Biguys Married to Straight Women: Love Women, lust for cock

[tenni]

There was a previous thread that was trying to deal with this issue but it became polluted.

The OP questioned whether disclosing to your straight partner is the wisest approach when faced with the reality that not all straight spouses /partners will accept bisexuality.

The point of this thread is that it is for those who decide not to disclose to their straight wives and have considered it the best approach.

The point of this thread is about the segment of bisexual men who have emotional attachment to women but only physical attraction to men.

If you are such a bisexual man and have something to say about how to deal with your situation, please post it. If not, would you be polite and remain silent.

Let these bisexuals speak without being judged by others not in their situation.

Remember to meet the criteria before responding:
-married bisexual man (or use to be a married biguy)
-did not tell your straight wife before marriage
-have only emotional attachment to women
-a physical attraction to the male body but no emotional attraction to men

[biguyswphx]

I am a bisexual 43 MWM in Phoenix, AZ. I masturbate to gay porn on a daily basis, fantasy about sex with a man (and my wife at the same time) while having sex with my wife, yet have no desire to have an emotional relationship with a man.

I regret my decision to not disclose my sexual preferences to my wife when we first got together. I'm not sure she would have married me. She got pregnant right away and I thought I was doing the noble thing by marrying her before she had the baby.

I now have a young daughter. My marriage is good but I still want to play with another mans unit.

Surely there are others out there in the same predicament.





There was a previous thread that was trying to deal with this issue but it became polluted.

The OP questioned whether disclosing to your straight partner is the wisest approach when faced with the reality that not all straight spouses /partners will accept bisexuality.

The point of this thread is that it is for those who decide not to disclose to their straight wives and have considered it the best approach.

The point of this thread is about the segment of bisexual men who have emotional attachment to women but only physical attraction to men.

If you are such a bisexual man and have something to say about how to deal with your situation, please post it. If not, would you be polite and remain silent.

Let these bisexuals speak without being judged by others not in their situation.

Remember to meet the criteria before responding:
-married bisexual man (or use to be a married biguy)
-did not tell your straight wife before marriage
-have only emotional attachment to women
-a physical attraction to the male body but no emotional attraction to men

[lovebimarriedman]

Me too ... I am married with children ... i should have told my wife before marriage that I was bisexual. I am craving for cock so badly .... it's hard to find the one who can be trusted

[happygolucky40]

I did not disclose to my wife prior to marriage because I didn't even think about being with another man. She would stimulate me anally prior to us getting married and it quickly became integrated into our intimate life. I soon found myself watching bi-porn because of the excitement of male anal penetration. I moved onto gay porn a few years later and now I have a hard time deciding which type of porn I want to masturbate to. I have never had or want to have an emotional relationship with a man. It's purely a physical need and desire. I know this to be true because of the fact that once I orgasm I often find myself disinterested. So yeah no "cuddling" or "spooning" for me after a raw sex session. I have very strong feelings towards my wife and the concept of soft touching, caressing and holding hands will forever be with a woman.

I came out to my wife after sharing an intimate moment with her by saying that I have always wondered how it would feel to have another man inside me instead of a vibrator. I figured it was the safest approach to a very sensitive subject. Fortunately for me, she was very understanding. As time passed we discussed other aspects of MM interaction. While she was completely understanding of MM penetration she was a little taken back by the fact that I was interested in Oral play. She's an amazing woman and she's been very supportive of me. She's even said that with the right person she would consider playing too. In the meantime she asks me how things are going and if I've had any success finding the right person.

[darkeyes]

Dontcha think ya criteria for potential respondents is lil narrow? Ther surely is the full scope a bisexuality mong men ya shud b addressin.. lotsa marrieds r much more complex than u givin em credit for.. jus me lil tupenny worth...:tong:

.. not gonna comment hun as such..least not yet.. but if sum daft bugga sez summat so obviously outa order... then doubt yad b able 2 keep not jus me outa this thread...;)

[mikey3000]

Now this is where I'm a little different than your average straight guy. I am a married bi guy married to a straight (ish) woman, and I do have emotional attachments to women, but I also have a need for that enotonal attachment to men too. For me it's the contract between men's and woman's emotional aspects that attract me the most, for each gives and recieves affection in very different ways. And I give/receive affection differently to/from each one too. Weird, I know, but that the best wat to explain it for me.

[spring59]

Tenni- thanks for summing up perfectly how I feel- I definitely fit all of your categories. Over the years I have become more physically attracted to men, but I have never wanted to share any of that with my spouse. These days I am very comfortable with my bisexuality but am still figuring out how far to act on it, and how to deal with it with my wife and family. I hope that others will share their thoughts and ideas- it's one of the many great things about this site.

[Lunatic1966]

Like so many of you I too am in the same boat. I have the emotional need to be with women(my wife) however crave the raw passion of being with a guy. I have had one same sex affair with a very close friend once and have not repeated that since. (he has moved away). I too surf gay porn daily and rub one or two out a day. if she ever found out about how I felt I think she would pull the cord on the marriage thing.
I have mentioned on occasion about having a guy join us in the bedroom when my wife is playing with my ass and she brushes it off and I never brought the point further than that.
So for these reasons I will keep quiet until things change one way or the other.

[wildwestgoob]

Lunatic, the apparent theme running rampant around here (not my own) is that you should just shut your mouth, and go yank a load to vids on the net.
(of course SOME would say that too is "cheating" so don't tell anyone if you DO go find solace on the net.)

I am beginning to understand and LIKE the military's stance more and more.

Don't ask, Don't tell.

The point is, most of us married closeted bi guys are not "afraid" of our wives, as stated by some ignorant poster on another thread, we are more than likely afraid of losing them, (and or your family, job, etc) by coming out.

How many of us guys are willing to throw the dice and HOPE... against all hope, that your wife will be the one in a million that will be accepting, even if not at first, but gradually accepting (I would settle for getting slapped around for a few days if she eventually accepted me for who I really am and didn't leave me in the end) and willing to let you act on those bi genes in some way with or without her being present???

That's just not a risk most of us are willing to take.

Having that said; I saw ONE POST that impressed me somewhat at the man's ingenuity.... (taking my hat off to you sir! )

The guy said that his wife had thus far been willing to anally stimulate him during their sexual playtimes, and had even gotten into using a strap-on on him.... During the throws of one of their playtime activities, apparently whilst impaled upon her strap-on, he mentioned that he wondered what it would be like to actually have a real guy in there...

Wow!

Great ice-breaker !
Non-committal, non-specific, easy enough exit strategy.... Dude, and forgive me for not remembering your name at the moment, but dude, you deserve a frickin gold star for that if it worked !


If I could just get my wife talked into ANY playtoys AT ALL, that would be a great way to breach the subject.

:2cents:

[Guitarz133]

Another one here..... I love my wife, but crave cock. But, I DON'T crave it enough to risk my family......

I am ok with the internet. Finding a Mr. "I am on the same boat" who is trustworthy doesn't seem easy or realistic.

[dmano]

Another one here too....
It's difficult to find another dude who's in the same boat whom I can trust.

[cutterjo]

Thanks Tenni. I hope this thread continues. It seems there are a lot of us 'in the same boat' here. Too bad our 'boats' seem to be scattered all over the world.

[HappyHedonic]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.

[bikiniman]

I have been married for 15+ years and did not realise I was bi-sexual until very recently (2 years ago). I love my wife and I am emotionally attracted to women. Whilst I am sexually/physically attracted to my wife I also lust for cock. I sometimes find myself lying in bed next to my gorgeous wife dreaming of sucking another mans cock.

Whilst I have not confessed to being Bi-sexual (this is label that means different things to different people and would probably scare my wife) I have told her that I am turned on by photos of cock, have sexual fantasies about men and masturbate to Gay porn. Whilst I would not describe my wife as happy or supportive of these activities she still loves me from which I construe a level of acceptance. However this level of acceptance does not extend to having sex with another man.

My point is that it is not all or nothing, you can choose to share some information about your sexual preferences/orientation without necessarily coming out and saying "I'm bisexual" . You don't have to tell her everything but sharing something of your bi-side with her could be beneficial. Rather than asking her to accept "bisexuality" you asking her to accept you for who you are.

[RobUK]

Please excuse me posting here - I DO NOT FIT TANNI'S 'CRITERIA'
(but then I agree somewhat with Darkeyes - Tanni does not own this site)

I'm 26 now, and not married. But I am reading this thread and it's like reading the future.

I hope to get married (to a woman) - I rarely have ANY emotional attachment to a guy (certainly not on the same scale as I do with women I'm involved with). However, I have put my Kinsey rating as 4 (equally straight and gay) and I stand by that. It's hard to explain, it's not that I desire being with a dude (sexually) any more/less than with a girl, but I can't imagine having/wanting a long-term relationship with a guy, other than a JO buddy or a friend-with-benefits type of relationship.

I'm not sure if I'm making much sense here - it's really hard to put into words, and I don't want to sound like a jerk, either.

PLEASE DON'T DELETE THIS!

[parker123]

I sympathize with most of the married bi-guys who have posted. I can offer another approach the problem by using my gf as an example. We are not married, no interest in doing so, but are very close to each other emotionally. I told her at the beginning of our relationship that I had played with other guys, enjoyed it occasionally with the "right" guy, but had no one now. She had no objection, in fact, she thought about the idea of me sucking another guy off, and decided she might like to watch. She enjoyed sucking me off so much that the idea eroused her to watch me with a man. We have a great sex life but now she occasionally looks online for a biguy to play with both of us. I give her the choice so she can get somebody she can play with too. Sounds silly, but it is difficult to find a truly biguy who enjoys both m and f. My gf now will use a dildo to bring herself off while watching me play with a good partner with a clean, shaved, cut cock. She often joins in to share the cock. You might consider honesty upfront as the best approach.

[love269]

Like a broken record but I'm another one of those married guys who is madly in love with my wife, but still have the desire on occasion to feel and suck a hard cock. Since my wife is from the Bible Belt, any M2M sexual play would be deemed as an express ticket to hell. I have been able to introduce another man into the equation as one of our fantasies when I make love to her. But that's where it will remain - in the fantasy. She doesn't realize the fantasy of me licking her while she's being taken from behind turns me on too. The thought of licking her and a hard cock at the same time would be the best of both worlds! Then tasting our fantasy lover's load would be the icing on the cake!

[MrDeville]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.

Sounds like you and I are married to the same type of woman. My wife and I have been married for almost 25 yrs and the only time sex gets initiated is if I initiate and she HAS to be in the mood to want to do it. Most of the time, my initiations get met with rejection. It's funny you should mention the "once ever 4 months" time frame because that is about how often my wife and I do fuck. One difference is that, for us, it's her-on-top-me-on-bottom-hurry-up-and-finish and then she races off to the bathtub to clean up. God, what I wouldn't give for a nice lengthy fuck session with my wife. Our marriage is so damn Vanilla, I can't believe it.

[wildwestgoob]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.

Sounds all too familiar....

[Bibearcub]

I wasn't ever going to tell me wife, but I got scared of the idea of being an old man who was married and lying to his wife for decades on end. I was terrified that I'd cheat and she'd leave me.

Tonight I told her that I want to have sex w/ men.

I'm nowhere near getting a free pass to suck cock, but this is the first time I've been on a bi/gay site and not felt a little guilty/worried, and I'm optimistic for our future.

The only way it could have gone better was if she had a hung stud for me waiting in the driveway.

[fortiesbifun]

my spin is that i dont want to cheat on my wife with another woman. she is great in bed when we do have a chance to have sex. once a week is now a huge bonus. my fantasy has always been to try oral, jo, mutual masturbation etc - no anal. i have brought to wifes attention a few times but hasnt gone anywhere. finding someone to even explore has been a challenge.

[belect]

To begin with I am not married but am living with a woman. I was up front with my bisexuality. At first she was disgusted by it and also the fact of the idea I have had sex with men and been in bisexual play with couples before we met. However she seems to have accepted me anyway and loves me despite my past encounters. I have feelings for her. I still would like to enjoy the occasional sessions with guys. She however being somewhat religous and old fashioned although she is 11 years younger. She would not want to explore sex in the realm of swiniging. We ourselves since moving in together have sex not quite so often as we used to. I have mentioned to her about using toys on me but nothing has come of it yet. On rare occasions I do get a chance to be with a guy for sex only. I just don't mention it. She does say on occasion that I should go out by myself now and then. Lol. Cheating? Yes I guess it is. I prefer to think of it in terms of supplementingwith what I don't get at home. :three:;)

[JayGreen99]

I'm in pretty much a similar boat to many of you. Happily married to a woman ho turns me on constantly (I can't seem to pass up the chance to watch her shower or change clothes), but have always fantasized about sex with a guy. My main fantasies involve her and another guy, with her directing me, teaching me about how to please him.

The thought of seeing her suck on a cock, and then offer it to me gets me off every time. Unfortunately she's made her feelings about male on male sex quite clear. So, it will have to remain a fantasy until she changes her mind.:)

[roger8depussy]

Fuck it I am not getting married..I will be the third you folks ae looking for as I have been the last 25 years.....lol(bi the way my girl friends never bought my being bi guess I need to date more).

[hardcowboy41]

hahahahaha,,, dont blame you a bit

[bi4asplay]

I have trouble with the not being honest with one you are with.I guess that I am lucky in that my late wife started me on the bi road. There have been a couple of ladies that I could have made a life with if they could have been Ok with my being Bi.. Here I am also lucky that we did not wed. For I would have had to fantasize from now on and not been truely happy in out union.As I will not cheat.Besides I would always be in fear of being caught and lose every thing. One of those ladies and I are still very good friends.She respects me for being honest and up front.

[gatwat]

I am married, but have a sexual interest in males (or bi couples.) My wife doesn't know, and wouldn't understand, my need to play with cock on occasion. For me it is just sex to fill in a void, and it has no emotional content as is the case with my wife. It surprises me that there are those who raise some kind of far-fetched moralistic element to this. I just had one encounter with someone here who practically flipped-out when I said I was married. I thought those who are bi-sexual would be more sophisticated and have a deeper understanding of the range of sexuality. It makes me wonder how many feel the same as I do versus the bible thumpers.

[JerseyJay]

I did tell my wife and she was very open to watch to see if it would turn her on. She set up a meeting with a guy I was with before her and she sat in a chair with a grin on her face as she made us undress and jerk each other off first. She said thats so cute and then made us suck each for her. We met several times and then she wanted to watch us fuck each other. She said that was the most turned on she ever got. We eventually met a guy she really liked and she would join in and let him fuck her after she watched. Unfortunately she now is in her menapause and not into anything but we had some great times and I hope we get to do them again.

[swmnkdinthervr]

I am also "out" to my wife, I was upfront when I met her about my interest in both the "lifestyle" and bi play. Women are by far more attractive to me but I have a fascination with cock, it's not that I don't find guys attractive/unattractive....it's just not the first thing I think about. I would say I'm more attracted to pleasure and am fortunate enough to have a wife that is understanding, supportive and joins me for fun!

[Pendulum]

To Tenni...Thank you for posting this thread.
After reading some of the posting's of other bi,married men I feel less alien and more a part of a community of like minded,same situation brothers. I myself did not disclose my bisexuality to my wife when we first met and definitely not before we got married...frankly,I thought it was a phase I was goung through and that marriage would "cure" me...yea,riiiiiight.

At this point she is aware of my being bi but not that I have had sex with men. Though she is ok if I make friends with bisexual men or chat with them. I both love and LIKE my wife as she is both wife and best friend. Sex with guy's was intense and enjoyable but no emotional attachment..at least not from them. For me,yes,I believe I can have that kind of feeling's for a guy...but like quite a few on here..it is FINDING that one guy who can be willing to return that attachment. Some may have found that and good for them..I mean that. Others continue on their search and keep hope alive..no matter how frustrating.

I would think being in the same boat shouldn't stop any of us from reaching out to each other with support and understanding...it's not ALWAYS about sex with some of us :tongue:

Paz y Amor

[Northerner]

Thanks for starting this thread Tenni, you described me perfectly. I am in my second marriage, and only recognized my interest in guys in the last couple of years. In fact a lot of the credit for sorting it out goes to this site: Reading many discussions and thinking about them allowed me to sort out my feelings and interests. My wife is straight, but very open minded. She is aware that emotionally I am only attracted to women, but physically I am attracted to both genders. She is not open to any sexual activity outside of our relationship regardless of the gender of the participants. I have days when I wish things were different, but I feel lucky to have found her, and I accept that we can't have everything in life. On re-reading this I notice that I commented that she is not open to sexual activity "outside of our relationship"... maybe I need to broach the idea of a threesome http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images/smilies/Tongue_anim.gif

[p7va60]

ok the way i did it was to get some bi moves MMF.my wife of 38yrs an this all happened 20 yrs ago..i said dear wouldn't you like to have 2 guys she thought i would get jelous ..lol..any way things worked out an she loves dp an well 2 stiffes is better the the fake thing an i get mine an she has hers ... she has hinted that she would let a F play with her but doesn't know if she would recipacate.. ..are main interest is what does the other male have to bring to the plate ...another F or M or another couple MF..we have dumped some of are meeters for being marred ,an not being able to get away... also the biggest reason is they added limted resorces as not adding anyone to the mix..my advice is come out to the wife ..if she leaves ya she didn't love in the first place ..an if she doesn't enjoy 2 M well don't know what to tell ya

[indenver_indenver]

I fit your description. I had bi experiences when I was a teen, then got married to a straight woman. I kept my bi side secret because it was taboo back then. I fantasized about sucking cock all the time and read bi porn. I lived that way for years - very frustrating. I cruised restrooms and almost sucked cock a couple of times but chickened out at the last moment. It really was a sad but hot time since my fantasies became more and more vivid.

Eventually I got divorced for other reasons. I vowed if I ever got married again I would have the woman know first that I was bi. To my amazement, I found four women over three years that thought my bi side and MM sex was very sexy. I married one of them. Right now, I have two guys who are my partners and my wife is ok with it. BTW, at first she participated in my bi sex watching us and even guiding the guy's cock into my mouth. Very erotic! She doesn't do that any more to my disappointment.

So what can I suggest for you? You're in a tough spot. Depending upon her values (religion, etc.) she could find your desires revolting or she could be understanding and agree to your finding satisfaction. One very sly way to feel her out is to find a way to bring a dildo to bed. If you suspect she would be against that, you might do it as a joke or prank. I mean, use it to make a 'banana split' or something nutty like that. If she is very negative about it, you could just appologize and escape from the situation. But, if she doesn't object, you guys could play with it at first.

If she goes along with having it in bed with you, you could ask her if she ever was curious about what it felt like to be a guy and hold the dildo up in front of her pussy. Do this all in a playful way with lots of laughing and teasing. The deal is that you want her to not feel threatened. If she objects, you need to let her know you don't care and toss the dildo across the room laughing about it. But if, she seems interested - you may find a wonderful surprise. When I first told my date I was bi, she asked if I ever sucked a cock. She asked if the guy pushed me to my knees. (That was an awesome question because it let me know dominance interested her) She asked me if he came in my mouth. Then she asked me if I swallowed his cum! I knew then I had a winner.

BTW I thought of another strategy. I'll put it in another reply. This is getting long.

[indenver_indenver]

Here's my second suggestion. Wait until you find a news story about gay sex that tells about some guys picking on a gay or beating up a gay. Then say, you suspect the guys assaulting the gay are only convering up or compensating for their MM sex experiences. She may ask you what you mean. Then tell her that most all guys, when they were growing up had MM sex experiences and some guys feel guilty about it. So just to prove to themselves that they are not gay, they adamantly show everybody they are not gay.

She may then ask you if you ever had MM sex. Then you very casually say, of course I did and so did every other guy in my neighborhood. BINGO! Now you pay close attention to her reaction. If she is repulsed, you can just slough it off as a stupid kid thing. If she starts asking for details, you may have won the lottery.

[bibiboy]

I'm in pretty much a similar boat to many of you. Happily married to a woman ho turns me on constantly (I can't seem to pass up the chance to watch her shower or change clothes), but have always fantasized about sex with a guy. My main fantasies involve her and another guy, with her directing me, teaching me about how to please him.

The thought of seeing her suck on a cock, and then offer it to me gets me off every time. Unfortunately she's made her feelings about male on male sex quite clear. So, it will have to remain a fantasy until she changes her mind.:)

YES!!!! I want to have my gf warm the other fellow up for a quick bit then offer it to me and then cheer me on as I give him the best blow job of his life!!!

[dick_pumper]

Wow, After reading all these comments I to am not alone in my world. When I got married sex with my wife was great, but it seems as soon as the Wedding was over so was the sex. We are going on 7 years of marriage and it's been about a year since we had sex. I have a normal drive ( I believe) and would like sex 3 times a week, so I spend a lot of time watching porn. I discovered that I liked anal stimulation in high school and mentioned it to her and she had no problem fingering my hole, but I said I could get out my dildo and she flipped out, so I told her I was just kidding (and got rid of the dildo). Since I'm not getting any pussy, and am horny all the time I have thought about how good it would feel to be penetrated by the real thing. Watching gay porn especial anal gets me so hot fantasizing that I am the guy getting fucked. She found a gay video clip on the computer and was really angry and asked if I wanted that because she couldn't take it if I wanted a dick in my ass, so I told her it was an accident that the title "hot blond gives head" made me think it was a woman. I do want to be sexually active with another male as I could explain hanging out with a guy better then saying I am going to a womans house. I am not in love with men, I just want the sexual fullfilment of oral and anal that a man could give me and I return and then still have the marriage.

[NjbiGuy01]

I didn't tell my wife prior to marriage, which I regret. She was upset, but stayed with me. I played in middle school with guys, mostly MFM threesomes where the male was bi since my late teens. I do feel a little burdened that I do sometimes play on the DL. Mostly paid massage with a happy ending or in some cases, I get topped by the guy with a condom. I have not, but would not mind sucking a covered male (if he was a pro). She did have concerns that I was bi and "might act on it", but she's comfortable with my saying I don't actively solicit men, which I really don't do. I have been solicited in a few saunas on vacation by other married guys, and it has been tempting, but I've held off on doing anything in years....It's been so difficult to find men on the internet anyway, so it's not like I have 20 guys knocking on my door. My personal fear of disease really keeps me in check. We do play with toys at home, and we've become more open about my being bi and her acceptance. We were on vacation, a little drunk, and having fun orally sharing a rubber cock as I fucked her, with a vibrating butt plug in us both (!)and she admitted she might play with another guy in our bed "if the situation felt right and we trusted him". We're married almost 30 years, and made the most progress in the last few years as we've opened up more to one another....there is hope.... Do I "lust for cock" no. There are times I do crawl up the wall thinking how nice a cock or three might be to have, but it's under control.... for now.

[bendover2]

I am bi, married and struggle with many of the same issues that have been already posted. I can't tell my wife I am bi as she would not be understanding. I did not know I was bi until right before we got married. I was seduced (I let it happen) by a gay man who I guess just read me right. Up to that point I had never thought about sex of any kind with a man. Literally being just weeks aways from my wedding I said nothing, figuring what had happened was the result of a bit too much booze and a natural curiosity.

Looking back this was a mistake. My wife and I are high school sweethearts. I am the only man she has been with, and she is one of two women I have been with. Our sex life has declined over the years and now both being 37, both working full time, with two young children I am far from satisfied sexually. Well in the past few years I have discovered sites like this one and others. I look at bi porn a lot, and have meet up with a few men over the past 15 years for short, one time encounters.

I am not proud of what I have done, and hate that I must hide who I am, but I don't want a divorce, and do want to stay with my wife and be around my kids all the time. I find that when we actually have sex once (maybe in a good week twice) a week I tend to avoid the internet. But when we get in those periods of weeks at a time of no contact I come online and browse bi sites.

I have nobody to talk to about my feeling and feel guilt to say he least. In 15 years I have met up with six guys, all once. I have played safe with all of them, but the flat out fact is I have cheated. If I had no kids I think I would tell my wife. But for now I just remain quiet letting the guilt, and confused desired eat away at me.

The funny thing is I never, ever check out guys on the street, never flirt with them. I want no emotional connection with them, I just crave cock, and that feeling of passion from being with a man. With men there are only certain activities that interest me, and I always play safe. Honestly the thought of kissing a man repulses me (but I love kissing, and licking his cock...go figure). I very much prefer women, there is literally nothing I would not do with a woman sexually from vanilla sex to kink, I am in to it.

I just wish I could suppress my urges...in short my sexual life is a disaster.

[12voltman59]

It is really kind of sad to read that so many guys have this sort of situation---and I know that this is not a rare thing from the situations described to me by the married guys that I meet with or chat with on this and other sites. I would bet that there really are a huge number of guys who are in this state who don't come to sites like this and the others but they have these feelings, desires, etc but for whatever reason, can't or won't even do as much as come to a website like this and they suffer totally alone.

[chattycathy]

It is really kind of sad to read that so many women have this sort of situation. I know it must not be a rare thing. The woman has spent years thinking that the man she married and loves, perhaps adores, loves her, too. She has a life with him and in many case children with him. Then she finds out that he is attracted to men and is either secretly acting on that attraction or seriously wishing he could act on that attraction all the while he's living with her and giving every indication of being emotionally and physically faithful to her. It's not really realistic to think that one can "come out" to a person whose life is going to change in a heartbeat the second she hears the words by doing something as off the cuff as telling her during a moment of "fantasy sharing". And to expect her to accept a totally different way of seeing him from anything she ever expected with an "oh, well, honey, if that's what you want to do, here's my blessing!" is also not realistic.

[by~his~side]

*pinches self really hard*
OUCH!!:yikes2:
It hurt so I must be real.

Yes indeed, there really are women like me out there. He told me he was bi AFTER we'd been together for several years. And I gave him my blessing.
And free nights when he has a date. And permission to host. And we even shop for lube together.

I'm not saying my response is the norm.
But I am most definitely real.

~D~

[chattycathy]

Bless your heart. I hear you. Would you have run like hell had he told you FIRST? Or do you think you made the right choice?

[chattycathy]

I assume he is on here, too, so if you don't feel comfortable answering that, it's ok.

[by~his~side]

Correct, he is on here too.
The question that you asked is interesting (would I have run or did I make the right choice?) ..but not in the way that you're thinking.

You gave me an out to not answer the question (in case he scans this thread and sees it, right?).
Avoiding honesty and open communication is hardly how my husband and I have handled issues in our relationship thus far.
It seems unlikely that I'd avoid answering your question honestly in an open forum for just that reason.
Giving answers because it's what the other person wants to hear is a recipe for failure.


I'm not saintly. I've dropped $5 or $10 dollars off the price when he asks how much my mani/pedi was. (He doesn't need to know EVERYTHING).
But for the big issues in life...yeah, honesty is the only way.

He is very unique, my husband.
Running from him was never a thought.
I'm a smart woman and I made the right choice.

~D~

[BiDaveDtown]

It is really kind of sad to read that so many guys have this sort of situation---and I know that this is not a rare thing from the situations described to me by the married guys that I meet with or chat with on this and other sites. I would bet that there really are a huge number of guys who are in this state who don't come to sites like this and the others but they have these feelings, desires, etc but for whatever reason, can't or won't even do as much as come to a website like this and they suffer totally alone. Why is it sad? It's their choice to be closeted or not tell anyone at all, let alone their wives or girlfriends that they're bisexual. I did the opposite and I've been out as bisexual for decades. Both to family and friends, and to whoever I got into a relationship with or dated. I told my wife long before we were married. Also I came out to all of the men and women who I dated and had relationships with before I was married. Then again I have to wonder if you're closeted since you don't even have a picture of yourself in your profile.

[Beefeater]

My wife and I met online in a bisexual chatroom. She is and has always been straight. She knew from the moment that I gave my a/s/l as 53/bi/m/Pa. that I was bi. At that time, she was dating another guy who was into the dom/sub scene and often came into the bi room also so she would come in to chat with him as well as with others.

The relationship with her and her b/f took a turn for the worst and she turned to me for advice. Long story short,she and I became good online friends. Before long, chat turned to PMs. PMs turned to phone calls and eventully we fell in love.

I asked her at the beginning of our relationship is my being bi was a problem for her. Her reply was, "Being bi is just a PART of who and what you are as a whole person."

Naturally, I thought that since she knew and apparently approve of me being bi that it would also be OK if I was to occasionally have sex with a man but this was not to be. When I asked her why she had seemingly changed her mind, She said,"...but I thought that you'd change!"

I love my wife very deeply and I make it a point to say or do something to make her smile every day. Making her happy, makes me happy. My wife of almost nine years and I can talk about anything under the sun and not have it become an angry shouting match. I can see a good looking guy at WalMart or on TV and say, "Wow! Check out the butt on him! I'd do him in a heartbeat" she'll check him out and say something like, "Yeah. He's really packing!" or "No Honey, you deserve something better than him."

Sex with her is great! As a matter of fact, she loves to use a dildo on me whenever I ask her to for as long as I want and she loves for me to go down on her after we make love or she'll finger my ass as I masturbate. Then have me lick it off her breasts. So in this way, I'm able to express my bisexuality in a way that is totally safe for both of us and there's no chance of either one of us getting jealous.

Yes, I still, and probably always will, want to get together with another guy but if it comes between me and the woman that I love more than life itself, I'll forego the momentary pleasure I would get with another guy any day to put another smile on my wife's face and to see the love she has for me in her eyes.

[chattycathy]

BiDave, I was restating the starting line in the 12voltman wrote in the prior post referring to men. And, by your definition, yeah, I guess I'm closeted because I don't put my picture on the internet for everybody on earth to see me. Am I bisexual? No. Am I cautious with posting pictures? Yes. I'm sure I'm not the only one on any forum who is reluctant to post a picture. That's why many (if not most) people either put an avatar or a picture of somebody else. We don't need to see each others' picture to respond to their issues. There are some nuts out there, as I'm sure you know.

My husband told me he is bisexual after many years of marriage. It was not the end for us either. After the shock wore off I realized the same thing that Beefeater's wife did, he is who he is and has always been. I appreciate his honesty. We handle it the same way they do. Am I ever going to be okay if he should "express himself" by having sex with men? Absolutely not. But - I would not be okay if he decided he just had to go have sex with another woman. When we took our vows I meant them. I believe he did also. I give him love, respect, honesty (except for that shaving a dollar or two off the price tag thing), loyalty and fidelity. I expect the same from him. Would I leave him if I found he had cheated? I don't know at this stage. I do know it would change my feelings for him in a very bad way. It would change who WE are. I don't know that I'd want to be the person I'd be if I found he'd broken the trust but I think that not breaking the trust is important to him, too. Understand this - it's not the fact that he wants to have sex with a man, it's the fact that he would crave to have sex with ANYONE else and carried through with it that would hurt. I am not going to live with anybody I feel I have to watch to make sure he is not having sex with someone else, male or female. It does make me feel like I did the right thing by believing him when he'd told me the same thing Beefeater has and has behaved the same way. I suppose there are honest, loyal people and then there are those that sneak. But those that sneak are probably sneaky about most things.

[csrakate]

Bless your heart. I hear you. Would you have run like hell had he told you FIRST? Or do you think you made the right choice?

I know you directed this question to by-his-side but if I may, I would like to answer this query as well. I learned of my husband's sexuality the night he proposed. He wanted to be totally honest with me but he also didn't want to ask me to spend the rest of his life with him if I didn't know EVERYTHING about him. He didn't feel he could hide his bisexuality from me nor did he want to....but he also promised me monogamy and he made good on that promise...until the day that I offered for us to open things up. Our kids were grown and out of the house so I felt it was time we explored that area of our life together. We play TOGETHER, something he insists on....He wants me there and I want be there. I cannot describe to you the level of intimacy this has added to our relationship.....we are closer than ever.

Do I have any regrets? Oh yes...a very big regret. I regret that it took me so long to realize that his bisexuality wasn't a threat to our marriage. His love for me is deep and never ending and my love for him is the very same. Here we are, 32 years later.....more in love than ever before and ready to greet our golden years together as a sexually vital couple! It doesn't always work out this way for couples like us....but with total honesty and very open communication, it can and does work!

PS to by-his-side....I have also shaved off a few dollars here and there....for the very same things such as the mani/pedi. But I think my husband caught on and now he probably automatically adds 5 dollars to every price I tell him LOL!

[chattycathy]

Thanks, guys. Maybe we need a thread for wives?!!!

[BiPhone]

I am not married but have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. I told her I was bi after a month and she was okay with it. Problem was I had not yet been able to do anything about it. After a while she was okay with me exploring (blow jobs and jerking off). A while back I felt I wanted to be fucked by a cock and she wasn't that overjoyed about that. She was afraid of "what that might lead to" but since she is so awesome I respected her not being ready to let me do it. Last week she gave me to the go ahead and I did it. It hurt but was also av really good feeling to have a cock in my ass. Point being I would not have fucked if she wasn't okay with it. But I do respect the guys in here who can't be totally honest with their wives.

Next time he is going to fuck me while watching me fucking her recorded with my iPhone.

[Orion]

Thank you to Tenni for starting the thread and a big thank you to everybody that has responded. Reading this thread is pretty much the reason I became a member here. In a small way it is comforting to know that I am living in the same situation as many of you...bi and she does not know. I have never had any romantic feelings towards men, just sexual desire.

I would love to tell her, but to me it seems the consequences if she did not take it well outweigh the benefits of her accepting it. Maybe someday that will change in my mind, but for now it is something that I do not want to risk.

I wish I would have told her from the start, but at the time I thought my bi sexuality was something I could control. My desire for men seems to surface more when I am not in a regular sexual relationship with a woman. It's still there, but as long as I was getting some regularly, I could take it or leave it. I think I was a bit in denial about it at that time and have come to understand and accept myself better over the years.

Now after being married for several years, our sex life has diminished quite a bit. It comes in spurts (hehe..no pun intended) where we will make love several times for a week or two, then nothing for a long time. It is not unusual to go several months between such encounters and during those times it seems that there is nothing that I can do to get her in the mood.

Masturbation gets me through the down cycles. I fantasize about her or think about some of our previous sexual encounters. If I'm watching straight porn, it's usually something that features women who look very similar to her. I really don't have any desire to be with any other woman than her.

As time passes though, my bi urges become stronger and I find myself masturbating more often to gay porn and thinking about some of my past m2m encounters.

It's a tough situation. On the one hand masturbation is only getting me so far and I need the sexual release. There is no danger of me falling love with another man, it is just pure sex to me. On the other hand though I do not want to cheat on my wife.

That's my conundrum and my confession. Like I said earlier, there is some comfort in knowing you're not alone.

[ErosUrge]

I am bi, married and struggle with many of the same issues that have been already posted. I can't tell my wife I am bi as she would not be understanding. I did not know I was bi until right before we got married. I was seduced (I let it happen) by a gay man who I guess just read me right. Up to that point I had never thought about sex of any kind with a man. Literally being just weeks aways from my wedding I said nothing, figuring what had happened was the result of a bit too much booze and a natural curiosity.

Looking back this was a mistake. My wife and I are high school sweethearts. I am the only man she has been with, and she is one of two women I have been with. Our sex life has declined over the years and now both being 37, both working full time, with two young children I am far from satisfied sexually. Well in the past few years I have discovered sites like this one and others. I look at bi porn a lot, and have meet up with a few men over the past 15 years for short, one time encounters.

I am not proud of what I have done, and hate that I must hide who I am, but I don't want a divorce, and do want to stay with my wife and be around my kids all the time. I find that when we actually have sex once (maybe in a good week twice) a week I tend to avoid the internet. But when we get in those periods of weeks at a time of no contact I come online and browse bi sites.

I have nobody to talk to about my feeling and feel guilt to say he least. In 15 years I have met up with six guys, all once. I have played safe with all of them, but the flat out fact is I have cheated. If I had no kids I think I would tell my wife. But for now I just remain quiet letting the guilt, and confused desired eat away at me.

The funny thing is I never, ever check out guys on the street, never flirt with them. I want no emotional connection with them, I just crave cock, and that feeling of passion from being with a man. With men there are only certain activities that interest me, and I always play safe. Honestly the thought of kissing a man repulses me (but I love kissing, and licking his cock...go figure). I very much prefer women, there is literally nothing I would not do with a woman sexually from vanilla sex to kink, I am in to it.

I just wish I could suppress my urges...in short my sexual life is a disaster.

Every part of what Tenni requested we have as our make up is exactly me. I have decribed and posted before about these very things so I'm repeating myself. But it's all contained in this one area.

My first wife had no issue with my bisexuality and allowed me to continue the very gratifying sex I had with other guys at the time. She never felt threatened because she always knew I wasn't emotional with men.

My second marriage was a different story and things had become complicated because I had decided that I needed to let go of being sexual with guys and i figured that the marriage would permanently seal my desire only for women and not for men. I mean, after all I had a very lovely wife and the sex was very good. But try as I might, the hunger was even stronger to have sex with guys and eventually I gave in to those desires feeling guilt after each and every time and telling myself when it was done that this would be the last time. The more I did that, the more it happened. She never knew or found out and there is no doubt she'd have left had she known. Our marriage suffered because of this and by this, I mean the dishonesty and deception. And not only to her but primarily to myself. Sure I was keeping it from her, but I was also deceiving myself into by thinking that I could live my life without ever having sex with men again. To those of you who can, well, kudos to you. Spare me your judgements if you have any as I respect you for extinguishing or keeping that desire at bay...but we're not all the same that way, thank you.
So to conclude after that period, I came to terms a few years later with the fact that I enjoyed sex VERY MUCH with men and only for that reason; no emotional attachments or interests that way whatsoever. Yes friendships, but nothing more. And like BENDOVER2 I never check guys out either; it simply doesn't happen nor interests me...it's when I get into that hunger zone for sex with men, but more exactly, it's for the cock....On the other hand, I am always noticing women wherever I am in public; ALWAYS. With women as always, it's all of it; emotional, sexual, spiritual,....everything. Over the last 12 years I have lived my life openly and have always let the women I have had relationships with during this time know that I'm bi....they've accepted this though there was one who didn't want to go on because of it. I have since lived much happier and not worried about making the connection with a woman who will understand. I know it will happen eventually and that's why BY~HIS~SIDE and CSRAKATE inspire me with their positive attitude and understanding of men who are this way. I know of several couples who have this understanding with each other and have been together for many years...they too inspire me. With some of them I have shared moments sexually and we all enjoyed ourselves very much. It's obvious that they are tuned on to each other and care for each other very much. And one of the wives of these couple allows her man and I to enjoy each other from time to time without ever feeling threatened knowing full well that it's just sex with us.

And for BENDOVER2: hang in there...I know how difficult it is as I've been there. I hated who I was and the guilt was overbearing most of the time when it was all happening during my second marriage. Perhaps when your children are adults, you'll be able to discuss this with your wife.

Thanks Tenni for putting this together to represent those of us males who are this way....another angle to bisexuality.

[cbj4162]

i am a bi married guy, i love my wife but, i also lust for cock..... Big Time! .... i understand completely how you feel.

[silvert75]

I have been married almost 18 years but I did luck out in that I told my wife (girl friend) at the time that I am Bi. She is just now opening up to the idea of adding another guy, but we would have to share him. Like many of you I love my wife and am only emotionally attracted to women but physically crave me.

[chattycathy]

I've been married to a man for many years who recently told me he's bisexual. I've tried to be understanding and supportive. I love him, I have always loved him. In fact, I think that side of him is rather intriguing and a turn on. He swears he is faithful. He swears he just thinks about it but hasn't acted on it. I joined this forum to try and understand him better by trying to understand people with whom I am not so closely associated. I think I've learned a great deal and I am sympathetic to your feelings. I think it has made me more sympathetic to his feelings. Unfortunately, it has just shattered my faith in what he's sworn to me. The main thing I've learned from reading the postings is that while you men may truly love your wives you are all secretly yearning for sex with men. I'm sure he is also. Which pretty much means that there's nothing I can ever do to be what he really needs. I've also pretty much made my decision now. I am one more erased computer history, history clearing app that hides his search history, one more email to a hiking buddy with benefits away from packing it up. Thank you all for being so honest. I hope you all live happy lives and that things turn out the way you want them to be.

[chattycathy]

And addendum to the above: Do you think he ever really loved me? Did he marry me to prove to others he was straight or to himself?

[indenver_indenver]

I'm in the same boat. She loves having me lick her pussy with a big dildo in her. I tell her it would be so sexy to have a real cock in her while I lick her pussy and he cums in her. Having her pussy licked while a cock is in a woman is a pleasure one man alone cannot bring a woman. I feel certain the physical pleasure would be incredible.

[gen11]

Happy, so far your situation is most like mine. I married my (third) wife for cerebral reasons, not for sex, which I knew was going to be the most vanilla I'd experienced for decades. Just before the marriage there was a tragedy and the marriage took place in a developing PTSD (me). Between the two a permanent damper fell on what had been a rich heterosexual sex life. I'd played with mm sex for a couple of years 20 years before I married but the urge had gone away on its own -- until one moring after a decade of marriage when I woke up wanting a man so badly I couldn't think of anything else. I've been active the last 6 years, deeply in the closet, because even a suspicion of my bisexuality would destroy her emotionally and ruin our marriage. I don't know if it would end it or not.

A few years ago I came back into contact with a former girlfriend under circumstances that led to the opening of an affair. I introduced her to anal sex. She loved it, and began saying she wished she had my "equipment" so she could give me the anal pleasure I was giving her. Well! Who could ask for a better door? I came out to her and she and I have had a few limited (oral only) mmw sessions. Her health is fragile and has caused a suspension of all sex between us and I'm not sure it will resume again.

As far as active bisexuality is concerned: I had what are probably the standard, socially-conditioned conflict, shame, remorse, etc., but a purely physical desire to have sex with men drove me on. There was also, for me, the aspect that I have no emotional attachment to men whatsoever and found a safe physical outlet, whereas sex with another woman I knew would be fraught with all sorts of emotional risks and risks of betrayal -- until I remet the ex-girlfriend, who has as strong a desire to protect my wife from emotional harm as I do. She's a once-in-a-lifetime, one in ten-million, woman.

The emotional ramifications of sex with her are beyond the scope of this (happily) very limited thread.

My bottom line: I am driven to have physical sex with men. I don't think it's possible for me to develop romantic feelings toward a man. I love my wife dearly, except for sex have a beautiful marriage, and am determined above all to protect her from discovering my extra-curriculars, with men or the girlfriend. I've had two divorces. NOTHING is worth another, but even that is secondary to my determination never to hurt my wife with this. There is some conflict and guilt still there, of course, but what aspect of life doesn't have a downside?

[gen11]

My dear, I think you are about to make a horrendously important decision on the basis of misunderstandings and misimpressions.

Please consider this definition of love, given by Scott Peck in his little book "The Road Less Traveled," which has been translated into more languages than the Bible and has inspired support groups worldwide: "Love is the will [Peck adds that "will" is "desire in action"] to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual wellbeing." He distinguishes between "religion" and "spirituality." Spirituality, to him has little or nothing to do with the proscripts of organized religion, pro or con.

Now please understand that the brains of heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual people are wired in three different ways -- it is in the physical nature of each to be as they are, attracted either to the opposite sex, the same sex, or both sexes, by humankind's second-most primitive, basic drive -- procreation (in higher animals, sexual gratification), second only to self-preservation.

The fact your husband is bisexual has NO implications about how much he loves you. Look to ALL OTHER aspects of his relationship to you for that.

Also: Do not be humiliated or offended that you can't be everything he needs in every aspect of his life. No person can be that for any other person. Ever. The expectation of one spouse that the other must be that is the primary cause of divorces, and of failed relationships, and of emotional misery. If he formed an emotional, romantic attachment to another woman that compromised his ability to love you . . . that's a very different kettle of fish.

You have a sovereign right to decide to stay or go. Nobody else, on line or in person, has the right to try to make that decision for you -- not even your husband. But please make it on the basis of reality, not anything else -- not emotional insecurity, for instance; not social conditioning; not religiosity imposed by a human organization.

And by the way -- if you give him permission, he won't have to hide his internet activities and you won't be offended by his hiding them.

Good luck, m'dear. Good luck.

[Huntingbuddy]

If I give him permission to do be unfaithful he will be able to be open about it? Where's the upside? I do not want a man who cannot be faithful.

[Handoveryourgoods]

I am a monogamous married bi male. I had a couple of experiences before marriage with men, but at the time chalked it up to hormones. I have never desired a romantic relationship with a man. My experiences have been with older men, and I believe my desires are ultimately about male approval than about actual sex. I have given oral and been taken anally once. I have no deire to have them sexually. I find myself just wanting their approval of my performance. I was bullied a bit as a child (I was a small kid) and I did not have many affirming men in my life. I still have the desire to give to a man, but knowing why helps me to seek out better answers for my relationship without being dishonest.

[Huntingbuddy]

Sorry, I meant to add to my post and add quotes. That's what my ex wife told every marriage counselor we saw. And the judge.

[gen11]

His openness after "permission" is something you and he wold have to negotiate beforehand, I guess. If your definition of "unfaithful" is being with men in secret you have a different consideration from it being not having or trying to have sex with anyone but you. And of course the choice to divorce or not is yours. Or his.

My contention is that love only obligates the lover to himself or herself, to live up to the love, and is not at all directed to what the lover wants or thinks he or she needs for himself or herself. Love, I belive, does not seek to change to beloved to please the lover. I've been married 17 years this time. I've not asked her to change in any significant way. Oh, yes, please put the bottle caps on tight, etc. -- but never "have more interest in sex," or "spend less time with your career and more with me."

[jamieknyc]

No one seems to have considered the fact that people's sexual orientation can change over time, and that the man (or woman) who would not have considerd a same-sex experience at age 25 may feel the desire for it at age 40.

There seems to be an assumption through this thread that someone who feels bisexual desires has a right to act on it, and that the spouse's role is either to give permission or agree to a divorce. In real life, you can't make all decisions based on what the 'small head' wants. Those who are married and bi are going to have to accept the fact that many spouses are going to consider it a 'no way in hell' thing. I personally am married to someone who is willing to accept my bisexual desires, but many other spouses consider it a deal-breaker.

[Jakentn]

Thats me, totally in love with my wife and ery emotionally attached to her, but rave cock all day long and never crave any emotional attachment to my male lovers.

[Mickie]

I'm new to posting but I've been lurking a bit. My husband told me a couple of years ago that's he's bisexual. It had been such a burden on him all his life and had caused some serious depression issues. Did it shock me? Well, yeah, it did. Did it make me love him any less? Nope. Did it make me more insecure in our marriage? A bit. Sometimes. It's an unknown and something I surely had not expected him to tell me at the table over coffee. But frankly I was more relieved than anything else. I'd much rather face a bear I can see than wonder where that bear is in the darkness! He'd been so sad for so long it was anticlimatic to hear the reason. My first thought was, "is that ALL???" I find it sexy. I think it's hot. I don't know exactly why, but I suspect it is more the intimacy of the sharing of something he'd held so close to his heart for so many years. (I could also just cry at the thought of him feeling he had to hide something that was a part of him for so long out of fear of rejection or judgment.) We've talked about threesomes but I just can't wrap my head around it for many reasons. The main one being I am just flat out jealous. I don't want him having sex with another woman (no, guys, not even if I'm there with 'em. He's SEEN me, I'd have to try to pry my way in between him and the new girl or guy). I think watching, participating, or knowing he was with someone else would fundamentally change the way I thought of him and not in a good way. Him being bisexual doesn't make him a different person from the one I married at all, him having sex with other people would. And don't start that "he needs to address that part of him" and tell me I shouldn't expect him to change. We all change and we should when we marry. Before we married he was a good looking hunk of womanizing carousing wildness. I didn't do so bad on that score my ownself (not womanizing, but you know what I mean). When we met each other and married we both changed. I've never been unfaithful (not even "in my heart") in all these years and I do not think he has either. He may "crave cock", I've never actually delved into that with him, I think we all need private areas of thought. He's a former smoker, I think he "craves" a cigarette once in a while, too. But he doesn't smoke it. Because smoking it could change his life in a bad way. Eventually. Just like sneaking around "one little time" might not get him caught, but he'd know what he had done and that would change him at least a bit. Maybe I would have been more open to experimentation years ago, but I've come to a stage in life where I crave "peace" and the knowledge that I have what I want. I think, minus some fleeting thoughts, he has also. I also think that what we read on forums need to be taken with a grain of salt. I doubt everybody who brags on their escapades are always telling the truth. They may be telling it the way they wish it had been. By the way, I think Jamie and Handover are just damned cool!

[rarefunloving]

I have to say that this strikes right at home for me, i was married for 15 years, and always had the urge or what i thought was fantasy to be with men, i never told my ex-wife, even after our divorce. I have had many girlfriends since then, and have told them of my desires, which ultimatly lead to our relationships ending after a period of time. I have had some that "thought" they would be ok with it, but in the end they were not..I have had two experinces with men, and both times i was were very turned on by it and enjoyed the experince, i guess i can say that i like to emotionally be with woman, but sexually i feel like i truly love being with a man, i feel my sexual desire for woman fading, really a tough thing for me to accept and deal with, nout sure how to handle it really..

[rarefunloving]

I commend you for standing by your man, just not sure about him changing, i am sorry, i have had very strong bi-sexual feelings for a long time and have acted on it a few times, and have tried really hard to kill those urges and tell myself that it was a faze that i do not need that anymore. I really do not know the easy answer, because i understand how you feel also, maybe you can explore something together, not sex with other people, but maybe you can do things with him that would satisfy some urges..Its tough, thats all i can say

[Mickie]

Isn't "doing things with him that would satisfy some urges" pretty much what we all do after we marry or commit to someone? Isn't that basically what giving that blow job even with a stuffy nose or having sex after a godawful day at work when all you want to do when you get to bed is hide under the blanket so nobody can talk to you but HE/SHE is horny? Or, let's face it, isn't that what we do after we know somebody has started his engine earlier (either a movie or in person) so we have an early night and finish what the other person started? Susie Cute, sales rep, can flirt/start all she wants to make that sale, when he gets home it's MY turn to finish that line of thought for him. Or Mack Muscle at the oil change place can do the same thing,, same results. There's all kinds of stuff to do if you're imaginative and a little on the goofy side with a willingness to play and a great imagination.

[Mickie]

I am so sorry. And so embarrassed and my feelings are hurt. I didn't realize I was being offensive to you people by posting on here. Tenni tells me this is a closed group for bisexual men only and to not post here any more. I had no idea that was the case. I'm new here and I would never have crossed her (his?) line had I known that. I will go away now.

[DuckiesDarling]

I am so sorry. And so embarrassed and my feelings are hurt. I didn't realize I was being offensive to you people by posting on here. Tenni tells me this is a closed group for bisexual men only and to not post here any more. I had no idea that was the case. I'm new here and I would never have crossed her (his?) line had I known that. I will go away now.

First, don't worry about what Tenni says, the only person who has any say in who posts what on this site is the owner, Drew. Ignore him, you're life will be better. Welcome to the site, you have as much right to be here as anyone, do not let what anyone says keep you from posting your questions and your thoughts concerning your life with your bisexual partner.

[Sensualhunter]

Another MWM that has not come out to his wife and, as of now, I do not plan on it.

This thread fits me pretty well. I love women emotionally and sexually. I am connected to my wife in so many ways and we are soulmates. But, I had 2 experiences with men before I married her and think about them a lot. They were both married men and it was scary, but I bottomed for both of them and loved it. My ex and I had many MFF experiences, but I never came out to her. I am sure now that she would have been into it. It was my fear that stopped me. I do not get turned on by looking at a man, except when I watch porn and think of the two guys I was with, BTW, I was not with them together ;) I could not be emotionally attached to another male in the same way I am with women. My wife and I have an Ok sex life, but it is not usually enough for me. She does play with a strapon and now a RealDoe sometimes, but I really have to ask for it. Sometimes when we make love, I slide my cock up against her and make it look like it is her penis. We are very passionate, but she really mainly likes it vanilla, which is mostly fine with me, but sometimes I would love more.

I have just updated my profile since I have decided to try to find another MWM like me in Los Angeles, who have maybe had a couple of experiences, or none and have decided they want to try it again in a very discreet, safe and sane way.

Thanks for starting the thread ;)

[tenni]

From the OP

"The point of this thread is that it is for those who decide not to disclose to their straight wives and have considered it the best approach.

The point of this thread is about the segment of bisexual men who have emotional attachment to women but only physical attraction to men.

If you are such a bisexual man and have something to say about how to deal with your situation, please post it. If not, would you be polite and remain silent.

Let these bisexuals speak without being judged by others not in their situation.

Remember to meet the criteria before responding:
-married bisexual man (or use to be a married biguy)
-did not tell your straight wife before marriage
-have only emotional attachment to women
-a physical attraction to the male body but no emotional attraction to men
......................................

Mickie
I am sorry that you have misunderstood my PM.

I requested in a PM that you start your own thread as you did not meet the criteria for the thread(biman) as repeated above. Your own thread would permit you to create your own topic rather than take this thread "off topic" its purpose. It always helps to read the OP (first post) as sometimes a thread is taken off topic. Your issues would be better dealt with by creating your own thread without creating an atmosphere of "judgement about bi men who met these criteria".

This is the exact wording that I sent Mickie in a PM
"Hi
I am wondering if you would please start your own thread rather than continue posting on the biguys married thread? If you read my OP, you do not qualify. May we keep this thread just for bimen please?
Thanks for being considerate."

[darkeyes]

I am so sorry. And so embarrassed and my feelings are hurt. I didn't realize I was being offensive to you people by posting on here. Tenni tells me this is a closed group for bisexual men only and to not post here any more. I had no idea that was the case. I'm new here and I would never have crossed her (his?) line had I known that. I will go away now.
I can believe many things of tenni, have many criticisms of him and he can be a pain in arse at times, but I don't believe for one minute that tenni told u that rather that in such rigid terms... he does have some funny ideas at times, and he does have certain strong opinions about the site and who it should be open to.. but one of them is not as far as I have ever ascertained, that it is restricted to bisexual men only.... who it should be restricted to is one thing, and it's format, and how people contribute, and he does have strong opinions on that...but he knows as well as anyone else how Drew has set up the site..

[**Peg**]

First, don't worry about what Tenni says, the only person who has any say in who posts what on this site is the owner, Drew... you have as much right to be here as anyone, do not let what anyone says keep you from posting your questions and your thoughts concerning your life with your bisexual partner.

exactly.

[**Peg**]

.... I also think that what we read on forums need to be taken with a grain of salt.

excellent post, Mickie. I think a lot of women married to bi men feel the way you do. Well done, and please stick around, don't leave.

[**Peg**]

I can believe many things of tenni, have many criticisms of him and he can be a pain in arse at times, but I don't believe for one minute that tenni told u that rather that in such rigid terms... he does have some funny ideas at times, and he does have certain strong opinions about the site and who it should be open to.. but one of them is not as far as I have ever ascertained, that it is restricted to bisexual men only.... who it should be restricted to is one thing, and it's format, and how people contribute, and he does have strong opinions on that...but he knows as well as anyone else how Drew has set up the site..


right on Fran and if there is any doubt about who may and may not post in this thread (Mickie you reading this?) perhaps someone should ask Drew to view it and get HIS opinion. I think I know the answer already.

I don't understand why tenni would not want women to respond: we ARE the other half of the equation. Information is power, and seeing the mens' responses in here gives me valuable insight.

Hey !! I have an idea <grin> ... let's ask Kate HER opinion *lol*.

[csrakate]

***note to Peg - Until the other Kate chimes in, let me give my two cents LOL:bigrin:**

Tenni may have ruffled some feathers in the past, mine included, but he in no way suggested that Mickie did not belong here. That was HER interpretation or quite possibly the interpretation of some "well meaning" individuals who have issues with Tenni. Mickie's interpretation sounds VERY familiar and it hardly sounds like something one would surmise based on the wording that Tenni has provided us. All he did was suggest that Mickie start her own thread instead of derailing his with her particular problem. Regardless, I think it is shameful that there appears to be a lynch mentality over this "he vs. she" situation and I would suggest that we all let Mickie sort this one out on her own. She's a big girl....she knows she has our support.....and she has every right to be here. Also, Tenni had the right to request that women not respond to his thread, after all...he was the OP and it is his right to try to present a thread any way he wishes....doesn't mean we have to listen, but he has the right to request it. Enough said.

Incidentally, I obviously missed that memo since I also responded in this thread as well.....Oooops!.....My bad! LOL!:tongue:

[greeneyes64]

I fit the description perfectly, I am married with children and I am outwardly heterosexual but I have fantasized about sex with other men since my late teens.
I don't feel any emotional attraction to men but feel a strong sexual attraction to male bodies, especially the erect penis which is just wonderful to look at.
The only person I have shared this with is a former girlfriend who was bi herself and I have not seen her for many years.
I have been sexually inactive for a while now due to my wife's ill health and this seems to have strengthened my desires. I have not done anything about it yet but I love to masturbate to gay porn, especially the more believable amateur stuff. I want to perform oral sex on another man more than anything else but I don't feel much desire to kiss and hug.
I am not sure where to take this as the urges come and go and I have little opportunity to act on them, but at least it gives me an exciting sexual fantasy life.

[the2ofus4funwithu]

That is the sameway I first brought it up to my wife. But it is really hard to find that right guy that we both agree on LOL

[Mickie]

Maybe I did jump to a bigger conclusion than he meant. I've just never been on any forum where I was told I "didn't qualify" to post. But thanks to you all for being so supportive. I just thought it might make a difference to some of you married men to realize that while not all of us wives are going to be excited to participate or overjoyed that you want to participate, it doesn't mean we don't love you. I know it makes me feel better reading that, impulses aside, most of you love your wives.

[dick_pumper]

All these same boats.
I told my wife when we were dating that I liked anal stimulation. She said a lot of guys do and she would finger my ass when giving me a blow job. I had been using a dildo on myself for years and I asked her one day if she would like to use it on me and she freaked out. "Only fags want a dick in their ass!" If you want a dick up there then go live with a fag" So I told her sheesh, I was only kidding. And have never brought it up again. She didn't know that I actually had a dildo. She even got upset if I asked her for two fingers. So now, 7 years into this marriage, our sex life has dropped to about once a year, and I fucking hate it. I never get the finger treatment and with all the resentment, when we fuck, she comes but I don't. We are more like roomates who fuck once a year then we are a spouse. So I spend a lot of time jacking off to porn and as straight porn got boring, I started to look at more and more gay porn and love to fantasize that the guy getting his ass stuffed was me. I even find myself wanting to suck another man and have him suck me. And another turn on is watching a guy having sex with a woman while another man fucks his ass. So I have developed into a straight out Bi guy. I have to much to lose outside of the marriage if I was to come out, so I just keep my thoughts to myself and live life. Now I found this site and hope to meet my "Friend" here and we can enjoy fulfilling the void in our Bi side and still keep the marriage and nobody looses.

[biblkman]

Me too ! Lol, I love women the look taste touch feel, the emotional compatibility, but... I do love cock ! Not the man , don't get me wrong I would love to make a special guy friend , one who I can chill wit go to the bar with a friend I can laughs and joke with, some one I can trust to keep my sexuality private and have around my non bi or gay friends and nobody knows what we do behind closed doors it does sound like a non emotional thing but it isnt picture your best friend with a bonus, and my girl knows I'm bi but she's not cool with me fuckin antround so its just strickly fantasie

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Being that I am not a bi man I wonder, how easy is to just up and leave your wife to be with another man, so I could be fully sexually satisfied. Cause apparently most bisexual men find more sexual pleasure from men, rather than women, or they don't find women sexually stimulating at all. :confused:

[Gearbox]

Being that I am not a bi man I wonder, how easy is to just up and leave your wife to be with another man, so I could be fully sexually satisfied. Cause apparently most bisexual men find more sexual pleasure from men, rather than women, or they don't find women sexually stimulating at all. :confused:
Your talking about homosexuals. You wouldn't be a bi man if you only liked men.:)

[greatwhite]

Sounds like you and I are married to the same type of woman. My wife and I have been married for almost 25 yrs and the only time sex gets initiated is if I initiate and she HAS to be in the mood to want to do it. Most of the time, my initiations get met with rejection. It's funny you should mention the "once ever 4 months" time frame because that is about how often my wife and I do fuck. One difference is that, for us, it's her-on-top-me-on-bottom-hurry-up-and-finish and then she races off to the bathtub to clean up. God, what I wouldn't give for a nice lengthy fuck session with my wife. Our marriage is so damn Vanilla, I can't believe it.

Yup. I'm super open-minded sexually, but after 5 years I've realized that fantasies are NOT going to happen with this girl- it's all formula sex. My occasional outlet is online....

[SweetnSpicy241]

If I (the Female of the couple) may add, I have to admit that when my husband told me about his bisexuality I actually jumped out of my skin. :yikes2: But from how happy I was. I feel that a man who can enjoy both M and F is amazing. Knowing that my husband craves cock is a real turn on for me. Hey! just thinking about it I can easily have an sweet orgasm.

[theartofcontrol]

This is one of the reasons I'm here at this site. I used to have a robust sex life in which my fantasies were cumming true. Then I met my wife and I knew that she was not shall we say, "sexually adventurous". I fell in love with her and overlooked her lack of libido and creativity in favor of all her qualities and we ended up married. Now we have straight, vanilla, me-on-top-hurry-up-and-finish kind of sex that I have to initiate about once every four months. Meanwhile I'm jacking off to Internet porn almost every night and the stuff that really gets me going is the gay and bi porn.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat......all alone adrift in a huge sea with no other boats in sight, except for here. It's nice to read the words of others who feel as I do.


We're either married to the same woman (That would be conveinient) or we're brother inlaws

[Wynlvr1]

I realized I was bi in my early teens. Had emotional and sexual relationships with women but just sex with men. I told me (ex) wife after we got married. Hence the reason she is an ex. But now I've hit the jackpot. My current girlfriend was a swinger Before we met and is not only ok with me being bi but is turned on by it and she is exploring her bi side too. We both have high sex drives and play with couples and single bi men too. We regularly go to our local swingers club and have a profile on sdc.com where we are both listed as bi and can meet other members who are also bi. The last 10 months we have been together has been amazing sexually , thrreesomes and moresomes, and I am now comfortable in identifying as bi - all her friends know, not my kids or co-workers. Small steps. And im learning to get in touch with being bi really means to me. I just kissed a guy for the first time last month. Im in my mid forties.

There are women out there who are open and accepting, but I learned that keeping it a secret and trying to disclose after marriage is not the best or the easiest way to do this. My suggestion is to discuss before you get married and if they don't want to get married once they know, then it is probably for the best. Painful at first but much better than years of pain, guilt, shame and deceit. One common thread in the thread (sorry about that) is not IT DOES NOT GO AWAY ! The desire to be with the same sex is there and will return even if one can suppress it for a time and then cause more pain for the spouse.

[twspe]

Great response!!! I met a tough masculine guy who had a wonderful marriage and his wife fucked him nightly with a dildo...He asked her if his friend could fuck him and she said yes.....Wow It does work..They are happier today!!

[PhxCouple]

I am so sorry. And so embarrassed and my feelings are hurt. I didn't realize I was being offensive to you people by posting on here. Tenni tells me this is a closed group for bisexual men only and to not post here any more. I had no idea that was the case. I'm new here and I would never have crossed her (his?) line had I known that. I will go away now.

Mickie,

Thank you for providing the view of the "wife" or "female partner" to a bisexual man. Very enlightening and much appreciated.

[ExSailor]

I am partnered with a woman who I've been with for awhile but we are not married. She is bisexual. I have fallen in love with men before and I have a male lover who sometimes joins us. Any bisexual man who claims they can have sex with men but has never had romantic feelings for a man is a man that's full of internalized biphobia and homophobia, and a lot of heterosexism as well. In some cases they've convinced themselves that they can't fall in love with a man or have romantic feelings for a man so it doesn't happen. I can understand that you don't fall in love with everyone who you're having sex with or who you've had sex with; but to claim that you'd never fall in love with a man or have romantic attractions to even just one man shows how men who think this have lots of internalized biphobia, homophobia, and are heterosexist.

[grxclaus]

I'm in the same predicament. I too have no desire to get emotionally involved with a man but I often fantasize about sucking cock and getting sucked. If I could suck my own, I would.

[aLABiM75 & StrF51]

.


Telling my GF & now Wife I was Bi, is the best thing ever.
Your Partner in life should be able to accept all of you and support you in Life.
Frankly: if they don't, then you should figure that out waaaaay before you decide to commit your Life to them.


.