Women coming out of the closet and going crazy

[Apleasureseeker]

I've known a couple of women who had been seduced by other women. Most of the time it's just an adventure and a one time thing, sometimes it opens them up to bisexuality, and a couple of times it really appeared to be rape, but they were so conflicted by the experience that they let it go. But--

In three situations, the women came out as lesbians, but also went nuts! I mean really violent, like Linda Blair/Exorcist stuff! One would physically attack her husband with furniture, one tried to kill herself, the third just became intensely hostile towards her friends--me included, and so I don't know what became of her. Part of the issue might have been that the women who seduced them were also very contolling and, I strongly suspect, targetted them because of the relationships they were already in. But I couldn't understand the intense explosion of emotion (mostly negative) that came along with it. For almost everyone involved, and some of them also had kids, it was very, very sad and painful.

[darkeyes]

I've known a couple of women who had been seduced by other women. Most of the time it's just an adventure and a one time thing, sometimes it opens them up to bisexuality, and a couple of times it really appeared to be rape, but they were so conflicted by the experience that they let it go. But--

In three situations, the women came out as lesbians, but also went nuts! I mean really violent, like Linda Blair/Exorcist stuff! One would physically attack her husband with furniture, one tried to kill herself, the third just became intensely hostile towards her friends--me included, and so I don't know what became of her. Part of the issue might have been that the women who seduced them were also very contolling and, I strongly suspect, targetted them because of the relationships they were already in. But I couldn't understand the intense explosion of emotion (mostly negative) that came along with it. For almost everyone involved, and some of them also had kids, it was very, very sad and painful.

Jus a kwikkie sweet.. an am not gonna doubt wotya say... in me own case think cummin out as a lezzie has had nowt but positive consequences... but dus doubt yas rite bout the seducers an wy these wimmen reacted as they did.. ther r prob otha reasons wy..but will ponder this an get bak 2 ya..mus run...:)

[12voltman59]

I had a post recently about guys doing the same thing--while there are differences in the things each gender does--or maybe our approaches to thiings differ somewhat, but we really aren't as different as some make the genders out to be----no one has a lock on either being all good or bad.

We are just people.

[cliffml]

I don't think these women being bi or lesbian made them crazy, it was in them all along.

[Apleasureseeker]

I don't think these women being bi or lesbian made them crazy, it was in them all along.

I don't think it's inherent in the lesbianism. Most lesbians I know are extremely cool-headed (I suppose from going through al ot of soul-searching). I knew these three women pretty well, and it definitely wasn't something that would ever normally come out, two were very close friends and one I'd even dated before she got married. In at least one case, I know the seducers had a thing against the guys and worked really hard to destroy the guys in the woman's eyes, but I'm not even sure that's it.

There seems to be something in the nature of suddenly assuming a new identity that made them either feel the need to burn down their old relationships, or maybe even their own identity. One of the women I was very close to told me that getting with the woman who seduced her brought out incredibly strong sexual enegy and emotions, leading me to wonder if it was even a matter of hormones, like a burst of testosterone. I was the victim of one tirade (I asked what was wrong and told her I valued her friendship), and it was very close to a kind of 'roid rage--incomprehensible screaming & fury, followed by running out of the room and tears, and the only words I could understand were: "we can't be friends any more." I have no idea how much worse for the guys attached to these women.

I don't know of any men firsthand who came out while in a hetero relationship, but in the secondhand stories I've heard, the guys did more slinking around on the sly, and came up with lame excuses before fessing up. None of them wanted to leave their women, though. So I don;t know if it's the same scenario.

[Giggles100]

Keep in mine that for alot of us "coming out" is almost like a rebirth. We have to rethink alot of our values and learn to look at the world in a far different way. For the most part its extremely liberating and when the hard stuffs been said and done the happiest time of our life.

Other people might be angry that they found out too late. Spent too many years in marriages they didn't want in the first place or have baggage from the past that might make them angry with themselves for being the way they are. For these people it's the worst time in their life.

No wonder some of us go a bit crazy! I think its allowed ;). Two of my friends have tried to commit suicide. One succeeded and the other told me everything. We must have spent a weekend talking and eventually went with her to report the offence (Rape). What I'm trying to say is that if your that way inclined listening is a wonderful thing. :bipride:

[Realist]

Experiences vary.

I had a married young lady, who worked for me. She was efficient, smart, personable and adept. She was also up-tight, nervous and sometimes pre-occupied. She did her job in an exemplary manner, however, and I decided it was just her way.

During a quarterly counseling, one time, I'd noticed that she'd gone through a period of some difficulty and asked her if there was anything that I could do to make her job less stressful. She told me that she had "some issues" at home and was trying to resolve them.

Soon after that counseling session, I noticed that she was more peaceful and cheerful, as well as being even more proficient at work.

During the next counseling session, I commended her on her performance and obviously improved attitude.

She revealed to me, in the strictest of confidence, that she'd gotten a divorce and moved in with a lover, who she'd known since high school. Like many others, she had lived a life that was expected of her, not what she wanted.

Her lover was a girl she'd known since the 3rd grade! They'd always loved each other and nothing they did (the other girl married too) kept them from wanting to be together. It dawned on them that they could only survive if they were together.

In this lady's life, serenity and peace came from returning to her one true love.

So, I think that your experiences were with those who had preexisting problems; I think their sexual orientation had little to do with the tirades you witnessed.

[Apleasureseeker]

I think I've found the answer: "Cognitive dissonance." Apparantly, it's a psychological term to describe a situation in which an individual is somehow compelled to behave in a way the violates thier personal beliefs or identity. The more strongly the behavior violates their identity, the more strongly they feel compelled to change their beliefs and identity to conform with the conflicting behavior.

It's why people who get sucked into cults quickly become a part of the cult rather than try to escape, and it's also why groups that have painful or dangerous initiations tend to generate the most loyalty in their members.

It seems like it's a way for the victims to gain a feeling of control over themselves, by changing their identity rather than having it shattered by what happened. Interestingly, if the person has some sort of an "out", some way they can excuse or rationalize what happened, the cognitive dissonance effect doesn't happen.

There are stories about experiments where test subjects had to work very hard or embarrass themselves to get some worthless reward, and afterwards considered the worthless reward to have been extremely valuable to their lives in some way. Test subjects who didn't have to make sacrifices to get the same reward saw it as worthless.

When the conflict is mild, the reaction is mild, but when it's a major identity threat, the reaction can be very severe, and that certainly fits what I've seen!

This makes a lot of sense to me. One woman I mentioned who was raped by another woman was extremely conservative and disapproving of gays until it happened, and friends of her attacker rushed in to "console" her, which likely kept her from regaining her former perspective.

[innaminka]

Like many others, she had lived a life that was expected of her, not what she wanted.

.

How true - how true. Been there done that, as have most of the gay women I know.

Coming out is very, very difficult.
Coming out to yourself, which in most cases is a slap in the face to all (or most) of your beliefs and ingrained family values is the hardest part of all.

I'm sure most women suffer great psychological trauma when that decision, that realisation is made.
Most get on with it - in others, I'm sure there is a reaction.

But once done, its done. Possibly only coming out to your children equals the difficulty of that original decision.

[Apleasureseeker]

No arguement, except that they strike out hardest at the people who love them the most.

[brutal_priestess]

Or perhaps these women were just acting as they thought was expected of them as lesbians or bisexual. Lesbians are presumed to hate men and even the family unit, and everyone knows once you're queer you can't have normal friends anymore. :rolleyes:

Or perhaps they're using this "newfound sexuality" to escape a bad living situation.

[innaminka]

Or perhaps these women were just acting as they thought was expected of them as lesbians or bisexual. Lesbians are presumed to hate men and even the family unit, and everyone knows once you're queer you can't have normal friends anymore. :rolleyes:

.

Are we???? I didn't know that!!!!!! :eek::eek:

Girls, get here!!!! I am a lesbian and I hate this family unit. Be Gone!!!!!

I can read your sarcasm regarding what you wrote Brutal - beautifully put.
Aren't social stereotypes amazing in their ignorance!!!!!