confused and looking for advice

[kilala]

i think i might b bisexual or bicuriouse i love to watch porn and it as helped with some of my sexual problems.when i first started having sex it was just straight porn but as i became older i started to watch some lesbian porn as well. but as time progressed i started to watch more pore and started to look more on the men of the porn i was looking at. i am now 20 years old and dont know if im straight bi or possibly gay i have had expierence with wemen as well as a one time encounter with a guy i really am on the fence with this decision i am really looking for some type of advice i do smoke pot but it helps with the felling of loniness i have been going through i have a very close friend but i ont know how she will react to me telling her that i may be bi ,even thow she her self is a lesbian. advice will be greatly appreciated in this hard time for me please help

[wildwestgoob]

If she is a lesbian, I would think she wouldn't have a problem with it.
you are only 20, and at a good age to start exploring these things.

Just use your head, be safe in every sense of the word, and you will soon know "what you are". Just don't rush that decision.

For now, consider the buffet laid out before you, and enjoy... see if you come back for seconds from one end of the buffet more than the other, or if you pretty much like everything on it... lol

:cool:

[Karasel]

Well, if you do enjoy looking at the men in the porn you watch. You may be bi. You could be gay, but if you enjoy women, than you are probably not.

I don't really know what you mean by a "one time encounter with a guy," and what that entails. The only advise I can give you is to go out there and explore your options, the only way to know if you like or dislike something is to try it. Sexuality is kind of like food in that respect, in that you may see something and think: "Oh, I would like that." But once you try it you may be singing a different tune, or be completely in love with your new discovery.

Best wishes and hope everything works out for you.

And considering your friend is a lesbian, I think she would be more accepting of your sexuality. I never had trouble with friends accepting me for who I am, but I find that gay people are open-minded. Course I have meet some bi/gay women who doesn't think that men aren't truly a man if they like the same sex... A bit hypocritical, but they are out there.

[wildwestgoob]

...Sexuality is kind of like food in that respect, in that you may see something and think: "Oh, I would like that." But once you try it you may be singing a different tune, or be completely in love with your new discovery...

Two great minds.. lol ;)

[NEPHX]

I can't tell from your post what your "goal" is in getting the advise or what kind of advise you're seeking? No one can really tell you what label to use for defining your sexuality but you. You can read what other's say about being bi or gay. And, you might feel one way today, another way a few days/weeks/months/years from now. You could be growing into your attractions for guys as well as sexuality in general. Then, if you feel you're bi, you don't have to tell anyone unless you want to. But, if you date guys in public, you are likely have friends want to more more.

I doubt your lesbian friend will condemn you for being attracted to guys. Identifying as bisexual can be an issue for some people and there is an historical issue with some lesbians acceptance of women that identify as bi. But, as in all things, its an individual thing. If she is such a close friend, she'll love you no matter how you identify. If not, one would question that basis of that friendship.

I would ask why you feel you need to "do" anything at all? If you think you might be bisexual/gay and attracted to men, that would generally include other aspects of attractions with guys than just, being blunt, "getting off" with someone.

You mention " love to watch porn and it as helped with some of my sexual problems." but don't say what those sexual problems might be.

If you're str8 or bi or gay what difference does it really make unless you find a person you want to date, be with, etc.? If you decide you are bi-curious, then the only way to find out is to see how you enjoy dating guys. At 20, there are certainly plenty of other bi-curious guys probably wondering about similar things that would make a good dating pool. Try the local LGBT community center and see if they offer a gay/bi men's discussion/support group or even a youth support group (most have youth groups that go from 14-22 years old for exactly that reason and college age kids often don't get to really explorer their sexuality until they our out on their own).

You might be attracted to homo-erotica, that is, watching and/or having sex with guys but maybe that's it? In which case, what you do isn't so much important to anyone else in your life except another intimate partner who could be effected by such things at some point if you're planning on having a committed relationship with them.

You might want to try and quantify your attractions by taking a look at and scoring your own KSOG (Klein Sexual Orientation Grid) here: http://www.binetaz.org/sexuality_grid.htm

[djones]

Don't feel you need to rush to find a label for yourself, or to make yourself fit within any particular box or definition.

Be in touch with your own feelings and desires, and don't question them or worry about trying to understand them beyond knowing you have them - and enjoy them ! Don't hurry, but be safe, and enjoy the road you are traveling on.

Know that you are not alone in your thoughts and desires, and you aren't strange, or weird, or crazy for having them. You can find support in many places, such as this site.

Remember, the less time you spend "looking" for yourself, the sooner you will have found yourself.

Good luck, and keep us posted !

[mikey3000]

Don't feel you need to rush to find a label for yourself, or to make yourself fit within any particular box or definition.

Be in touch with your own feelings and desires, and don't question them or worry about trying to understand them beyond knowing you have them - and enjoy them ! Don't hurry, but be safe, and enjoy the road you are traveling on.

Know that you are not alone in your thoughts and desires, and you aren't strange, or weird, or crazy for having them. You can find support in many places, such as this site.

Remember, the less time you spend "looking" for yourself, the sooner you will have found yourself.

Good luck, and keep us posted !

Well said. Don't get hung up on labels. They could be dangerous in the long run. Just explore all and eventually you'll find your comfort zone. And don't be afraid. All is good.