I think I'm going to have to say good bye...

[mikey3000]

I can't handle dealing with this it anymore. I've tried my best, but it just isn't good enough. My last peice of advice to anyone thinking of comming out to their spouse is to use extreme caution, cause once you do, there is no going back. I made a huge mistake. My wife is on the verge of leaving me so I'm going to try and go back to being just plain ol' Michael. Her Michael.

So sorry.

[eddy10]

Hang in there Michael. Good luck.

[gfofbiguy]

I sent you a PM about some groups that might be helpful to you and your wife in dealing with your bisexuality. Take care.

~~Gfofbiguy

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You do what you have to do for you, Sweet Baby. Do what you need to be happy, but never forget who you are, and dont forget where your friends are if you need us.
Hugs Darlin.
Cat

[darkeyes]

Read this with huge sadness Mikey. Am truly sorry for how things have turned out. Everyone in your predicament should always act with caution before talking to their most loved. However much they seem to be open to one being bisexual or gay, we are never 100% sure until we tell them. It is always best if before committing we tell them to save much pain at a later date, but love is a strange thing and we often are much too afraid to tell our prospective life partner for fear of loss. Once, from being openly bisexual, I slid back into the closet for fear of that. It was a disaster and never something to be recommended.

Now you have the extremely difficult task of rebuilding your relationship. It can be done but will take much love and hard work. The cat is out of the bag however, and what has been said can't be unsaid. It will take two strong committed people to work this out. I truly hope that between you what you have had, and what you have enables you to do so.:)

Luff n huggles 2 ya hun...an lotsa kissies.

[Realist]

Man! That was a shock! It seemed that she was becoming more and more accepting and even indicated a little curiosity, herself! You're making the right choice, I'm sure.

My ex was somewhat the same. Before we married, I told her I was bi and promised that I would not cheat and I held to my word. But, the earlier revelations were too much for her and it began to fester and grow in her mind that I was lusting after every man I knew. That was NOT the case, but she could not be convinced.

I hope you can resolve this issue and that your marriage can be saved. I'll miss you and the conversations we had. Good luck to you!

[Wolf_Sr]

I feel sad for what happened... hope the love prevails.
The fact is that the religious environment that most of us were brought up makes acceptance of bisexuality to be a very low probability. The next generations will be different, this is certain and positive, but for most of us the biggest probability is non-acceptance.
Hugs

[tenni]

Good Luck Mike
I think that there are so many things going on in your home that you are taking the correct approach. However, you are still bisexual. It will come back for you to deal with later. Despite the views that state that this is a couple decision, it is really your decision to decide what to do. You have made a decision for now. I agree that for now it is a good decision.

[sexual26]

Havn't talked to you personally but hope evrything works out for you mike and you can save your marriage.

[rissababynta]

Lots of luck to you dear.

[biblissful]

I'm sorry for both of you. You can only lie to yourself for so long and you will end up being angry with her at times. I truly believe in honesty and getting help for both of you. You can not hide who you are and be happy.

[DareMe]

I feel for you man...

Best of luck,

DareMe

[Eddie altamonte]

My prayers and hopes are with you maybe time will change things in your life but remember do whatever it takes to be happy we all make sacrifices for the people we love just please don't ever lose yourself in the process. Your happiness and peace of mind is what is most important, and most difficult to achieve We will always be here for you if/when you need us. May the sun shine in your walk of life May there be a smile on your lips and love in your heart. If at times you feel that you walk alone look by your side because I will always be there

[Seeking4664]

I wish you luck. It isn't always easy feeling the things we feel. In a perfect society one would not be thought less of for having feelings for the same sex. But we don't live in a perfect society. I hope you continue to talk to those you can. We all need friends. No one understands like another bisexual person understands. Good luck

[12voltman59]

Good luck to you both--I hope you can all work it out in a good way for you both!!!

[switchit]

What selfish, trite responses. You will 'always be there' for him--where is that, exactly? In a computer? We 'assume' that our loved ones will be open to one being bi or gay--oh, do we? Why on earth would one make such an assumption?
You advise people to come out, be honest, just talk--and someone, of course, actually heeds your advice--and look what you accomplish.
This is a sex site. Fantasize, masturbate on your own time, good. Ruin your life-- no, don't do that.

[rissababynta]

What selfish, trite responses. You will 'always be there' for him--where is that, exactly? In a computer? We 'assume' that our loved ones will be open to one being bi or gay--oh, do we? Why on earth would one make such an assumption?
You advise people to come out, be honest, just talk--and someone, of course, actually heeds your advice--and look what you accomplish.
This is a sex site. Fantasize, masturbate on your own time, good. Ruin your life-- no, don't do that.


Actually, from my understanding he was out to his wife long before he came here so no, he didn't actually heed anyone's advice here.

[Danielle_Tremblay]

Mikey....first off let me say that i am so sorry for you. I understand where you are at in your life. Some years ago i decided to end the lies and deception and go for broke and to "come out" to my wife of some 15 years because, at the end of the day, i truly and deeply loved her. I wasn't coming out about my bi-sexuality at that time, simply my transvestism which, when you think about it, is still a big "thing", especially to a woman and a wife. For me, this was the beginning of the end, she used it against me and basically "outed" me to family and friends (both mine and hers), my family has alienated me, my friends don't contact me anymore but luckily, she was smart enough to not taint my children's minds with this (as yet) and i enjoy a happy relationship with them (so far). I lost my house and almost everything in it and had to live here and there till i got on my feet (which took a few years).

I say i didn't come out as a bi-sexual because, at that time, i didn't know that i was. i accepted my new life and all the consequences, tried to reconcile with my wife but she wasn't having anything to do with that, but i went through counseling by myself for many sessions only to come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work out, ever.
Life has funny things in store for us and i eventually met the woman i now owe my very (Happy) life to, the woman i have been fully and totally honest to right from the start and she knew everything about me from the get-go and accepted me for who/what i was...all my flaws and foibles. After some six years of living together we are engaged to be married and happier than ever together. She loves my Bi-drag-queeniness without question.

I suppose what i am trying to say is that, when we do step up and be as honest as we'll ever be with out spouses, we take a huge risk and we must be prepared with that. We must either decide to remain silent (as flawed as that is) or to say "here i am, take me or leave me but i need to live my own life dammit" and then things are in their hands. If we remain silent, we live by their standards, by their rules because we extinguish hopes and dreams to placate them. This i know for a fact. Yes there is nothing that obliges you to "step up" because it jeopardizes your entire life but you must then accept that lie and be prepared to hide it the rest of your days.

A wise person wrote "Is it better to live a lie and be accepted, or to live the truth and be outcast?

I don't know the answer to that question for everyone but for me it was quite clear......but at the end of the day, life finds it's balance and we survive. I'm not trying to confuse here, just giving my example in the hopes it helps you in some small way. You are NOT alone.

The best of luck to you Mikey....XO...Danielle

[crazy_cat_lady]

This makes me terribly sad that this happened to you. In my mind this world needs a big giant enama filled with a concoction of tolerance, forgiveness, open-minded-ness, and appathy. we should stop being selfish and understand the other people feel. I hope everything works out for you and you live your life happily the way you want to.

[mikey3000]

Wow. I am so overwhelmed.:(

You's guys are truly all so special. All your kind words have given me the strength to stand up. One cannot just give permission and understanding then just take it away when ever she feels like getting back at me cause she's angry. That's really the issue. controll. And it ain't gonna work. Yes I know we're going through some really tough shit, but that aside, one cannot play games with everyone in the family cause one is suffering. We're all suffering. We all do our best to give as much support as we can. But I will not be used as a whipping boy for no good reason.

So if she wants to leave she can, but I know she won't. Her anger issues will pass and it'll be ok again. and if if isn't well, she knows where the door is. I've worked too hard on myself to turn back now. And I truly thank you all for your support. I will respond to everyone's heart felt PMs very shortly. But I see I'm needed in a new cheating thread that I had nothing to do with. LOL!!! DA dada DA!!! Mikey off to the rescue!!!!!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Atta Boy Mikey. And dont pay any mind to closed minded folks who dont understand you as we do.
Hugs Honey.
Cat

[mikey3000]

:three::three: right back at ya Cat!!! and thanks a bunch.

[Long Duck Dong]

Wow. I am so overwhelmed.:(

You's guys are truly all so special. All your kind words have given me the strength to stand up. One cannot just give permission and understanding then just take it away when ever she feels like getting back at me cause she's angry. That's really the issue. controll. And it ain't gonna work. Yes I know we're going through some really tough shit, but that aside, one cannot play games with everyone in the family cause one is suffering. We're all suffering. We all do our best to give as much support as we can. But I will not be used as a whipping boy for no good reason.

So if she wants to leave she can, but I know she won't. Her anger issues will pass and it'll be ok again. and if if isn't well, she knows where the door is. I've worked too hard on myself to turn back now. And I truly thank you all for your support. I will respond to everyone's heart felt PMs very shortly.

that, mikey is one of the most concise and clear statements I have seen in bisexual.com and one I understand very well.... too well...... and it explains in simple terms one of the major issues a honest person can face........ its also one of the biggest issues in relationships.....

your wife can not control you any more than you can control your sexual urges..... but its how we deal with the control issues and in the same way the sexual urges, that define us as a person.....

if she is throwing your bisexuality in your face, she is throwing her partner / husband around... cos you are mikey, the husband..... and you are bisexual
not mikey, the husband and part time bisexual.....

I would suggest that you say to her, that you were bisexual before you were a husband and its the bisexual nature of you that is part of what she fall in love with, regardless if she knew about your bisexual nature or not....cos its the bisexual nature that allows you to be so dammed caring, loving, considerate and honest with her... and helps you to shoulder the good times and the bad.... and thats part of the reason that when the going got tough, you just stood there and loved her and supported her....

she needs to understand that knowing you are bisexual has not changed you as mikey the husband, its changed the way she thinks about you when the mood suits her...and that she is using the bisexuality as a weapon as a weapon and punishing you for being honest with her and loving her

and if she chooses to walk away... then she can not blame you for being a honest man and loving her....but she needs to admit that she is the one that doesn't really know the man she loves, that well at all

[mikey3000]

Thanks so much!!!

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd be going through what I am. With my wife's illness she is dealing with a huge amount of anger, and is taking it out on anyone who is with in a mile radius, the children and me included. And now that my mom has decided to stop her chemo treatments all together and just let nature take it's course, it was pushed my wife's emotions over the top. Yet how am to support mom's decision to go peacefully, yet encourage my wife to fight for her life, all under the same roof. The dynamics are stupifying around my home right now. Me and my daughters just sit and take the abuse, only to be approached an hour later with my wife on her knees begging for our forgiveness. And of course we do. In private I have to exlain to my girls that Mommy doesn't always mean what she says anymore, that she is just angry with herself, the world and our God. We just have to let it roll off our backs.

But I will not engage in emotional warfare anymore. I can't fight back, not now. It took me many years to come to terms with who I am, and to be able to accept me and be happy with me. I told her how I feel and last night she understood. Tomorrow may be another story. But I won't be her gay sex toy that she loves so much, just for her enjoyment. I told her if I stop I stop it all!!! No more gay movies, no more gay friends, no more, um, "alternative sexual acts" for us, just plain ol' vanilla again. And she sees my point. She doesn't want me to go back to the old Mike, she really does like the real me much better. I just have to grow a thicker skin to deal with her anger at the world. I have sought out multiple councellors for her/us to attend, but it has always been, "soon, I don't need it right now." Well it is here now and we are going next week.

But I'm back. I'm here! I'm queer! Deal with it.!!!!! (for the fifth time already:rolleyes:)


*** and as a side note, she may threaten to leave for one reason or another, but she never would. I must say, I'm a hell of a catch. I'm a good provider, a good dad, a good person and rather easy on the eyes. So what if I like to suck dick too. There are worse things I could do. And just to clarify the point again, I decided to come out after years of peace and tranquility on the home front. I realized it was my time to deal with my issues. Then just weeks later all hell broke loose with the cancers. If I just waited a few more weeks, I never would have come out and wouldn't even be here having this issue to deal with. I just can't believe the timing!!! But it happened, and I can't change that.

[Karasel]

Wow the timing was pretty bad. But at least you came out before everything went south or you defiantly wouldn't have. I think in time you wife will come to terms with this and the councilors should help tremendously.

Hope everything starts looking brighter for you.

[nc_wsbi101]

Hi Mikey, I don't know you or what kind of issues you're having with the wife. I'm a straight wife and it isn't easy all the time ... dealing with his bi-ness. Hubby and I have put this "up on the shelf", so to speak, several times over the years. Sounds like she needs to put it away for a little while, too.

After a while, we take it down again and work on it some more. It's confusing, but we still love each other. He is who he is and I try to remember that. Most important, is to keep it honest and when she is ready to talk, keep it open and communicative.
good wishes, hang in there with her.

[Jackal]

Had me worried there for a sec Mikey. You're one of the reasons I hang around here. And if your icon is you, you have amazingly pretty eyes.

[mikey3000]

Wow! Really? thanks.:bigrin:. And the eye isn't me, though very close(mine are more green). I want a brow piercing, but the job forbids it, so I found one that looks just like me , but with the piercing I want. I'm still mulling the idea over though.

[Jackal]

I love brow piercings! I would get one but I know that it would be a disaster for me. I know they make clear plastic retainers but I'm sure that they won't use that for initial jewelry, which means you'd still have a noticeable piercing for 2-4 months until you can change it out.

[djones]

I didn't respond to this thread in the beginning, as I am not quite in the same situation with my (troubled) relationship - I felt I had no real wisdom or experience to share.

I am posting now to say I am glad you are not giving up on the "Bi" side of your self - however you manifest that in your own life (physical or fantasy).

Being true to yourself is not always easy, but is always the right choice. I hope, in time, your wife will realize that your are still the same person she married - her Michael.

[mikey3000]

I didn't respond to this thread in the beginning, as I am not quite in the same situation with my (troubled) relationship - I felt I had no real wisdom or experience to share.

I am posting now to say I am glad you are not giving up on the "Bi" side of your self - however you manifest that in your own life (physical or fantasy).

Being true to yourself is not always easy, but is always the right choice. I hope, in time, your wife will realize that your are still the same person she married - her Michael.

Hey, thanks man.

My decision to come out was not one I made lightly. And I know the ramifications I was facing. But it was something I felt I had to do in order to keep my sanity. And I will keep my desires in the real world, fantasy just didn't cut it for me anymore. We continue to work on it, and every day she grows more accepting. But I have to allow for setbacks too. But it seems we take two steps up, then one back, so eventually we will get there. I think her meeting my guy friend made all the difference in the world, and she realized that I am not just whoring around, and that I do have a great connection with the guy really helped. To know that I deeply care for him, and him I, is important to her. And to realise that he is not a replacement for her at all. That is a very valid insecurity on her point and it just takes my total reassurance that I will never leave her. She is slowly realising that now. And I hope you can find hapiness in your current relationship too (but if not, and you move to Toronto, feel free to look me up, cause your pictures still do it for me every day -LOL!!!!!).