confused

[JilLxX]

*takes a deep breath....

okay, i'm a 24 year old married woman, but for quite a while now, i've been having some dreams and thoughts that i dare not tell anyone i know. actually, i've been having thoughts and dreams like this for years.

in my dreams and thoughts, i'm always with another woman. these feelings/fantasies are getting so strong that i honestly think i would act on them if given the opportunity, which i know isn't good since i'm married. my husband and i just don't have a good relationship, but that still wouldn't be a good excuse. i dunno what to do. i so much want to act on my thoughts, but i know i can't......and i'm wondering, does this mean i'm bisexual? i just can't seem to get this out of my head, and to be honest, i'm not sure i want to.

anyway, please help. i'm confused as to what all of this means.

[innaminka]

*i so much want to act on my thoughts, but i know i can't......and i'm wondering, does this mean i'm bisexual.

Probably not - a lot of unhappy people have strange (to them) dreams.

to be pretty brutal, we all of us here (bi's) had to start somewhere. The only way to really give yourself the answer is to do something practical about it.

Happy hunting. :flag3:

[JilLxX]

Thanks. I forgot to mention that I also had these thoughts before getting married. To be honest, I've had them since way back. I come from a very conservative/christian family, though, and those kinds of thoughts aren't allowed. Oh well...I've always been the black sheep anyway.

But yeah...I suppose that is the only way to know for sure..to actually act on all those fantasies. Right now, I'm not sure what I will end up doing. Ya never know, right?

[rupertbare]

i've been having thoughts and dreams like this for years.
in my dreams and thoughts, i'm always with another woman.

my husband and i just don't have a good relationship,


You don't say at what age you started to have these fantasies - although they are not uncommon for either women or men. Especially during late-teens. They can be rather "alarming" and cause distress and confusion. Remember human sexuality is a "fluid" thing - it is not fixed. We can swing from being hetero to being gay in thoughts and attitudes and for some even by our actions. But as we are so often not taught this, when we first get such thoughts it scares us - even if we are comfortable with the thoughts and enjoy them. This is mainly because the world is such a homophobic place.

To address these thoughts just keep visiting this site - read the various threads and get to know people in chat - work out who you both like and trust and discuss it with them - it's a warm, friendly, supportive and best of all, safe enviroment.

The second issue you bring up - about your relationship with your husband - again you don't say for how long you have been married - 24 is still young - our attitudes and desires tend not to "settle down" (well a bit!!) until around 30. You give no indication of what the problem/s is/are.
This is a worry - have you tried some "outside" help to discuss the issue - friends - a work colleague - maybe even a relationship counsellor.
Do you believe it to be because of these dreams? Or are they becoming more frequent becasue of the state of your marriage.?

Again try and address this in chat.

well that's my :2cents: - I wish you well and hope you find some answers here.

And ((((Welcome)))))) to the site!!!

with love to you and yours

Rupe :)

[ambi53mm]

*takes a deep breath....

okay, i'm a 24 year old married woman, but for quite a while now, i've been having some dreams and thoughts that i dare not tell anyone i know. actually, i've been having thoughts and dreams like this for years.

in my dreams and thoughts, i'm always with another woman. these feelings/fantasies are getting so strong that i honestly think i would act on them if given the opportunity, which i know isn't good since i'm married. my husband and i just don't have a good relationship, but that still wouldn't be a good excuse. i dunno what to do. i so much want to act on my thoughts, but i know i can't......and i'm wondering, does this mean i'm bisexual? i just can't seem to get this out of my head, and to be honest, i'm not sure i want to.

anyway, please help. i'm confused as to what all of this means.

Hi JilLxX,


It is hard to say where one reality ends and another begins sometimes. Some are of the opinion that dreams are the reality from where we all come and eventually return. I guess I tend to be one of those people. I use to have the same dreams and see them as harmless in and of themselves. That your thoughts which are more in tune with this reality seem to lean in that direction, would show that you at least entertain the ideal of being bisexual. I kept dream journals over a few years back in the early 90’s as part of an attempt to learn more about myself. I was amazed at how often dreams of same sex scenarios would happen and the more they happened the more I thought about them, and the more I thought about them the more I dreamt them.
My dreams seemed to follow two scenarios. One would have me enjoying myself in ways I have always enjoyed same sex in this time and space. The other would have me nearly caught, or pursued by others in public or work situations and having to cling tightly to my hetro image in order to avoid detection or discovery. I concluded that I was in denial about being bisexual even though I had acted on it in the past. This is one of the reasons that I have sought out sites like this. To grow, love, accept, and eventually come to terms with that part of myself.
I have been meditating and practicing lucid dreaming techniques for about 32 years now. I frequently use my lucid dreaming techniques as a substitute for the real thing. It is different of course from the real thing, but about as close as you can come without actually crossing that thin line between the realities.
I don’t believe your dreams or thoughts will cease to end. Part of you has embraced the ideal at some level already...The harder question is,”OK. Where do I go from here?” There are many on this site that are probably better in giving advice in that area Opinions will differ on a course of action as to how to deal with these thoughts and feelings in lieu of your current situation… As you might expect mine would be to….Follow your dreams.

Safe Journey
Ambi :)

[rumple4skin]

JilLxX,
Welcome to the site, and thanks for posting. I know for myself I had thoughts and dreams about both genders from my youth. The fact that those thoughts are not "allowed" in your background probably adds to your confusion. I had alot of guilt about mine for years. I do not think anyone can say weather you are bisexual or not except you. I would encourage you to check out some of the other threads on the site and chat with other people. For me it has been a process that is ongoing. I accepted I am bi when I was 31 but am still working out what that "means" to me.

As far as your relationship with your husband, I am sorry to hear that it is not a good one. There may be things you can do to improve it. The most important thing would be to improve the communication between you two. That may take alot of work and it may mean going to a counselor either individually or together or both.

I would caution against doing anything that you might regret later as far as exploring you thoughts or dreams. Whatever you decide to do make sure you do it with open eyes and consider the big picture. There is no need to add any extra guilt or stress right now.

Give yourself some time to sort things out before you decide on any action. You do not have to rush into anything. Like others have said this is a very good site to talk to others and get another perspective that I find very helpful in sorting things out.

I wish you the best,
Rumple

[ErosUrge]

Oh how well I can relate and remember. It can be so difficult a path when it comes to our defining ourselves. When I was in my teens and throughout my twenties, I wasn't sure what I was sexually. All I knew was that I couldn't confine my sexual impulses and urges to only one sex. At first, I was ready to roll out and announce to the world that I liked having sex with both and actually did do so during my early twenties. But then a few years later, I saw how admitting such a thing stigmatized a person and then masked myself about it all again out of fear except for those who already knew about me. My advice is to take things slowly and not to fear. Again,I realize how difficult that can be and I too was brought up Catholic and was led to believe that sex was a very base and animal instinct that needed to be controlled. And that mind you was only with the impulses with the opposite sex, forget about thoughts of having sex with the same sex. Anyhow, there are sometimes layers we have to peel through and that in itself can be scary but in another sense very exciting and rejuvenating. I wish you the very very best in your quest. There is no doubt as has already been pointed out that sooner or later, it is you that must take those steps. But understand that there are so many willing to help you on the way and you're actually in the midst of such people when you come here.....the best to you.

[meteast chick]

You have no idea how closely our situations mirror each other. I put out my own post a little while ago and am so glad that I did. I have had these same fantasies and dreams since junior high/high school, and although I am married with 2 children, these thoughts have only gotten stronger. I was open and honest with my husband, and it's obvious to me that I would destroy our marriage and our family by acting on those fantasies. Our marriage has suffered, but by being honest with him, he's more understanding and has even joined this site. He says the jealousy that he formed has diminished by looking at posts and chatting. Truly, this site could be a life saver. We are currently set up for marriage counseling and individual counseling, and only time will tell.

The only thing I can advise is to be honest with him. If you take the chance of acting on your dreams without consulting his feelings, you could ruin your marriage. You say your marriage is bad, but do you want to try to rekindle some of the old spark or let the fire die?

good luck
luv and kisses
meteast chick

[JilLxX]

Thank you all so much for your input. I suppose I really couldn't do anything about those thoughts whilst married because it would definitely only add to my stress and guilt. My marriage sucks, but the truth is, I have a good guy. I honestly think it could be that we just were never meant to be together. We had so many problems and uncertainties while dating, but we went ahead and married anyway. About the fantasies, I've never actually told my husband anything about those, but he is constantly telling me I'm a lesbian lol. He tells me this all the time....says he knows I am. Weird.

Anywho, thanks again! I'm gonna check out some other stuff on the site...hang around for a while. I'm sure it'll be helpful to me.