000

Jan 30, 2010, 10:14 AM

Here's a typical gay guy response to bisexuality I just pulled off another board...

"There is no such thing as bi men. They are simply guys who are gay, but cling to the "respectability" that saying they like women gives them in front of heteronormative society. Sure, they can get it up with women, but their heart isn't in it. It's just a physical aspect that doesn't match their true desire. Just like many gay men I know can technically, physically speaking, get it up with a woman, but have no interest in pursuing any romantic relationship with them. Being gay is a tremendous challenge, and being able to have sex with women, in a purely mechanical way, is a great asset for these men, cuz they can continue the facade that they "like women" and still be able to have make tricks on the side. Another thing, these so-called "bi" men can't commit. They always seem to want to be with multiple partners, they are just confused, and repressed as what their true nature is, homosexuality."

darkeyes

Jan 30, 2010, 11:57 AM

*Shakes head an laffs*

Gets me wen sum peeps rite such bollox..gets me wen 1 person is so fukkin pompous an arrogant as 2 say they kno jus how sum 1 else is, feels an thinks... gay peeps don all think like that ya'll b glad 2 hear.. k.. am not a gay man but, if wot 'e sed wos rite it shud in its own way apply 2 women an all.. wich wud mean my partner is a lesbian.. thats ok wiv me..but she not a lesbian.. by ne stretch a the 'magination...she is a bisexual woman who regularly gets the hots (poor cow that she is) for lotsa wot she calls "delicious guys" (lesser mortals in Franspeak) who happens 2 b in a lesbian relationship wiva gay woman. Dus wish arse'oles like this tosspot wud shurrup an crawl bak unda the rock from wich they came..:eek:

transcendMental

Jan 30, 2010, 3:34 PM

The only people who say this on a regular basis (beyond the occasional quack scientist) are catty gay men and women who have been married to gay men. But, boy, does it get under my skin when they do. And I know how much damage it's done to me in my life. I had years as a "straight" man trying to deny my feelings for men. Then I had years as a "gay" man trying to deny my feeling for women.

When people say that bisexuals don't really exist, it makes me feel about the same as when people say that transsexualism doesn't really exist: invalidated and misunderstood, like people are ignorant of biological reality, and like people cannot respect another person's subjective experience of reality if it differs from theirs.

Unfortunately, such people aren't limited to just catty gay men and women.

And yeah it gets under my skin too.

djones

Jan 30, 2010, 4:00 PM

How does it make me feel ?

Makes me feel like they are ignorant - that's for sure !

I also think they are jealous !

I try not to get too wrapped up in other people's ignorance, but it can get a little annoying after dealing with it so much. I never tell any of my friends in the gay community that I'm Bi - they seem to have the more restrictive view on the subject (not all, but a great many).

On the whole, I just shrug my shoulders and ignore the fools who doubt I exist as I am !

thatcher29

Jan 30, 2010, 4:07 PM

Sounds like the person quoted in #31 is someone with a bit of baggage from a past relationship. I'm guessing her boyfriend left her for a man. I doubt too many guys here would be accused of sex "in a purely mechanical way" with anybody. Well, I've always been attracted to underdogs and here I am in the "Underdog Sexuality"(TM pending). We get hit from both sides. But if I was concerned about what other people thought, I'd probably be in an entirely different (and much more boring) lifestyle. Idiots are everywhere. Don't let them bother you.

Giggles100

Jan 30, 2010, 4:13 PM

Well it looks like iv joined the club..... :(

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?p=154128&posted=1#post154128

bistraightpat

Jan 30, 2010, 4:34 PM

It bothers me a lot. I had a close friend ask me if I was really gay but just afraid to admit it. That kind of got to me. But then I remembered that I tried to bone that girl a week earlier so I realized I was bi haha

void()

Jan 30, 2010, 7:41 PM

Not to get psychological or philosophical but there might be a better question.

How is it supposed to make me feel?

And you might add:

Why should I feel anything over their opinion?

Point blank I can't waste time lost in throes of anxiety over someone's ignorance. I'm ignorant enough to occupy that time, thanks. :) Besides I haven't any right to expect anything from anyone save for me. So why care if they agree or disagree?

But yes, I can understand getting irked about it. I can't get irked now, though. I've got better things in life more important than anger. A short list for you.

1. A wife that loves me.
2. A boyfriend that loves me. (These two are not in any particular order.)
3. Possibility of attending college for a two year degree in information tech systems.
4. A lovely houseboat on a vast lake somewhere awaiting for me.
5. The rivers.
6. The stars.

I could keep going but the idea is stated. Thanks for reading and run it slow.