The other woman

[Giggles100]

It's too dark to see the look on his face. His motionless silhouette does nothing but break the glow from the street lamps outside.

Finally, he shuffles a little.

“It's your mothers birthday tomorrow. Your asking me to hold your hand, act happy and not walk away?”

“I know, I was going to tell you after but I just couldn't lie to you.”

Aaron sits up on the bed. I still can't see his face, I don't want to, I try to find comfort in the wall of shadows. I know this conversation is going to hurt.

“For Christ sake! You told me you wouldn't kiss another woman. You told me you could cope with one man In your life. And why did you take nearly 3 weeks to tell me anyway?”

“I wasn't” The explanation sounded shameful In my head. I should say something, communicate my feelings or decide. I eventually choose not to decide.

“Well you have to say something?”

“I was just caught up In the moment?”. Oh god! I didn't just say that.

“Oh that's great. What would you think If I kissed a girl and enjoyed the moment?”

“I dunno.”

Aaron climbs out of bed and hastily pulls his jeans and top on.

“You need to realise that while your out kissing girls I'v fallen In love with you! Make up your mind Stacey! I can't stick this for much longer!”

Aaron slams the door, treads efficiently down the hallway and out onto the pavement. I look out the window and watch his shadow walk towards Market Street to hail a taxi. I return to bed, pull the duvet over, curl up and sob myself to sleep.

[Giggles100]

“What's up Stacey? You look like you've seen a ghost!”

“Nothing Karen, I'm just having a bad day. Besides I'm not used to this late shift.”

“Yer, I know you Stacey. There's more to this than meets the eye! I'd ask if it was man trouble but your so hard to pin down!”

“I'm fine, seriously and its not man trouble.” I decide that I'm not really lying. She didn't mention girl trouble.

After the shift I take a short walk to Canal Street for a drink. I desperately need to feel hazy.

"Hey Stacey! How come your on your own tonight."

"Ah I just need a drink. Actually I really need to get drunk!." I'v no idea if Darren realises the urgency of my situation yet he manages to pour a nice amount of Bacardi into a glass.

"So what has Darren been up to then?" I already know the answer. He's a nice guy with far too many boyfriends!

"Well! The usual stuff. Fucking, sucking, licking, kissing.... Did I mention fucking? Anyway how are you?"

"I'm okay, I met this girl and..."

"I thought you had swung back to the guys? Hows Aaron these days?"

"He's okay. I think, listen I'v got to be somewhere I'l text you right."

And that's when it happened. I finally decided to decide. I send a message "Leaving Canal Street, be there soon. Stacey x" and promptly left the warm embrace of the bar to hail a taxi.

The taxi feels safe. I peer out of the window, traffic lights flutter by and each junction marks another step into the unknown.
Shamefully, sickly, stunningly, alive. The taxi pulls onto the close, I pay the fare and notice the open front door.

I stand outside the house for 5 minutes before entering. Everything appears magnified as though my soul is alerting me to the course of action in about to take. The close is silent, I close my eyes for a few seconds and try to remain composed.

I take a final breath of early morning air and enter.

Michelle, stands at the farthest end of the hallway. She's wearing a cream coloured Chemise. I can't maintain eye contact, it's too much, I need to smell her hair and feel like I did the first time.

She leads me upstairs and closes the door. I'm trying not to cry or remember how much I'v crushed for this woman before. Her hair smells of lavender, the fear evaporates and liberation takes its place. Nothing will be the same again. Nothing! Her touch replaces the guilt, pleasure triumphs the shame and the street lamps cast their shaddow once more. This time its for keeps!