Do you consider yourself queer?

[coyotedude]

An odd question, perhaps:

We bisexuals get lumped into the queer communities (LGBT et al). Yet how many of us actually identify as queer?

The reason I ask is that recently I've had the opportunity to become more involved in the local queer communities here in town. It's been an eye-opening experience, to say the least. It's nice to be with people who don't look at me funny for having the occasional attraction to men, but it's disconcerting when they look at me funny for also being attracted to women!

What I am finding is that many of our issues as bisexuals are not quite the same as those in the gay, lesbian, or trans communities. But I wonder how the rest of you feel. Given that we are not straight, how comfortable are we being identified as queer? How similar are we to the other communities, and how different are we from them?

Discuss, please!

Peace

[Long Duck Dong]

I am bisexual for better or for worse........

I support the LGBT / hetero people in differing aspects.... and I view the LGBT community as a community.... not as a political group.....

there are the lgbt rights activists, the lgbt human righters, the lgbt support groups, the lgbt tea parties etc etc etc......

and honestly, I do not support all aspects of it.... but I do support the individuals in it as people, friends, strangers, and people of diversity.....

[djones]

I don't consider myself queer at all.

Although I have had attractions to men for most of my life, I never felt any connection to the gay community - which has appropriated the term queer (thereby taking the derogatory sting out of the word) . Given that I have always been attracted to, and sexually active with, women, I have always identified as straight. However, I am very comfortable with identifying myself as BI.

I don't feel being lumped as the LGBT is an accurate association for the BI community. More and more, I feel the "B" should be removed from the LGBT and given it's own place in the social strata. Many of the "L" and "G" don't really accept us as we are, so why join their club ? (Many of the "T" seem to accept us though !).

In a sense, to go along with being part of the LGBT is to say hetero is normal and all the other sexualities can be thrown together as being abnormal - a notion I reject !

Don't get me wrong - I support the LGBT fight for equality and acceptance. I simply feel there is no simple "catch all" social classification for all non straights - in essence, you are normal or queer .

[Long Duck Dong]

What gets called an GLBT community is nothing more but politics.

If it's an actual community then where is that community located?

It can't even be proven to exist or to ever have existed except as a political metaphor for groups of people who have completely different issues, desires, and political agendas like Coyote wrote about.

things like the hero parade, the big gay out events etc etc.... they happen in nz.... and its a gathering of the LGBT / hetero plus their supporters etc.... and its a party event....... where people have fun.... laugh, drink... joke.... etc...

thats called community spirit..... a gathering of the community.... a bit like bisexual.com.... its got a community spirit to it.... we have members of the LGBT / hetero in here too.... its what makes the place diverse.....

yeah I know... we have the narrow minded bigots that think that anything that is not BI and ready to fuck..... should fuck off..... and that makes up about 70% of the site...... and the other 20% that got so disillusioned with the bigots in the site, that they did leave.....

community spirit and gathering of the lgbt is some thing that people that can think beyond sex, will understand.... cos some of us love friends.... not just fuck buddies......

people will see the LGBT as unneeded and too much of a mixing of the different groups.... so the answer is simple...... tell your non bi fuck buddies to fuck off and never sleep with any body that is not bi 100% home grown bi..... .....however I should point out that for a lot of people their partners are not bi...or they are bi and trans..... etc......

so i guess the better solution is that if you disagree with the lgbt being a group.... do not stay in the site cos we are a clear example of a lgbt group and hardly political.... cos too many of the people in the site are either trying to fuck others in the site or just fuck them off

[Long Duck Dong]

ok what you're describing is called Pride here and that's more of just pointless politics nowadays at least in the U.S. and Canada and just an excuse to party and have sex for most people.

no we have the pride movement and if I wanted to refer to them, I would have said the pride movement.......

and I live in nz.... not the usa or canada..... so you once again, are not reading what I am saying

[NEPHX]

What I am finding is that many of our issues as bisexuals are not quite the same as those in the gay, lesbian, or trans communities.
Peace

Of course not, nor are gay male issues necessarily all the same as lesbians... But we all do share some important things. We chose to love who we are attracted to. We chose to do with our bodies, what we wish (as in sex, gender identity). And, many Transgender individuals do identify as bi. (consider the implications) but each one is different as much as they may be the same. Transgender is a single word used for many different types of people from cross dressers to those that have surgical procedures and everything in between with appropriated names for each. Even the basic issue of M2F or F2M is vastly different for each of those groups.





"We bisexuals get lumped into the queer communities (LGBT et al). Yet how many of us actually identify as queer?"

(In most places, its not really called the queer community but the LGBT Community .. but regardless of the label)

I feel I belong to the Bi community (sometimes hard to find and impossible to identify without someone coming out and saying they are bi) as well as the LGBTQI community (whether they like to or not :tongue:).

Identifying as bisexual is an interesting position as we are in a closet with two doors one open to the LGBTQI and one to the str8 communities. As any LGBTQI person who is generally out knows, we never stop "coming out."




It's nice to be with people who don't look at me funny for having the occasional attraction to men

"....it's disconcerting when they look at me funny for also being attracted to women!"


What if they saw you with both at the same time?:eek:

When I'm with a women, people think I'm str8, when with a man, people think I'm gay. When I was with both(4yrs), they think I'm just nuts (they might have been right). But, I didn't change... I'm still me, still identify as bi, don't need to defend it or project it.

And, I've learned to be me, in any situation. Sometimes, I do feel just a bit insecure. Sometimes, I can sense people around me in some situations (like school functions for kids) seem to be uncomfortable (and I mean when they know I have a male partner). These people might also learn of my background and think wow... he's like masculine (military), etc. or whatever. Its been interesting this past fall as I was involved in some pretty intense fund raising where we ran a snack stand (24people) at the NFL games. A core group all got to know each other much better. Last year, no one spoke to me in the booster group. This year, they can't ask me enough questions. I think they found out that we're all not that much different after all... even in all our differences.

People are basically the same AND are very different depending on how closely you'd like to look at them individually... so whatever group you identify with, you'll find things that seem as different as night and day if you wish. But, lets face it, in this society, same-sex sexual partners is still a big taboo for many many people and cultures so it stands out more than say blue eyes. But, lets be thankful its not as bad as say being Jewish in Germany in the 1930's and 1940's (as just one example).

For instance, in a bi group... some are men, some are women, and, yes, VERY often, some are transgender and Bi. Some are single, some are married/partnered to a women, some are married/partnered to a man, some are married/partnered to a women and a man or a man and a man or a women and a women.... Some are parents, some are not; some old, some young; some educated, some not; some like to snuggled, some do not; some enjoy PIV; some not... and the list goes on and on and on and on....

But, with all the differences, how can we relate?? Well, most identify as bisexual and have some level of attraction to males and females and maybe even Transgender people or Intersex/hermaphrodite.

But the reality is, if the group you are in wishes to see the things that all have in common as more important than the things that are different, then YOU may feel more welcome in the group.

There are people who will reply to this thread that will find their LGBTQI "community" welcoming and others that do not. And.... wait for it... they could both identify in some way as bisexual, same economic background, maybe even same sex and be in the same city and talking about the same LGBTQI community. Yet, they could feel opposite as far as included/welcome.

Which brings me to my favorite quote that helps me understand how I as well as others act or react in general or to me... by Anais Nin:
"We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are."

[Giggles100]

Internal Homophobia - I suspect many member of this forum have it (-:

As for me I'm out to all friends and are an active member of the local Bi group and LGBT scene. I'v already met some really strong friends both Lesbian Gay Bi and Trans and they are all cool!

Call me Bisexual. Queer. Gender Queer. Gay...... I don't care once its not derogatory! I know what and who I am inside and that's all that matters. Eventually people see you dating girls and boys.... they soon realise what you are!

[SaraSaurus]

First of all, I just want to say I think this is a great question and one that I myself have been asked on occasion by straight friends.

I do identify as queer and if fact prefer the term to bi. 'Bisexual' encompasses so many different types and what one person thinks of as being bi isn't always the same as another. If fact, I've had people tell me I'm not bi simply because I don't fit their definition (which is a huge pet peeve of mine). As such I enjoy the term queer because I see it as all encompassing in that it simply means not straight, and that at least, people can't argue against.

I understand that not all groups in the LGBT community have the same goals and values but being a huge proponent of civil rights, that doesn't really bother me. I'm just as willing to fight for the rights of my trans or gay friends as I am to fight for my own.

In short, I prefer to look for the things that unify us than that which makes us different. :bipride:

[fredtyg]

I have no problem with being considered queer, although I also consider myself bi.

[darkeyes]

No.. jus a reasonably well balanced decentish human bein who is 'er own person, wiv 'er own faults, 'er own beliefs, and 'er own nature.. :)

Ist claim shud get the chins waggin..tee hee:bigrin:

[tenni]

"Internal Homophobia"


I'd like to hear more about your thoughts on this Giggles.

I don't think that I identify with the queer community. I've more or less decided that I don't think that I would be comfortable in a relationship with a gay or transgendered person and so I guess that I don't identify as being part of those communities. I think that a bisexual person would be better for me...whether long term or short term.(not sure if that ties in though as far as identifying as queer or not) It is one thing to have friends who are gay but I think that bisexuality is so broad that is enough to identify with. I agree with others that I support some of the political aspirations of LGTI but I can not say that I understand or even have any idea as to what specific issues are important to transgendered or gay people. I know the biggies but hell, I think that bisexuals have our own issues that don't get enough discussion amongst ourselves let alone presenting them as how we are different from straights and gays. Maybe, it is emphasizing how all are the same but I think that bisexuals need to develop more tolerance and understanding of their own as well.

[rissababynta]

I understood queer to mean odd WAY before I ever heard it used to describe gay people. When I was little, and found out that that was what it was used for, I was very unhappy about that and since than I have never used the term (unless playing around with my husband haha).

So considering that...nope...no I don't consider myself queer. I consider myself Marissa, a mother, a wife, a dependent in the army, a daughter, a friend, short and chubby, a singer, and among many other things, a bisexual.

[wildwestgoob]

I don't consider myself queer at all.

Although I have had attractions to men for most of my life, I never felt any connection to the gay community - which has appropriated the term queer (thereby taking the derogatory sting out of the word) . Given that I have always been attracted to, and sexually active with, women, I have always identified as straight. However, I am very comfortable with identifying myself as BI.

I don't feel being lumped as the LGBT is an accurate association for the BI community. More and more, I feel the "B" should be removed from the LGBT and given it's own place in the social strata. Many of the "L" and "G" don't really accept us as we are, so why join their club ? (Many of the "T" seem to accept us though !).

In a sense, to go along with being part of the LGBT is to say hetero is normal and all the other sexualities can be thrown together as being abnormal - a notion I reject !

Don't get me wrong - I support the LGBT fight for equality and acceptance. I simply feel there is no simple "catch all" social classification for all non straights - in essence, you are normal or queer .

What he said.

I too support out local communties of rainbow warriors, but dont like the fact that Bi folks are lumped in with the whole group.

I think we should really have our OWN seperate group.
Just plain Bi.
But that's just me.
Who cares right?
:tong:

[Annika L]

For years I have considered myself queer, but not gay. I consider myself queer, because I am not straight...I am not gay, because I am attracted to both sexes. As a bisexual I am not completely comfortable in lesbian-only circles, but prefer events that are open to the whole LGBT spectrum.

Goob, I'm one who cares. Yes, we do have enough different interests from LG and T groups that I can see where it is tempting to want a B group of our own. But we are unfortunately small enough, and we do share *enough* common interests, problems, and goals with LG and T groups, that it makes sense to pursue those goals together. As the LG group becomes more mainstream and accepted, they need us less and less: if we want to break away, they'll let us. And the T group isn't powerful enough to assert a connection with us, if we decide we don't want them associated with us any more. But what are we on our own? Mostly feared and deplored...when we're visible at all. As an adjunct to LG and T causes, we have more voice and visibility, and that's good for us in the long run, even if our interests sometimes get grouped with others that are less appropriate!

It's worth noting that L and G also have some different interests, but you don't often see them wanting to split apart, because they recognize that they have enough in common to make it worth their while staying together, too.

[wildwestgoob]

...Mostly feared and deplored...when we're visible at all...

And therein lies the rub.

[tenni]

Annika
For me, the term queer means gay or homosexual. I understand that the gay community is attempting to take back this word and make it a positive self identification. That may work as an inside philosophy for some (as "nigga" is to some blacks) but I think that most straight people would see it as meaning homosexual and in a negative way. If you are not straight and you are not gay, then you need your own in between place of identity. Queer with your own personal interpretation probably isn't going to work in the larger mainstream.

The end two paragraphs that I copied, I can partially agree with. You are correct though that the gay community has spent years politically building strength and unity. Bisexuals....not so much. It seems to me though that we , as bisexuals, either voluntarily or by default adopt the language, etc. of the gay community. I'm not sure that is the best solution. It may be better to identify ourselves with positives rather than...yes but not quite explanations. In other words, not a adjunct to another group. I might be wrong.


For years I have considered myself queer, but not gay. I consider myself queer, because I am not straight...I am not gay, because I am attracted to both sexes. As a bisexual I am not completely comfortable in lesbian-only circles, but prefer events that are open to the whole LGBT spectrum.

As an adjunct to LG and T causes, we have more voice and visibility, and that's good for us in the long run, even if our interests sometimes get grouped with others that are less appropriate!

It's worth noting that L and G also have some different interests, but you don't often see them wanting to split apart, because they recognize that they have enough in common to make it worth their while staying together, too.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I aint Queer..I'm just oddly unique unto myself..lol
Kisses Yoti.
Yer fave Pest...

[Giggles100]

"Internal Homophobia"


I'd like to hear more about your thoughts on this Giggles.

Sometimes I hear Bisexual people shout from the rooftops "I'm Bi... I like girls/boys too" but i'm defo not gay right. Almost in the same way as young boys in school would say "I'm not gay".... as if it's a bad thing.

If your Bisexual then you eventually have to come to terms with the idea that your basically not straight. Dress it up in fancy terms or go out of your way to distance yourself from the LGBT community but at the end of the day you like to get down and dirty and fall in love with the same sex. To most straight people this would appear pretty gay :bigrin:.

Personally if someone asks me if I'm gay I say "I'm Bisexual but yes..... I'm definitely not straight". Once I'v explained that I let people refer to me how they want. Some refer to me as gay others will use the correct term and some will refer to me as queer. All three are fine by me.........

The only time being Bi really matters is when your having "that conversation" with a potential boyfriend/girlfriend and I have to look them in the face and say.

"I know I'm Bisexual but your the one I want. You have no idea much you mean to me." (Followed by a cuddle/kiss and a tearful look in the eyes. Yep.... I'm a softy).

I just wish I could find the one I want :(. Lately that one seems to be a guy which is scary.... but yummy :bigrin:.

[bistraightpat]

I consider myself half queer. I am not stereotypical gay at all but I do find men attractive so that I gues would make me half queer.

[MarieDelta]

What he said.

I too support out local communties of rainbow warriors, but dont like the fact that Bi folks are lumped in with the whole group.

I think we should really have our OWN seperate group.
Just plain Bi.
But that's just me.
Who cares right?
:tong:


FWIW I ID as queer. Mainly because I dont fit in with any label.

I am Omnisexual Kinky Poly Transsexual Woman (BTW that doesnt mean I will have sex with *you* ) If I am with a man, does that mean I am gay , but wait we both have male parts, Does that make me gay? If I am with a woman , does it make me lesbian, I mean I do Identify as female and one day I hope to have a vagina. If I am with a MTF transexual, what does that make me? Or a Ftm transexual, what about someone who is third gender or non gendered or bi gendered? What if I am with someone who is intersexed?


I have yet to see Bi-sexuals organize, I imagine it would be like herding cats. There are Bi groups, and most of them are older men, who dont want to get politically involved, for whatever reason. Which is one of the resons the GL & T look at Bisexuals with some sense of scorn. Other than the fact that we like sex are we contributing to the society we say we belong to?

So yeah, go form what ever political coalition, see if that works for you.

For those of you who don't get why transsexuals are involved with the GL see my remarks above. Of course its political!

I know straight transsexual women and Bi transsexual women who are tired from fighting with the community to get our needs seen too, especially when we keep getting told "we'll just get one more right for gays, then we'll start working for your rights." It never happens.

Yes it bugs me that a good number of the Bi , gay and lez folks dont even have a clue when it comes to trans issues. You dont see many of them at any of the functions that we call sacred.

But I still do what I can to support them, because if we do not stick together, then we will all fail.

We are a minority of a minority, people. GLBT make up 1/10th of the population. I imagine that Bisexuals who are willing to stick their necks out and be counted , are even fewer. and trans folks are even fewer and further between.

Because in the end, it isn't about the sex. the sex is what we want, but the rights are what we need.

[darkeyes]

Why should we as bisexuals care about the rights of Trans people who have gender dysphoria and who have separate rights from those of bisexuals and like you wrote Trans people do not even care about bisexuals for the most part and look down on us bisexuals with scorn.

Ya reelly can b quite unfuriatin hun.. Marie nev used the word scorn at ne time.. course she has concerns bout how bisexual peeps seem not 2 involve themsels in Trans issues..or the LGB movement as a whole.. an she has sum justification in that claim.. but thats partly cosa how bi peeps r so much more closetted than gay or trans peeps.. she did NOT say she didn care bout yas.. she knows that as an oppressed section a society, bi's, like gays an Trans peeps hav so much more in common than they hav divides 'em..many in society reckon all r gay ne way..an lots that we r perverts.. u think bi's get a bad press.. compared 2 the transgendered ya has it easy hun.. she an they care ok.. thats wy 'er perception a how conspicuous by ther absence visibly in the LGBT movement frustrates ;em.. they kno we r stronger 2getha than seperately..

.. am lesbian me luffly.. an me agrees wiv Marie.. find it frustratin how so many lesbians an gay guys feel ther interests r diff.. an how they only involve themsels in or seem interested in gay female or male mattas wivvin the gay movement.. not all do..but dusn mean me don care..in many ways dusn mean gays a woteva sex don care bout the otha.. jus means that they r a lil self centered an focused on ther own sex's probs.. it wot they kno best an mos bout..Marie knos..like me dus.,..that break up the LGBT movement inta its constituent parts an go off an do our own thing, we r weakened,,an can b pikked off by str8 society's bigots.. in haff a century we hav made huge strides as a loose umbrella union.. throw way the brolly an alla those gains wud begin 2 disappear so kwik ya wudn believe..:eek:

We r stronger togetha.. believe it...:)

[rissababynta]

Ya reelly can b quite unfuriatin hun.. Marie nev used the word scorn at ne time.. course she has concerns bout how bisexual peeps seem not 2 involve themsels in Trans issues..or the LGB movement as a whole.. an she has sum justification in that claim.. but thats partly cosa how bi peeps r so much more closetted than gay or trans peeps.. she did NOT say she didn care bout yas.. she knows that as an oppressed section a society, bi's, like gays an Trans peeps hav so much more in common than they hav divides 'em..many in society reckon all r gay ne way..an lots that we r perverts.. u think bi's get a bad press.. compared 2 the transgendered ya has it easy hun.. she an they care ok.. thats wy 'er perception a how conspicuous by ther absence visibly in the LGBT movement frustrates ;em.. they kno we r stronger 2getha than seperately..

.. am lesbian me luffly.. an me agrees wiv Marie.. find it frustratin how so many lesbians an gay guys feel ther interests r diff.. an how they only involve themsels in or seem interested in gay female or male mattas wivvin the gay movement.. not all do..but dusn mean me don care..in many ways dusn mean gays a woteva sex don care bout the otha.. jus means that they r a lil self centered an focused on ther own sex's probs.. it wot they kno best an mos bout..Marie knos..like me dus.,..that break up the LGBT movement inta its constituent parts an go off an do our own thing, we r weakened,,an can b pikked off by str8 society's bigots.. in haff a century we hav made huge strides as a loose umbrella union.. throw way the brolly an alla those gains wud begin 2 disappear so kwik ya wudn believe..:eek:

We r stronger togetha.. believe it...:)

She actually did use the word scorn luff, but I don't think she meant it in the way that he interpreted it. I don't think that was her intention at all.

[Jackal]

Very much so. If you wanna argue semantics you could say that bisexuals are extra queer because we're different from homo and heterosexuals. I like the term queer because it's taking back a word, its short and simple, and it suits me because there are plenty of things about me that are a little off. It also lets me avoid being attacked because I'm bi without lying.

[darkeyes]

She actually did use the word scorn luff, but I don't think she meant it in the way that he interpreted it. I don't think that was her intention at all.

Oops..silly lil me... but the gist a wot me sed still stands Riss.. an no.. knoin Marie she didn.. :)

[Giggles100]

Why should we as bisexuals care about the rights of Trans people who have gender dysphoria and who have separate rights from those of bisexuals and like you wrote Trans people do not even care about bisexuals for the most part and look down on us bisexuals with scorn.

Because we have friends who are Trans?.....

Iv three friends at different stages of the trans process and they are really cool people! I feel great empathy towards the trans movement and identify with the trans pride flag when I see it! Just the same as the empathy and friendships I have with gay/lesbian/bi people!

Believe it or not there are people who love all parts of the LGBT community (like me)..... We don't care who/what/where you are we still feel empathy towards you and well become good friends if fate brings us together!

Sure there are dick heads who believe stupid things but they don't just hate bisexuals! They hate trans people. lesbians. gays... basically anyone who is'nt them! It's just the same as white people who hate black people and visa versa.... There are some bigoted cunts in the world who would rather turn on something rather than understand it properly and make up their own mind.......

Fuck them! The community is about people coming together...... these people don't get it..... fine..... it's their loss :bigrin:.

[MarieDelta]

Oops..silly lil me... but the gist a wot me sed still stands Riss.. an no.. knoin Marie she didn.. :)

Didn't mean I felt scorn towards any, I meant this is why some feel that way. That many bi women and men experience this from the GL & T communities is a fact. I often hear how men and women of the Bi community are ill received amongst the gays and lesbians.

We are a loose fitting coalition, and for the most part we are separate communities. Those with open minds tend to work together, those with closed minds tend not to work with anyone.

I do believe, with much conviction, that we all must be part of the same movement. Nor will I "force" any straight man or woman out of our movement. Let them join in, let them pitch in. The more people , the more power, the better our chances for equality.

After all who would turn down an offer of friendship? An offer of help? None but a fool.

[Annika L]

Annika
For me, the term queer means gay or homosexual. I understand that the gay community is attempting to take back this word and make it a positive self identification. That may work as an inside philosophy for some (as "nigga" is to some blacks) but I think that most straight people would see it as meaning homosexual and in a negative way. If you are not straight and you are not gay, then you need your own in between place of identity. Queer with your own personal interpretation probably isn't going to work in the larger mainstream.

The end two paragraphs that I copied, I can partially agree with. You are correct though that the gay community has spent years politically building strength and unity. Bisexuals....not so much. It seems to me though that we , as bisexuals, either voluntarily or by default adopt the language, etc. of the gay community. I'm not sure that is the best solution. It may be better to identify ourselves with positives rather than...yes but not quite explanations. In other words, not a adjunct to another group. I might be wrong.

tenni,

Words shift their meaning in society all the time, and words can mean different things in different places. The gay community *are* reclaiming the word "queer". I have reclaimed it myself as well. In my immediate community, this word means "not straight". I don't care whether the mainstream adopts it (any more than I care whether they adopt sewing their thumbs to their footwear...I really don't follow the mainstream in much...little of what they do makes much sense to me).


goob,

Aye, the rub...when we're on our own (distinct from part of LGBT), we're feared and deplored and largely invisible. So why should we want to be on our own?


goob and tenni,

Yes, the LG community has been busy building political strength and unity. And all three of us have benefited from that so far, and stand to benefit far more from a longer association. You've both seen recently just how united bisexuals can be when it's just us...do you truly feel that it's in our interest to separate off and try to run our own affairs? No, LGT don't take care of all of our interests any more than GBT takes care of all lesbian interests, or *anyone* really thinks much about T issues. But the four of us have enough common interests that it makes sense to advance the intersection of these interests.

[mikey3000]

I have absolutely no qualms about being considered queer. There are worse things I could be.

[Annika L]

I have absolutely no qualms about being considered queer. There are worse things I could be.

The question, dear Mikey, is whether there are worse things that you *are*?? :tong:

[mikey3000]

Worse is a very subjective term. Lets just say, I'm best when I'm at my worst.:bibounce:

[Bi-Zarro]

I suppose my use of the Allen Ginsberg quote speaks for itself.

I'm here, I'm queer, get used to me.

[autowill98]

[QUOTE=coyotedude;153196]An odd question, perhaps:
No I do not,I am a person who feels that at times I do not belong in any one group. I do not need eather but do feel a draw to all. sex is meant for all so any ssex will do? but i do have a leaning twards stright, but still like dudes. so where am I???

[coyotedude]

Thank you all for your (mostly) thoughtful posts. This really is an amazing group of people.

For me, I haven't even thought to consider myself queer until recently. The more I mull it over, the more comfortable I become with the idea that I, too, am queer. But it's a notion that is taking me some time to get used to.

Sometimes I am uncomfortable with labels. I am just me, a unique individual with my own experiences and complex personality. I just want to be able to live my life without fear, respecting others and receiving respect in return. Perhaps it's unrealistic in this world of ours, but I don't think it's too much to ask.

Peace

[MarieDelta]

Sometimes I am uncomfortable with labels. I am just me, a unique individual with my own experiences and complex personality. I just want to be able to live my life without fear, respecting others and receiving respect in return. Perhaps it's unrealistic in this world of ours, but I don't think it's too much to ask.

Peace

Yes, I understand that. A labels job is to help us to understand one another - and as such may fall well short of the mark, but they are helpful for telling someone else what we like(or don't like) in general, broad strokes.

[smokey]

NO absolutely not. I am a bisexual.

Being queer or gay is as much about self identification as it is sexual preference. I do not consider myself queer or gay because I don't identify with the whole gay scene. Mind you I am not against it, but it is not me.

My overall preference is for women but there are sometimes itches that only another man can scratch. And with both I can be either the "masculine" or "feminine" partner as interest and desire dictate.

[12voltman59]

It took me years, and lots of emotional pain---but I finally came to be comfortable with the way I am----even though for many years I considered myself to be "straight"--I knew that somehow I wasn't really a "very good" hetero person.

I always felt just a few steps off in that dance.

While I might have had those internal desires to be with other guys-----I did hold that view that if you do anything with another guy---then you are gay and that is that-----bisexuality really was not on my radar even though I certainly felt that is what I had to be even if I did not have a name for it. I certainly did not feel any kinship with the "gay community" or gay culture--or cultures.

I wasn't no pretty boy. I wasn't no Leather monster/uber macho dude. I wasn't a queen or a "swishy." I wasn't a bear or a chub----at least then!!! I didn't see any place for me in any "gay" subculture.

I have always kind of been a "lone wolf" of sorts when it comes to me fitting neatly into any kind of opening, square or round in shape--and still feel that way. I accept that and now at my age---I kinda like where I am.

I sure as hell am not purely straight--but sure as hell not gay either.

I really don't quite know what the term "queer" means---but I do doubt that whatever it means----that term does not quite fit me either.

I am simply-----"me"----for good, bad or indifferent.

[Bi-Zarro]

The term isn't equal to "gay" or "homosexual." It's a synonym for "LGBT." Specifically, an LGBT person who has no intention of pretending to be straight. That's how I learned it, anyway.

[Annika L]

The term isn't equal to "gay" or "homosexual." It's a synonym for "LGBT." Specifically, an LGBT person who has no intention of pretending to be straight. That's how I learned it, anyway.

I agree with Biz on the definition (and thanks, Biz, for supporting my language usage :tong:).

But I guess the whole question (OP) is about whether you *identify* as queer...not about whether you fit any particular definition of queer.

[djones]

You cannot divorce the concept of identity from definition - hence I don't identify as queer

Though in some circles, and perhaps some regions, queer my be used as a synonym for the LGBT community as a whole, for the majority, the term queer IS equal to gay or homosexual. Thus giving the word its definition - and identity.

To use queer arbitrarily to describe anyone in the LGBT world is to give them an identity which they may not choose to define themselves !