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Confused4life
Mar 7, 2006, 10:00 AM
This is going to be long guys so I am sorry. I have been talking quite a bit with many of you about how I feel towards my friend. This is something that I gave to her yesterday after many of you said I should tell her that I love her. Well I didn’t come directly out and say I am in love with you….but do you think with this she now knows? Her reply to this was…Wow, Thank you that was really powerful, and real. I am glad that i have touched you, and I am glad that you are my friend...

Here is what I gave to her

You entered my life like a gentle sigh,
like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.
You were a stranger first, one who laughed freely and easily,
who spoke of minor intimacies and common grounds,
who made me feel strangely liked and valued.
You became my friend, no longer a stranger,
trusting me with secrets hidden,
confiding what you liked and hated.
We talked and laughed and, as time passed by,
I grew more and more dependent upon your smile.

From strangers to friends was just a baby step,
a step a thousand others take every day.
Without your trust and trusting ways,
without your smiles and encouraging gaze,
I would never have taken the step beyond.
But the gentle breeze blowing through the leaves
is relentless and never ending.
We became closer friends, and closer still,

We traveled far along the path of friendship,
avoiding the bumps somehow, never stumbling,
always in step with one another.
You were my guide, my eyes and ears,
the unfailing light that lit the road before us.
Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder,
you brought me along our course,
to a destination I had never seen before.
You became my best friend along that journey,
the anchor in my life where none had ever been.

From strangers, to friends, to close friends, And beyond.
I've never been sorry for any step we've taken together,
no, not even for the fall I took alone.
I never knew, before knowing you, how empty my life had been.
I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful.
I thought I had known love and all that love can bring.
But the gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
carries the smell of wild flowers and still wilder beasts,
and what you brought into my life can never be assessed.

We are so very different, you and I. And yet so much the same.
And our differences merge with our similarities,
giving rise to something special and unique.
We talk.
Of all the things I value about this thing that is us,
and there are so many I often lose count,
I value most the way we talk about any thing any time any where.
And each time I listen to you, each time I ponder what you've said,
I learn something new. About you. About me. About the world.
I've learned to trust in your instincts.





I love the vitality and zest that is so much a part of you.
I never would have believed the breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
could be so filled with life.
I treasure that spark of spirit in you,
that flashing flare of fire that animates all that you do.
It's easy to see how much you love life,
even when life is sometimes less than lovable,
and that love is always mirrored in your eyes and smile.
You are never more beautiful than when that spark ignites
and your vitality blazes in your happy face.

And, yes, I love your beauty, shallow as that may sound.
I love the way your eyes change from blue to blue-green,
the way the morning sun catches afire in your hair,
the way your nostrils move when you breathe deep breaths,
the way your tongue slips out of its safe harbor when you think deep thoughts.
I love the curve of your cheek,
I love your tiny eyelashes, the perfect whiteness of your teeth,
Your beauty truly takes my breath away.

I love the way you trust in me, never quite whole hearted,
but always just enough.
That trust started as a small seed, I think,
a tentative whisper of unearned confidence,
often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety.
I could always tell when you faltered,
when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned.
And yet still you trusted me,
with your secrets, with your feelings, with yourself.
You'll never know how much that trust has meant to me.

I love the way you understand me too well.
It's uncanny sometimes how well you know my thoughts, my feelings, my moods,
frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked.
You know so much of me, secrets I've never told,
thoughts I've never shared, parts of me I've never seen myself.
You've discovered a window into my being,
a window I didn't know was there,
a window no one else has ever found.
It's almost as if our two souls have merged into one, soul friends
almost as if the hand of God has repaired that which once was broken.

I love the way we have fun doing the strangest things,
or the way we can enjoy each other doing nothing at all.
We shop and walk, eat and talk,
playing games apart and united.
We study and drill, work and play,
listening to music and singing the words together.
We have fun with each other,
frolicking in our shared pleasures,
you enjoying the thrill of life,
me just enjoying you.





I'm not blinded by our friendship, though, and know you are not perfect.
You are impatient and easy to anger,
too intolerant when you should tolerate,
too forgiving when you shouldn't forgive.
You allow the stresses of life to mold your day,
allow the commitments of life to shape your way.
I know your imperfections as well as your perfections,
know your faults as well as your assets.
And I find I love you not in spite of those,
but as much because of them as anything else.

Your life has touched mine.
My friendship with you,
all that you are and aren't,
have changed my life in ways you cannot fathom,
in ways I could never describe in depth.
The gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
has worked her wondrous magic,
transforming the one she touched.
I'm not the same woman I was a year ago.
I will never be that woman again.

The communication we've shared has taught me to value our honest openness,
and I know I'll never be satisfied again with less.
Your trust in me has taught me to trust in you,
knowing you will never intentionally cause me pain.
Your spark of vitality has transformed the way I see life,
giving me reason again to live and cause to celebrate.
Your beauty, both inner and outer, has renewed the wonder
with which I see the world, and has restored my sense of awe.
Even the fun we share, that senseless sense of joy,
has changed the way I live and think.

As much as you've altered my present, though,
the effect you've had on my future is just as great.
I once thought I knew what love meant to me,
once thought I had experienced all that life had to offer.
I lived and I loved, and I hurt and I grew,
and I believed I could never love again,
could never willingly face the pain of caring.
Love was a myth, I thought, and true love, lasting love,
was just a lie told by poets.
But I was wrong.

In knowing you, I discovered I've never really loved before.
Not truly. Not entirely. Not eternally.
I've spent much of my life in love with love,
searching for the fulfillment of a concept,
caring more for caring than caring for another person.
I confused lust with love, intimacy with affection.
And when those feelings waned, when the relationships died,
I wondered why I felt so empty. So hurt.
You helped changed that, as you've changed so much else.



I wish you knew the me of before,
as you know so well the me of today,
so you could see the difference knowing you has made.
You've changed my life in so many ways,
in ways small and ways important,
in ways you'll never know nor understand.
The impact you've had on me,
on the way I feel and think and act,
will endure forever. Until the end of time.
Like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.

what do you think?

searchingbrian
Mar 7, 2006, 10:06 AM
I think my response would be the same as your friend. I read this as coming from a close intimate friend. I don't know if she is reading between the lines. But that doesn't mean this isn't great! It is! but now you may need to expand on it in other ways. Maybe in person. Good luck.

PeterH
Mar 7, 2006, 11:01 AM
Hi confused,

That's one big love poem!!! You certainly do love her a lot. I'm glad to hear she responded so well to it, in that she appreciated it.
Personally, I'd say that esp the paragraph before the last is pretty obvious, but if she never saw it coming, just doesn't think of it that way, she might not have gotten the message. Have you ever told her that your feelings for women sometimes transcend above friendship?
If she doen't know that, is not really familiar with the concept of women loving women, she might have missed what you said.
Her use of the word 'friendship' is confusing, I must say, and can mean anything. it might mean she wants to say 'we're friends, I don't want more' or it might mean that she didn't read between the lines and accepted your poem as a message of friendship, unaware of the deeper emotions behind what you expressed. I don't really have a clue.
Have you ever considered the possibility that she's a closeted lesbian, or bi, and is not aware that some interactions she has with women are beyond what might commonly be called friendship? If I read between the lines of what you wrote, it seems as if the two of you have been quite romantic together, interacting in a way that lovers do, not something that friends do, but so platonic, that one might not realize its nature when closeted.

Just my :2cents: , Peter

arana
Mar 7, 2006, 11:41 AM
I agree with Brian, she might just have taken it as a very powerful friendship poem. But there is the past encounters to encorporate to the mix and if she thinks about that, then you giving her this poem, she should realize it is more than just friendship love you are speaking of. She may be unsure of how to respond. Wait a little while and if you still get nothing more out of her, you may have to be more direct. Be a little flirty and see what she does.

Confused4life
Mar 7, 2006, 12:51 PM
Hey Peter,

I do love her a lot, it kinda snuck up and hit me between the eyes when I wasn’t looking. I think I should explain to you and anyone else who doesn’t know what has happened between my friend and I. We are best friends, (we are also coworkers)…so close that we can usually tell what the other is thinking or feeling, even if we are miles apart…example last week she was thousands of miles away on vacation…however there were times when she was upset and I would get the feeling to call her and she would say…how did you know I needed you? And vice versa. Around November we went out with some of her friends from high school….the next day one of them emailed her and asked her if there was a Jessica Stein thing going on between us because we were kinda touchy and flirty all night. Well that got us talking about things that we had never really talked about before. She shared that before her marriage (yeah she is married…I know I know I am terrible for wanting her) she had a couple of experiences with women and she really enjoyed it, however she wanted relationships with men. A few weeks later she called upset and we wound up having phone sex….thus igniting my curiosity of why her voice did what it did to me and stirred up a whole lot of feelings I had never had before. The next day we talked and decided that nothing could happen between us but she was more then happy to help me find a way to explore my curiosity. Well about a month and a half ago, we went out together with a couple other people. After several drinks, we were pretty into each other because in front of my (now ex) boyfriend we started some pretty heavy flirting, which caught the attention of pretty much everyone at the bar, but to which we were oblivious. When we left, alone, she said she could tell by the way I looked at her that I wanted to kiss her. Thus started the first time we were together. About a week later, she showed up late one night at my door. After we talked for a bit, again things got quite heated and we wound up in my bed making love. Since then I have realized the depth of my feelings towards her. She said it couldn’t happen again because she didn’t want to hurt me….it was just sex to her. I would love it to happen again however, but will not pressure her into anything. Also we have not gone out or been alone together since the second time, which is odd since we usually go out every other, if not every weekend. I fear telling her I love her because I don’t want her to freak out, and I don’t want to complicate her life anymore then it already is…..Does this clear up things?

Thanks Confused